Hello SundownKid, thank you for trying our demo and commenting it
SundownKid wrote:* The translation needs some serious work. A lot of grammar errors throughout, making it pretty hard to understand. Maybe it would be better to hire a translator or something.
I did warn we didnt have English proofreaders. Translating French > English when you’re not a native is kinda difficult, so we really couldn’t do any better. That’s why we asked help from Lemmasoft folks a while ago. Sadly, there are still mistakes everywhere, so please, if you see them, tell us where and which, so that we can improve ourselves.
Also we don’t have money, we can’t hire professional translators if that’s what you mean…
SundownKid wrote:* The intro was pretty confusing, and it had a completely different feel to the rest of the story. I honestly had no clue what was going on until we dropped into the main character's house, besides the fact that they were some all-powerful godlike figure and the main character was waxing philosophical. If felt very off-putting and completely random when there was no other info to go on.
The intro is made to be a little confusing. I’m sorry you didn’t understand it was metafictionnal though (like, you know, she’s telling you she created a show just for you, a show that is, well, the game itself). The thing is, I can’t reveal anything about that part yet because…it has to be later (for scenaristic reasons). But really, it’s only a small part of the game, is that bothering you that much compared to the rest of the story (which is way easier to follow, I think) ?
SundownKid wrote:* The main character's life isn't really described much to begin with. Why is he so reticient and hedonistic? How did he become friends with the other dude, and so on? And why is there a robot there when he lives on a farm? Is this the far future? The present day? It starts far too much "in medias res" and expects the reader to figure it out.
Have you finished the chapter/episode ? Because, really, much of your questions are answered here. The latter half of the demo tells you how the MC become friend with the other male character, why he has become gloomy over the years (that is to say his personality is described in details), why there is a robot in his friend’s house (which is not a farm at all, and the characters even talk about the house a bit). Also the description and the overall story tell you it takes place in a “Modern Day Setting in a Fantasy World”.
So, as much as I understand why you feel confused with the beginning of the game, I don’t see why you think it’s not explained at all. Is it because of the translation ?
SundownKid wrote:* It seems to me as if it's parodying the dating game concept by having everything that happens be on purpose. But in that case, I think the player should have an influence on what happens in the story. Maybe they can play as the "godlike narrator" and set off random events, much to the main character's chagrin.
Personally, the way I would have started it would have been more simple, the main character is a lonely, jaded farm boy who wakes up to realize that someone is interfering with his life, by making the cows women or something equally zany that only he realizes is different, and he has to try to figure out what's going on. Right now, it doesn't draw readers into the story from the beginning, just feels too confounding. The fairy woman should be revealed later and mysteriously, not from the very beginning of the story.
It’s kind of you to propose your own vision of the game but it would break everything I have planned, so I can’t follow your advices ^^'.
If the MC realizes someone is interfering with his life (that is to say, you, the player), the story would break apart. Puppets don’t know they are just puppets. You already are the godlike narrator, you can read every character’s thoughts, you can toy with them a bit through choices. You just can't do whatever you want with the story, that's what the god tells you.
Moreover, the story is not about what “god” is doing with his life but about his life in itself and how circumstances (that you trigger) will help him to overcome his problems. It’s not full comedy, I have to let some space for more psychological descriptions later.
(If “god” is introduced later, then how can the story begin ? The story begins only because she started it.)
I know I shouldn’t quote Beckett in the game without highlighting it, people don’t see the reference to the Unnamable and what it means
. If you want to see our progress with the next episode, here's our WIP topic.
. Better late than never?
. I swear everything will make sense one day!