This is a rather sweet little story.
I really love the title image, by the way--simple and effective!
The art is really charming, especially the illustration of Rakiyah and Elliot as children! It would help to use sprites, or just more character art of some kind, in the flashbacks as well.
I found that the story seemed a bit meandering along the way, but in the end, I really liked how Rakiyah used the comparison of the two men to discover something about herself. It brought everything together nicely.
On the more technical side, I know you said this was sort of rushed for the date, so I suppose you didn't have a chance to get it proofread. Getting someone to proofread would really help it a lot, though.
Also, there were a few graphical bugs--at one point Rakiyah's sprite appears twice, somthing
seems to not appear at all and display red "I'm broken" text at the bottom, and the forest background doesn't fit the screen.
:: Kura's VN Projects and ResourcesComplete Chasing the Sun
[a meditation on light] :: In Progress RESET
[guilt, love, existentialism, and video games]