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 Post subject: Lilly
PostPosted: Mon Aug 04, 2014 3:42 pm 
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Joined: Mon Aug 04, 2014 2:31 pm
Posts: 4
Location: Ireland
Completed: Lilly
Lilly is a visual novel about a transgender girl who is going to a therapy session to see if she is ready to take the step. She feels that she is ready but is she truly?

This is my first Visual Novel, it's a bit rough around the edges but I'm proud of it. I hope you guys enjoy it :)


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Last edited by richardg234 on Mon Aug 11, 2014 1:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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 Post subject: Re: Lilly
PostPosted: Tue Aug 05, 2014 12:11 am 
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Joined: Wed Jun 25, 2014 6:21 pm
Posts: 92
Location: East Coast, US
Projects: Tutor Tabitha, Scums of the Earth
Organization: Blue Bottlecap Games
Oooh, this seems really interesting. I'm going to download it and play asap (although it is midnight for me, so you may not see my thoughts on it till tomorrow...)


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 Post subject: Re: Lilly
PostPosted: Tue Aug 05, 2014 9:46 pm 
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Joined: Wed Jun 25, 2014 6:21 pm
Posts: 92
Location: East Coast, US
Projects: Tutor Tabitha, Scums of the Earth
Organization: Blue Bottlecap Games
This was a short, but very sweet kinetic novel. I do wish it was longer, though. I hope to maybe see a sequel on it!


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 Post subject: Re: Lilly
PostPosted: Wed Aug 06, 2014 10:13 am 
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Joined: Mon Aug 04, 2014 2:31 pm
Posts: 4
Location: Ireland
Completed: Lilly
meiri wrote:
This was a short, but very sweet kinetic novel. I do wish it was longer, though. I hope to maybe see a sequel on it!


Thanks, I'm glad you liked it. I do plan to longer and bigger ones at some point but this is a starting point.


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 Post subject: Re: Lilly
PostPosted: Thu Aug 07, 2014 5:38 am 
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Joined: Thu Jan 29, 2009 4:08 pm
Posts: 47
Trans"sexual"? Isn't that an outmodded term? Every trans person I know uses "transgender". I know VNDB uses it, but that's otakudom for you, can't be respectful to save their lives.

As for the story itself, there really wasn't much of a story. Not much emotion to the story either. It seems like a cookie cutter, cis version of what they think the trans experience is like. They go to a doctor and like magic they get everything they need, when in reality, there are trans people that can't even FIND a doctor, much less afford one.

I'd redo the story and do a more 'real' version of the transgender experience.


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 Post subject: Re: Lilly
PostPosted: Thu Aug 07, 2014 5:20 pm 
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Joined: Wed Jan 11, 2012 7:36 pm
Posts: 30
Location: GA
Maverynthia wrote:
Trans"sexual"? Isn't that an outmodded term? Every trans person I know uses "transgender".


For the most part, yes (here, have a free link: http://www.GLAAD.org/Reference/Transgender). Though it's one of those terms that depends on those who are speaking or being called as such. It probably could best fit into the category known as "That's Our Word!" Example: I often tease my family and friends who have come into this country in a less than legal manner by calling them "Wetback." Though if there was a third-party who ever referred to them as such and I may get violent. I'm afraid I do not know RichardG personally, so we can't yet say if the term was used out of misunderstanding or experience.

Maverynthia wrote:
They go to a doctor and like magic they get everything they need, when in reality, there are trans people that can't even FIND a doctor, much less afford one.


An echo of my exact thoughts. I also had a concern about the age of the protagonist. Like Maverynthia, I have quite a few trans friends (I had formerly done work with costumes and stage dressing for a travelling drag show. Not all the men and women who worked there were trans, but a great majority of the entertainers and audience were). The experience of transition is far from easy and one of the qualifying factors is looking at the physical/mental/emotional maturity of the patient.

While you didn't state the exact year that this was taking place, I assume it's 2014. Lily behaves rather mature and did have to face a lot so far, but she is still just a child. Yes, you can "know" you're ready (I've known a woman who knew as young as five years old), but it's a long and painful experience. It also never ends: the stigma, pills, and expensive doctor visits will last as long as she is alive.

richardg234 wrote:
She feels that she is ready but is she truly?


You did good work in showing the difficulty she faced by cross-dressing alone. I also felt there was no doubt that Lily did truly feel ready and able to accept what she was going to face. There wasn't much question about if she was 'truly' ready in your game universe (reality, as we established, may be a different manner).

richardg234 wrote:
This is my first Visual Novel, it's a bit rough around the edges but I'm proud of it. I hope you guys enjoy it :)


I'm glad you're proud of it. It always feels great to finish your first game. I didn't encounter any bugs and you handled all transitions (seriously, no pun intended) between memories and the doctor's visit quite well. The dialogue was good.

If you do want to polish and re-release, I'd like to suggest that you take some time and really think about what message you'd like to share with the audience.

Good luck in your game-making future. :D


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 Post subject: Re: Lilly
PostPosted: Fri Aug 08, 2014 4:34 am 
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Joined: Sat Sep 28, 2013 9:11 am
Posts: 65
How is "transexual" a disrespectful term? If the author used the word tranny or "trap", now THAT would be a different story. The term would be more incorrect, than being purposely disrespectful to me.

I haven't played the game yet (screenshots please!) but I do respect that the is author making an effort to make a VN that revolves around this topic, especially a game mode that's been heavily dominated by romance.


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 Post subject: Re: Lilly
PostPosted: Fri Aug 08, 2014 11:38 am 
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Joined: Sun Jul 14, 2013 12:55 am
Posts: 503
Location: Gotham City
Projects: Queen At Arms (editor), Emma: A Lady's Maid (editor)
IRC Nick: MadHarlequin
This should help you understand. Read the section on transgender-specific terminology:

http://www.glaad.org/reference/transgender

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I'm an aspiring writer and voice talent with a passion for literature and an unhealthy attachment to video games. I am also a seasoned typo-sniper. Inquiries are encouraged. Friendly chats are welcome.



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 Post subject: Re: Lilly
PostPosted: Sat Aug 09, 2014 1:48 am 
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Joined: Wed Jan 11, 2012 7:36 pm
Posts: 30
Location: GA
Hachiko wrote:
How is "transexual" a disrespectful term? If the author used the word tranny or "trap", now THAT would be a different story. The term would be more incorrect, than being purposely disrespectful to me.


I don't think anyone said that, just that the term is a bit antiquated and one to be used for certain people. I personally don't know the OP, so he (assumed he, by the name Richard) could be using a term that is most comfortable for him.

Hachiko wrote:
I haven't played the game yet (screenshots please!).


I also prefer screenshots to games, but this one is pretty short. View the Lint:

Quote:
The game contains 60 dialogue blocks, containing 1,124 words and 5,600
characters, for an average of 18.7 words and 93 characters per block.

The game contains 0 menus, 10 images, and 12 screens.


It's worth a play, especially when we want to support awareness of a subject manner.


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 Post subject: Re: Lilly
PostPosted: Sat Aug 09, 2014 4:36 am 
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Joined: Sat Sep 28, 2013 9:11 am
Posts: 65
Well Mave did say " I know VNDB uses it, but that's otakudom for you,can't be respectful to save their lives.", so it is implied he thought the word was disrespectful.

Eh doesn't really matter how short a game is, screenshots is still essential if you want to let your audience know how your game looks like.


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 Post subject: Re: Lilly
PostPosted: Mon Aug 11, 2014 1:27 pm 
Newbie

Joined: Mon Aug 04, 2014 2:31 pm
Posts: 4
Location: Ireland
Completed: Lilly
Thanks everyone so far for your response, it's great to get feedback.

Maverynthia wrote:
Trans"sexual"? Isn't that an outmodded term? Every trans person I know uses "transgender". I know VNDB uses it, but that's otakudom for you, can't be respectful to save their lives.

As for the story itself, there really wasn't much of a story. Not much emotion to the story either. It seems like a cookie cutter, cis version of what they think the trans experience is like. They go to a doctor and like magic they get everything they need, when in reality, there are trans people that can't even FIND a doctor, much less afford one.

I'd redo the story and do a more 'real' version of the transgender experience.


I wasn't aware that it was an outmodded term so I apologise. I'll make sure to use the right term in the future. In regards to the story, I thought it had emotion but it's subjective. I'm aware that there are trans people who can't find a doctor or afford one and that's terrible but the moral I tried to give with this story is that it's okay to be who you want to be and even if things don't work out at the start, they eventually will. If that didn't come out in the story then I need to rework but that was the intention. I also wanted to give more awareness to the transgender topic because you don't really see it that often in games, movies or books, i hope at least that got out but thank you anyway for your response.

Onomatopoeia wrote:

For the most part, yes (here, have a free link: http://www.GLAAD.org/Reference/Transgender). Though it's one of those terms that depends on those who are speaking or being called as such. It probably could best fit into the category known as "That's Our Word!" Example: I often tease my family and friends who have come into this country in a less than legal manner by calling them "Wetback." Though if there was a third-party who ever referred to them as such and I may get violent. I'm afraid I do not know RichardG personally, so we can't yet say if the term was used out of misunderstanding or experience.


It was a misunderstanding sorry.

Onomatopoeia wrote:

An echo of my exact thoughts. I also had a concern about the age of the protagonist. Like Maverynthia, I have quite a few trans friends (I had formerly done work with costumes and stage dressing for a travelling drag show. Not all the men and women who worked there were trans, but a great majority of the entertainers and audience were). The experience of transition is far from easy and one of the qualifying factors is looking at the physical/mental/emotional maturity of the patient.

While you didn't state the exact year that this was taking place, I assume it's 2014. Lily behaves rather mature and did have to face a lot so far, but she is still just a child. Yes, you can "know" you're ready (I've known a woman who knew as young as five years old), but it's a long and painful experience. It also never ends: the stigma, pills, and expensive doctor visits will last as long as she is alive.


It does take place in 2014 so she would about 18 because it takes place during the summer (She was born on October 7th 1995). I think her maturity comes from all that she has faced, she's had to grow up quickly because of the things she has experienced so I think it makes sense that she is mature. I'm aware that it never really ends and I tried to touch on that by mentioning the fact that she still visits Dr. McCracken at the end but I should have done a better job explaining it.

Onomatopoeia wrote:

You did good work in showing the difficulty she faced by cross-dressing alone. I also felt there was no doubt that Lily did truly feel ready and able to accept what she was going to face. There wasn't much question about if she was 'truly' ready in your game universe (reality, as we established, may be a different manner).


Thank you very much, I'm glad that it came out well. I wanted the player to see if Lilly was truly ready because you are seeing this story from her viewpoint so that's why I have that in the description.

Onomatopoeia wrote:

I'm glad you're proud of it. It always feels great to finish your first game. I didn't encounter any bugs and you handled all transitions (seriously, no pun intended) between memories and the doctor's visit quite well. The dialogue was good.

If you do want to polish and re-release, I'd like to suggest that you take some time and really think about what message you'd like to share with the audience.

Good luck in your game-making future. :D


Thanks very much, it felt great when I finally finished it because I've always wanted to make a VN ever since playing Katawa Shoujo so it was a major accomplishment to finally release of my own. I'm glad you liked the dialogue and I do plan to update this at some point. Thank you very much for the feedback and kind words.

Hachiko wrote:
How is "transexual" a disrespectful term? If the author used the word tranny or "trap", now THAT would be a different story. The term would be more incorrect, than being purposely disrespectful to me.

I haven't played the game yet (screenshots please!) but I do respect that the is author making an effort to make a VN that revolves around this topic, especially a game mode that's been heavily dominated by romance.


I didn't think it was myself but it might be and I'm probably going to update the description with a different term because I don't want to offend people. I will upload screenshots as soon as I can.

Thanks everyone for the feedback :)


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