Broken Sky

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denzil
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Broken Sky

#1 Post by denzil »

Today, I'm happy to announce release of my new game Broken sky.
You can download it here.

~ About Broken Sky
Broken Sky is short, non-linear visual novel.

Synopsis
You lived your whole life around this place and you really like it. But now you have to leave. It's time to say goodbye...

~ Credits
Written by: denzil
Graphics, English version editing by: lordcloudx
Music by: Nicol Armarfi
Rain sound by: fresco
Attachments
screen3.jpg
brokensky_en.jpg
Practice makes purrrfect.
Finished projects: Broken sky .:. colorless day .:. and few more...

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Re: Broken Sky

#2 Post by lordcloudx »

Ah! It's been released.

I'd just like to point out that I tried to keep the English version as close to Denzil's initial translation as possible to preserve the unique feel of the narration. I tried to remove any glaring errors that I noticed, but kept some phrases, which though awkward, aren't necessarily wrong.
How do you make your games? I see. Thank you for the prompt replies, but it is my considered opinion that you're doing it wrong inefficiently because I am a perfushenal professional. Do it my way this way and we can all ascend VN Nirvana together while allowing me to stroke my ego you will improve much faster. Also, please don't forget to thank me for this constructive critique or I will cry and bore you to death respond appropriately with a tl;dr rant discourse of epic adequately lengthy proportions. - Sarcasm Veiled in Euphemism: Secrets of Forum Civility by lordcloudx (Coming soon to an online ebook near you.)

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mikey
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Re: Broken Sky

#3 Post by mikey »

First of all congratulations - it was really great to play another game from you, this particular one being similar in atmosphere to Katherine, and as soon as I realized this, it was hard not to like it, since I enjoy such slow pieces so much.

Yes, the point of the game I was able to half-guess (in a good way), and it all came to a relatively predictable conclusion - again, nothing bad - and I like happy endings, too (and I got the good one). To be honest, I thought it was going to be a bit longer, I freed up time to play uninterrupted, and then it turned out I didn't need that much :)

For me, the strongest point were the graphics, the style is really fitting. As I have a soft spot for green things, I liked the fact that even though the setting was another planet, there was none of the usual spaceship and megapolis nonsense. The music was nice, too, although very slightly medieval-sounding, but that may be just me. Also, I found some typos in the Czech version (which is the one I played).

And you used a dandelion in the game (I forgot it was called "pampeliska" in Czech, but in my defence it's quite different to "pupava" ^_^). I'm partial to that flower, so... I liked it. Quite randomly, the small size of the download comes to mind as well - somehow I got used to new games being around 25MB, so this was a nice change.

I don't know if there is a whole lot more to say, but it probably isn't needed. I added the game to the czsk list, too. I was copy/pasting the information from colorless day as a base, and I realized as I was overwriting 2006 that it's been a long time! So once again, congratulations on this one.

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Re: Broken Sky

#4 Post by denzil »

Thanks for the reply mikey. I'm glad you liked it. :) Yes, it's short - I said it several times and I say it again: I'm bad at writing long stories.
The typos in Czech version :x I was already informed about them in post at Otakuland's forum. It looks like I will have to go through it again and fix it.
Practice makes purrrfect.
Finished projects: Broken sky .:. colorless day .:. and few more...

A22 is awesome

Re: Broken Sky

#5 Post by A22 is awesome »

Horrible textbox. It's like getting hit in the eyes with a handful of Skittles. It's actually very grating.

Writing is pretty bland. Having it take place on another planet was completely superfluous and actually detracted from the story. So did the fact that it was nonlinear, as it's quite obvious this game was meant to have one outcome. Linear is better for a story like this.

Too short to really make an emotional impact, which is kind of weak considering that is the whole point.

Nicol's music is solid, as usual. The art is alright, although leaning completely towards bright colors is irritating to the eye.

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Re: Broken Sky

#6 Post by Aashtarsrain »

:roll:
Two long fake posts... So much energy for nothing :lol:
Get a life dude, you'll eventually find a way to heal and love the world...

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Re: Broken Sky

#7 Post by mikey »

One more thing, I was wondering why this doesn't have a Czech title? "Rozbite nebe" or something similar...?

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Re: Broken Sky

#8 Post by monele »

This was short and sweet and with an interesting concept, but there were a few too many little glitches that pulled me out of the mood :/

Keep in mind that it's mostly nitpicking, but on a work of this length, I have the feeling it's detracting from the experience.

One interface thing is the padding of the textbox. There was almost none and it made reading slightly more difficult than it could have been. Then, there are the menus : strangely, they repeat a previous sentence or question and it felt strange. I can't really say why. There was also glitch with one of them but I'll send this to you personally since it could be spoilerish.

Still with the interface, while it worked for 99% of the game, the very first uses of the "girl" and "me" nametags was strange as there was more narration than dialogue below. It was nice to have :
"somethingsomething" she said
but not :
narration narration narration narration narration narration narration "Hello."
Nothing big, but it could help to polish up these points.

A few typos : "be able to leave here" (live). "why we don't" (why don't we). "shook my shoulders" (shrugged?).

What were you trying to do with the quick switches of expressions? It looked somewhat like blinking but I wasn't sure. I think there's room for improvement here, either by removing the transition altogether or going with an actual animation (which could then be used throughout... or not, depending on your needs).

Still with graphics...
While not something big either, I found the cat running scene very weird xD... The way it was "animated" wasn't bad in itself, but the fact you reused the layed-down cat picture was ^^;. It just didn't work.
Overall, I'll say the graphics were fitting. The backgrounds gave a painted feel which was coherent with the mood, and the character graphics were simple but clean, which was also fitting.

Other than this, the music was pretty good. Rather neutral, though the one with the pizzicato could have ended up as something I'd hum if I heard it for a longer time, but really good background music in that regard.
The only mistake here was to cut off the sad music so quickly :|. You didn't leave enough time for a mood to settle and went back to the previous tune.

For the story :
I really liked the concept. Humanized planet (or any other usually inanimate object/concept) is something I tend to like :). It did pull at my heartstrings when I realized how lonely it would be for a humanized planet to see all its inhabitants leaving and, pretty much, leaving her to die (I also thought it was sad to leave all those animals behind actually ^^;...).
What I'll nitpick about, though, is that it wasn't mysterious enough. Of course, if you didn't want this particular thing to be a huge surprise, then it's okay as it is. But otherwise, I'll say you didn't keep it secret enough. I guessed it at about... one third or the game. First, there was the reuse of the planet name which, amusingly, only got me wondering "uh... wasn't that *just* the planet name?" but I brushed it off as a failing memory at the time. But then, with all the "It seems I've known her forever" and the fact she seemed to know everything about the surroundings... it became too obvious early on. And it kept coming back often, so I don't think it's possible to go till the end without guessing it (and I'm one of the most naive readers you could find, really XD).
Again, if it was supposed to be a surprise, I felt the reveal was too sudden. In one or two screens of text, everything was said. I would have prefered a progressive realization... unless of course it's supposed to be the whole point of the walking around. But it still felt sudden for some reason.

I got the good ending and it felt nice... but also a bit rushed maybe. I didn't have the time to bask in this nice, if a bit bittersweet ending. Actually... it's not really obvious wether they're gonna live for a long time or if the sun is going to blow out in a few days or something. How fast were things supposed to go awry?
To sum up, I'll say that it was a good idea, but just that it lacked some polish.

Also, please take all the above with a pinch of salt since I'm still kinda tired and grumpy, making me way more nitpicky than usual ^^;

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Re: Broken Sky

#9 Post by A22, now so awesome I have imitators »

Samu-kun is awesome wrote: PS: I eat dung.
Yes you do. Overlong, lacking in subtlety, and it doesn't even include a tl;dr like I usually do for the consideration of the reader.
Aashtarsrain wrote::roll:
Two long fake posts... So much energy for nothing :lol:
Get a life dude, you'll eventually find a way to heal and love the world...
Well, my post took 2 minutes. I don't know about the long knockoff post, which clearly shows a bored mind and a lot of free time.

But yeah shitty textbox and pointless other-world setting.
Also the standard total lack of spelling/grammar quality control as expected from LSF.

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Re: Broken Sky

#10 Post by Blue Lemma »

Enough of the nonsense, please. :roll:

I thought the game was a cute little story. Nothing grabbing, but not bad. The art and music helped to create a beautiful tranquil atmosphere, and Arin was very pretty. The textbox was grating on the eyes at times, especially against a black background.
I disagree that the different planet thing is superfluous, since that's what enables the little twist that she is the planet.
lordcloudx is definitely improving in his art :)

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Re: Broken Sky

#11 Post by monele »

Blue :
"I disagree that the different planet thing is superfluous, since that's what enables the little twist that she is the planet."

Actually, it could have been a Earth from the future, with a similar problem (shields/sun) and Arin could have been a personification of Earth. With a change of name of course... probably some cool latin name that means Earth if it exists? (ok, earth seems to be "geo" which doesn't sound great... but you see my point :P)

dreamer

Re: Broken Sky

#12 Post by dreamer »

frenchy: Aerith!

That is all :D

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Re: Broken Sky

#13 Post by AlphaProspector »

monele wrote:Blue :
With a change of name of course... probably some cool latin name that means Earth if it exists? (ok, earth seems to be "geo" which doesn't sound great... but you see my point :P)
Well, you have the usual names, which are indeed taken from latin/romanic beliefs: "Gaia"/"Gea" (lol, I still have the gift rocks, beryllium and pyrite, I got during an expo called "Gea", which was about minerals/gems and the earth in general) and "Terra". In fact, there is that expression in latin "sunc est terra" that went along with something else, I can't remember. (before anyone asks: my mother is currently studying a degree on Philosophy with Bioethics orientation and had to learn greek and latin so we have dictionaries of both with the grammar and spelling =P)
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