Things I liked:
- I really liked the atmosphere of the game! I really felt transported back in time. The music, sepia tone, the entire interface was really effective. I had to say that your ability to transport me there was my favorite part.
- The amount of detail and hard work you put into animating your scenes. I can tell you really worked hard on this!
- I'm very impressed with your point-and-click system. It has a lot of potential for some serious adventurin'! I'm a fan of adventure games, so this was a nice feature.
Not so much:
- Did anyone proofread your work? There were some typos and such that I caught, but there was so many words that I wasn't really sure if they were typos at all. My advice is to get an English proofreader. While it's really, really nice to have English to begin with, it may not be good to release it in English until you get some help.
- I'm not sure how much of your writing is yours, and how much is Henry's (I'm going to assume most all of it is yours), but the verbose paragraphs at every click was very hard to digest. The use of descriptives for everything confused me more than helped me understand what I should be seeing. For instance:
"The buyer was a capable, cool-eyed, impersonal, young, bald-headed looking man. As he walked along the aisles of his department lie seemed to be sailing on a sea of frangipanni, while white clouds, machine-embroidered, floated around him."
I'm not sure what this would sound like in Russian, but in English, it's almost unreadable. Sure, there's words there, and they make sense, but it's such a chore to do -- and to top it all off, there are a lot of mistakes. And I don't even know if they're mistakes! That's how confused I am!! And what the hell is frangipanni!? In the end, the main problem was telling, not showing. I want to find out that "the buyer" is capable and impersonal, not be told. And so on and so forth. And this was literally a random line I chose to demonstrate my frustration. There are plenty of these throughout.
- When the game first transitioned into the adventure point-and-click, I didn't even know what was going on. Maybe some sort of symbol or advice to start the game would be nice? Out of the entire picture you show for the first adventure, only a small part of the screen was clickable, so I was confused again ...
- With so much effort put into the game, why are the character images such poor quality? They have artifacts around their edges and stuff like that. I'm not referring to how they're drawn, just how they're applied to the game.
- The endings were confusing. They just suddenly ended!
- The hallway was really annoying. Do any of the doors every do anything? Ever? I made a point to knock on every single one, until I got back to my room and the game just ended. What the heck, man? =P
All in all, this seemed like a project just to test your adventure engine, not really about the quality of the story ... I hope you writing something more substantial (and proofed) later. But I do like the mechanics. Good job!