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Finished games are posted here, once they've been tested and are ready for wide release.
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Mistik
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#1 Post by Mistik »

A very small visual novel I did because I lack the resources at the moment to do a big one.

The concept of the game is a single conversation.

Thanks for playing.
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Last edited by Mistik on Sun Aug 08, 2010 11:38 am, edited 3 times in total.

iskander
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Re: Conversation

#2 Post by iskander »

Would you mind releasing the Linux and Mac versions?

Mistik
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Re: Conversation

#3 Post by Mistik »

Sorry. I did not even think about that

iskander
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Re: Conversation

#4 Post by iskander »

Thanks, but unfortunately there's an issue with the Linux version (perhaps also the other versions). Seems like the conv.jpg file is missing.

Code: Select all

I'm sorry, but an exception occured while executing your Ren'Py
script.

Exception: Couldn't find file 'conv.jpg'.

While running game code:
 - script at line 83 of renpy-6.3.1/common/00mainmenu.rpy
 - python at line 83 of renpy-6.3.1/common/00mainmenu.rpy.
 - script at line 108 of renpy-6.3.1/common/00mainmenu.rpy
 - python at line 141 of renpy-6.3.1/common/00mainmenu.rpy.

-- Full Traceback ------------------------------------------------------------
[...]
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Mistik
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Re: Conversation

#5 Post by Mistik »

I had tested the windows release several times before posting, so I am sure that one works. I think I know what had been wrong with the other two versions. For some reason I could not archive one of the images without getting that same message that you got so I left that image unarchived. so now for the mac and linux versions I archived the image and copied another one to the game folder and left it unarchived. hopefully that works.

and thank you for trying to play my game. I will return the favor.

Blue Sky
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Re: Conversation

#6 Post by Blue Sky »

How long is this game supposed to be? I just got the ending where he said he was in love, and it was over.

Either way, it was a nice game with a good pace. There were some grammar mistakes, but everything came together well.

iskander
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Re: Conversation

#7 Post by iskander »

So I downloaded the new Linux version and tried to run it, but I got the same error. However I found out the problem. In the game folder you have a Conv.jpg file, which I renamed conv.jpg. This was enough for the game to run, so I suggest you update your Linux version to address that. I don't know about Windows, but in Linux capitalization matters.

As for the game itself, technically the sound and pictures created a pretty involving mood, which was good. I would have a suggestion though: perhaps you should show a picture of the girl at the beginning of the meeting. As it stands she appears during one of the branches of the dialog. I guess you did it on purpose, but to me it jars with the fiction, since Quentin sees her face from the beginning.

In respect to the story I liked the meeting of two hurt souls, the exchange of confidences, and the open ending, which suits such a short work. Two more comments:
1) I know you have little time to build up, but when posing Quentin as an angsty person, you risk pushing him over towards the whiny territory. We understand that he has low self confidence, never had a girl, and does not like his job. But on top of that being in overdraft for buying some soda? You may be pushing it too far, I would just have concentrated on his low self confidence and lack of social skills (perhaps the Arab shopkeeper could be a woman and he would be embarrassed of dealing with her, foreshadowing the subsequent meeting).

2)I find the decision tree a bit abrupt:

Code: Select all

Start ----[choice 1]---> Fail
                    \----[choice 2]---> Fail
                                 \----[choice 3]---> Fail
                                               \----> <3
This may feel a bit limiting for the player. There is only one truth and one possibility. You could easily avoid that impression and enrich the narrative with the following modification:

Code: Select all

Start ----[choice 1]---> Fail
                    \----[choice 2]-------------------> [exposition 1]----> <3
                                 \----[choice 3]---/
                                               \----> [exposition 2]----> <3
Where [exposition 2] is what you have after the last choice, whereas [exposition 1] would be a different version, where the girl is more active. Both expositions could reveal slightly different things about those characters, and give a slightly different interpretation on who they are, and what kind of relationship they could have. I think [exposition 1] is still coherent with your fiction, since the girl is obviously interested in Quentin (and by that I don't mean romantically interested, intrigued would be enough), you could develop the whys and hows of that interest in exposition 1, which would further portrait her.

But remember, this is just idle talk, and not in the least intended to be prescriptive. It's your fiction and you are the best suited to decide what to do with it.

Mistik
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Re: Conversation

#8 Post by Mistik »

Blue Sky: Thanks a lot for playing. Its a very short game only 2300 words.

iskander: The fact that you understood the premise of the game brings me no end of joy. You are totally correct that I need to have a branch earlier that can lead to a successful option instead of making only the last two choices having options that can lead to a good ending. And thanks again for testing the linux version. I did what you said and hopefully they work now. I gave the Girl her avatar earlier, but I decided to leave the overdraft part. It feels real to me, especially with the recession going on now.

This is the actual character chart. There are 4 dead ends and 2 normal ends.

Code: Select all

Start ----[choice 1]---> Fail
                    \----[choice 2]---> Fail
                                 \----[choice 3]---> Fail
                                               \----> choice 4]---><3
                                                            \---->[choice 5]--> Fail
                                                                           \----> <3

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