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PostPosted: Sat May 01, 2010 1:13 pm 
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Hiya,

'Nice Day' is a short visual novel, based on an even smaller piece of writing done on whim. In a fit of inspiration (or just boredom), I decided to port it to a Visual Novel. Because the premise is rather simple, the game itself is rather simple. It contains 1801 words, 3 pictures, 4 songs and no sound effects. It was a one-man project.

Its resources are all open-licensed, and thus this work may be re-distributed anywhere if you like it. Although I don't think it's so great it needs to be hosted in multiple locations, haha.

The story is about Davis Brooks, and how he met his crush Rachel - as well as what happens with that crush. It's a very short, but hopefully touching or at least interesting piece. The story can really be summarised in that one line, as I don't want to undo any of the (subtle) links I put in the story.

It's probably best just to read it to get a good feel of what it's about.

v1.2 Installer here - Windows only, though.
Mac file - Reported to work on the previous version, assuming it'll work now, too.
For Linux - I'll just put faith in Ren'Py that it works.

And an image:

Image

Please let me know what you think about it. Thanks!

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Last edited by Applegate on Sat May 08, 2010 7:33 pm, edited 3 times in total.

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PostPosted: Sat May 01, 2010 5:04 pm 
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Wow.
This story almost made me cry.
The music did greatly fit in, and even though it was short, it really touched me.
Thank you.

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PostPosted: Sat May 01, 2010 10:12 pm 
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Hi,

Thanks! It's great to hear that. :-)

I revised a few mistakes, so I've updated the link in my original post. (capitalisation, minor sentence reworks, removed imaginary words)

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PostPosted: Sun May 02, 2010 2:12 am 
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That was a really sweet story.
I liked that you didn't use any character images and just let the words/story speak for themselves.
And I think that, to some degree, everyone above the age of 12 can relate to the
unrequited crush. The fact that you didn't go into a lot of detail about Rachel herself, her background, and their relationship suggests that any player can put themselves in Davis' shoes and think back to their first real crush in the same way he does. Rachel is just a vessel for that.
The only annoying bit was the way the text jumped and paused. It might have been for poetic purposes, but I kind of got impatient. Other than that, I liked it a lot.

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PostPosted: Sun May 02, 2010 10:19 am 
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you almost made me cry....it hit right on spot....

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PostPosted: Sun May 02, 2010 12:35 pm 
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IonicMomo wrote:
That was a really sweet story.
I liked that you didn't use any character images and just let the words/story speak for themselves.


I thought first of something ambitious, but later toned it down. To me, a visual novel is a novel with atmosphere. I felt that primarily I should try to let it be carried by the writing, rather than its amazing features or art.

It's a minimalistic approach. I'll also admit I can't draw, and I'd feel bad asking others to draw, or commission them to do so, without having any guarantee of finishing it.

Quote:
-spoiler-


Rachel being undefined was a conscious decision, but not to make her "open to interpretation"! It's interesting to think of it that way, though, and I wish I could claim it was a calculated move.

I left Rachel mostly unexplained because I wanted the viewer to understand the protagonist. Although Rachel and Fairwell have their own stories, I was telling the story of Davis Brooks, and I felt digging too deep into either of the two could muddy the understanding of perspective.

This way, I felt, gave you the strongest impression of Davis, while giving Rachel and Fairwell just enough presence to understand them, and to envision them, without knowing them - in a way, it's just like meeting people in real life!


Quote:
The only annoying bit was the way the text jumped and paused. It might have been for poetic purposes, but I kind of got impatient. Other than that, I liked it a lot.


Duly noted. My first draft had the messages auto-ending after x amount of seconds, depending on wordcount per message box. But I decided against later when I realised many would likely employ the enter button.

By that time the pauses had grown on me and I decided to keep them.

Thanks for the feedback and response! I'm glad you enjoyed it.

curry nochi rice wrote:
you almost made me cry....it hit right on spot....


I'm glad my writing was able to convey emotion. I'm always most nervous if I manage to convey a feeling or not. It's good to hear I was able to.

Thanks for the response! It makes me happy to hear others enjoyed it.

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PostPosted: Mon May 03, 2010 12:28 am 
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This was a charming little piece. I quite enjoyed the time I spent with it... for really short stories to get a stronger emotional response is a talent, and I hope you put it to good use in future projects.

I have to confess I got a little annoyed with the pauses too, but because I'd always have to wait a bit before I was sure the full line of text was complete. This is the kind of project that could really use a click to continue indicator for its textbox to tell the player when to click. It's a shame it didn't have one, especially since there is actually a practical application for it.

The music was nice and very fitting. I know I've used both of the Kevin MacLeod tracks before myself... they weren't new, but they still pack the same powerful emotive punch, and really define the scene even if I've heard it before in a different context.

Looking forward to whatever you make next!

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PostPosted: Tue May 04, 2010 1:22 am 
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hey, enjoyed your story. i liked the presentation method that had a short story feel to it. pretty interesting. =D

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PostPosted: Tue May 04, 2010 2:45 am 
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Just popped in to give my regards :) This looks like a promising piece. when I'l get back from work I will download and read it, because I'd rather can't do it here (even if I'd like to, very very much :( )

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PostPosted: Wed May 05, 2010 4:14 am 
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The pauses ruined this for me. I stopped reading and uninstalled a couple of pages into the stories.


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PostPosted: Thu May 06, 2010 8:35 pm 
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When you can provide (no hurry, of course) a Linux package ?

Best regards from Italy,
dott. Piergiorgio.


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PostPosted: Thu May 06, 2010 11:26 pm 
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I ran the Mac version on a 12" Powerbook G4, Mac OS X 10.4.11. Everything seemed to work, including the audio and the credits page.

(Right now, though, I'm typing on a Linux machine. I'd appreciate a Linux version, too!)

I think that the story could come through a lot better if the pauses could be cleaned up. Pausing at every comma and every period in an ellipsis was excessive, and sometimes I thought that the screen was finished when there was still more. When I clicked, I ruined the timing on the page and would have to keep clicking until the next screen.

If you really want to keep the pauses in, one way to work around this would be to put in a "click to continue" indicator so that the reader knows when to move on. There are a few examples inside the Tutorial game that comes with Renpy; look in demo_character.rpy.

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PostPosted: Sat May 08, 2010 5:18 pm 
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Hi.

DrakeNavarone wrote:
This was a charming little piece. I quite enjoyed the time I spent with it... for really short stories to get a stronger emotional response is a talent, and I hope you put it to good use in future projects.


Thank you! I intend for my next project to focus on a happier subject matter, though!

Quote:
I have to confess I got a little annoyed with the pauses too, but because I'd always have to wait a bit before I was sure the full line of text was complete. This is the kind of project that could really use a click to continue indicator for its textbox to tell the player when to click. It's a shame it didn't have one, especially since there is actually a practical application for it.


I've since added a ctc marker - an inobtrusive, white _ to blink at the end of the 'screen' of text. I had wanted to put one in, but coding was never my forte. Thankfully I was pointed to that demo .rpy file!

Quote:
The music was nice and very fitting. I know I've used both of the Kevin MacLeod tracks before myself... they weren't new, but they still pack the same powerful emotive punch, and really define the scene even if I've heard it before in a different context.


Ha ha, I thought it was probably music others had heard before, but since I have no musical talent, and I would feel bad about asking someone to compose music for such a small project, I decided to simply find something online.

Quote:
Looking forward to whatever you make next!


I hope I won't disappoint then!

unknown5 wrote:
hey, enjoyed your story. i liked the presentation method that had a short story feel to it. pretty interesting. =D


Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it.

IceD wrote:
Just popped in to give my regards :) This looks like a promising piece. when I'l get back from work I will download and read it, because I'd rather can't do it here (even if I'd like to, very very much :( )


It is good to hear someone thinks it sounds interesting! Let me hear when you get a chance to try it.

Wintermoon wrote:
The pauses ruined this for me. I stopped reading and uninstalled a couple of pages into the stories.


I see. That is a shame to hear. From the visual novels I read before, they would include a forced click after every line of text ending in a period, so I felt I could avoid that by including pauses, and I wanted it to be a piece read leisurely and slowly - hence the slow text speed and 1second pauses after every period, and 0.3seconds after every comma.

dott.Piergiorgio wrote:
When you can provide (no hurry, of course) a Linux package ?

Best regards from Italy,
dott. Piergiorgio.


I could provide one right now, but I am touching the project up a little due to feedback!

Musashi wrote:
I ran the Mac version on a 12" Powerbook G4, Mac OS X 10.4.11. Everything seemed to work, including the audio and the credits page.


Ha ha! I have no knowledge of Macs, so those specifics tell me nothing, but it's good to hear it worked.

Quote:
I think that the story could come through a lot better if the pauses could be cleaned up. Pausing at every comma and every period in an ellipsis was excessive, and sometimes I thought that the screen was finished when there was still more. When I clicked, I ruined the timing on the page and would have to keep clicking until the next screen.


I see! I believe the piece is meant to be read slowly, but I will try removing those pauses and see how it feels.

Quote:
If you really want to keep the pauses in, one way to work around this would be to put in a "click to continue" indicator so that the reader knows when to move on. There are a few examples inside the Tutorial game that comes with Renpy; look in demo_character.rpy.


Thank you. I've included a ctc now, and I think it looks rather inobtrusive and good.

Thank you for the feedback, everyone.

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PostPosted: Sat May 08, 2010 6:34 pm 
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Applegate wrote:
Wintermoon wrote:
The pauses ruined this for me. I stopped reading and uninstalled a couple of pages into the stories.


I see. That is a shame to hear. From the visual novels I read before, they would include a forced click after every line of text ending in a period, so I felt I could avoid that by including pauses, and I wanted it to be a piece read leisurely and slowly - hence the slow text speed and 1second pauses after every period, and 0.3seconds after every comma.


The thing is, I find it very distracting when new text is appearing on the screen while I am reading, so I always turn up the text speed to the maximum. However, that just makes it worse in this case, because the text appears in large chunks instead of one character at a time. Each time a new block of text pops up, I lose my place and have to reread from the start of the page.

I'd much rather click at every pause, because then I can control the speed at which I am clicking.


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PostPosted: Sat May 08, 2010 7:31 pm 
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Hi.

Wintermoon wrote:
Applegate wrote:
Wintermoon wrote:
The pauses ruined this for me. I stopped reading and uninstalled a couple of pages into the stories.


I see. That is a shame to hear. From the visual novels I read before, they would include a forced click after every line of text ending in a period, so I felt I could avoid that by including pauses, and I wanted it to be a piece read leisurely and slowly - hence the slow text speed and 1second pauses after every period, and 0.3seconds after every comma.


The thing is, I find it very distracting when new text is appearing on the screen while I am reading, so I always turn up the text speed to the maximum. However, that just makes it worse in this case, because the text appears in large chunks instead of one character at a time. Each time a new block of text pops up, I lose my place and have to reread from the start of the page.

I'd much rather click at every pause, because then I can control the speed at which I am clicking.


I see! That is a shame. I've removed most pauses now, detailed below. I hope it'll encourage you to try and read through it again, if you're interested!

--

I've updated the current version to have minor corrections to the script - a missing piece of dialogue which I had actually prefixed with a #... which made "Well, you were ignoring me!" a rather weird thing to say when Davis would say nothing at all...

I've also removed all the pauses after commas, and between ellipses - barring any accidentally left in, the game should now pause one second only when a new line begins, such as after a spoken sentence, or after a period.
The exception is after a dash, which still enforces a 0.3 second pause, which is because I feel a dash denotes the start of a new sentence, without wanting to force a 1 second pause.

The preferences and save/load menus have been disabled and removed from the main menu, and the in-game menu now prompts to return to the main menu. It still warns your unsaved data will be lost, but I am not good at scripting and I couldn't immediately discover how to change that.

I've uploaded the files for Windows, Mac and Linux - the OP should be edited soon to reflect it.

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