Lemma Soft Forums

This is probably an odd place to make my first post here, but I've been a lurker here since forever ago. and just recently decided to register, and maybe get involved.

Anyways, I'm not much experienced with the whole creation scene, other than what I've read here as a lurker, but I'd like to learn more, and am looking for ways to do so, since I think VNs deserve a lot more attention than they get outside of Japan.

That said, if you could [somewhat] enumerate what you're looking for in a story editor [unless I'm mistaken and you no longer need one,] I think I could possibly be of help in that department, assuming it's not much different than what's required when doing the same with a normal text novel. [Minus multiple paths, of course.]

~That lurker guy you've never seen before.

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Pocky is valid currency in my country.

Drake! Great to hear from you ^_^

Yeah I loved Jessica too... but I was having a lot of trouble with maintaining it consistent with her background... And then when I did a major change in that said background, happy-hyper-bubbly Jessica just didn't make much sense. I miss the old Jessie too... but this way allows for more friction with Cynthia and Alis (CC - I renamed her so my main girls would have different starting initials -_-).

I totally understand the lack of free time issue - as before much as I'd love to have you aboard again, I'd rather you finish your projects than help with mine, since I'm a fan of you work ^_^ But I'm happy you're still enthusiastic about this! You'll probably be the one to tell me later on if what I've done with the game is an improvement or not



Nice to meet you! Always good to add another to the cause of international VN's ^_^

As far as story editing needs are concerned, what I really need is a pair of fresh, critical eyes. I need someone to tell me, for instance, if there are any logical inconsistencies to my story, whether minor ("Isn't she angry with him in this branch? Why would she be flirting?") or major ("Wait wait - didn't you kill him off already? How is he in the party?"). I need to know if in trying to keep the readers guessing I'm withholding too much information from the readers, or if in foreshadowing future events I'm spoiling them. I'd need to know if my plot twists or character revelations make sense - I know the past, present and possible futures of these characters, so its always a danger that what makes sense to me may not sense to the audience. Similarly I'd need to know if the characters I created are believable, and likeable - at least to a certain degree (you can't win them all ^_^)

Some feedback on the more 'gameplay' related mechanics would help as well, such as knowing whether a reader might want to be given a menu choice at a point where I'd given the protagonist an automatic response/action, or if this or that branch needs to be fleshed out to distinguish it from this other branch.

The downside of course being that you'll be spoiled as to the story before the game comes out... the upside being you can make that story even better ^_^

If you're still interested MorphineSoldier, (or anyone else - there's room for more than one) let me know ^_^

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You can officially count me as "still interested."
I love that kind of stuff, because [a.] I'm a bit of an ass-hole, and I get my kicks from tearing holes in other people's dreams. (Only a slight exaggeration. I'll only tear open holes that are already there.) and [b.] It gives me stuff to read so I don't have to keep buying books. [c.]

Ahem.

If there's any specific information you need in return from me at this point, I'll do my best to oblige.

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Pocky is valid currency in my country.

*laughs* Great! (Although (c) is a bit of an I-dunno-if-that's-a-good-thing ) All I'd need right now then is an email address for me to send the script to so that you can give part 1 a look-see.

And, as I told Drake, if ever you need time out for any of your own projects, I'll completely understand ^_^

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At risk of being stalked to death, my e-mail is this:


The spoiler tags will save me from rapists! xD

As of right now, I don't foresee my projects taking up much of my considerably unoccupied time, and since I always need time to step-back and re-gain perspective, I always have time to do other things.
[Note to self: Developing tunnel-vision and rocketing along results in really shoddy writing.]

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This space is for rent.
Pocky is valid currency in my country.

Got it! You can edit it out now to be safe ^_^

I'm assuming though that you meant the email service of that site-which-rhymes-with-Poogle? I think it was missing a letter...

In any case, sending it now. Hope you don't mind that it's in Ren'Py script format... I write faster when I do it this way, and can mark areas for programming later on.

We can run our back-and-forth commentary here in this thread (with spoiler tags as required) or through PMs or through emails as you prefer.

Thanks again!

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Yeah, my keyboard's been a little dusty. I need to take some air to it so it starts picking up all my letters again. xP
[Isn't poogle that little limited edition dog thing from like. . . a decade ago on Neopets? o.o And why did I even think of that? WHY?]

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This space is for rent.
Pocky is valid currency in my country.

Alright, I've gotten through the whole of that document, a total of 81 pages of script after I imported it into a word processor.

The biggest issue was the spelling and some sentence structure issues, but it's a draft so I assume those will all get worked out at a later date. It's more important to get it all out there first.

Other than that, actual issues in the story were minimal, after I got used to reading the multi-path tags.

Here's what is there:

_________________
This space is for rent.
Pocky is valid currency in my country.

Uwah, you work quick! Thanks for the feedback... My spelling degrades if I'm writing quickly so yeah, I'll have a lot of tweaking to do later, but as you said what's important is getting it out.



Noted. I'll try to amend that ^_^



Hm... Good call. Didn't think of it that way. I'll try to make that have more consistency.



Ah I knew I forgot to change a part - damn you cut and paste! I'll rework that. Thanks!






Major Spoiler Alert: (I know its in spoiler tags but thought I'd put this in so there are no regrets ^_^

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I do try to work quickly. Also, 20,000 words is very, very little text to go through really. I can go through a standard novel in less than a day, most of the time, and still get pissed off at the typos that editors don't catch before the first edition goes to print. xD


THE SPOILAGE CONTINUES! D<


Quick question, that just occurred to me:


And one more thing:

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This space is for rent.
Pocky is valid currency in my country.

Well books really ought to have quite the extensive proofreading process before they're released so that's an excusable emotion to feel...

...and man. I used to think I could read fast







Yeah, this was one of the changes i made to Jessie's personality, though I hope that the background I give makes it so that she'll be more than your typical tsun-tsun-dere.



Wow you're good. I hope I wasn't too obvious.



Yeah, it was kind of hard not to paint too nice a picture of the guy - but that'd be how he'd reasonably be seen at the institute.

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The Watchmen is the exception to just about every comic book rule. You really shouldn't bring it up when talkin' bout cliches. xD

Once in a generation something comes along that's JUST. THAT. GOOD.

Watchmen was definitely one of those things.
[Though I think the era cheated, since it got Death: The High Cost of Living as well.]


I'd say besides what's been mentioned -- so far so good, we ain't got any major fuck-ups on tap, and I'm hoping that what's to come is as smooth as that was. xD

[Unlikely, just because now there's actual PATHS to deal with. rather than incidental alternate events.]

_________________
This space is for rent.
Pocky is valid currency in my country.

May 2008 Update:

Slower progress than I'd like -work has been giving me a pounding, and these new scenes have been tough to write. Still, I'm soldiering on - try to do a little bit of work on the Elect every few days, even if its just jotting random ideas in a notepad.

Here's the tale of the lint:



*sighs* Still a long way to go. I really, really wish I can get this done. Its hard for me somehow to move on to anything else without finishing at least Episode 1... I just keep coming back to it.

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Hey all - here's the June/July Update



Story-wise I'm doing the first scenes of friction between the girls (hence my request for help over in the Ren'py proper section), and I'm going to have to start being careful I achieve a semblance of balance in the quantity and quality of scenes I have for each of the girls. Ironically, its my favorite girl of the 3 who is giving me the most problems - but then that's probably because she just isn't Main Heroine material @_@

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At last, the second part of the game is completed Will work a bit on a short story for a contest, then back to work on part 3, which is the last of the more "normal" parts of the game.

If anyone is up for a proofread (is Morphine still around?) let me know ^_^

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