Time: Sub-0 (bXg, gothic fantasy)

Message

jake72002 · #1 Post by **jake72002** » Mon Apr 08, 2013 8:30 am

this is my first Visual Novel. my concept arts (including the sequel's) and WIP can be found here:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/4484072 ... 9/members/

Plot: Amariel lost his parents when he was young. Growing in an orphanage operated by the Church, he lived with his sister Luzmaria until the time he got a scholarship in a prestigious school and had to leave. There, he would meet weird people that would cause him to get involved in an underground war among the Ecclesial Order, Mage Conclave and Hellflame Coven. He joins the exorcists of the Ecclesial Order to fight in the cause of God but no sooner, he is torn apart between his love for God, his sister, and his love interest. What path will Amariel choose?

characters (partial):

Tokisada Amariel: a silent and somewhat mysterious protagonist, Amariel tends to be aloof to others. Due to this, rumors spread about his "evil" powers when in fact he is actually a good person possessing a "fruit of the Holy Spirit" (a symbiont Holy Scripture weapon) that is capable of destroying demons. He can choose one of the 4 heroines to end up with or choose none at hall. He is fond of his sister Luzmaria but there's no incestuous relationship between them.

Tokisada Luzmaria: Amariel's bubbly little sister. She's intelligent but naive at some point. She would play a significant role in the story and becomes the protagonist of the game's sequel.

Calllisto Parthenos: a warrior serving Mother Nature, she sides with the Mage Conclave. She is one of the 4 heroines of the story.

Magdala Harper: a fellow exorcist specializing holy spells and buffs, she is a kind person willing to sacrifice her life for others. she is also one of the 4 heroines.

Saint Bridgette D'Gaul: said to be a saint summoned as a "herald" by an evil mage, she killed her summoner to save people from the mage's insanity. she wields a powerful sword and is very skilled in using it. also a heroine the protagonist can end up with.

Hecate Crowley: a black witch who is not truly evil, she was fatally injured in the past and had her body mutilated. Her brother Nicholas made a pact with the Devil just before she died, causing her to live in a mangled, Frankenstein's monster-like body. She's skilled in magic and alchemy and also one of the heroines.

Nicholas Crowley: Hecate's brother who sold his soul to save his sister. He is protective to his sister and is in odds with Amariel. He is an expert Alchemist and Black Magician as well.

jake72002 · #2 Post by **jake72002** » Mon Apr 08, 2013 8:35 am

Concept art

jake72002 · #3 Post by **jake72002** » Wed Apr 10, 2013 4:08 am

any suggestions, comments and feedbacks are welcome. thank you.

Ran08 · #4 Post by **Ran08** » Wed Apr 10, 2013 4:16 am

It sounds good! The character art is quite lovely as well~
Although... I think religion is a touchy subject for me. ^^ When you said "God", do you mean like, the god above? Him?

Oh, um, by the way, you can simply hit print screen on your keyboard and paste it on MS Paint for screenshots.

gekiganwing · #5 Post by **gekiganwing** » Wed Apr 10, 2013 6:29 am

jake72002 wrote:He joins the exorcists of the Ecclesial Order to fight in the cause of God but no sooner, he is torn apart between his love for God, his sister, and his love interest. What path will Amariel choose?

Making the main character conflicted seems like a good way to set up a story with multiple endings. (And for some reason, it reminds me of the title track from Al Green's "The Belle Album.")

How much of a battle of good versus evil is happening here? Does each organization have some validity? Are there respectable as well as reprehensible people working for each group?

One concern: make sure your characters' names are not loaded down with symbolism. It's not as if I am against using symbolism or meaningful names... it's just that if their meanings are too obvious, then your story might start to sound more like a comedy than a drama.

jake72002 · #6 Post by **jake72002** » Wed Apr 10, 2013 10:31 pm

I see. thank you guys for the comments

@ran08 yeah, God is "Him". thanks for the advice too!
@gekiganwing you're right. i should make the other cast names not too symbollcal to prevent it in turning to comedy. in terms of the organizations, each of them has good and bad people. example, Ecclesia has exorcists who try their best not to kill but rather just to strip their enemies of paranormal powers in order to give them a chance to repent but the templars wish to kill everyone who is not submitting to God. Mage Conclave is a total mix up of various people, so expect this group to have generally gray morality. the Hellflame seems to be evil at first but if you go deeper at this route, you'll see many well-intentioned people who only believe in freedom and see Lucifer as the true liberator and God as a tyrant. they just want everyone to experience that freedom.

skaterboy54 · #7 Post by **skaterboy54** » Sun Apr 21, 2013 9:59 pm

i like it and your characters art is quite lovely

___________________
I whipped his ass like Jackie Chan with my nunchaku

jake72002 · #8 Post by **jake72002** » Thu May 02, 2013 11:14 pm

skaterboy54 wrote:i like it and your characters art is quite lovely

Thanks

___________________
I whipped his ass like Jackie Chan with my nunchaku

jake72002 · #9 Post by **jake72002** » Sat Jun 08, 2013 6:54 am

Artwork update!

jake72002 · #10 Post by **jake72002** » Tue Mar 10, 2015 8:36 am

Due to a busy life, this project went underground but I am still continuing it. Some screenshots borrowed pics from some animes but i swear this is only temporary as it is only test scenes. I also made new concept arts as new elements and characters replaced some of the older ones. Enjoy!