Forget「not」that flower [BxG][Friendship/Romance/Drama] 23/03

[AbhorrentFear]

Can I just say I absolutely adore this art and Hibiki's design? Just lovely c:
I'm not completely fond of the bxg genre, to be completely honest with you, but this has definitely struck my interest. omo

As for which girl I'd pick, I'd probably go with Chiaki. For some reason I tend to gravitate more towards the colder characters, if anything. Call it a personal preference, I suppose? xD

I do quite like the plot, it is quite an interesting twist on the whole coma thing. I tend to see a lot of games where the person in a coma just struggles with figuring out who they are, but this seems more based around Chiaki and Miuna so I'm interested to see how it all plays out.

Nonetheless, best of luck with this project!~ I'll be sure to try out the demo sometime soon c: (also, 56 expressions?!! How do you even-)

[dreamy]

Hi!
I just came across this post and I have to say, the story is quite adorable I'm looking forward to trying the full game once it's done and I love the twins' character designs
If I were to end up with one of the twins, I guess it would be Miuna. She seems so innocent at times.
Good luck with this project

[curry nochi rice]

why is this project still in the ideas section? >.< it's in production right?

[snowflakes]

You released the demo so suddenly! I'm going to play it, i'll tell you later my opinion *-*
_____________________________________________
Okay, i'll explain it in spanish, easier to me xD

Pues a ver, antes de nada, enhorabuena por tu trabajo. La verdad el diseño de los personajes es increíble. Me gustaría haber visto el diseño de Hibiki, la verdad, tengo muchísimas ganas de verlo terminado ! - Por cierto, me sorprendió que Chiaki no tuviese sprite, supongo que la estarás rediseñando, estoy deseando verla también. El diseño el doctor... la verdad es que me hizo mucha gracia xD nosé, todo tan perfecto y de repente ahí un garabato, pero bueno, que lo he imaginado tan impresionante como el resto de los diseños.
Y bueno, me ha encantado la ropa que luce Miuna cuando va por la ciudad, muy dulce, como ella!

Y bueno, hablando ya más de la historia, mucho no te puedo decir de ella la verdad, me he quedado con las ganas de seguir leyendo! Por lo poquito que he leído me está encantando, de verdad, no me suelen gustar los Gxb o BxG, pero este proyecto ha captado muchísimo mi atención ! No puedo esperar a que lo termines... Enfin, lo único que decirte es que, el hilo de la historia se puede complicar, y bueno, supongo que lo llevarás bien, pero hay veces que tantos saltos en el tiempo terminan liando (a mi por lo menos) así que nada, solo decirte que cuanto más sencillo mejor!
Mucha suerte y seguiré atenta para más novedades =^.^=

PD: has hecho tu esos fantásticos fondos? Son increíbles !!

[.usa]

Can I just say I absolutely adore this art and Hibiki's design? Just lovely c:
I'm not completely fond of the bxg genre, to be completely honest with you, but this has definitely struck my interest. omo

As for which girl I'd pick, I'd probably go with Chiaki. For some reason I tend to gravitate more towards the colder characters, if anything. Call it a personal preference, I suppose? xD

I do quite like the plot, it is quite an interesting twist on the whole coma thing. I tend to see a lot of games where the person in a coma just struggles with figuring out who they are, but this seems more based around Chiaki and Miuna so I'm interested to see how it all plays out.

Nonetheless, best of luck with this project!~ I'll be sure to try out the demo sometime soon c: (also, 56 expressions?!! How do you even-)

Myself neither, but I believe (and mostly for this story) that if it has some romance over there and the story is focused on the girls, you would play as a boy. At least that's what I think, if the story's MC was one of the twins, then it should be a GxB. Not sure if you understand what I mean (if someone of this forum didn't noticed yet, I'm VERY bad at explaining myself orz).

Glad you prefer her, I used to (and by used to I mean like days ago) prefer Miuna, but as the story continues, I'm finding Chiaki way more interesting than her. Maybe it's because while most of the mystery is caused by Miuna, is Chiaki who helps Hibiki with the "why" of this. I dunno, a strange thing xD.

Well, Hibiki believes on the twins, so he assumes that he is who they say he is. Also, when he's hesitating because of this question, there are things on the story *spoilers* than prove what they said, so he isn't focused on that.

Thank you ~ (yeah, but she's now at 60 expressions, most of them are variations of the normal ones -like blush and such-, and since they only have this so simple standing pose, I think the expressions are important).

Hi!
I just came across this post and I have to say, the story is quite adorable I'm looking forward to trying the full game once it's done and I love the twins' character designs
If I were to end up with one of the twins, I guess it would be Miuna. She seems so innocent at times.
Good luck with this project

Aww, thank you!! >///<. Yeah, she really is innocent, but I have to clarify a thing: She's just innocent, and not stupid (if you consider her being that, because of that certain scene), there's a why of her personality being like that, but it's a spoiler, so not telling xD.

why is this project still in the ideas section? >.< it's in production right?

Yeah, it is in production, but it's still on a very early stage, so I don't think it should be in the Works in Progress yet.

You released the demo so suddenly! I'm going to play it, i'll tell you later my opinion *-*
_____________________________________________
Okay, i'll explain it in spanish, easier to me xD

Pues a ver, antes de nada, enhorabuena por tu trabajo. La verdad el diseño de los personajes es increíble. Me gustaría haber visto el diseño de Hibiki, la verdad, tengo muchísimas ganas de verlo terminado ! - Por cierto, me sorprendió que Chiaki no tuviese sprite, supongo que la estarás rediseñando, estoy deseando verla también. El diseño el doctor... la verdad es que me hizo mucha gracia xD nosé, todo tan perfecto y de repente ahí un garabato, pero bueno, que lo he imaginado tan impresionante como el resto de los diseños.
Y bueno, me ha encantado la ropa que luce Miuna cuando va por la ciudad, muy dulce, como ella!

Y bueno, hablando ya más de la historia, mucho no te puedo decir de ella la verdad, me he quedado con las ganas de seguir leyendo! Por lo poquito que he leído me está encantando, de verdad, no me suelen gustar los Gxb o BxG, pero este proyecto ha captado muchísimo mi atención ! No puedo esperar a que lo termines... Enfin, lo único que decirte es que, el hilo de la historia se puede complicar, y bueno, supongo que lo llevarás bien, pero hay veces que tantos saltos en el tiempo terminan liando (a mi por lo menos) así que nada, solo decirte que cuanto más sencillo mejor!
Mucha suerte y seguiré atenta para más novedades =^.^=

PD: has hecho tu esos fantásticos fondos? Son increíbles !!

Yeah, I did because I was feeling quite unconfident about the project, is like I needed opinions on it to continue orz. I was considering on searching for a real writer because I suck at it, but now I don't think I'm searching anymore, at least for now.
Thank you, yeah, she needed clothes like that because those were the ones that more suited her personality, unlike Chiaki, who's getting a more informal outfit -I'm so bad at outfits that I didn't designed it yet ;;-

English response here, look at the spoiler for the Spanish translation ^^:
Hibiki's probably getting a sprite, but I don't like the one I made, maybe I'll edit it in the future, but for now the project is going without his sprite (sprite below this, along with some cg ugly sketches that I'm remaking). About Chiaki's sprite, she does have one (as you can see on the first post), but I noticed a minor error and have to fix it, I want it to be as perfect as I can draw it! (Photoshop issues, not my fault at all ;;). He only appears on those scenes, so I just made a 2min ugly sketch for him so I could move forward on the script, but he's getting a polished sprite like the others xD.

Thanks! She needed those kind of clothes, were the ones that suited her personality the best. But she's the only one who wears that style, Chiaki's getting a more informal outfit (and is getting and didn't got it yet because the hardest part for me is designing clothes orz).

Aww, that's a good thing that you want to read more! For what you can read on the early demo, it looks more like a slice-of-life than the actual genres it is, but that's only the beginning, the mystery has just began for where I am at the script òwó! (like, the next scene where Chiaki appears, so the slice of life is ending pretty soon xD).

Hibiki's already crazy and the story's just at the beggining, so judge by yourself e.e .
Nah, the time skip thingys are simplier than you may think, it's always like this "Miuna -> Chiaki -> Miuna -> Chiaki...", there are at least two times where it is mostly focused on Hibiki, but the structure of the story doesn't change.

I wish I could make such awesome BGs, but no, I didn't made them, it's from a japanese website.

Español aquí: Sí, saqué una demo demasiado pronto que probablemente ni siquiera cubra lo que se puede llamar prólogo, pero estaba sintiendome muy insegura con mi forma de escribir, es como que necesitaba alguna opinión para poder seguir sin necesidad de buscar a alguien que de verdad sepa hacerlo orz.
Aww, gracias! Lleva ese tipo de ropa -cute as hell xD- porque es la que mejor va con su personalidad, pero es la única que la lleva, así, en cambio Chiaki va a tener ropa más normal, como cualquira que puedas encontrar por la calle xD (y digo "va a tener" y no "tiene" porque aún no la diseñé siquiera, la parte más dura de diseñar personajes para mí es la ropa sin duda orz).
Ahh, si quieres seguir leyendo eso es buena señal xD, pero como puedes ver la demo parece más un slice-of-life que el género que realmente es, de todas formas eso es sólo el principio, el misterio acaba de empezar justo por dónde voy en el script òwó! (la siguiente escena que aparece Chiaki, básicamente //lol, así que el slice-of-life se va a acabar muy pronto xD).
Hibiki ya se está volviendo loco y la historia acaba de empezar, así que mira si se va a complicar, al menos para su salud mental xDD.
Nah, lo de los saltos en el tiempo son bastante simples, siempre siguen la misma estructura "Miuna -> Chiaki -> Miuna, etc". Aunque hay por lo menos dos escenas que están más centradas en Hibiki, pero la estructura tampoco cambia.
Que va, ya me gustaría a mí hacer semejantes fondos :'D, son de una web japonesa :3.

And now it's time for a little update, this time is mostly art:

Promotional art I made for announcement of the game at Tumblr:


Hibiki's sprite and redesign, I wanted to make him look more ''rebellious'', because of how he was before amnesia and such:

I don't like how the face turned out, so I'm not using it for now.

Rejected CGs //ok, they were ugly sketches, but still rejected:

*Resized for your browser's sake* *Also Tumblr resized it so, yeah*

And a screenshot //this not appears in the demo because it takes place after than where it ends:


And that's all for now.
Ahh, even if I don't update this post that much, everytime I enter the forum I'll update the word count (posting it now on the first post), so stay warned, or not, whatever you want (?).

[chocojax]

I know this is just a demo and not everything is finished, but I'll try to point out everything anyway.

GUI:
- Very difficult to read/see anything.
- The textbox could be bigger. The font should be bigger as well.

Writing:
- Various grammar mistakes. Get someone to proofread your drafts!
- Some of the thoughts the MC makes are redundant.
(Thought: Now I will ask about myself.
Hibiki: And what about myself?)
- For the scene where Hibiki left and Miuna/Doctor are left behind, I think you could leave out the part where Miuna and Doctor are talking to each other. Since we "are" MC, it's strange to see that. You could also imply that through cutting that scene, and leaving in the scene where Miuna appears all tired out etc.

Art:
- The sprites look really nice! The first time where Miuna showed up, she seemed to really blend in (a good way) with the soft background.
- I wish the doctor had a finished sprite too. :P
- It's difficult to tell what sort of expressions Miuna is making.

Other Things:
- I have to say, Miuna looks really cute, but personality-wise, I like Chiaki more.
- Hibiki is mean to Miuna. :(
- This has bothered me for a while, but you might want to change your logo slightly. 花 being put out to the side (with no indication) makes me just read it as あのを忘れ. The 「ない」 is also slightly difficult to see, but it would look a lot nicer on a darker/black background.

[.usa]

I know this is just a demo and not everything is finished, but I'll try to point out everything anyway.

GUI:
- Very difficult to read/see anything.
- The textbox could be bigger. The font should be bigger as well.

Writing:
- Various grammar mistakes. Get someone to proofread your drafts!
- Some of the thoughts the MC makes are redundant.
(Thought: Now I will ask about myself.
Hibiki: And what about myself?)
- For the scene where Hibiki left and Miuna/Doctor are left behind, I think you could leave out the part where Miuna and Doctor are talking to each other. Since we "are" MC, it's strange to see that. You could also imply that through cutting that scene, and leaving in the scene where Miuna appears all tired out etc.

Art:
- The sprites look really nice! The first time where Miuna showed up, she seemed to really blend in (a good way) with the soft background.
- I wish the doctor had a finished sprite too.
- It's difficult to tell what sort of expressions Miuna is making.

Other Things:
- I have to say, Miuna looks really cute, but personality-wise, I like Chiaki more.
- Hibiki is mean to Miuna.
- This has bothered me for a while, but you might want to change your logo slightly. 花 being put out to the side (with no indication) makes me just read it as あのを忘れ. The 「ない」 is also slightly difficult to see, but it would look a lot nicer on a darker/black background.

It is more like there's a lot to finish than not everything being finished, it's a really early demo actually.
Thanks to point those things out, this is what it will make me progress on this project ^^

GUI:
- I haven't -literally- touched the GUI yet, so it's still like Ren'Py showed it when I configured the screen size.

Writing:
- Yeah, I noticed some mistakes, but even if I'll try to find someone to proofread the game, I'm doing my best to avoid mistakes. Not being native English speaker leads to those mistakes, but I didn't found that the proofreading should be done yet (especially on that demo), as I'm on a really early stage of the game progress.
- Ugh, I also saw that, but forgot to fix it, that's a mistake from me and I'm sorry about it orz.
- Now that you say so, it seems strange to see that scene, but I think there are more scenes that needs to be like that in order to understand what's going on. Also we are supposed to "be" the MC, but as the story advances and I'm not seeing any good moments when you can make a decision (not the scenes itself, but the content each decision will lead to) it will probably end as a kinetic novel, so that may stay there.

Art:
- Aww thank you, that's what I thought when I first tried out those BGs with the sprites.
- He will have a finished one, but that's something I'll do later since he only appears on the hospital scenes, which are only in the beginning of the story.
- Do you think so? I think they're ok so I don't really see the problem about it...

Other things:
- I do too, Chiaki's way more interesting than Miuna if you ask me, and this have a why, but since it is a spoiler I'm not saying it.
- Yeah, he really is. But that will change as the story moves forward.
- Hmm... You're right, but the logo is probably going to be changed due to some design issues, so for now it is staying like that.

[.usa]

Okie, so it's time for a new update ~

UPDATE 23/03/2014

This time is mostly art, but also updating the word count.

Chiaki now has the casual/not-school-uniform outfit done!

By popular request, the doctor is getting his sprite sooner than expected, still the sketch, gotta redraw him since I suck on anatomy, specially males'.

Also fixed little things on Hibiki's face, so he's finally having a sprite on the game! Still needs expressions and clothes, but the base sprite is done so those are little things to do ~
There's also someone more who is getting an sprite, but that's a secret. Well, and some classmates I need to do for a certain scene, but I'll draw them later, when their time comes.

Also a fail to the main menu image, I want it to change randomly from Miuna to Chiaki whenever you go to the main screen, but this drawing doesn't fit what I want, so it's gonna end as promotional art (so basically is gonna be finished but only for promotional purposes orz).
Also have a CG wip, but since is a major spoiler of the plot twist, I'm not gonna show it.
Now screenshots time:


(Made a placeholder image for when there's a CG scene and it's not done D)


Hibiki's really mean when he's angry, except with Chiaki, because she's normally the one who is rude to him xD.

Also, the word count is now at 5,771 words, more than the double of the demo!

And that's all, more updates in a few days ~

[Kate]

If you need a proofreader for your script, let me know. I'm a writer and an English Ed major, and I took four years of spanish. I've also self-published a book.