She is the wind [VN][BxG][Suspense][Tragedy][commercial]

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piichimi
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She is the wind [VN][BxG][Suspense][Tragedy][commercial]

#1 Post by piichimi »

So aside from my current main project, A+ Switch! I had randomly thought up this story for a second visual novel.
"She is the Wind" will take place in a large city, (presumably Tokyo) Where everything is fast paced. The main character, (he is un-named at the moment), is a tall 20 year old college student, with dark brown hair, and light brown eyes, who lives by himself in a one-bedroom apartment. He decides to go out one day to lunch, and as he is heading back to his apartment, witnesses a girl, about the age of 18 or 19, with coal-black hair, and a black dress on, jump off a tall building and commit suicide, however, he never got a glimpse of her face. About a week after the incident, he begins seeing a girl with a similar look to the girl who jumped off the building everywhere he goes. Except, her hair is snow white, and her dress is also white. He thinks this is just a coincidence that she looks quite similar to the girl who had committed suicide, however this is not the case. The girl with snow white hair is actually the girl who had committed suicide. However, he doesn't realize this until later in time. a few days after he started seeing her, she started speaking to him as if she's not even dead, and not knowing that she's dead, he speaks back to her. As time goes on, the world around him starts crashing, it seems the more he talks to the girl, the worse it gets, the world gets so distorted until one day, the space around him is just plain white, and the only two people left are him and her.
in the plain white space, the girl tells him to "wake up" He ends up waking up in a hospital bed, and is told he had been in a coma for a year, and the girl who was talking to him was his girlfriend of 3 years, right by his bedside.
Also, the reason it is titled, "she is the wind" is because she wants him to call her "wind" or "breeze" or maybe even the japanese name for it, I'm not sure which yet.

So as you can see, my writing is really jumpy right now, and gross, just wanted to give a general description of what it's about, but I'm really hoping to make this happen after my main project.

Any thoughts or opinions?

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MaiMai
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#2 Post by MaiMai »

-Didn't read carefully!-
Last edited by MaiMai on Sun Oct 19, 2014 8:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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piichimi
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#3 Post by piichimi »

MaiMai wrote:It doesn't look like you have much to show for this project yet. Maybe moving it to the Ideas section would be better since it looks like you're getting ahead of yourself.
This is the ideas section though xD

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#4 Post by MaiMai »

Ah, my bad didn't read. Carry on.
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#5 Post by piichimi »

MaiMai wrote:Ah, my bad didn't read. Carry on.
it's okay, no worries.

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#6 Post by TheChris »

I've never liked stories that have mysteriousness and tragedy just for the sake of having them. I think you'll need a really good explanation as to why these strange things are happening and then of course why the person playing the game should care. Beyond that, I can't think of anything else to say. Your idea is very vague and broad, so it's difficult to give any useful criticism.

Also, is the story about what happens during the time of the suicides or is your idea the beginning of the story, and you plan on exploring his world when it's just the two of them?

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#7 Post by Laiska »

piichimi wrote:
in the plain white space, the girl tells him to "wake up" He ends up waking up in a hospital bed, and is told he had been in a coma for a year, and the girl who was talking to him was his girlfriend of 3 years, right by his bedside.
This is an incredibly boring twist. 'Secretly in a coma all along'/'in a dream all along' plots are really overdone by this point, unless you have an incredibly original angle to go along with it, which it doesn't seem like you do. Why would he be interpreting his girlfriend's voice as a dead girl, unless there's a secondary twist to it and his girlfriend is actually dead in the real world as well?
Also is there really any particular reason to set this story in Japan, other than it being a popular VN flavour?

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#8 Post by piichimi »

TheChris wrote:I've never liked stories that have mysteriousness and tragedy just for the sake of having them. I think you'll need a really good explanation as to why these strange things are happening and then of course why the person playing the game should care. Beyond that, I can't think of anything else to say. Your idea is very vague and broad, so it's difficult to give any useful criticism.

Also, is the story about what happens during the time of the suicides or is your idea the beginning of the story, and you plan on exploring his world when it's just the two of them?
Yeah, I agree, it's still in the early development stages, when I finish my main project, and (hopefully) move on to this, I will develop it a lot more and fill in all the holes and details.

& Maybe, like I said, I'm not too far into development xD Anything could change.

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#9 Post by piichimi »

Laiska wrote:
piichimi wrote:
in the plain white space, the girl tells him to "wake up" He ends up waking up in a hospital bed, and is told he had been in a coma for a year, and the girl who was talking to him was his girlfriend of 3 years, right by his bedside.
This is an incredibly boring twist. 'Secretly in a coma all along'/'in a dream all along' plots are really overdone by this point, unless you have an incredibly original angle to go along with it, which it doesn't seem like you do. Why would he be interpreting his girlfriend's voice as a dead girl, unless there's a secondary twist to it and his girlfriend is actually dead in the real world as well?
Also is there really any particular reason to set this story in Japan, other than it being a popular VN flavour?
Yeah, I figured a lot of people would think as such, but I've honestly never seen these kinds of twists in any visual novel I've seen personally. But like I said before, it's iffy on whether or not I'll even get around to doing this one. hopefully I will, and I'll get to fill in the holes and provide more detail for the story.

& I honestly just like the whole setting of Japan, it's like extremely unoriginal, but I honestly don't care about the setting being unoriginal. It's just a personal preference.

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