[VN/KN(?), Mystery, Drama] Independent

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Miss-Mae
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Re: Independent - A Story of Dependence and Trust

#31 Post by Miss-Mae »

Uwaaaa! Your title screen looks SO pretty! And I must ask, did you do the title/logo yourself? It looks so good! *0* <3
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Re: Independent - A Story of Dependence and Trust

#32 Post by Lumen_Astrum »

Thank you!
I'm glad somebody liked my crappy photo-manipulation XD

Yeah, I did the logo~ ^___^
I used some custom fonts and splat brushes that I found in dA and in dafont.com ~^___^

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Re: Independent - A Story of Dependence and Trust

#33 Post by azureXtwilight »

May I give a suggestion? (I'm getting the same though)

I thought that Leonard's father looks very young, almost like a teenager :)
Mebbe some lines on the faces to show his old features :3
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Re: Independent - A Story of Dependence and Trust

#34 Post by Miss-Mae »

Ah, that's awesome! I really hate designing logos and such. I'll have to check out that site, thanks for the link. <3
Come visit me, if you like, at: http://www.miss-mae.deviantart.com / http://www.kinki-skiddles-games.deviantart.com <3 or on my NEW game making blog, which you can find here: http://kinki-skiddles.tumblr.com/ <3

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Re: Independent - A Story of Dependence and Trust

#35 Post by Lumen_Astrum »

azureXtwilight wrote:May I give a suggestion? (I'm getting the same though)

I thought that Leonard's father looks very young, almost like a teenager :)
Mebbe some lines on the faces to show his old features :3
Hahaha~ That's what I have been thinking about it though~ XD
Thanks for the suggestion, Azure~!!

I've said this like a million times (and because a friend kept on bugging me if MoGF is already finished XD) but I hope you finish your own game quickly :3
Miss-Mae wrote:Ah, that's awesome! I really hate designing logos and such. I'll have to check out that site, thanks for the link. <3
You are welcome~ :3
dafont have lots of useful and pretty fonts you can even use for your own game >w<

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Re: Independent - A Story of Dependence and Trust

#36 Post by Lumen_Astrum »

Double-post.

I would pause this project for a while, because I'll be working on my NaNoRenO entry : http://lumen-astrum.webs.com/apps/blog/ ... -and-heart

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Re: Independent - A Story of Dependence and Trust

#37 Post by Argeus_the_Paladin »

Bernadette Skyes is an ordinary 20-year old working student, very socialized and is popular in their area. She has always been near people and had always talked to them, but in reality, behind the mask of society, is a heart that yearned to be alone, to be herself. She haven't wanted other's company. And especially, she never wanted people's help, not even form her so-called "friends" and "family". What she though of help is only a childish thing that only weak people needs. And she is a strong lady.

One night, there is a gang of murderers that had started to become active on their bloody activities, and unfortunately, Bernadette was almost a victim. Until a man named Leonard Bell saved her, resulting in Bernadette's annoyance. She said it's better for her to die than to get help from anyone -- especially from a man like Leonard. But then, discovering Bernadette's attitude, Leonard have other ideas, and it seems that he is willing to change Bernadette's point of view towards people.
I'll go ahead and speak my mind here - this premise is highly unrealistic.

It is human nature to band together, to seek help and to move forward together. It takes some extraordinary amount of trauma to create a cognitive pattern in a person so that he/she would actively avoid connection or help. Most probably PTSD after some severely mentally crippling childhood experience, if I may.
She said it's better for her to die than to get help from anyone -- especially from a man like Leonard
Two kinds of people has this kind of attitude - feudal knights and the aforementioned PTSD victim. For the former, it is because he was probably raised that way, especially if he hails from Poland's Szlachta. For the latter, reasons above.

Unless your protagonist is like that, which I am not ruling out, I don't think I really buy your premise.

Apologies if I seem too harsh - it's part of my style.

Also, I've looked through your NaNo entry. I am assuming it is a work of dystopian literature?
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Re: Independent - A Story of Dependence and Trust

#38 Post by Lumen_Astrum »

Argeus_the_Paladin wrote:
Bernadette Skyes is an ordinary 20-year old working student, very socialized and is popular in their area. She has always been near people and had always talked to them, but in reality, behind the mask of society, is a heart that yearned to be alone, to be herself. She haven't wanted other's company. And especially, she never wanted people's help, not even form her so-called "friends" and "family". What she though of help is only a childish thing that only weak people needs. And she is a strong lady.

One night, there is a gang of murderers that had started to become active on their bloody activities, and unfortunately, Bernadette was almost a victim. Until a man named Leonard Bell saved her, resulting in Bernadette's annoyance. She said it's better for her to die than to get help from anyone -- especially from a man like Leonard. But then, discovering Bernadette's attitude, Leonard have other ideas, and it seems that he is willing to change Bernadette's point of view towards people.
I'll go ahead and speak my mind here - this premise is highly unrealistic.

It is human nature to band together, to seek help and to move forward together. It takes some extraordinary amount of trauma to create a cognitive pattern in a person so that he/she would actively avoid connection or help. Most probably PTSD after some severely mentally crippling childhood experience, if I may.
She said it's better for her to die than to get help from anyone -- especially from a man like Leonard
Two kinds of people has this kind of attitude - feudal knights and the aforementioned PTSD victim. For the former, it is because he was probably raised that way, especially if he hails from Poland's Szlachta. For the latter, reasons above.

Unless your protagonist is like that, which I am not ruling out, I don't think I really buy your premise.

Apologies if I seem too harsh - it's part of my style.

Also, I've looked through your NaNo entry. I am assuming it is a work of dystopian literature?
I understand : critiques are pretty much suggestive.

I have thought of that before : I agree with the premise being kinda unrealistic. But the only difference there is that Bernadette herself is around people, but she doesn't want to be there. She gets near them, though. The idea is that she wanted to be away, but she can't avoid the fact that she's near them. As of the human nature to bond with each other, it's regular. But Bernadette is a different person. She does bond, but not regularly, like other people.
Actually, she had started up a business that people usually go to and talk to each other to try to heal her "social sickness", but then eventually fails to because she always get "pestered" by her workers if she's fine, if she's okay.
Leonard was raised by her mother, then lived with her father, but the couple are kinda... opposites. So he gets that attitude to change people's wrong doings. As of Bernadette, she swags off people's help, like seriously. For that line, it's because of (*spoilerspoilerspoiler*). XD

Yeah, that was kinda harsh, but I'm just 13, so no worries.
My NaNo entry is a bit inspired by Lois Lowry's book The Giver with some rebellion themes XD

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Re: Independent - A Story of Dependence and Trust

#39 Post by Argeus_the_Paladin »

Which begs the question: Why?

You see, for all I want I can have a character who hates the world, everything in it and your little puppy too. However, if I don't justify exactly what causes him to act that way, people would be less likely to sympathize and/or understand him, and more likely to go "LOL EMO".

This is the problem I see with your premise: you just kind of said Bernadette isn't like other people without exactly exploring the root cause. "She is different because she doesn't like bonding and because the author says so" is often not very valid a cause, and that is before someone gets the idea of bringing in the Sue Litmus Test and add a bazillon points to your character on account of the Speshul Snowflake Syndrome.

My suggestion is to make it clear, either from the start or as part of the plot, the core reason why she is not like other people. Actually, any semi-legitimate reason should work, up to and including "her dad is an alien". Better than none, like now.

Again, apologies. I do hope, though, that my advice had been of some use.
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Re: Independent - A Story of Dependence and Trust

#40 Post by Elenakiara »

xDD But if you know -why- she's like that, then why will you go play the game when you're supposed to try to find out through the interactions? :3 Just saying. ;)
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Re: Independent - A Story of Dependence and Trust

#41 Post by Argeus_the_Paladin »

Well, I am assuming that Lumen has not yet accounted for that in her scripts. If she has, everything I've said above can be safely discarded.
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Re: Independent - A Story of Dependence and Trust

#42 Post by musical74 »

If you need a realistic reason for Bernadette's behavior...she's got SOCIAL PHOBIA! (which does exist)

As for me...I don't need a game or a book to be realistic for me to enjoy it, all I need is a good story.
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Re: Independent - A Story of Dependence and Trust

#43 Post by Argeus_the_Paladin »

That is a possibility, yes. However, I am not so sure if social phobia is also associated with aggressive behavior.

Then again, this is my opinion. Can be right, can be wrong, it's just that - an opinion.
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Lumen_Astrum
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Re: Independent - A Story of Dependence and Trust

#44 Post by Lumen_Astrum »

Currently researching for this. I have a psychologist as a friend and he helped me out for my research. But then, I'm still on the midst of researching. Never expected it'd come to this.

Social phobia/trauma's such a complicated thing. Just reading about makes me feel like I'm solving a lot of Geometry problems (which are all so hard). But then, I'll get it soon controllable enough. :D

For the game, currently drafting. I might make sprites for June (Bernadette's employee) and Alexander (Leonard's little "brother").
Last edited by Lumen_Astrum on Sun Jun 19, 2011 5:40 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Lumen_Astrum
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Re: Independent - A Story of Dependence and Trust

#45 Post by Lumen_Astrum »

Currently trying to made side character sprites, and since now my style is so far away on what I did to the first two, I'll redo them.
Convinced OtomeWeekend to be my colorist :)

Image
A little sneak peek.

The girl in the left is Bernadette's employee, June. Middle is Leonard's father, William.
The one on the right? I won't tell who it is, but her alias is Valencia :)

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