>Artistic Works Circum-Critique Thread

[JinzouTamashii]

This is a thread for people who wish to contribute or review when someone posts a work and for the people who will post them.

Everyone will then write a short paragraph or page reviewing the work, pointing out any errors or giving specific compliments if they found nothing wrong. Even people who are not musicians, authors, or artists can do this, by giving their detailed reactions to a piece. It will give people a chance to see reactions or get comments to something that might otherwise go ignored.

We can go round-robin and move down the list so the next person can offer a work they would like to improve on or get really detailed feedback on and everyone else will review them. After five reviews are submitted, we can move on to the next person.

It can be anything: sketch, painting, a musical piece, a sound effect, fictional writing, a school essay, a review, even a short game under 3000 words...

There are only two rules:

• The review cannot be a troll and must be constructive without inflammatory language.
• The person submitting their work should not get personally offended.

List of AWCCT contributors/reviewers:

• 
  everybody and anybody in the thread, just ask if you can post yet
  

Everyone goes in chronological order, in order to keep it tidy. The next person can go when the first one has gotten enough feedback or the maximum amount (5).

Lastly, For those that do drawing or illustration of the human figure, please see our art tutorials thread for an excellent artist's resource for any kind of character. From the inexperienced to the professional, there's a lot there that will help you.

Are you struggling with inspiration? Here's a tip for artists: http://www.conceptart.org/forums/showth ... ost2545692

[blankd]

This sounds like an awesome thread already! 8D

[LVUER]

Seems very interesting idea. I'll try to post one as soon as possible.

[JinzouTamashii]

Great. I don't actually have anything to post yet but I'll be happy to review.

[dstarsboy]

This is an excellent idea. I'm starting to mess around with drawing myself but have many proportional issues, so I'd love for someone to critique my stuff once I complete something.

[Tsundere Lightning]

I am so very in.

[JinzouTamashii]

Five people... now all we need is someone to post something...

[blankd]

*OK then I'll go first!*

I basically need help making this girl look more like a girl (yet not too girly, I personally feel I haven't gotten the Tom-Boy look correct) and well....cuter. Girls and cuteness in a non-SD/chibi fashion are not my forte, so don't hesitate to unleash the secrets of moe-fu. And uhm, her eyes look a bit screwy at this time, so please ignore that for now. c_c

*Typically, to emphasize it's a female character I usually go for the "make her curvy/curvier" because that's simply easier. But that won't exactly work in this as she's just not built that way.

And in case you are wondering, this is for the Dog Story in the Pet Project! If for some reason color scheme has an impact, she will have a brown and black color palette.

Thank you in advance for all your help guys!

[Lapin]

*OK then I'll go first!*

I basically need help making this girl look more like a girl (yet not too girly, I personally feel I haven't gotten the Tom-Boy look correct) and well....cuter. Girls and cuteness in a non-SD/chibi fashion are not my forte, so don't hesitate to unleash the secrets of moe-fu. And uhm, her eyes look a bit screwy at this time, so please ignore that for now. c_c

*Typically, to emphasize it's a female character I usually go for the "make her curvy/curvier" because that's simply easier. But that won't exactly work in this as she's just not built that way.

And in case you are wondering, this is for the Dog Story in the Pet Project! If for some reason color scheme has an impact, she will have a brown and black color palette.

Thank you in advance for all your help guys!

(hop in)

ohh hi guys!
this is awesome, nice porpotions. hmmm...u want to make it more girly huh.
You could try adding in some girly touches like accesories like a bit of plain hair clips or u could just have her hair slightly longer.
to keep the more boyish image, u sould just leave her hair with the messy look/bed hair she has now.

is a great design. i like her overall image. very cute.

[JinzouTamashii]

Without the rest of the legs being seen, it's really hard to tell what's going on with her torso but her head (more importantly: her neck) is facing front so the chest should too. Try drawing lines bisecting the figure's face, neck, chest, waist, and hips to see how everything moves and see if it's pointed right.

To me, dog's ear's should be floppy. This is an aesthetic choice, not an "error" so you don't need to "fix" it.
The eyes really should be just a little farther down the face. I know her ears are up on top of her head, but the eyes look like they are 3/4 of the way up the head and they should be in the middle of the face.

I extensively redrew the body, trying to go for a soft and curvy short type. Also, the way the fabric pulls on the dress would be a little different. If she has a belly, it will pull around the belly not around the outline of the belly. Same way with breasts.

Don't be so shy with drawing hands. Pull them out and ground them firmly, she's MAD!

Her shoulders looked too thin as well.

My redline isn't perfectly accurate so don't use it as a sketch, just an idea (I made her back arm too long in the forearm). It's funny that it's easy for me to see how to fix other people's things but it takes me weeks to see my own that way...

[Samu-kun]

I think you could make her look cuter by giving her eyes 1.5-2 times larger than what she has now. Also, a problem is the conflicting body proportions. The face is drawn using quasi-realistic proportions, while the body is drawn using Lucky Star proportions. Generally, when the head+hair is roughly the same width as the shoulders, you're aiming for either loli or super moe. I think the head needs to be made less realistic to go along with the body, or you need to make the shoulders roughly 1.5-1.8 head+hair wide to make the entire picture to have semi-realistic proportions. (But I think you need to do the former, since you're trying to make the picture cuter.) Her cheek bone's especially kind to realistic right now and could be made more puffy to make her look cuter.

[LVUER]

It's funny that it's easy for me to see how to fix other people's things but it takes me weeks to see my own that way...

I think most people are like that. Isn't that the reason behind this thread ^_^

Oh, and about the picture.
Since I think you're going for moe (judging from the body proportion), perhaps you should made the eye bigger and lower. The neck is a little strange and looking from the collar bone, the shoulder (or should I say neck-shoulder joint?) looks strange. And also you shouldn't hide the arms. Not only in this picture, every time you draw, don't shy to show/draw the hand. Put more effort the the hands.

Oh, and I think the dog ear is too small. What kind of dog breed is she? Looking at the real dog could help.

[JinzouTamashii]

I kind of hate うんこ萌え (moeshit), though with the big eyes and no noses... even when I draw a loli-type character, I want to make the face less "attractive" and more "unique"... that's why I didn't say "Make the eyes bigger!"

Ugh.

These are a great puppy ears!

cute-dog-with-pointed-ears-and-an-alert-face-thumb7898000.jpg (29.39 KiB) Viewed 4983 times

It's watermarked, but you're not going to use the image, just the positioning of the cute floppy pointed ears. (I want that dog... )

When we get another review, it's LVUER's turn to post something. Oh, and blankd if you redo the image, but sure to show us!

[Samu-kun]

Well, there's actually a pretty good reason why things with bigger eyes look cuter. It probably because humans are naturally wired to want to take care of the young, so baby-like faces with puffy cheeks and bigger eyes tend to look more aesthetically pleasing to the eye. You're probably letting your personal preferences get in the way of achieving a goal. But whatever, the artist is the one who gets to choose what to draw anyways.

[LVUER]

Samu-Kun already write it all for me ^_^

People loves baby for some reason and that's because baby is cute. Cute is not a random thing. There is a book about cute things and human baby is included in it (as a self-defense against obviously stronger beings around him/her). Not only human-baby; bird and puppies are also included in it (usually, the younger it is, the cuter it is, though some animals are completely adorable and cute no matter how old they are >_<)

If I'm not mistaken, usually cute beings have bigger eyes, and those eyes are located nearer to nose, and that nose also closer to mouth (when compared to adult version of it). So you could say the face is concentrated in the middle of 'big round' head. Just like moe anime face.

PS: By the way you write that you hate big eyed moe type, your critique has become subjective... well it's not bad (my comment could be subjective as well). But don't forget that people who draw the pic could actually love big-eyed moe type ^_^