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PostPosted: Thu Sep 20, 2012 1:24 pm 
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Joined: Mon Jul 23, 2012 9:21 am
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Projects: Modus Operandi
Organization: Oceanic Eden
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Synopsis

In Tokyo, three otaku were found murdered in their homes. All were killed in a similar fashion and had their collections stolen, but research reveals that the one connection linking the three victims together was that they all frequented Black Chocolate, a maid and butler cafe located in Akihabara. Enter Sayuri Tachibana, a detective sent incognito to work at the cafe. Among a handful of coworkers, Sayuri will deduce the answer to mystery as you unravel not only who the culprit is, but the mystery that ties them to Black Chocolate.

Characters

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Tachibana Sayuri
Age: 23
I can handle this case on my own. Trying to help me will only slow me down.

The heroine. A detective currently working undercover at a maid cafe. Doesn't like relying on others and tries to do as much by herself as she can.


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Mitsunagi Akira
Age: 28
I'm leaving this case in your hands. Of course, you realize what will happen if you disappoint me...

Sayuri's boss. A prodigy police chief. Stern and serious, he watches over the case from the precinct.


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Abe Chiaki
Age: 25
This job can be rather hard to get accustomed to. Don't worry, I'll be here to help you when you need me.

Butler who works at at Black Chocolate. An absolute perfect gentleman who helps Sayuri out at her job.

Progress

Story: 5%
Sprites: 30%
Backgrounds: 0%
Music: 0%
Coding: 2%
GUI: 0%

Credits


Story: MarineScripter
Art and Coding: CeruleanMermaid

Hello everyone, this is our first visual novel, and it'll be a free release. I know we don't have much up right now, but we would love to hear feedback! I'll be updating this as the work progresses, so let us know any comments you may have! ^^


Last edited by CeruleanMermaid on Wed Dec 12, 2012 4:58 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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PostPosted: Thu Sep 20, 2012 2:06 pm 
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Joined: Sat Jun 30, 2012 12:34 pm
Posts: 117
Location: Tokyo
Projects: RoG2.0, Stirling
Organization: red inc.
Aah, the sprites are looking lovely so far ^^ and the story sounds interesting! I'll be keeping an eye on this :D

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PostPosted: Thu Sep 20, 2012 2:37 pm 
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Joined: Sun Mar 25, 2012 6:35 pm
Posts: 1056
Location: [DATA REDACTED]
Completed: My Beautiful AI (GUI), Death Rule: Fear Complex, Amity: One Tale
Projects: Amity: White Package Edition, Death Rule:lost code, Aeternam Conquest: Dual-Chain Rhapsody
Organization: MESI Games (Team Repeated Fear, Team Dead Samurai)
Just a quick question: I see that this game is tagged GxB, yet is also a murder-mystery. Does the GxB aspect play a role in the mystery, or is it something happening opposite of the mystery?

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MESI Games/Personal Twitter/Death Rule: lost code Demo
Hijiri's Law: There will always be a body count.


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PostPosted: Thu Sep 20, 2012 2:52 pm 
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Location: Outer space
Projects: Modus Operandi
Organization: Oceanic Eden Productions
Quote:
Aah, the sprites are looking lovely so far ^^ and the story sounds interesting! I'll be keeping an eye on this :D

Ah, thank you! We'll try to update it as much as we can.


Quote:
Just a quick question: I see that this game is tagged GxB, yet is also a murder-mystery. Does the GxB aspect play a role in the mystery, or is it something happening opposite of the mystery?


Well, the focal point of the game is, indeed, solving the mystery. The romancing, GxB aspect is something that's on the side, as one of the characters is your boss and the other is a coworker, not directly related to the mystery itself.

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Last edited by MarineScripter on Mon Sep 24, 2012 9:32 am, edited 2 times in total.

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PostPosted: Thu Sep 20, 2012 2:58 pm 
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Posts: 1056
Location: [DATA REDACTED]
Completed: My Beautiful AI (GUI), Death Rule: Fear Complex, Amity: One Tale
Projects: Amity: White Package Edition, Death Rule:lost code, Aeternam Conquest: Dual-Chain Rhapsody
Organization: MESI Games (Team Repeated Fear, Team Dead Samurai)
MarineScripter wrote:
Quote:
Just a quick question: I see that this game is tagged GxB, yet is also a murder-mystery. Does the GxB aspect play a role in the mystery, or is it something happening opposite of the mystery?


Well, the focal point of the game is, indeed, solving the mystery. The romancing, GxB aspect is something that's on the side, as one of the characters is your boss and the other is a coworker, not directly related to the mystery itself.

So the GxB aspect isn't really necessary? If that's the case, wouldn't it be easier to just cut that part entirely if it doesn't affect anything? Or is it more 'fanservice' than anything? Also: can you get through the game and solve the mystery without romancing anyone and be able to play it like a straight-up mystery game?

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PostPosted: Thu Sep 20, 2012 3:16 pm 
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Location: Outer space
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Quote:
So the GxB aspect isn't really necessary? If that's the case, wouldn't it be easier to just cut that part entirely if it doesn't affect anything? Or is it more 'fanservice' than anything? Also: can you get through the game and solve the mystery without romancing anyone and be able to play it like a straight-up mystery game?


Heh, well this was intended, really, to be an otome game in the first place. No 'fanservice' there. And yes, you most certainly can solve it without having to romance anyone.

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PostPosted: Thu Sep 20, 2012 3:18 pm 
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Joined: Sun Jul 01, 2012 9:27 am
Posts: 126
Completed: Thinking Of You [KN]
Projects: PERPLEXITY [Mystery VN], simplicity [KN,Fluff,GxB,BxG]
Your artwork looks beautiful and I love mystery games so I'm up for this! :D
I also agree with Hijiri - if the GxB if in the game for fanservice only then I'd rather have a straight-up murder mystery.

Edit:
Lol I saw your reply to Hijiri but got lazy to edit the sentence above...just ignore me.../shot

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PostPosted: Thu Sep 20, 2012 3:19 pm 
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Completed: My Beautiful AI (GUI), Death Rule: Fear Complex, Amity: One Tale
Projects: Amity: White Package Edition, Death Rule:lost code, Aeternam Conquest: Dual-Chain Rhapsody
Organization: MESI Games (Team Repeated Fear, Team Dead Samurai)
MarineScripter wrote:
Quote:
So the GxB aspect isn't really necessary? If that's the case, wouldn't it be easier to just cut that part entirely if it doesn't affect anything? Or is it more 'fanservice' than anything? Also: can you get through the game and solve the mystery without romancing anyone and be able to play it like a straight-up mystery game?


Heh, well this was intended, really, to be an otome game in the first place. No 'fanservice' there. And yes, you most certainly can solve it without having to romance anyone.

Thanks, that's all I needed to know. I'll be keeping an eye on this for now...

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PostPosted: Thu Sep 20, 2012 3:22 pm 
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Location: Outer space
Projects: Modus Operandi
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Your artwork looks beautiful and I love mystery games so I'm up for this!
I also agree with Hijiri - if the GxB if in the game for fanservice only then I'd rather have a straight-up murder mystery.

Edit:
Lol I saw your reply to Hijiri but got lazy to edit the sentence above...just ignore me.../shot


I thought the art was great too (I'm the writer so I'm allowed to say it haha) but thank you for that. I'm glad you both are interested, and thanks for the feedback.

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PostPosted: Thu Sep 20, 2012 5:11 pm 
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Thanks for the kind comments guys!

Just to add to what my writer has already said, no, the GxB aspect is not just for fanservice.

My original idea was to create an otome game that had more plot to it than "just getting the guy." So while there will be romance, my plan is to make it develop naturally on the side. The main point is to solve the crime. And there will a common route for people to play through if they would rather not go through a romantic route.

Hope that answered your questions! Let me know any other ones you might have


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PostPosted: Thu Sep 20, 2012 9:34 pm 
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Joined: Sat Apr 23, 2011 2:43 pm
Posts: 1086
Completed: Ristorante Amore, The Elevator, SPLENDIDEST OTOGE
Projects: Break Chance Memento, Swan Grimoire
Organization: Cyanide Tea
Ooh this sounds interesting and I like the character art, as well. I always love a good murder mystery and I like that the characters are older. Looking forward to seeing this progress! :D

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PostPosted: Fri Sep 21, 2012 1:15 am 
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Location: Tokyo,Japan
Projects: History [GxB], Alice Revo
Organization: Kingdom Crown Production
Cool art -3-
Though the MC's look a bit fat and bold . Can you make her a little smaller and without the body and dress?

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PostPosted: Fri Sep 21, 2012 1:51 am 
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Joined: Sun Mar 25, 2012 6:35 pm
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Location: [DATA REDACTED]
Completed: My Beautiful AI (GUI), Death Rule: Fear Complex, Amity: One Tale
Projects: Amity: White Package Edition, Death Rule:lost code, Aeternam Conquest: Dual-Chain Rhapsody
Organization: MESI Games (Team Repeated Fear, Team Dead Samurai)
Daistarir wrote:
Cool art -3-
Though the MC's look a bit fat and bold . Can you make her a little smaller and without the body and dress?

Its the darkness of her dress, it blends fairly well with her hair, ehich make her appear 'fat'. Besides, there's really no problem with a girl with a bit of meat on her bones :/

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PostPosted: Fri Sep 21, 2012 6:03 am 
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Completed: Memoirs of an Angel (2010)
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Hijiri wrote:
Its the darkness of her dress, it blends fairly well with her hair, ehich make her appear 'fat'. Besides, there's really no problem with a girl with a bit of meat on her bones :/

The problem isn't that she looks like she has "a bit of meat on her bones," but rather that she looks out of proportion. Her head and neck are too small in proportion to the rest of her body, her waist is too long, and her hips look wider than her shoulders when they should be about the same size (though with the puffed sleeves, the shoulders should end up being a bit wider). It also looks weird because the folds in her blouse make it look like her boobs are turned inward instead of outward, which would only be true if they were being squeezed on either side.

Now, I'm not saying that it's bad; in fact, I really like the art style and think it's very unique. I'm just explaining why there's some room for criticism. The guys look perfect, though, and the story sounds intriguing (plus I have a thing for detectives...). And not many people can turn a maid/butler cafe into something serious, so it's sure to be a really cool and interesting take on the genre.

So go for it, and good luck with your project! :o

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PostPosted: Fri Sep 21, 2012 10:23 am 
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Camille wrote:
Ooh this sounds interesting and I like the character art, as well. I always love a good murder mystery and I like that the characters are older. Looking forward to seeing this progress! :D


Thank you so much Camille :D
broken_angel wrote:
Hijiri wrote:
Its the darkness of her dress, it blends fairly well with her hair, ehich make her appear 'fat'. Besides, there's really no problem with a girl with a bit of meat on her bones :/

The problem isn't that she looks like she has "a bit of meat on her bones," but rather that she looks out of proportion. Her head and neck are too small in proportion to the rest of her body, her waist is too long, and her hips look wider than her shoulders when they should be about the same size (though with the puffed sleeves, the shoulders should end up being a bit wider). It also looks weird because the folds in her blouse make it look like her boobs are turned inward instead of outward, which would only be true if they were being squeezed on either side.

Now, I'm not saying that it's bad; in fact, I really like the art style and think it's very unique. I'm just explaining why there's some room for criticism. The guys look perfect, though, and the story sounds intriguing (plus I have a thing for detectives...). And not many people can turn a maid/butler cafe into something serious, so it's sure to be a really cool and interesting take on the genre.

So go for it, and good luck with your project! :o


Thank you for the detailed criticism! Girls... are not my strong point ^^; But I see what you mean with the proportions. I'll try to fix what you pointed out, and upload an updated one when I'm done.

And thanks! :D


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