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PostPosted: Fri Jul 13, 2012 8:52 pm 
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Location: Brazil
Completed: Toire No Hanako, Li'l Red [NaNoRenO 2013]
Projects: Slumberland, The Maker
Complete! Pre-release version

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Characters:
Naomi - the "girl with a monotonous voice" speaks to people as if she was using a headset and working in a call center. Firmly believing in the existence of paranormal phenomena, she created a school club dedicated to the study of Parapsychology. As the club record was refused by the student council (because Parapsychology is not considered an art or a science), she simply removed the prefix of the word, renaming her club as Psychology Club.

Masaru - Bad boy and leader of a trio known as "The Ugly, the Bad and the Worst." He hates school and has an obsession in life: to threaten, humiliate and harm the best student in school, to try to take advantage of his intelligence when dealing with tests and homeworks.

Isamu - "The little crawling worm with no hint of self-respect" is a young man full of contradictions, beginning with his own appearance: he hates it when someone says that he "looks like a girl." He claims to be heterosexual, but he is so shy that he never had a girlfriend or even a simple friendship with a girl. In fact, he simply has no friends at all at school (at least until the day he meets a mysterious girl which, apparently, was able to read his mind). He is a highly intelligent guy, and this has the side effect that, while he is praised by teachers and presented by them as an "exemplary student", he is seen by his colleagues as a snobbish person, which arouses feelings of dislike, envy and hatred. Isamu does not believe in the supernatural. He defines Science as "light" and Superstition as "darkness." He believes that every phenomenon has a logical explanation, and that the "light" must always prevail.

Reiko - A girl somewhat mysterious. Like Isamu, she has no friends at school. People avoid her because she is reputed to "attract bad luck." Reiko not only believe in the supernatural, she also believes she lives in a haunted house along with her mother, who suffered a stroke and never could walk or speak again. Reiko does not know, but she is one of the "objects of study" of the club created by Naomi. Reiko has a tragic past, in which a mysterious event traumatized her and changed the way she interacts with people. For some reason, from a certain point of her life, she began to avoid starting relationship with other persons, especially with men. However, for another mysterious reason, she became interested in Isamu when their paths accidentally crossed. Like Isamu, Reiko has a contradictory personality. Despite being frightened by the strange phenomena that surround her, her only pastime is to read horror stories, especially the comics created by the japanese master Junji Ito.

Yoko - A girl of a strong personality who, despite living in a society of rigid morality, has no problems assuming her homosexuality. Like Masaru, she is in school only because the law requires it. And she also learns that a good way to improve her grades (and thus get rid of mandatory studies) is to try to harass Isamu to take advantage of his intelligence.

Hanako - This is the name of two characters that affect the whole story, although they doesn't appear directly. The first is a legendary ghost that haunts girl's toilets in schools (a popular urban legend in Japan: Toire No Hanako or "Hanako of the Toilet"). The second is a deceased person, linked to the past of Reiko. This person is the ghost which supposedly accompanies Reiko, and that apparently haunts the house where she lives.

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The plot:
The location is Sapporo City, Hokkaido. The plot revolves around the natural conflict between the characters and their convictions. Naomi, who believes that the paranormal can be investigated using scientific methods, acts as a bridge between the worlds of Isamu (who is obsessed with a scientific worldview) and Reiko (whose life is strongly influenced by her superstitious view of all the things around her). Thus, the narrative is mainly about the way the relationship between Isamu and Reiko develops and how these two characters affect each other. After all, their personalities are opposite or complementary? This story could have as well been titled "Light and Shadow." The sub-title "A Story about Fear" refers to a series of secondary themes which are presented: what is fear? What are its origins and what is it for? Is it possible to live without fear of anything? How is fear used as an instrument of domination by people and institutions? Of course the narrative doesn't attempt to answer all these questions, but it simply tries to make people think a little about them.

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The narrative form:
Toire No Hanako is a kinetik novel. One important thing to notice is that I am not using any sprites in the narrative. Detailed backgrounds with studied "camera angles" are used to show the scenes according to the point of view of a particular character, or to move us viewers "outside of the scene", putting ourselves in the role of a "witness" of the events. This way, the narrative form departs from the traditional connection between VN and the techniques of anime and video games, and gets closer to the narrative techniques of comic books (not manga in this case, but gekiga).

Or, if you prefer, the narrative form is similar to a movie storyboard.

Image

Feedback:
At the end of this post you will find links to the complete story (as I want it to be a fully multilanguage VN, I will wait for the upcoming release of Ren'Py 6.15 to compile the "official" version 1.0. But the VN is fully functional, as it is, and can be read in English or in Portuguese, except the title screens and credits, that are currently in English, only). If you are interested in playing it, I am very interested in any feedback.

Language: it is always a great challenge to write a long narrative without being a native speaker of the language used. I have taken care to remove nearly all grammatical/typographical errors, but the writing style in the English version may seem strange, sometimes.

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Removed the download links, as this game has been moved to the Demos and Beta Testing section.

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TOIRE NO HANAKO (A Story About Fear)


Last edited by Donmai on Thu Feb 28, 2013 3:30 pm, edited 6 times in total.

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PostPosted: Fri Jul 13, 2012 8:56 pm 
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The art looks really unique, I wish you luck further down along the road!

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PostPosted: Fri Jul 13, 2012 9:23 pm 
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Are you Donmai from Broken Forums? If so, hey. It's me Gertrude.

The game looks interesting. :D

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PostPosted: Fri Jul 13, 2012 9:27 pm 
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Location: Brazil
Completed: Toire No Hanako, Li'l Red [NaNoRenO 2013]
Projects: Slumberland, The Maker
FatUnicornGames wrote:
Are you Donmai from Broken Forums? If so, hey. It's me Gertrude.

The game looks interesting. :D


No. I'm another Donmai. Kurosawa Donmai.
Thank you for comenting.

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TOIRE NO HANAKO (A Story About Fear)


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PostPosted: Fri Jul 13, 2012 10:24 pm 
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Donmai wrote:
FatUnicornGames wrote:
Are you Donmai from Broken Forums? If so, hey. It's me Gertrude.

The game looks interesting. :D


No. I'm another Donmai. Kurosawa Donmai.
Thank you for comenting.


Ah, I see. Good luck with the game! Hope to see it in the completed section soon.

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PostPosted: Sat Jul 14, 2012 5:20 am 
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Ohhh, I've always been interested in Japanese paranormal stuff. Toire no Hanako-san is one of the first legends I learnt about. Eagerly anticipating more updates!

(omg I recognize you aren't you the one who did the let's play a very happy game i am your biggest fan omsdkjflas)

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PostPosted: Sat Jul 14, 2012 12:58 pm 
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Aww, the demo ended right as i was getting attached to the characters. :P
I really like that you decided to depart from the usual background and sprite setup. You say it's like a movie storyboard and I have to say that it does give the game a cinematic feel. I also really like how you changed the textbox by using a preexisting graphic from the layout! It's just enough of a change to make it look good while staying nice and simple.
My only bits of nitpicking would be that I think it would be good to get a native English speaker to help you smooth out some of the grammatical errors. There's also a part where Isamu says "okamas or resubian" which felt seriously out of place because the rest of the time the entire cast uses english words. I also feel like the narration text could be a little higher up. It doesn't look like you're using a two window textbox so it should do that automatically unless you set the narrator as a character.

I'm excited to see how the story turns out! :) Good luck getting it all done.


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PostPosted: Sat Jul 14, 2012 1:07 pm 
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Completed: Toire No Hanako, Li'l Red [NaNoRenO 2013]
Projects: Slumberland, The Maker
Hmmm... I think I failed about making it clear: I am new to the VN scene! No kidding! Toire No Hanako ir the first VN I am doing.

I did not know that there was a very well known person around using the Donmai nickname already.
Sorry for the confusion!

Thank you everybody for the positive reactions to the VN.

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No, sorry! You must be mistaking me for someone else.
TOIRE NO HANAKO (A Story About Fear)


Last edited by Donmai on Wed Aug 15, 2012 10:53 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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PostPosted: Mon Jul 16, 2012 6:14 pm 
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Completed: Toire No Hanako, Li'l Red [NaNoRenO 2013]
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Nuxill, thanks for all your good remarks. I will work on those issues right away. Yes, everytime I read the story I find a new bunch of error on the text. Already made several corrections since Demo release. The japanese words that refer to homosexual boy or girl were used only to remember where the characters live (on the cafeteria scene, for example, I could have used "rice ball" but I thought that "onigiri" would not sound out-of-place). I plan to release another 1 hour sequence soon. I am including a classroom scene between day 1 and day2, too.

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TOIRE NO HANAKO (A Story About Fear)


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PostPosted: Wed Aug 15, 2012 11:09 pm 
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Completed: Toire No Hanako, Li'l Red [NaNoRenO 2013]
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Download links refreshed. Here is more of the story. I think it is more than 50% completed.

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TOIRE NO HANAKO (A Story About Fear)


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 16, 2012 12:35 am 
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Awesome! I'm excited to see that you're making good progress on this.


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PostPosted: Mon Aug 20, 2012 12:39 pm 
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Completed: Toire No Hanako, Li'l Red [NaNoRenO 2013]
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Nuxill wrote:
Awesome! I'm excited to see that you're making good progress on this.

Thank you! Currently I am working on the long awaited (by me at least :) ) library scene, when Isamu and Naomi talk about Reiko's haunted past.

It seems my soap opera about fear isn't attracting too much attention. Only six persons downloaded the demo and so far only you made ​​suggestions. But I'm having great fun working on this VN and, most important, I am learning a lot!

Hey! Even my English is improving a little! :lol:

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TOIRE NO HANAKO (A Story About Fear)


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 24, 2012 4:07 am 
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Completed: Tea For Two [KN]
I just picked up on this WIP after seeing your post in a discussion thread on 3d art :)
This is looking great!

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PostPosted: Fri Aug 24, 2012 6:01 pm 
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Joined: Sun Jun 10, 2012 1:45 am
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Completed: Toire No Hanako, Li'l Red [NaNoRenO 2013]
Projects: Slumberland, The Maker
Thank you kkffoo! But, as you might have noticed, somehow I have attracted the "wrath of the gods" over me by posting there :lol: . But I "donmai" :) !

I will have another update ready very soon. Or maybe the complete story.

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TOIRE NO HANAKO (A Story About Fear)


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PostPosted: Sun Sep 02, 2012 4:44 am 
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I'm battling with a 3d VN just now & I'm inspired by your work, look forward to your update!

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