Mage Wars [Fantasy/Romance]

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Mage Wars [Fantasy/Romance]

#1 Post by dmasterxd »

mage wars.png
"I never thought so much could happen in just eight days."-Yuuji Yuki

Mage Wars is an upcoming Fantasy Visual Novel with some small romance. It focuses on a war between sixteen Mages who must fight to the death in order to make it to the "Promised Land." By the time it is finished it will have four routes and over eight endings!

Summary: Legend says that there once was a Mythical Dragon, said to be the ancestor of all Mages. A powerful yet benevolent creature who always assisted the humans with their daily hurdles. From a single sphere of mana, he shaped and formed the Promised Land. This world was a place full of miracles and the Dragon allowed the humans live there so long as they promised to repay him a favor one day. But living in this sanctuary allowed the humans to become greedy and lazy and as such never returned the favors to the Dragon. When he threatened to kick them out of the Promised Land, they revolted by impaling him with specially crafted poisonous swords and burying him deep in a magic forest.

Fifteen years ago, a Mage had the idea to hold an annual competition known as the Mage Wars. Every year sixteen powerful Mages were chosen to fight in a battle to the death in order to determine who gets to go to the Promised Land. One Mage named Yuuji Yuki dreams of ending this war, but will it be as easy as he thinks? Or will he find out that no matter how hard you try, some things you can never change.

Major Characters:
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Yuuji Yuki-(15 years old) The Protagonist of the story. Yuuji Yuki is a shy and timid young Mage who was taught magic by his father. However once he passed, Yuuji had to move in with his Grandfather who highly opposed magic and as such his magic skills have dwindled due to not practicing. One day he gets an invitation to the Mage Wars in the mail. The one thing Yuuji does have going for him are his amazing cooking skills. His specialty and only magical ability is Illusion Magic.
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Reika Suzuki-(15 years old) Yuuji's childhood friend who has just returned to Japan to compete in the Mage Wars. She has kind yet serious demeanor. She's also very polite and rarely raises her voice. She deeply cares for Yuuji and tries to keep him safe in the Mage Wars for as long as she can. Reika's mother used to tell her stories of how wonderful the Promised Land is and she's dreamed of going there ever since she was a little girl. She specializes in Elemental Magic.
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Nicole Signer-(16 years old) A Mage from Germany who tries to never show how she really feels about people, especially Yuuji. And thus hides it behind hostility. She has a younger cousin who is suffering from an incurable illness. She was told that Promised Land can cure any and all illnesses and so she competes in the Mage Wars and takes it at an analytical level. Often devising the best approaches to win. However cooking is not her forte.
marianna.png
Marianna Nelli- (Voiced by Trina Deuhart ) (14 years old) A cat-girl from Italy who has been cursed by another Mage. She is very mysterious and intelligent. She also managed to skip a grade. Marianna has a tendency to actually act as a real cat and often plays with the strands on Yuuji's hair other items. She also tends to get very curious and a as result stalks people. Her family harbors a dark secret. Marianna specializes in White Magic.
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Nami Fujioka-(10 years old) A cheerful and energetic girl while not in combat. However when she is fighting her attitude is more of hostile and calmly threatening. She also sometimes acts slightly yandere. Nami was made fun of and bullied because of her silver hair causing her to leave school. She seems to know far more than she lets on, especially when it comes to Yuuji. She has mastered every form of Magic.

Semi Major Characters:
yoshi.png
Yoshi Yuki- (Late 70's) Yuuji's Grandfather. Cold and manipulative, he comes across as bitter old man who wants nothing to do with Magic and is the purpose for Yuuji not getting to hone his skills.
But really he just doesn't want Yuuji getting involved in the Mage Wars because he deeply cares about him.
Yoshi specializes in Alchemy Magic and Dark Magic.
izaki.png
Izaki Ishihara-(15 years old) Yuuji's best friend. He's hyperactive, goofy and outgoing.
Unbeknown to Yuuji, Izaki is actually also competing in the Mage Wars.
Izaki rarely takes anything seriously and as such is generally carefree. However he does have his moments of seriousness.
Specializes in Bardic Magic. (Musical Magic)
kai.png
Kai Hoshino-(19 years old) A competitor in the Mage Wars who like Yoshi is manipulative and ruthless. He will do anything to get what he wants, no matter what the price is. Kai also has no interest in the Promised Land and is only competing to have fun. He specializes in Demonic Magic.
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Vic Diaz--A competitor in the Mage Wars from Cuba. Vic is cold and cynical at the same time however, he does have honor. As such, he will never go back on his word and sees everything through until the end. No matter how painful it may be for him or anyone else. Vic's specialty is Animal Magic.
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Alex Rodgers-(28 years old) A competitor in the Mage Wars from America. Alex prefers to stay at a distance and examine things to see how they play out. She is also a wise woman who many look up to. Her family are said to be the direct descendants of the Mythical Dragon (the ancestor of all Mages). She specializes in Shaman Magic.
Screenshots:
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Screenshots from the second route:
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screenshot0035.png
screenshot0036.png
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Screenshots from the third route:
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Screenshots from the fourth route:
screenshot0040.png
Preview:
[youtube] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XaD49-giChk [/youtube]
Last edited by dmasterxd on Thu Feb 01, 2018 6:42 pm, edited 20 times in total.

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Re: Mage Wars [Fantasy/Romance]

#2 Post by MaiMai »

Okay, I'm pretty sure someone's going to point it out sooner or later so I'll just do it now. Your premise and some other elements of plot and character is way too close Fate/Stay Night.

1) A large competition for a great prize beyond anyone's imagination (Holy Grail War/Akasha/Holy Grail from FSN)
2) A group of competitors who have special abilities to combat each other with (Speaks for itself)
3) A protagonist who is unskilled in the usage of his abilities, but hey he can cook! (Again, FSN - Shirou is considered having inferior abilities and one of his normal skills is cooking)
4) Mages. (FSN has magi although they run on their own Nasu-physics)

To give you some credit, you have an interesting cast, but I think you might have to take a step back and ask yourself: Are you being "inspired" by FSN or are you just trying to take some elements from that VN that made it popular and hope to make something like it, shonen power level battles and romances and all? There's a difference between being inspired and simply trying to piggyback (I've had this problem before with my own stories so I know what it looks like).

And to be fair, I think you can still keep the whole Mage Wars thing, but really rewrite and brainstorm a LOT more so it doesn't sound so much like FSN. Tourney/battle royale-like stories where characters grow in their own arcs are not uncommon after all (Pokemon, Shaman King, Hunger Games, etc).
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Re: Mage Wars [Fantasy/Romance]

#3 Post by Asceai »

MaiMai wrote:Okay, I'm pretty sure someone's going to point it out sooner or later so I'll just do it now. Your premise and some other elements of plot and character is way too close Fate/Stay Night.
There's a strong tradition of ripping Fate/stay Night off in the eroge industry, though. Although I agree- emphasise the aspects unique to your game. If it's too similar to something else people might just prefer to play the something else instead.

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Re: Mage Wars [Fantasy/Romance]

#4 Post by MaiMai »

Hell, there's a strong tradition of piggy backing in everything media related. (Like everyone and their mom making comparisons b/t Divergent and Hunger Games, Hunger Games being compared to Battle Royale and so on and so forth.)

Still, I'm not pointing those things out to be contentious. I just strongly advise more critical thinking when making up your own plot.
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Re: Mage Wars [Fantasy/Romance]

#5 Post by Fenrir34 »

MaiMai is right. When I read this, I kept thinking that this was a Fanfiction or something on Fate Stay Night. I think you got a plot that could go somewhere but you've got to make it a bit more original. I know it's hard because I've always had trouble with making a story. But you've got to take your time and try to make more yours then based on the anime. Good luck to you though. I'm sure you'll come up with something just a bit different :)

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Re: Mage Wars [Fantasy/Romance]

#6 Post by dmasterxd »

Okay I understand what Asceai and MaiMai are saying and appreciate the help. And Shirou can cook? Really? I never knew lol.

However
When I read this, I kept thinking that this was a Fanfiction or something on Fate Stay Night. I think you got a plot that could go somewhere but you've got to make it a bit more original. I know it's hard because I've always had trouble with making a story. But you've got to take your time and try to make more yours then based on the anime. Good luck to you though. I'm sure you'll come up with something just a bit different
I don't know how you would think this is a fanfiction of FSN. It's not that similar. Case in point, there are no servants in mine. That's like one of the defining traits of FSN. And if I was making a fanfiction of it it would have to be the holy grail wars. Anyway, saying something like that is not only offensive to me but even more so to Nasu who's work is way too hard to rip off even if I wanted too.

Updated with screenshots and a preview.

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Re: Mage Wars [Fantasy/Romance]

#7 Post by dmasterxd »

Updated with new summary and screen shots from the second route.

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Re: Mage Wars [Fantasy/Romance]

#8 Post by dmasterxd »

Updated with new summary and screen shots from the second route.

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Re: Mage Wars [Fantasy/Romance]

#9 Post by dmasterxd »

Progress now at 75%. Currently staring on the final route. (someone please say something I'm begging you *sobs*)

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Re: Mage Wars [Fantasy/Romance]

#10 Post by runeraccoon »

I think it's pretty interesting how the characters will be voiced~ Is it a project between friends? I just hope it won't make the game too heavy for my poor internet to download, though. ^^;;

Sprite art... I wish they're the same style, but I understand you'll have to do with the free resources available. And they're such great findings too! The girls are lovely. I admit I'm guilty of wanting BxB side pairing everytime there's a cast like this....

Anyway, good luck on finishing!

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Re: Mage Wars [Fantasy/Romance]

#11 Post by dmasterxd »

fuicchi wrote:I think it's pretty interesting how the characters will be voiced~ Is it a project between friends? I just hope it won't make the game too heavy for my poor internet to download, though. ^^;;

Sprite art... I wish they're the same style, but I understand you'll have to do with the free resources available. And they're such great findings too! The girls are lovely. I admit I'm guilty of wanting BxB side pairing everytime there's a cast like this....

Anyway, good luck on finishing!
Hey, thanks for replying. And well even though I don't know them in real life, I like to consider everyone I work with a friend. So both yes and no. Also thanks for the feedback on the sprites and in another game which will take longer than this one, it has a similar cast and will include a BxB route, but you'll have to wait for that one.

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Re: Mage Wars [Fantasy/Romance]

#12 Post by kisa »

*Reads how all these people are from all these different places*
... That Cuban guy is white as a sheet... dang free resources in not adding enough racial diversity....
(Not saying everyone looks like the stereotypes from their countries. But, yeah...)
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Re: Mage Wars [Fantasy/Romance]

#13 Post by dmasterxd »

Updated with more screenshots from the second route.

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Re: Mage Wars [Fantasy/Romance]

#14 Post by MapleWizen »

kisa wrote:free resources
uhhh

Reika's sprite is an edited version of Alice Margatroid's sprite from Touhou 7.5: Immaterial and Missing Power, and Nicole's, Nami's, and Vic's sprites are Alphes-style sprites probably traced or stolen from pixiv. I can't believe the other posters above me haven't pointed this out yet.

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Re: Mage Wars [Fantasy/Romance]

#15 Post by dmasterxd »

Updated with screenshots from the third route. Progress at 90% currently finishing up with the final route.

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