Dreams of perfection [Horror,Romance,Urban Fantasy,Sci-fi]

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KittyKitty01
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Dreams of perfection [Horror,Romance,Urban Fantasy,Sci-fi]

#1 Post by KittyKitty01 »

Dreams of perfection

My first visual novel 8) ! Although is not my first time writing novels I had the feeling that this was a good story for a vn.



Plot!

In a place not too far away, Jade Calici lives a quiet life writing all alone. With a strange gift of seeing dead people and demons everywhere, tries avoiding socializing and even get out her house, her family is unknown, they abandoned her when she was 6 in the street. Traumatized, she lives under the protection of her books, that no one would read (What she says)
One day, she seems obligated to go outside because of lack of food. And her surprise is when she founds a demon, that offers her the irresistible contract of making her dreams come true. What are Jade's dreams? Write a book, but not any book, The Perfect Book.
The Perfect Book is an urban legend, and Jade is certain that is true. The demon, whose name is Daiji, says that he can make that true with a condition.Make jade write the book, get her five minutes of fame, and then go into the depths of hell with him...

Characters!

Jade Calici
"One obtains perfection with facades"
An obsessive writer that prefers to keep her works for herself, because her fear of people rejecting her and her inferiority complex. She hates people and she only gets out of her house if is necessary. She loves rainy days, because it's a wonderful excuse to stay home. She hates ghosts, the reason is that they are too noisy for her, and the fact they can't stop whining.

Daiji
"I'm the most powerful demon of the world! World! World! World!"
An energetic demon that posses the strange habit of repeating substantives in her phrases. He often talks about himself as someone powerful, but he shows that his real personality is a powerless demon with an inferiority complex. He loves Jade, because he is impressed by her strong will and the fact she is not like other humans, stupid and lustful. He hates vehicles, the reason is that he doesn't know how they work and every time he sees one he screams "Another macabre construction of God! Save me!"

Secondary characters of The Perfect Book
They are many, and I only wanted to present the main characters. One day i'm putting a little description of each one.

What I want to do!
SPOILER?
The main idea is to put Jade in the book she will write. If she successfully survives in each of the chapter she will be able to publish it.
Jade's destiny is doomed from the very start, so I try my best for not making her a sympathic character for the player. The stories on The Perfect Book are a creepy version of Romeo and Juliet (Now I think it's in the game is more like "Romeo and Romeo"), The Little Mermaid (With robots!) , Hansel and Gretel (With more people and a modern version), And a whole arc specially for knowing more about Jade's past and Daiji's obsession with Jade.

Questions!

1- Something you want to tell me about the plot?
2- The format "A story inside another story" is too cliche?
3- Something else i should modify?
4- Add a thing you consider important here

Progress!

Sprites : 0%
Writing : 75%
Scripting : 10%
Bg's : 100%

Team!

Writer: Me!
Coder: Me! *Forever Alone*
Music: Garoad
Proofreader: dreamy
Artist: Washu_Ira

What i expect getting from this!

I expect getting some feedback and critiques. Also i wanted to share my project and put a bit more details on the story.
Last edited by KittyKitty01 on Sun May 04, 2014 4:28 pm, edited 3 times in total.

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Re: Untitled story! [Horror] [Romance] [Urban Fantasy] [Sci-

#2 Post by AntiquedFae »

Okay. This looks very, very interesting to me. I like that you say upfront that Jade is not a main character we are really supposed to empathize with. This is something which I am always confused by in horror-ish games. Now that I know this, I really like the idea of being able to watch what happens in the story without getting too emotionally attached.
Also, I happen to be someone who completely adores 'story within a story' plots. I don't think there are anywhere near enough of them. I am what is commonly referred to as this thing called a "crazy bookworm" though, so judge as you will.
One more thing: even if you aren't happy with it, it would probably be a good idea to come up with a sort of working title until you find one that you are happy with. When people see an unnamed game, they tend to dismiss it as being more of an idea in someone's head rather than something that is actually in the process of being made. I am utterly horrible with titles so please forgive these feeble attempts, but even calling it "The Perfect Book" or, depending on how you want the story to end, something like, "The Undoing of Jade Calici" or "The (Im)Perfect Book" or something that references books or stories somehow. It sounds like Daiji is going to be a main character, so maybe something referencing him in some way? I fail at titles, so I don't think I am of much any help in this regard!
Regardless, good luck!
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KittyKitty01
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Re: Dreams of perfection [Horror,Romance,Urban Fantasy,Sci-f

#3 Post by KittyKitty01 »

I added a title I had in mind a long time ago, and also I'm happy to know that the format is not that overused as I think. I love to have friendship with the main characters, because if they scream "Yay!" I will scream "Yay!" with them, the reason I don't want to make Jade a character to love, is because you may suffer at the ending, and I personally HATE that. When I fall in love with the character and the author just kills it just if it was like a useless character. I will kill (In one of the endings Jade commits suicide) Jade but I will make sure that no one suffers that much as I did with other books.

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Re: Dreams of perfection [Horror,Romance,Urban Fantasy,Sci-f

#4 Post by KiloTango »

That's an interesting reason to not make her likeable... You'll need to be very careful to make there be other characters to like and root for then, or to make her someone that we WANT bad things to happen to, because otherwise in trying to protect your readers from feeling sad, you're also protecting them from having a reason to actually care about what happens in the story: 'Bad things happen to someone we don't like or care about' is not such an interesting thing to read. Hopefully she will be unlikeable enough that we care what happens to her, even if we wish her ill.

Although that's a personal preference: I'd much rather be invested in a character even if the ending makes me upset. A story that makes me feel something (other than like, irritation at the author or whatever) has succeeded as a story. It is possible to write a great piece without attachment to the characters but it's usually when you have a very strong mystery or the like, or a very strong thing you're trying to say with it (be it moral, political, meta-textual or whatever).

The story within a story thing sounds fine, so I wouldn't worry about that.
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Re: Dreams of perfection [Horror,Romance,Urban Fantasy,Sci-f

#5 Post by StellarOrb »

Whaaa? Where am I? I could have sworn I clicked on my own visual novel...

Anyway, since I'm here, I figured I might as well contribute.

I don't think the "story inside a story" thing is too cliched. A lot of things can be explored with that plot! I think that if each chapter of her "book" uses the right symbolism to delve deep into her psyche and explore her past, motivations, and desires, it can work out wonderfully. You can even raise questions about what is the perfect book, and why Jade wants to write it so badly- or if the perfect book even exists (a book's quality is based on preference, isn't it?). Using the "story in a story" format allows you to be really meta like that. Although, I feel the "deal with the devil" theme is a bit over-used. I've seen enough of the "I'll give you this if you agree to go to hell with me" story archetype in my life. Faust already did it in the 1500's...

I remember reading the plot of your story and the description somewhere a while ago, but it says here that you posted it just recently... Where have I seen this?

Also, I don't want to sound mean, but that title is a bit... how do I say this... similar to mine...? I mean, I guess it's fine if that's the title you're set on, but I did accidentally click on it because I had it confused with my title... and I think there's probably more fitting titles you can give it...

Aaaahhhh, I hope that doesn't come off as pushy, sorry :(

I'll definitely follow this, though!
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Re: Dreams of perfection [Horror,Romance,Urban Fantasy,Sci-f

#6 Post by KittyKitty01 »

StellarOrb wrote: Also, I don't want to sound mean, but that title is a bit... how do I say this... similar to mine...? I mean, I guess it's fine if that's the title you're set on, but I did accidentally click on it because I had it confused with my title... and I think there's probably more fitting titles you can give it...
:oops: Sorry! I didn't know about yours! This is so embarrassing... forgive me, yes? I'll come up with one and change it right away!

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Re: Dreams of perfection [Horror,Romance,Urban Fantasy,Sci-f

#7 Post by StellarOrb »

KittyKitty01 wrote::oops: Sorry! I didn't know about yours! This is so embarrassing... forgive me, yes? I'll come up with one and change it right away!
Haha, please don't worry about it! I just thought it felt weird to have such similar titles for two projects being worked on at the same time. You said the title you had was just provisional, so it isn't anything serious, right? Would you like some suggestions? Since the VN isn't literally about dreams, I guess you can change Dreams to Visions or Ghosts and everything would be okay.

Like, "Visions of Perfection" or "The Ghosts of Perfection"
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