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I do not have very much faith in myself as a writer, and because of this I'll tend to double guess a story that I am writing, decide that its stupid, and give up on it completely.

I'd like to avoid that this time, and just see if you guys think its a stupid concept, or something worth working on.

The setting is in a not-too-far future, in an area that has become a "utopia". Basically, computers and machines do most of the work that humans used to do, they are also constantly producing more and more machines/robots/AI to make more and more of the world become a "utopia" where people do not need to work, and all of their needs are satisfied. (there would be some kind of system where people CAN work if they want to, to receive certain benefits.)

Despite this being a near perfect society, depression, and other mood disorders have become more and more prevalent, despite a decline in nearly all health related problems. Suicide is now the #1 cause of death, with nearly 50% of all suicides being committed by high school students. Because of this, high school has become completely optional, in an attempt to lower the death rate.

The main character is a 14 year old girl who just finished jr. high, she has 3 months to decide if she wants to enter high school next year, go into training for a specific job, or just spend her time freely relaxing/indulging her hobbies.

She doesn't know exactly what she wants to do, but she does know that she wants to be able to make people happy. With the help of some local authorities, she manages to get a position in a program where she can track down patients who have been diagnosed with high risk depression, and have stopped seeking treatment, essentially becoming the last chance for people who have already completely given up.

This part would be fairly typical, she would first help an ex-model who has gone into hiding, refusing to leave her house, or talk to anyone for over a year, she would face the typical expected difficulties, learn the deeper reasons behind her seclusion and eventually (somehow..>_>;) manage to convince her to leave, and start doing the things she loves again.

The second person she helps would be a high school girl only 2 years older then she is who recently attempted suicide. the two of them end up having quite a lot in common and become good friends. with lots of support from her new friend, the girl eventually manages to overcome the problems that were creating so much difficulty in her life and has a happy (maybe romantic) ending. she stays friends with the main character.

The third person she tries to help is a guy also a few years older then her, he quit highschool after one year, and has not spoken to anyone since. MC falsely assumes that this will be similar to how she helped the first person, but ends up discovering that things are never the same with different people. She begins to develop feelings for this guy, but things end up going badly, and despite her efforts she finds out one morning from local officials that he has killed himself.

After a period of grieving, and isolation she goes to quit hew job. she receives some suprisingly harsh questioning regarding why she wants to quit, and learns at this time that the first two people she "helped" were not human, they were machines mant to test her intensions (as confidential patient information cannot be given out to just anyone who says they want to "help"). she had completely failed. She learns that a significant ammount of the current population is actually machines( some who are aware they are machines, some who are not), and that humans are quickly becoming an endangered speceis (due to low birth rates, and high suicide rates)

er...some more stuff happens after this, but not MUCH more before the ending, and i havent really thought it all the way through yet >_>; there would be multiple endings, some that come earlier in the story...but i havent completely decided...

here are some character sketches:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v669/ ... utopia.jpg
the rainbow haired girl would be the first robot she helps who has gone into seclusion, i thought it'd be a bit ironic for her to be really bright/colorfull/pretty when shes really having a difficult time.
The plain looking girl would be the MC, i wanted her to have muted colors for the atmosphere of the story...she looks a bit square here and her skirt is too short... ill fix that later

I can always recycle these guys for something else if this whole idea is kind of stupid anyways.

Please let me know what you think, be honest, i dont mind trying to come up with new ideas, i have a couple more incomplete ones floating around right now anyways. i just dont want to be double guessing myself once i get started, because it'd be a waste of time.

So communism, huh? Awesome. This was Karl Marx's vision of the future, and why only highly advanced technological nations were ever supposed to attempt communism.


One big question - "Why?"
"Why are depression and mood disorders so prevalent in a utopia? Why would the absence of worry from death, hunger, sickness, and having access to all you need or want without having to work make people unhappy?"
"Why is it the high school students with high suicide rates? Why not the elderly? Why not some other group?"



Again, why?
"Why would the authorities let a 14 year old do social outreach with mental patients? Why would they let her treat mental patients? Why would they force treatment on those that have stopped seeking it, and why would they care if people killed themselves?"
Presumably the world population is even more out of control in the future, and any utopia is better with fewer people. Plus, if the government is so kind and benevolent, why take away the free will to choose when to die?


Again, why?
"Why would the authorities test her?"
"Why are most of the population machines?"
"Why doesn't she know that most of the population are machines?"
"Why would machines try and commit suicide? Were the test machines PROGRAMMED to be depressed and try and kill themselves? Just for her test? If so, why?"

I have a feeling you are just doing some things as a matter of convenience to YOU in the story, instead of asking the tough questions and letting the story build itself. You want the main character to be young and high school age, but you don't want her in high school, so you make high school optional. To make high school optional, you gave high school students the highest suicide rate in the population. High school students that commit suicide are from school systems with the most pressure on them to succeed. In your world grades would hardly matter, or the time it took to graduate, or whether or not you got into a good college, or whether you could get a job or not. The high school students in your world would be supremely UNSTRESSED, and thus less likely to commit suicide - especially since they have their youth and health and a world where they are free to pursue hobbies to the exclusion of all else.

It seems like you just made the characters machines at the end for a twist. Nothing in your earlier explanations builds toward it. And another question arises - if the human utopia is built on machine and robot labor, and the machines are self-aware, why are the machines putting up with being slaves?

You have the makings of a good story, but you need to answer all these questions and always constantly ask WHY when doing your world building. Follow all the WHY's down the rabbit hole and you'll discover a wonderland of story possibilities.


I like the designs. Great coloring on the rainbow hair.

Alternately, they would have a tendency to suicide not out of stress, but out of feeling that their lives were pointless... in which case, letting them out of school would increase their feelings of being useless and make things worse, and setting them up with harsh challenges and then telling them that they failed would sort of cap that off.

I think you have a lot of big vague murky ideas floating around in here, many of which are interesting, but they haven't come together into a unified whole. If you're prone to getting frustrated and losing interest partway through, this idea sounds very much like one that's going to be HARD to work with (and possibly increase your own feelings of depression and uselessness! A common risk for creative types. But pretty counterproductive.)

Although, I would recommend you go and read Don't Bite The Sun, partly because it's awesome, but also because it pretty much IS about a bunch of bored, jaded teenagers in a perfect world run by robots, who have nothing to do and thus kill themselves all the time. (Except death isn't permanent, so they come back and do it again.)

Suicide is a tricky topic to work with in fiction, partly because creative types have a strong tendency to be drawn that direction, especially while young, and thus there are heaps and heaps and heaps of teenage angst art out there, much of which isn't very good and sours the prospects of other attempts.

Which elements of your idea speak to you most strongly? I'm *guessing* that you have a few strong images in your head and are trying to figure out how to tie them together, in which case you might be able to salvage those bits that really speak to you in a more solid framework.

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Hanako Games

If you're going to make this game, make it quickly. If you wait too long, it won't be futurism anymore.

It actually reminds me of something a friend of mine (who works for a major bank) mentioned to me about the current economic problems. He thinks that they're largely the result of jobs that used to be done by people having become automatable or outsourceable. Many of those jobs stuck around until we had a downturn, at which time they were eliminated - permanently, since they were never necessary at the current level of technology. He worries a bit that we're getting into a time where a lot of people will become unemployable - their skill levels are such that they will be automated. So people who used to find jobs easily can't anymore.

I think your game almost sounds like it takes place in a world that has adapted to that - people are supported, but some large fraction of society isn't doing anything. I can see how, in that society, people who don't work because they _can't_ work can easily get depressed, even if they have all the stuff in the world to try and distract themselves.

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"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face in marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming" - Theodore Roosevelt

The idea seems solid, and it seems like there could be lots of potential. As LateWhiteRabbit said, asking yourself the hard questions, and finding answers that are reasonable seems to be the best way to fill any cracks. I hope you continue it!

Well...
If it was mine history i stripe the "government". In this utopic society, the people can do what they want, right? The main character want help people and do this, but not with a hight support of government.
FreeMarket is a pen and paper RPG with this kind of society, where the people can make basically wath they wish. http://projectdonut.com/

If was mine history, i not stipe the fact of some people are machines, but reconsider how it be placed in the history. Stripping a central government who "test" the protagonist, we need another explanation.
And... i can't understand a depressed robot. Make more sense, the protagonist realize to he/she is a robot programmed to save people from her sickness.