bellice wrote:Okay, so I have a little problem I'm not quite sure how to explain.
In most VNs I've seen (at least those that use a textbox at the bottom of the screen and not a textbox that covers the whole screen like Fate/Stay Night), only one or, maximum, two sentences are shown per textbox.
Now, my writing style is a little more elaborate/descriptive, although I tried my best to make it shorter. And now when I try it out, I feels kind of wrong...here's an example, because I have no idea how to explain it:
What is better/more comfortable to read:
"She turns around and bends down to flip through the class list on her desk. I notice some of the guys practically breaking their necks to get a good look at her. They're even more eager to pull back quickly and look innocent when she straightens up, list and pen in hand."
or
"She turns around and bends down to flip through the class list on her desk."
"I notice some of the guys practically breaking their necks to get a good look at her."
"They're even more eager to pull back quickly and look innocent when she straightens up, list and pen in hand."
Eh, I hope you guys understand what I'm getting at...cause I'm not sure I understand it myself.
Well, the last sentence is awkward, regardless. As Mark Twain would would say:
When you catch an adjective, kill it. No, I don't mean utterly, but kill most of them--then the rest will be valuable. They weaken when they are close together. They give strength when they are wide apart. An adjective habit, or a wordy, diffuse, flowery habit, once fastened upon a person, is as hard to get rid of as any other vice.
Your meaning becomes more clear when written like this:
"She turns around and bends down to flip through the class list on her desk." (Good.)
"I notice some of the guys breaking their necks to get a good look at her." ('Practically' serves no purpose. We know they aren't really breaking their necks. You are using exaggeration. Don't cheapen or weaken it by adding qualifiers.)
"They pull back quickly and look innocent when she straightens, list and pen in hand." ('Even more eager' than what? Eagerness was only implied in the previous sentence, not stated. 'Even more' is another example of flowery unnecessary words. 'Straightens up' is redundant. She can't straighten with out going up. )
As to whether or not you should have only one or two sentences a click, or more per screen, I would opt for more in your case, as it appears you will be doing a lot of descriptive writing, and clicking through one sentence at a time of a long text is going to be unpleasant. Keep in mind how often your reader will need to click. I would group your writing into one paragraph per screen - splitting it up just as you would when writing a novel. In other words, for every new speaker, new idea or thought, start a new screen. You might want to split very long paragraphs, but otherwise keep it all together.