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PostPosted: Thu Nov 11, 2010 8:00 am 
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so where does the demo end? is it during the 'every snowflake is unique' part? if not my game just stopped abruptly there...and could you give me a starters guide for the path of lander and basil? just for the demo :)

D:\My Docs\Downloads\Compressed\Seraphine Demo 2.0-all\renpy\store.py:695: UnicodeWarning: Unicode equal comparison failed to convert both arguments to Unicode - interpreting them as being unequal
D:\My Docs\Downloads\Compressed\Seraphine Demo 2.0-all\renpy\store.py:519: UnicodeWarning: Unicode equal comparison failed to convert both arguments to Unicode - interpreting them as being unequal

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PostPosted: Thu Nov 11, 2010 8:59 am 
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Whoops, no, that wasn't supposed to happen. Download this file and replace it in your game folder (say yes to overwrite): code.rpa That may fix that error, some typos. You can tell if it works if the font changes. The GUI will be weird because of the font change, but I'll need to fix that later. ^^;; I'll probably go back to the other font. Glossary save error is NOT fixed yet, since I need to rebuild the glossary to do so.

Here's a walkthrough for the different scenes:

Hodgewick:
- Basil: Rest for the night (or if you go to the inn, DON'T talk to Lander, hit "Rest")
- Lander: Talking to him is his "scene", lol

Geirlaug:
- Basil: Click "rest" or say "Yes" if Walyon asks if you want to rest
- Lander: Say "No" when Waylon asks if you want to rest

Caravans to Thjodhild:
- Who checks on your wound depends on who has the higher relationship score at that point. If you want Lander's, ignore Basil, if you want Basil to approach you, ignore Lander. Though I don't think you have to ignore Basil. Lander's score will naturally be higher if you talked to him in Hodgewick, I think.

Going to Jak City:
- Basil: Lie to Waylon
- Lander: Tell truth to Waylon

Starling wrote:
And this is probably just a personal note, but I'd like if there was a menu/status button you could press, because I think this game would appeal to non VN/Dating Sim crowds as an RPGish type of game (though I could be wrong... XD)

Hrrm, what do you mean? Like an overlay button that's always there? "Menu" or some such stuff? I've never done those in my game before. I guess I just love keyboard shortcuts, lol. If I can find a place for it ... sure. Right now all my corners are occupied.

I'm glad you liked the game. Though you said a bunch of good stuff, the "off putting sprites" is still echoing in my mind to where I wanna bash my head against a wall. =P I agree that you can get used to them, but I have a feeling some people won't want to. Ah well. :)

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PostPosted: Thu Nov 11, 2010 1:30 pm 
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Personally, I didn't think the sprites were off-putting at all, but then, I also wasn't attracted to either Basil or Lander (which had nothing to do with the art), so it didn't matter to me that the art was a bit "different."

I think it works for this sort of game...after all, if the boys were all anime-style pretty boys, it wouldn't have the right kind of feel to it.

I will agree with past comments that the lines are a little too thick and blocky (though I know you can't do much about that), and I think the problem with the coloring is that it clashes with the styles of the backgrounds...the coloring is very bright and cartoony while the backgrounds look like they were rendered in 3D or something and are very neutral and textured.

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PostPosted: Thu Nov 11, 2010 2:53 pm 
Aleema wrote:
:D! You mentioned the sound effects. Yay! They're such a subconscious thing I think we're used to, but strip them, and it feels hollow ... I just like to know my love and hard work in crafting an audio environment weren't in vain.


With the introduction and the silhouettes, they were possibly my favourite things. Despite my inclination towards drawn art, I often find myself feeling attracted to things which don't relate to what I could produce myself (which would be only sprites, and CG scenes if I actually practiced enough to be at least decent at those as well).

Aleema wrote:
And I didn't say I wouldn't listen to feedback on the character art [...]


That's an error I made due to tiredness in expressing myself, what I really meant was that you wouldn't change those, which is very understandable. I did understand you're open to pretty much all sorts of feedback.

Aleema wrote:
Sorry, I'm trying to delicately step around this issue of the sprites, because I don't want to insult Strider or myself. After working on RockRobin and coming back to this game -- one of the strongest reasons I thought no one would want to play this game anymore is because the character art isn't ... perfect. I cringed upon seeing them again. I asked, who would want to play a game where they can't stomach the art? That kind of stuff. =\


That's hardly how I feel. I did take to heart PyTom's request to people to come and critique things in the WIP forums though, so I try to be as honest as possible. That means that when I said the art is nice, I meant that as well. I just think there's room for improvement, not necessarily in this game. Personally, I didn't want to press you to give me an answer on that matter, nor I was expecting one (not because I thought you wouldn't want to say anything, I use 'expect' to kind of mean 'demand', here). I still know that some of the games I loved the most here were hardly perfect graphically speaking, and I honestly think your game is very promising, though only time will tell.

Aleema wrote:
If your qualms are basically how Strider's and my techniques clashed, then perhaps that can be fixed. If it's just that the drawings are ugly, that can't be helped outside of repositioning an eye or nose or something. (You can see how Ere originally looked from the screenshots on the first post.)


I'm sorry if it sounded like I think they're ugly... that wasn't really what I meant, which is why I did say they're nice. It wasn't me trying to sugar coat the pill, it's how I honestly feel. I certainly think there are a couple of things you could try with the colouring, but as I said before - I leave feedback for future games as well. This is nowhere near as "bad" that it could put me off it. Technically speaking and anatomically speaking I have some qualms, but it's nice to see (I hope I'm not simplifying too much) something that doesn't look like it came out of 'To Heart' or 'Air'.

Aleema wrote:
I may suck at it ... but I like it. :3


You're not as good as you could be, but I'm hardly a master myself. I just think I know a couple of tricks that may or may not work well on your line-arts.
I could copy part of the drawing if you want, or if you don't mind, using one of your line-arts. It will probably take me a bit, but I think you're not under a strict deadline, so it's possible not too big a problem. Whichever character you'd feel OK sharing is fine by me, really.




Aleema wrote:
If that ends up being really confusing or sucky, I'll just take out those CGs completely. blewh upped his prices a lot since I commissioned him last, so I will probably not being getting anymore. The silhouette CGs are all me, and I realize they could use some cleaning up around the edges. But I honestly can't draw well, so you guys either have the choice of no CGs, or the silhouettes. =P


I actually am really fond of the silhouettes, as I said. They really help drag my mind in the world of the story. I guess because not all the imagery is served to me, I tend to imagine how the scene is - but because it's not just narrated with words, I have a visual aid to do that.

Aleema wrote:
Yeah, I think I'll redo the battle transition anyway. All the animations were made before ATL, but now that I can use it, I can do more complex things than just "spin around" or "pan". =P lol @ comparing it to a comic book onomonopia.


Ah... is it really so silly an idea?

Aleema wrote:
Putting a button over the paper seems weird to me, and the player will be looking for a red button, but just to see, did you mean like this (and prefer it like this?):

Yes, I was thinking of something like that. My problem with that button and this one:

Attachment:
book.jpg
book.jpg [ 136.65 KiB | Viewed 377 times ]


Is that they blend with the background, due to their colour. At the risk of sounding retarded, I did have even more problems finding the journal button. I don't want to be too unhelpful, but I'm kind of wary to suggest how to actually make them more prominent, because I have absolutely nil knowledge of how design works... I just can say that because of their colour and position (in the first case, I expect an exit button to be where the last word on a book would be on the page, the lower right corner - on the second it's so near to Ëre's corset, which has a similar colour, that I totally missed it).

Aleema wrote:
Also, prices of stuff will change once I learn a good balance for them. Sorry I showed off expensive stuff in the demo. =P I just thought "what would be in this store?" when making the inventories. And right now, each character has about 4-5 weapons to use for the entirety of the game. I guess that's kinda the opposite of what big RPGs do now -- hundreds of weapons, each one point stronger than the last or something. Maybe I'll add more, that way you can get the satisfaction of buying stuff more often. Coming up with names and descriptions for them all is hard, though. xD


This wasn't a huge issue for me at all. I kind of dislike it when I have to keep thinking of what to sell, keep, how many battles I should fight before I can earn enough to buy this or that... I'd like it if it was a bit like in Zelda or the recent Lord of Shadows (in a very roundabout way): say item so and so is so many pieces of gold, and right now I can't afford it - going on with the story (I'm musing) there will be a main objective and side ones that I may lose (with bits of the story that those would offer, of course). But let's also say you really made the item sound cool in the description. I may be a crazy completist, and go back to this location that I don't really need to visit when I have enough money, while other people may not care at all or even remember - which if you balance the game well enough may be only at a certain point in the game. Let's also say that said object won't be available after a certain point (coincidentally, when said bonus bit of the story shouldn't be available anymore, for a number of reasons). That means that if I miss the right moment, I'll want to maybe obtain in in another play-through, and I will get a nice side scene or what have you.
Mind, it could be another silly idea, but I tend to like these sorts of things a lot. On another game I'm planning to work on with someone on this forum, I keep suggesting this kind of thing.

Aleema wrote:
I'm glad that you liked the game. I have a feeling that if you didn't, you'd tell me at great length and with no reservations.


Absolutely. My idea of this forums is that, time constraints allowing, we should strive to provide the most honest opinions possible, in the most polite way we can manage. I don't like to receive empty praise myself, so I try to offer what I'd like to receive.

I'll try to make a mock-up for what I mean with the colouring. Just keep in mind I'm slow and forgetful. I'm clearly getting senile.


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 11, 2010 3:00 pm 
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At the risk of sounding retarded, I did have even more problems finding the journal button. I don't want to be too unhelpful, but I'm kind of wary to suggest how to actually make them more prominent, because I have absolutely nil knowledge of how design works... I just can say that because of their colour and position (in the first case, I expect an exit button to be where the last word on a book would be on the page, the lower right corner - on the second it's so near to Ëre's corset, which has a similar colour, that I totally missed it).


... There was a button there? (I don't think I saw it at all until your red box :) )

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PostPosted: Thu Nov 11, 2010 8:30 pm 
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I'm loving the game so far!!! can't wait for the full game! it's definitely coming out after rock robin right? :D

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PostPosted: Thu Nov 11, 2010 9:11 pm 
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OK, general feedback:


Overall, I thought it was a pretty promising start; I'm interested in seeing how the game goes, which is saying something, 'cause I generally find high fantasy pretty dull.

That said, most of the bits that I thought worked really well were bits unrelated to the plot. For example, I really liked the little extra touches which have gone into some of the backgrounds. The parallax on the hill over Landrea and the glow of the fire in Waylon's house I remember in particular, it's good to see those little bits of unnecessary effort which make the whole scene a little more believable. I liked the use of silhouettes - it worked pretty well as an alternative to event CGs, even though it might have been motivated by lack of full-colour art, they fitted in pretty well.

On the plot front, there are a couple of things that didn't quite seem to gel, to me. Firstly, as I mentioned earlier, the near-instant spread of news from Landrea felt a bit weird, given the emphasis earlier in the game on the lack of travel between that town and the next. Secondly, the whole adventure into the forest and the thieves' city seemed a little bolted-on, to me; the motivation to go in was a little convenient, and it ended up feeling like a "we needed to introduce these two characters for later" excursion.

As to Mary-Sue concerns talked about briefly earlier; it seemed to me right at the beginning that Ëre was pretty Mary-Sue-ish; she's constantly downtrodden and everyone mistreats her for no reason and then she goes and beats herself out of self-pity and it's all rather melodramatic. Then she's surprisingly very capable and both the guys she's with are impressed. She gets better as the game progresses, and she goes from "eeh" to fairly likeable by the end of the demo.
But this is another reason the forest/Jak city excursion feels a little bolted-on, I think; it's also another "Ëre is so special" scene, in that she's wounded and yet manages to go off and bluff her way through the city of thieves and rescue a kidnapped child before she collapses and surprises the doctor that she's not dead yet. Your protagonist is going to be special in some way, sure - otherwise their story wouldn't be particularly interesting - but there's "special" and "suspiciously special".


I quite liked the battle system, as straightforward as the mechanics are; it had the right level of choice between saving-up-AP and doing-something-now, and the various items on sale around gave the impression that it's going to have some depth of choice later on in the game. I liked the cut-in semi-animated silhouettes for special attacks in particular, they added a bit of visual interest to what otherwise could have become a bit of a spreadsheet battle. The one thing I found a bit odd was the turn order - on the player's side, they get one action from their whole party in a turn, while the enemies consistently get one action each in a turn, which feels a little contrived once you notice it! But it's not a big thing at all, and I imagine it probably makes battles easier to balance.
The one thing I'd mention is that it feels a bit weird to have half the party knocked out or heavily wounded by the end of each battle, only to be hale and hearty again at the start of the next one.

Other than that, I think a lot of the things I'd say have already been said by others. I'd agree that the exit and particularly the journal buttons are a bit hard to find, for that matter.

Aleema wrote:
After working on RockRobin and coming back to this game -- one of the strongest reasons I thought no one would want to play this game anymore is because the character art isn't ... perfect. I cringed upon seeing them again. I asked, who would want to play a game where they can't stomach the art? That kind of stuff. =\


I wouldn't worry about that. To be honest, I for one think I largely prefer the visual elements of Seraphine to those in Rock Robin... from the character sprites onwards. They might not be perfect, but I've not seen any game with 'perfect' graphics (except possibly Jet Set Radio), so it's hardly a problem!

Aleema wrote:
I have no esteem in my coloring. I have never colored sprites before I colored these. These were literally the first time I ever tried shading. And I fully believe the coloring is what ruins the art, even. My first time cell-shading was RockRobin. I tried cell-shading one of these guys, but it looked really, really bad, trust me. =P


If I had to give you a couple of tips for colouring, they'd be:

- Avoid using such saturated colours or such a large range of values (brightnesses). This gives the shading a bit of a plasticky look which can fairly-easily be avoided.
- Try and mix blended edges with sharp edges where appropriate. Personally I would avoid using the spray/airbrush tool entirely and try and concentrate on blending tools like 'smudge' instead. (Presuming you're working without a tablet, that is.)

I had a quick go working over the top of some of the lineart in StriderDen's deviantart gallery, as an example:
Image

The steps are something like:
1: Paint the base colour and then very-roughly block out shadows to give a sense of volume. At this point working with a hard-edged tool is fine, because you're going to alter the edges and blend later.
2: Detail the shadows. Draw shadows on the undersides of fold lines, under the edges of belts and other over-hanging light-blocking things. For half-shaded areas just draw hatching lines of your shading colour, we'll blend it later.
3: Add highlights to the base-colour areas with your highlight colour (use it sparingly, too much and it'll bring back that plastic look), and add highlights to the shaded areas using your base colour. Often highlights look good butted right up against shadow areas, in real life it's actually quite rare to see a smooth gradient across something from-shade-to-midtone-to-highlight.
4: Blend about half the edges together with something like Photoshop's 'smudge' tool, running it back and forth across the join between two different tones.
Generally you want to leave sharp any edges which define shapes (such as those along the edge of a fold, for example the one on the left just above the top-most horizontal belt on Waylon's chest up there) and blend any edges which are across a continuous surface (such as the mid-to-shade line across the right-hand shoulder, or along the edge between the top of a fold and the flat fabric above it).


Generally, I'd advise using highlight and shadow tones which are slightly de-saturated from the main 'base' colour, and it often helps if you move the hue of your shading colour slightly towards blue.

Leaving sharp edges between your shadows and midtones/highlights from time to time gives you a better impression of shape, because those areas of contrast give the eye something to pick up on, they give the impression that there's something on top of something else. If you just airbrush all the shadow on all the time it's inevitably going to go over the lines a bit and then you potentially end up with something that looks like a puffy round shape with black lines drawn on it, if that makes sense.
Here's a close-up of the shoulder in comparison, where I think the effect is particularly obvious - the folds in the fabric look a lot more three-dimensional with some hard edges to define them.
Image



(Curiously, if I were to say anything about the BGs, it's that they often seemed not saturated enough... or perhaps just that they looked like they'd been reduced to paletted colour or something, there was noticeable banding in a couple of places. If it was done on purpose, I didn't particularly like it myself.)

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PostPosted: Thu Nov 11, 2010 9:12 pm 
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papillon wrote:
... There was a button there? (I don't think I saw it at all until your red box :) )

Haha, yep. Even when I was placing the glossary button, I knew people would easily miss it ... and I didn't care (that thing is empty and buggy). I just needed a quick way to get there for the demo, because the "Journal" is going away for the full version, but I had nothing to fill that spot yet. I assume it will be various buttons like the glossary, changing your party, maybe an inventory if I make one. So, yeah, I was aware it's hidden, but no one can complain that you couldn't get there anytime ... heh. xD
broken_angel wrote:
I will agree with past comments that the lines are a little too thick and blocky (though I know you can't do much about that), and I think the problem with the coloring is that it clashes with the styles of the backgrounds...the coloring is very bright and cartoony while the backgrounds look like they were rendered in 3D or something and are very neutral and textured.

Fair enough! I'll see if I can tone down the cartoony-ness of the sprite's colors without totally losing their symbolic color presence ... I'm a sucker for bright colors. xD The backgrounds are indeed 3D, and I screw them up with some filtering. They're stock BGs ... I needed a lot, and as we both know, background art is expensive! O_O I'll probably never commission them again (meaning, I commissioned BG art for By The Lake).

@Ren: By introduction, do you mean the prologue, or ..? Someone else said "introduction", so I'm wondering if that meant the prologue or just first meeting Ëre. If that is what you meant, then it was better received than I thought it would be. I thought ya'll would laugh at it and think it stupid or pointless or something. Wow, I'm really insecure. o_O But I am glad that the silhouettes weren't laughed at either! They're the first time I actually could control what was visualized in the story, and that means I can make as many as I want for anything I want ... and that kind of power of storytelling is why I'm jealous of people who can draw and make VNs. ^^

Ren wrote:
You're not as good as you could be, but I'm hardly a master myself. I just think I know a couple of tricks that may or may not work well on your line-arts.
I could copy part of the drawing if you want, or if you don't mind, using one of your line-arts. It will probably take me a bit, but I think you're not under a strict deadline, so it's possible not too big a problem. Whichever character you'd feel OK sharing is fine by me, really.

Of the 3 main guys so far, Lander is the least complicated. Ere's got all that armor, and Basil's got all that hair. =P And yeah, no rush. I'll PM a .psd.

Quote:
Ah... is it really so silly an idea?

lol. I was imagining "TOBATTLE!" as the sound that comes up when a superhero socks a guy in the face. BAM! POW! BATTLE! It was amusing~
Quote:
I just can say that because of their colour and position (in the first case, I expect an exit button to be where the last word on a book would be on the page, the lower right corner - on the second it's so near to Ëre's corset, which has a similar colour, that I totally missed it).

I will see about keeping all the exit buttons in that same corner, then. That makes sense, and it shouldn't bother any other GUI element (though store descriptions shouldn't get too long ... but I already boxed myself in with that because they need to only be 2 lines long anyway.) Again, the glossary button will not even be that, or at least in that location. The Journal is going bye-bye. :) But thanks for pointing this out! I know where to look and such, so it's hard to tell what people who didn't design it themselves will look for.

Quote:
This wasn't a huge issue for me at all. I kind of dislike it when I have to keep thinking of what to sell, keep, how many battles I should fight before I can earn enough to buy this or that... I'd like it if it was a bit like in Zelda or the recent Lord of Shadows (in a very roundabout way): say item so and so is so many pieces of gold, and right now I can't afford it - going on with the story (I'm musing) there will be a main objective and side ones that I may lose (with bits of the story that those would offer, of course). But let's also say you really made the item sound cool in the description. I may be a crazy completist, and go back to this location that I don't really need to visit when I have enough money, while other people may not care at all or even remember - which if you balance the game well enough may be only at a certain point in the game. Let's also say that said object won't be available after a certain point (coincidentally, when said bonus bit of the story shouldn't be available anymore, for a number of reasons). That means that if I miss the right moment, I'll want to maybe obtain in in another play-through, and I will get a nice side scene or what have you.
Mind, it could be another silly idea, but I tend to like these sorts of things a lot. On another game I'm planning to work on with someone on this forum, I keep suggesting this kind of thing.

After reading that several times, I think I understand what you're saying. And I see the value in it, and I'm even doing that with the story itself. If you didn't do XXX before [certain time], then XXX is gone or now YYY. I think that's pretty cool when I've encountered that kind of stuff in other games. Makes your decisions more important, and rewards playing creatively. Of course, there is that developer's dilemma of designing it so that your player can miss content, which defeats the purpose of creating it. But, for some reason, that doesn't bother me enough to not do it. Someone's going to eventually choose B or buy B or whatever the example may be ... and they'll tell everyone "hey, it was really cool when XXX happened", and everyone else will be "wut?" and want to see what they're talking about. And then it becomes common knowledge that XXX is available, and that dilemma of missing content is nearly gone. At least, ideally.

I can say right now that whether you encounter the market fight in Hodgewick will not happen whatever you do. I made it inevitable for the demo, because stripping important stuff like that is stupid since this is when I show off what I have for feedback. I also plan for lying to Waylon to mean an actual split in the party (Ere continues on, joins up with the other scouts, skips Jak City but it will be available later), but I hadn't written that branch yet, so I wrote both to end up in the same place. But I might just get lazy and keep it how it is. xD I'm not sure how much longer I can keep up this forking in the story, but it's fun to write, compared to RockRobin which is pretty linear in comparison.

Also, there will be items that can give characters skills (for example, a potion bottle that grants Walyon's Potions skill), which can be one of those "interesting", expensive items you'll have to remember to find again. :)

maypaymusic wrote:
I'm loving the game so far!!! can't wait for the full game! it's definitely coming out after rock robin right? :D

Did that file fix the error?
Glad you like it, and it's not just me, lol. I will start work back on this immediately after finishing RR. That's basically my motivation to finish it. =P So I really shouldn't have worked on the demo ... I'm being naughty.

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PostPosted: Thu Nov 11, 2010 9:21 pm 
By introduction I meant the prologue with the goddesses.


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 11, 2010 10:45 pm 
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Secondly, the whole adventure into the forest and the thieves' city seemed a little bolted-on, to me; the motivation to go in was a little convenient, and it ended up feeling like a "we needed to introduce these two characters for later" excursion.

Hmm. I didn't need to introduce them, really. I thought it would be fun to go there. They were so close, story-wise, and they may never be again, so I took the opportunity. The stolen child is pretty contrived, I guess. But I think there's little I could have designed that would've gotten them in the forest outside of a fetch quest. I can, however, move this sequence to later in the game, and I was considering before I released the demo while weighing its length. It would be the same series of events, however. Jak City and Isolde are completely optional, actually. The story will change if you paid off your debt or not, and Isolde is just an optional recruit. So I don't feel like I did any of this out of obligation ... it was just fun. :)

Quote:
As to Mary-Sue concerns talked about briefly earlier; it seemed to me right at the beginning that Ëre was pretty Mary-Sue-ish; she's constantly downtrodden and everyone mistreats her for no reason and then she goes and beats herself out of self-pity and it's all rather melodramatic. Then she's surprisingly very capable and both the guys she's with are impressed. She gets better as the game progresses, and she goes from "eeh" to fairly likeable by the end of the demo.
But this is another reason the forest/Jak city excursion feels a little bolted-on, I think; it's also another "Ëre is so special" scene, in that she's wounded and yet manages to go off and bluff her way through the city of thieves and rescue a kidnapped child before she collapses and surprises the doctor that she's not dead yet. Your protagonist is going to be special in some way, sure - otherwise their story wouldn't be particularly interesting - but there's "special" and "suspiciously special".


Then I guess she's a Mary Sue, and y'all are going to have to deal with it. :) I tried to make her interesting and unique, but I think the biggest problem right now is she's the only girl in the story, making her "specialness" seem for the benefit of guys falling in love with her (thus the Mary Sue vibe) ... we have yet to meet Ysabel and Narkissa, and they're pretty cool women. By my standards, anyway. ^^ Though I wouldn't say people mistreat her for no reason? Who are you referring to? If nothing, I found people liked her too much. In this world where the strange should be feared, she should be tied to a chair somewhere or worse, just outright killed. It's not a fun time in Edernim, as much as it seems to be right now. She's only going to get weirder, too. I won't argue or try to defend my decisions to go to Jak City (go-fetch quests are always in RPGs, so I didn't and don't think the game less for going there) or having her not outright die from infection (game ... ends ...) or having "Ere is special" scenes because what I hated most about FF12 was how the main characters (Vaan and Penelo) were superfluous and boring. If I wrote from the POV of Basil, he'd be a Gary-Stu. Point is, I don't want her to turn into some eye-candy that just moves the story from one place to another. She has a story and a past, and if she never stood out from the background noise or had special skill A or knew how to B, she'd just be a peasant extra and stay in Landrea for the entire story. =P You'll have to trust that I deal with her and other characters well and not just for the sake of ego fluffing or something. But if you still feel that way, I'm not going to care, honestly. I enjoyed writing her, playing her, and that's the point of this game: making something I want to play.

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I had a quick go working over the top of some of the lineart in StriderDen's deviantart gallery, as an example:

Stop that, don't go snooping in my resources. It robs me of revealing stuff when I want to. =P

That is nice coloring, and I wasn't even sure if anything I knew would ever be appropriate for the lineart, but that looks like it might work. Still, that's just the clothes. The deal breaker is always the face.

I can follow lines and make folds now, thanks to working with cell-shading for a bit now, but going out on a limb for some folds that the artist didn't imply is near impossible for me. Perhaps I should have taken a course or two in drawing while I was at school.

The soft, puffy glow does look good on some sprites, like this guy. (In my opinion.) The main characters here are unfortunately the first ones I did, so I didn't even know about folds and crap when I started. xD

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(Curiously, if I were to say anything about the BGs, it's that they often seemed not saturated enough... or perhaps just that they looked like they'd been reduced to paletted colour or something, there was noticeable banding in a couple of places. If it was done on purpose, I didn't particularly like it myself.)

Looking back on what I did to prepare images for the game, I ovelayed the orange-ish paper over each one so they all had a similar, connecting tone.

Before --> After

Is this better, guys?

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PostPosted: Thu Nov 11, 2010 11:44 pm 
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From a story critique perspective, not knowing what you have planned:

I found the Jak City excursion confusing. My memory may be a little hazy, but as I recall it, the refugee train was attacked by bandits who were driven off. Okay, that makes sense, strung-out train looks like a good target to rob. But then it turns out the bandits ran off with, not piles of loot, but a child. That's weird, I think. It cannot possibly be for ransom purposes, because a fleeing refugee is extremely unlikely to be able to pay ransom, and since they're currently on the move, no ransom demander would even know where to find the family to demand money.

Therefore there must be some other reason they want the kid. Maybe this is how they get new thieves? Steal em young and train em up in the ways of the shadow? Then I find out the kid is mute. Perfect, a unique feature that could be a reason why someone would go to the trouble of stealing a child instead of something more obviously valuable. Maybe mutes make good thieves because they don't screw up jobs with jabber. Maybe there's a market for pretty boy slaves who can't protest.

Then it seemed odd that one minute the men were protecting Ere and saying she shouldn't fight, and the next (as I recall) they were slinging her over their shoulder insisting she had to come catch the bandits. Weird, but okay, I guess we have to hurry to catch them before they get back to base, because it would be *crazy* to think that this handful of unprepared people is going to walk right into an entire city of thieves and just take what they're after and walk out.

And then it turns out that that apparently is their plan. Which makes no sense, but I guess they're just stupid. And that the child is apparently being kidnapped for ransom. Which really makes no sense. And then the pirates don't even DEMAND a ransom but just sort of shrug and give the kid back. Which... my brain hurts.

The only way I can even vaguely make this make any sort of sense is that the pirates somehow knew about Ere and set it all up just to lure her specifically to their camp and get her to perform quests for them, but that seems kinda bizarre and isn't really hinted at in their interactions. It's possible there are lots of reasons behind it that I just don't know because I don't know the characters, but I was puzzled.

If the point of the escapade is to have the pirates steal something and the party get it back without much fuss, it might make more sense if they took something that looked very valuable but wasn't actually, but was of sentimental value to someone? Then the party might volunteer to go after it, and get it back from the brigands easily once they reveal that it's worthless.

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PostPosted: Fri Nov 12, 2010 12:02 am 
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I like your idea about him being "worthless" because he's mute. I'll try to fix the problems with your suggestions. :)
papillon wrote:
Then it seemed odd that one minute the men were protecting Ere and saying she shouldn't fight, and the next (as I recall) they were slinging her over their shoulder insisting she had to come catch the bandits.

Because I'm lazy and I didn't write the actual branch that would have happened if you told Waylon the truth. Which is they just leave her be and go off without her. I didn't write this yet, so I just wrote the hauling off to get both branches in the same place. Of course, you had no way of knowing this, though.
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But then it turns out the bandits ran off with, not piles of loot, but a child. That's weird, I think. It cannot possibly be for ransom purposes, because a fleeing refugee is extremely unlikely to be able to pay ransom, and since they're currently on the move, no ransom demander would even know where to find the family to demand money.

It's not weird to me. In my mind, the guy who "stole" him wasn't actually stealing him, but using him as a way to get out of there alive. Like a hostage, you know? I'll throw in a line about that. Or maybe make a deal out of it, like it's its own scene and party witnesses it. Thus making them more obligated to right it. Good idea.

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And then the pirates don't even DEMAND a ransom but just sort of shrug and give the kid back.

They did, but I get your point. It was too easy, from our point of view. You'll find that the people of Edernim are very receptive to loss and it is considered impolite to slight someone grieving (they assume Ere is mourning Landrea), especially if it's against the common enemy of the ghosts. But they are pirates, after all. I'll see what I can do.


I'll probably move Jak City to later in the game.

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PostPosted: Fri Nov 12, 2010 4:55 am 
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Aleema wrote:
Though I wouldn't say people mistreat her for no reason? Who are you referring to? If nothing, I found people liked her too much. In this world where the strange should be feared, she should be tied to a chair somewhere or worse, just outright killed.


The problem there is that for the first few scenes, you've not really introduced her strangeness - the only thing we know is that she goes outside of the town and lays around in the grass, which seems... perfectly normal. So she gets home and the barmaid is ridiculously mean to her for apparently no reason, and the only person in Landrea who's nice to her is the warden, everyone else treats her like a leper, but we don't know why. She... talks to herself? Doesn't everybody, now and again? It's only later on when we see her actually being Weird, and it's only later that the horrible roaming monsters are introduced, and it starts to make more sense.

Aleema wrote:
That is nice coloring, and I wasn't even sure if anything I knew would ever be appropriate for the lineart, but that looks like it might work. Still, that's just the clothes. The deal breaker is always the face.


For faces, I would still do a similar thing - you don't have folds, but you still have sharper shadows - for example, along the edge of the nose, the underside of the lower lip, under the brow, that kind of thing. And the stuff about colour ranges and saturations will still pay off.

Aleema wrote:


Is the colour-banding intentional? It looks like you've run it through a Posterize filter or something...
Are you going for a painted-in-watercolours look, or a bit-like-a-photo look, or what?

(If you have the spare cash, Dynamic Auto-Painter seems to produce some nice-looking results from photos, maybe it's worth a look if you're going for a painted look?)

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PostPosted: Fri Nov 12, 2010 7:19 am 
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Jake wrote:
The problem there is that for the first few scenes, you've not really introduced her strangeness - the only thing we know is that she goes outside of the town and lays around in the grass, which seems... perfectly normal. So she gets home and the barmaid is ridiculously mean to her for apparently no reason, and the only person in Landrea who's nice to her is the warden, everyone else treats her like a leper, but we don't know why. She... talks to herself? Doesn't everybody, now and again? It's only later on when we see her actually being Weird, and it's only later that the horrible roaming monsters are introduced, and it starts to make more sense.

If it eventually comes to make sense, then I don't care about it not making complete 100% sense in the beginning. And I also have no problem slowing revealing what's wrong with her ... in fact, I think it would cheat the reader to hold their hand in this instance and say "she's crazy go nuts. don't believe me? here's a scene where she's singing a song backwards while banging her head against the wall -- now on with the story!" I think it's nice to see our first impression of her as, oh, she doesn't look so bad. And see her as the guys do: there's something off about her ... oh CRAP SHE'S CRAZY.

But, that said, Ere is not "crazy" in that what our world would call mentally challenged and she would need someone to feed her or something. So this isn't my interpretation of someone mentally ill, and I don't mean to offend anyone by it.

If something fails to make sense ... just remember my plot-hole covering dues ex machina plot device failsafe codeword I could drop anytime and you would be powerless ... It was magic. Bam. What now. Nothing. That's what. 8)

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Is the colour-banding intentional? It looks like you've run it through a Posterize filter or something...
Are you going for a painted-in-watercolours look, or a bit-like-a-photo look, or what?

Photo -> good god no
painting -> yeah, sure

I used Photoshop's "Cutout" filter and then made it transparent in places. Kinda what Auto Painter does, just not one stroke at a time.

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If you have the spare cash

Hahahahaahaa!

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PostPosted: Fri Nov 12, 2010 8:26 am 
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Aleema wrote:
I think it's nice to see our first impression of her as, oh, she doesn't look so bad. And see her as the guys do: there's something off about her ... oh CRAP SHE'S CRAZY.


Sure - I'm not suggesting you should necessarily change it, I'm just explaining why it seemed at the beginning like she was being mistreated by everyone (except for that one warden) for no good reason. It's not something you have to do anything about, just something to bear in mind if you fiddle with the beginning any more; if it goes for too long without her weirdness being revealed, then the reader is possibly going to get a bit too annoyed by the constant abuse she receives and stop reading.

(For reference, this is basically one of the reasons I stopped reading the first Harry Potter book. His foster family abuse him for no good reason and he takes it with the maturity of someone twice his age, and if the movie was anything to go by goes on to get his revenge; it couldn't be more typical eleven-year-old-fantasy material if it tried [harder]. I realise the book was written for eleven-year-olds, of course. :P)

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