[COMPLETE] (P)lanets -GxB

[SusanTheCat]

I played most of the afternoon. (It was hard to tell since I was reading other stuff at the time)

I did it twice to see what the other choices were like.

I enjoyed it and will keep an eye out for the full version.

Susan

[LunaVampirePrincess]

i played once.....(im sorry...IM A HORRIABLE FAN =( if you want i'll replay it though =) )
oh and i sped up the text speed a bit i hope its ok.
so it took about 40 minutes to play =) (i wasn't really keeping track sorryyy )
But you know what they were some of the best 40 minutes of my life XD

[teacup]

@SusanTheCat
Thank you so much for playing! ^^
@LunaVampirePrincess
XD I think you're a great fan, no worries! Only replay if you want!
But just so you know... there are 3 CGs in the demo. You have to replay the lunch scene 3 times to find them all. ^o^
Lol, I'm so glad you like it! XD

[LunaVampirePrincess]

Oooh really?
Im gunna go find them!
XD and i love you're art it's soo PRETTY

[Quiet_Riot]

could you upload a mac version? pleaseee.

[teacup]

@LunaVampirePrincess
Thank you!!
@Quiet_Riot
Okay, I have updated my post on the 8th page with a Mac Version. ^^

[Auro-Cyanide]

I played through all the paths in the demo. I thought it was quite well done. The sprites were nicely drawn, though they did jump just a little bit when they changed. I like Ryuu the best <3

I did find a couple small grammar errors that you may wish to keep an eye out for.

-When she first hears her classes minds there is someone saying they hate school and want to drop out. The drop out bit has two ds.
-When she first meets Kaius it says 'Kaius looks away from me starts to leave'. Should be 'Kaius looks away from me and starts to leave'
-When Kaius ends the tour it says 'Kaius goes down the corridor and out of site'. Site should be spelt sight.
-When Rui has dinner with you the first time it says 'You can eat anything. It's free, but only you can only have three meals per day'. There is an extra only in there.
-When you have lunch with Ryuu he says 'Uh oh, you'd better give a move on Miss Delinquint'. Give should be get and Delinquint should be Delinquent.
-When Ryuu leaves from lunch it says he grabs his back. I gather this is meant to be backpack.
-And when Rui is asking if you like someone, her name changes to Ryuu for a bit.

Other then that I thought is was a pretty good and decent sized demo. You obviously put a lot of effort into it. Good luck with the final version

Also I forgot to mention before, your use of Japanese honourifics is a bit weird. Sometimes you use them and sometimes you don't. I would suggest either not using them or using them consistently. Teacher should be sensei, and almost all characters should have san or at least kun or chan (or variations of these) except for possibly {Marin and Haru} and {Ryuu and Lucan}. Honourifics are really important and when they are not there they show a lot about the relationship.

[teacup]

Thank you soooo much! That's very helpful! I'm my own proofreader which makes catching those types of errors hard ^^;

Yes yes you're right about the honorifics! I knew it was wrong the whole time OTL.
I intended to use them all the time, but I hated the way that the honorific sounds with non-Japanese names. That's why when Marin is speaking to Kaius or Lucan I just left them out, but she almost always says Ryuu-kun. I know it's incorrect though {I probably should have used all Japanese names since it's a Japan setting}. u_u
However I want to keep the -sama honorific since it shows how highly Ruiko thinks of the popular students.
I'm still not sure if I should use them consistently or just remove all of them. What do you think..? @u@;

[Auro-Cyanide]

The good thing about Japanese honourifics is that they convey a lot about the relationships between people without saying anything directly. I would say use them consistently. The setting is already Japanese and the sama thing works well. I don't think it is a problem to use Japanese honourifics with a non-japanese name. There are non-japanese people in Japan who have honourifics as well. I wonder why Lucan and Kaius don't have Japanese names, but it is your story after all and you can name them whatever you want. My main concern with the inconsistent use of honourifics was that it was implying different types of relationships eg. Marin was closer to Kaius and Lucan, but there was distance between her and Ryuu because she wasn't referring to him by his name alone. It is considered extremely impolite to refer to people by their first names when you have first meet, but same sex same age acquaintances who may be potential friends may allow it. Say yeah, I would go all the way with it. Sitting in the middle says more then you mean.

I understand what you mean with proof reading your own stuff It is hard to catch mistakes, especially if you are looking over it for the hundredth time. Though most of it is pretty easy stuff to fix when you get a stranger to look over it. Most of your writing was pretty good and the mistakes were minor, so I think you did very well.

[lepapillonrouge]

...I can't believe I posted that in the wrong place...

Anyway, I did one of those first impression things. Enjoy.

Art: I really did like the art, I mean, there are some anatomy issues here and there, and sometimes the clothing looks a bit off, but it’s all right. My only problem is that Marin’s father doesn’t really look as polished as every other character sprites. It would make sense that you wouldn’t be used to making older men sprites...but...it would be good if you could improve it. His...head seemed a little too small for his body. I know Marin’s papa only shows up a bit, but still...

Story: It seems like a typical high school story...with psychic powers, but still many aspects of it are very typical. Not that’s really bad or anything...I mean, just because it isn’t original doesn’t mean it’s not good. It’s pretty interesting in my opinion, especially Kaius’s mysterious-ness. But it’s fairly easy to tell this is going to be a character-driven type of visual novel.

Characters: Since I was talking about characters...

Marin: She’s pretty cool for a main character. Sorta normal. But gosh, I feel bad for her when she reads the minds of her parents! I really hope that isn’t how my parents feel about me...although they tell me things like that sometimes, like I’m lazy and I should do stuff.

Kaius: I guess I’m sort of neutral about him. Although his father and him together are pretty fun, he personally, like Marin says, is a bit boring. Of course, since it’s pretty much implied that Kaius’ psyche is nothing to shake a stick at, Kaius’ story will probably be pretty interesting at least. The comments about not trusting anyone at the end of the demo are pretty intriguing...

Ryuu: Ah the smiling bas...I mean the smiling scheming type? Sort of...I guess I have something against characters like that, but he seems pretty nice. Also...I have a character like that for my VN too, so I guess I can’t complain. XDI happened to pick the choice where I ate lunch with him on the roof, and I was wondering if he was hiding his smartness...or something. His comment about class not teaching him the useful things make me wonder if he’s gonna...um, ‘start a revolution’ or something.

Lucan: ...He’s my favorite at the moment, actually. Which is weird, buuut I had a better first impression. But Kaius and Ryuu had that rival moment...oh well. He’s sweet, and apologizes a lot. I guess I am a little bothered by the fact that he has many fangirls though. My jealous rage kicked in.
I wonder if you know that the name Lucan tends to refer to people who are werewolves...

Haruhi: If he was obtainable, he would also rank up there as one of my favorites. Gosh, I didn’t want to leave him. T_T But he’s super girly looking...Oh well. Please let him come to the school. He needs his oneechan!

Ruiko: I like her spacyness. Though I’m concerned her obsession with Lucan will get annoying after a while...hopefully when I go for him -shot- she’ll be nice enough to back off. I’m really happy she’s not really possessive of Lucan when she sees Marin with him and Ryuu though, because gosh, I’ve had enough of jealous fangirls from playing ...another game. ...other people will probably get what I’m talking about. Hopefully one day she’ll get Marin’s name right.

The mom and dad should be ashamed of being called parents.

Music: ...I think what you’ve picked is pretty fitting.

But, if you’ve ever played any other otome games from here...(namely the Fantasia series and Re:Alistair ++), there were about four tracks (three from Fantasia and one from Re:A) that were also in the game. Well, such are the woes of being freeware I guess. It’s okay if you’ve never played it, but I guess you should keep it in mind. It’s not really a problem, because whenever...orz I finally finish the demo of my VN, I might get similar comments.

Overall, pretty good. I’m definitely going to play the full version.

[Aleema]

Played the demo (congrats, btw!)

Thoughts:
- Her parents are meanie beanies. Not even her mom cares that she nearly died? lol
- REALLY liked the CGs. I half don't expect them anymore, so I was really happy when they came up. Her accident was done well with the music and such.
- Marin seems pretty "whatever" about suddenly being psychic. Magic is not a simple side-effect, lmao.
- The options in the config screen don't show which option you've chosen, they're all the same shade of blue. On the same graphics note, Marin's hair overlaps the second line of text and it bothers me. =P It's just that one strand of hair.
- They in Japan? Okay. Some weird inconsistencies (such as ... Japan is just littered with mountains to where I can't hear someone saying "there's no mountains around here!") but you have magic in your game so all arguments are void.
- Aw, boo. The PK school is just like normal school. AND an immediate Haruhi replacement! I got excited when I saw the traditional Japanese hallway of the dorms, but it was just a western style room inside. There are a lot of "magic school" BGs out there to give the school two different feels if you wanted ... not that you have to ... but I was having trouble believing I was in a special place. And with a title like "[special school name] - your normal life is OVAH" I would love to see some abnormal stuff for that special school. There was a movie a while ago ... Sky High. It was about young super heroes. It left little impact on me, I think because the setting was so normal. It was just high school (albeit, in the sky). Thing about Harry Potter is that it had a fantasy element to it, making it memorable. X-Men wasn't really ABOUT the school, making the school intriguing. (And wasn't it a bit sci-fi AND fantasy?) A magic school has a LOT of potential. People like imagining what power they'd have, what classes they'd take, etc ... It was really cool to hear the different powers each of the people had. I imagine will see them in use eventually. Anyway, I'd recommend going very traditional Japanese for this school. I guess that doesn't make it relatable to you, though, does it? Why not just set it in whatever country you're from? =P

Other than that, very good start. I'm impressed with how well done it is, like the sounds, CGs, and opening menu are all hints of professionalism that, if the entire game was that polished, could be a professional-looking game. Keep up the good work!

[YukinoAi]

love it please add the full version asap!

[ofdawnandtwilight]

i don't know why, either it's my pc or the demo,
but whenever the download 4 windows start,
sooner or later it'll finish quickly (too quick and i knew that something was wrong despite the fact that i waited long just for an error)
and when i tried to extract the files, it said that either the file is unknown format or damaged
help?

[Boniae]

I stayed up playing this game last night, it was very good. I can't wait for the completed version to come out.

Some of my review points:
- The storyline seemed pretty unique. Maybe it was just me since I haven't been playing alot of Otome games, but the whole Physic powers thing was something I haven't seen in any game, really. So it's pretty cool, and the storyline seems really well thought out.
- The art was really nice. There were a couple characters that had a few anatomy problems, but for the most part the ones you see often (like Kaius, Ryuu, etc) were drawn really well.
- Her parents are evil!!! D':
- I got 2/3 CG scenes, now all I need is that last. *.*
- The story and writing of the game just really makes you want to keep playing it. Hence why I stayed up all night. XD

To sum it up, this was a great game, and I'm officially a fan. ;D

[teacup]

Thanks for the reviews/comments!

@Auro-Cyanide
Okay then, I will use the honorifics. The thing is, I know how to use them properly, I just... didn't. Shame on me, I know ToT;
Thank you very much for the help!

@lepapillonrouge
Wow! Thanks for taking the time to type all that. Very helpful. And I love hearing what you think about my characters. ^o^
-All the 'extra' sprites (Marin's father, mom, the teacher and Kaius dad) are ones that I never redid because they hardly show up at all. They're some of the first sprites I drew (as in I drew them like 2 years ago lol). I am planning to redo them for the full version though (chances are I'll redo ALL the sprites again actually), I just didn't want to prolong the demo any more than I had already. Sorry about that. ^^;
-I think about 90% of the free VNs I've played all use music from the same place lol. ^^ I did play both of those games actually, but I had all my music picked out before I played Re: Alistair... and I don't remember the ones from Fantasia except one of them (the silly sounding one). I guess I just thought that since *everyone* is free to use that music, it shouldn't matter how many people do... especially since it's hard to find good free music... (But Sam Music closed now so it'll be even harder x_x)
-Aren't all traps super girly looking? (See: Jun from Happiness!) Lol. No worries, Haruhi will definitely be showing up again

@Aleema
Another review thingy! Thank you!!
-Sorry about the graphical(?) errors. I'll definitely fix those ^^
-I chose Japan because I'm a weeaboo, but now I think it was a bad decision. xDD
-Magic school bgs? Where?! Lol. It's sad but my lack of drawing ability restricts how much I can do. I can't do backgrounds, that's why I could only use what I could find... thus... Planets looks like a normal school. Neither you nor Marin were impressed I guess XD
I hated having to use the same hallway/classroom backgrounds for both high schools. I would love to change that, unfortunately though I can't draw backgrounds like, at all, so my options are kind of limited. I guess I could try and find a bg artist but I've always been one to work by myself. That said it IS supposed to be a normal high school, just with psychic classes. Psychic people don't like being thought of as different after all. xD
Don't worry though, there will be a lot of abnormal stuff that could only happen at a psychic school. The demo is only the first two days, the more exciting stuff happens later. I just wanted to give a small introduction of the game.

@nero279
Oh no TT_TT I'm sorry, I don't know... I'm horrible at figuring out errors (hence why it took so long to get this demo out in the first place) so... I can't help... OTL. I'll try uploading it again somewhere else?

@Boniae
Thank you so much! :] That means a lot.
The thing I was most worried about is the writing, so I'm glad you liked it ^o^