DLed it, played all four endings. Here are a few words on it.
Technically, you've improved a lot since your earlier titles. Your choice of artwork and font are appropriate for the sort of story you're telling, and except for the bamboo forest (which seemed a little odd for a story taking place in a western setting), nothing seemed really out of place. I am also impressed at the speed at which you're cranking out VNs - they may be short, but they are complete, bug-free games. Kudos for being so productive!
However, your writing still needs to improve a lot. As Applegate wrote, your style is still very stiff and your dialogue sounds stilted. You have a hard time conveying emotion; your characters seem to be mostly unaffected by what's happening around them. If you took a little more time thinking about the way people speak and try to adjust your writing according to the characters you're trying to portray, your stories would have a much greater impact.
Plot spoilers coming up...
What I particularly disliked in this story was the way you presented your plot twist. So your girlfriend is secretly a terrorist and your sister is secretly a policeman, and you didn't know this until your sister suddenly decides to tell you? Why isn't there any foreshadowing, except for the other endings where a bomb goes off without explanation? And why is your protagonist so eager to believe his girlfriend knew a bomb would go off if there was no indication that she had anything to do with this at all? I expected a melancholic slice-of-life story from your game, and I got "Memory Loss 2", including the final knife-fight. That sort of plot worked in a story where you had amnesia, but here, the surprise elements feel tacked-on and unnatural.
Why don't you try something romantic for a change and focus on a classic love triangle? With your penchant for out-of-the-ordinary plot, I'm certain you would be capable of much better stories than the ones we already know from you.
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Scriptwriter and producer of Metropolitan Blues
Creator of The Loyal Kinsman
Scriptwriter and director of
DaemonophiliaScriptwriter of
Zenith ChroniclesWriter for
Pet Project II: Heavy PettingScriptwriter and producer of
Adrift"Adrift - Like Ever17, but without the Deus Ex Machina" - HigurashiKira
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