Until My Last (KN)

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DaR
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Until My Last (KN)

#1 Post by DaR »

I've had this idea bouncing around in my head for a long time now, and I figured that I might as well make a thread for it because I'm planning on using it as my little intro to ren'py. So, without further ado, I present to the internet, Until My Last, a romantic kinetic novel of sorts. (honestly I'm not too sure right now, so "of sorts" will have to do.)

"But I know I will come back, and that's a promise..."

Plot
In the kingdom of Theidor, trouble is rising. Whispers of an invasion are spreading around the people and this time the League of Knights isn't nearly as competent as before. Their former leader, Sir Redford, was highly accomplished, ending many wars and stopping many invasions. He had rescued many prisoners of war, including a mission shortly before his death that involved finding the son of his best friend, a page who had been kidnapped and brutally tortured. The boy had been found, but his rescue was hushed up and kept a secret because of the knowledge he gained. It would be a little-known act of heroics that would also be one of his last before he was found with his throat slit while defending Theidor from the same invaders that attack it today.

And now, eight years later, Lady Maia Redford finds herself in the middle of it all. The young noblewoman is haunted by the death of her father and the fact that she is engaged to the man that had abandoned her best friend. She isn't sure of what is going to happen but she's determined to put an end to it by her own means.

"Because maybe I might want to kind of spend the rest of my life with you, someday."

Characters
Lady Maia Redford
Image
At seventeen years of age, the young lady would normally be considered prime marriage material. Her father was a knight and a nobleman, she's exceedingly wealthy, and she's relatively attractive. On the down side, she is the daughter of a prostitute-turned-noblewoman.Maia, though not always the brightest candle in the room, is very determined and brave. She has a passion for everything she does that makes her a little narrow-minded, sometimes ignoring the opinions of others. Her feelings for Theodore are something she doesn't like thinking about out of fear of losing someone she loves. She's engaged to Sir Philip, but she's less than thrilled about it. She's quite average, standing at 5'5", with brown hair and golden-brown eyes.

Theodore Croft II
A tall, nineteen year old boy with an unfortunate childhood. He's known Maia since they were infants, and has harbored love for her for around the same amount of time. He was kidnapped at the age of nine because of his position as Sir Philip's page and because of Sir Philip's ways, he was left to die until Sir Thomas rescued him. He remembers his time in captivity in fragments and because of that people (namely Sir Thomas and Sir Philip) were concerned for his safety because of his knowledge. He was eventually moved to the watchtower. Theodore suffers from the effects of being tortured for two years- he doesn't trust easily, he jumps at loud noises, and he normally shows his wit through quiet remarks. He is by no means submissive, growing angry at any attempt to tell him what to do. He's quite tall at 6'1" and he has sandy blonde hair with deep blue eyes.

Duchess Adelle
The cousin of the queen, nineteen years old. She's a friend of Maia's and she sees the younger girl as a sister. She views most men with contempt after her former fiance fathered a child with another noblewoman when Adelle was fifteen. There are a few exceptions, being her cousin, Prince Jameson, Theodore, and a man known as the Raven, someone everyone believes that she invented. She's very imaginative and selfless, almost naive at times. She's a hopeless romantic and places love and friendship above everything, even the possibility of the country being destroyed by invaders. She's known for her crude outbursts, which mostly occur when she's approached by someone. She adores kids and entertains children around the castle with stories about the Raven. She's the same height as Maia, with deep red hair and deep, crimson coloured eyes.

Sir Philip
At the age of thirty five, Sir Philip is considered to be classically handsome. He's the head of the League of Knights and he is blissfully unaware that he is failing miserably at his job. He is also oblivious to the fact that Maia loathes him to the core. Philip is intent on marrying Maia, despite knowing her as a baby, mostly because he was able to force her mother into agreeing to the engagement. Sir Philip is incredibly intelligent and he is a fantastic warrior, though he was normally in the shadow of Maia and Theodore's fathers. The attention he gets now has made him arrogant, so much so that he doesn't see his own faults. He's around 5'8" with black hair and light grey eyes.

"I just want to be with you until my last breath. That should be enough, right?

"Shortly" now means a month and a bit, apparently. Welp, there's one picture done. I'm somewhat happy with it, I'm still learning how clothing works in general. :P
Last edited by DaR on Fri Dec 09, 2011 7:02 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: Until My Last (KN)

#2 Post by DragoonHP »

Woah... the story sounds so good...

I can't wait for updates... :-)

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azureXtwilight
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Re: Until My Last (KN)

#3 Post by azureXtwilight »

This looks good~ Hope you'll finish it!
Image

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Re: Until My Last (KN)

#4 Post by Veniae »

Why is this getting so little attention? It sounds awesome! I mean, I like everything about it! (Especially Theodore *Q*) Also: I wanna see art. xD

By the way, how long do you think the KN is going to be?

Good luck, I really hope you finish it! Also, if you need any help, feel free to drop me a message or something. (:

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Re: Until My Last (KN)

#5 Post by Aiurax »

This sounds quite nice. Can't wait to see the art :)

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DaR
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Re: Until My Last (KN)

#6 Post by DaR »

Main post updated with a picture of Maia! :D

And Venaie, as for length... I really have no clue. It's probably going to be somewhat long, but since I keep scrapping what I have and restarting it's hard to tell how long it'll be. Once I stick with something I'm happy with, I'll have a better idea.
I support Mr. Darcy~ <3

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Aurehan
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Re: Until My Last (KN)

#7 Post by Aurehan »

Wow, this sounds great! Good luck finishing!
"The two most important days of your life are
the day you are born, and the day you find out why.
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[♦] Mark Twain

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DaR
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Re: Until My Last (KN)

#8 Post by DaR »

Aaaand let there be COLOUR!
Now working on Theodore. :D
I support Mr. Darcy~ <3

evility
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Re: Until My Last (KN)

#9 Post by evility »

Ohhh, the premise sounds very interesting :D! I wonder why this isn't getting many replies. I'll be watching this for sure ;D!
With regards to the sprite, perhaps you could add a bit more shading to her eyes? Right now they look slightly creepy...

Good luck!

P.S. I support Mr. Darcy too :'D!

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Re: Until My Last (KN)

#10 Post by lordcloudx »

Need any help? I'm available as a beta-tester/reader for purposes of providing useful feedback for the story as well as for providing relatively competent character sprites (http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set= ... dcf385f82d a few examples) or helping to improve existing ones based on the author's/original artist's specs.

I know you're not really recruiting, but when I offer to help, it's just my way of saying, "good luck with your project and I hope to be able to read it in its completed form someday."
How do you make your games? I see. Thank you for the prompt replies, but it is my considered opinion that you're doing it wrong inefficiently because I am a perfushenal professional. Do it my way this way and we can all ascend VN Nirvana together while allowing me to stroke my ego you will improve much faster. Also, please don't forget to thank me for this constructive critique or I will cry and bore you to death respond appropriately with a tl;dr rant discourse of epic adequately lengthy proportions. - Sarcasm Veiled in Euphemism: Secrets of Forum Civility by lordcloudx (Coming soon to an online ebook near you.)

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Re: Until My Last (KN)

#11 Post by DaR »

@Lordcloud, I'd actually be quite happy to have some help with beta-testing/reading. I'm not really experienced in the art of writing for games, most of my writing experience lies in attempted novels, so a second opinion would be nice. As for the sprites, I'd much rather handle them myself, though criticism is always appreciated!

@Evility, how do the eyes look now?
Image

I also changed some things I wasn't overly happy with, namely her eyebrows.
I support Mr. Darcy~ <3

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