Lemma Soft Forums

after saving Terilo and getting back to the class

First, the characters are not believable.
The protagonist running out of class to the aid of a girl who he met for a total of 10 seconds the day before, and then having a random Q&A session in the infirmary is astoundingly improbable. Why would he run out of class because he saw through the window a girl he met the day before for 10 seconds being picked on by a gym teacher? Why would anyone do that? The entire notion is implausible at best and offensively paternalistic at worst. Moe is about defending cute girls, but this is way beyond satire and approaches farce.
The protagonist goes through really abrupt changes in character. The man jumps class the very first day of school, and then suddenly becomes interested in studying the second day for no apparent reason. I'm finding the guy's motivations difficult to follow.
Mio's behavior is further unbelievable. If I were the captain of an archery club, and I saw two delinquents skipping class and messing around with dangerous bows and arrows, my first thought would be to chase them away. And yet, Cool Captain of the Archery Club randomly gives the protagonist an archery lesson. Trespassing on club property would be a violation of the rules, and yet Cool Captain of the Archery Club immediately affirms the protagonist's negative behavior. I am willing to grant that the characters are supposed to fall for the protagonist, but this just too extreme.

Second, the setting is not believable.
This is not the Japan that exists in real life. This is not even the Japan that exists in animes. This is a fantasyland which the creator allegedly calls Japan, made from picking out the most noticeable tropes of anime and manga and pasting them in a background of assumptions.
The setting was left ambiguous the whole time. There's no mention of what it's like to be in a Catholic school in Japan, which in of itself would be a pretty unique experience. Everything about the archery club is like is left vague. And most sadly of all, the only experience of living in Japan described in any detail at all was the otaku anime club, which sadly is probably what the writer knows best about Japan. It's an amorphous setting, left vague and empty for a dearth of knowledge.
Most tragically of all, there is no mention of sakura blossoms, which would be in full bloom at that time of year. They are everywhere and you simply cannot go outside, much less go near a high school, without being caught in a flurry of blossoms.

1st: I guess it makes more sense as to why that happens if you did the Terilo choice on the first day, I'll rectify that for the second demo so that only is triggered if you performed that option (And before you ask, the scene between them at lunch was more or less longer than it was in the text but I felt like if I wrote a full 15 to 20 minute lunch scene between those two it would drag on too much.) Also, I do realise that some of the things that happen in this are satrical at best and even borderlining ridiculous and I apologise, but believe me when I say this, I'm planning to make it better in the next demo (Terilo's full route)

I guess I didn't really explain Vlad's decision to go with Renshi on the first day all that well, I'm thinking more bits should be added in order to make it so that his actions are not so sudden and hard to follow to the reader.

The first encounter with Mio I guess could be re-written to ensure that happens at first, but with much convincing the outcome could be the same.

2nd: I guess I kinda did write off the whole setting as a huge trope of the Japanese setting in general, keep in mind most of this was written while I was still a huge daily anime watching freak so Japanese setting tropes were embedded into my brain as a mental default, I apologise for making that stupid choice for the setting, but I think if I started to re-write the setting now, It'd take me back a fair bit, confliction thy name is stereotyping.

Believe me when I say this, most of the stuff that's not explained will most likely be explained further as I push the routes out, three days is not enough to flesh out and establish everything all at once, that'd be rushing it along too much in my honest opinion. Depth and everything else will be added in soon enough, don't worry

Finally, I honestly cannot believe with everything written in there so far, I never once mentioned cherry blossoms, you may proceed to nuke me with a thousand bombs for this (In all seriousness, I'll try and implement them into the setting in the next demo)

Hey is that really true for shooting arrows? Must been doing it wrong then when I was a kid.

Not sure, it's just what I remember from when I took lessons as a kid.