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[NaNoRenO] Letters for You [KN]

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Patty

Post subject: [NaNoRenO] Letters for You [KN]

Posted: Fri Mar 30, 2012 12:59 pm

Regular

Joined: Tue Nov 29, 2011 9:41 am
Posts: 98
Location: Philippines
Completed: Letters for You

Letters for You tells a story about Tegami, a special mail carrier, and Sayaka, a girl who stubbornly refuses to receive anything he delivers.

Tegami's determined to get her to receive something.

Characters

Fujitaka Tegami is a special mail courier who just wants to get on with his job. Special mail courier? A special mail courier delivers doctor's reports, military letters, government letters, and letters for the soon to die.
Despite the slight grimness of his job, he remains cheerful and always-smiling as he delivers each day, whether it's eight deliveries or thirty.

Narazaki Sayaka is a girl who refuses to accept Tegami's delivery. She's grouchy and sarcastic, but overall a good person.

Screenshots

Thanks to everyone who gave their feedback!

New Link! Contains corrections

http://www.mediafire.com/?z22axbl0p11hbpw

_________________
Letters for You [KN] [NaNoRenO 2012] : http://lemmasoft.renai.us/forums/viewtopic.php?f=50&t=14271

Paradox [NaNoReNo 2013] WIP: http://lemmasoft.renai.us/forums/viewtopic.php?f=50&t=19714

Last edited by Patty on Fri Mar 30, 2012 8:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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tuna_sushi

Post subject: Re: [NaNoRenO] Letters for You [KN]

Posted: Fri Mar 30, 2012 3:34 pm

Veteran

Joined: Thu Jul 07, 2011 9:33 am
Posts: 297
Projects: BloomingBlossoms

AAH! It's finished!
Downloading now~
Congrats on finishing it ontime!

first post yeah

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Sorry for my bad english ^_^''

My VN Website~

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Ziassan

Post subject: Re: [NaNoRenO] Letters for You [KN]

Posted: Fri Mar 30, 2012 7:05 pm

Veteran

Joined: Thu Jun 09, 2011 8:14 pm
Posts: 220

This was a soft and nice reading, the story was simple, and I especially liked the sarcastic ton, particularly coming from a girl, that's the kind of thing I'd fall for ahah.

I saw some things that - I think - need to be fixed, here's the list :

Quote:

"This is the fourteenth today. Walked a lot today, good thing I'm young !" : Two "today" in a row. Too much.

" What do you mean by 'something'?! I won't [...]" : An unwanted space at the start.

"Sayaka frowned, her worry clear on her face" : missing dot

"Tegami smiled as he walked [...] go home( and rest). : space problem with the parenthesis

Just after "His friend, a normal [...] this letter , but an [...]" : space problem with the second comma

"Are you worried?" : Tegami is saying that but no name appears

"You know how to take advantage of others guilt..." : the same

"Yes, mommy..." : This is Tegami who say that, not Sayaka.

"Feels nice to relax. THe weather's nice [...]" : two "nice" sounds too much, try "Feels good" or something.

"Shouldn't you say that to your self" : "yourself" is better

"Once it begins, it can't stop." : this should be said by Nara-chan, not the narrator.

"Should I comfort her , reassure her?" : two spaces around the coma

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Seeking creativity, mostly on the music side of things.
http://soundcloud.com/ziassan

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Patty

Post subject: Re: [NaNoRenO] Letters for You [KN]

Posted: Fri Mar 30, 2012 8:34 pm

Regular

Joined: Tue Nov 29, 2011 9:41 am
Posts: 98
Location: Philippines
Completed: Letters for You

tuna_sushi wrote:

AAH! It's finished!
Downloading now~
Congrats on finishing it ontime!

first post yeah

Thank you!

I'm kind of nervous because this is my first project, hehe. I hope you like it.

(And I've upped a new link with the corrections Zia mentioned. If you feel like downloading again, then give it a try. XD

Ziassan wrote:

That was embarrassing... Thank you for your time and effort.

I'm baffled my three testers missed that... O_O I've applied the corrections (except for the spacing issues on commas, the spaces there are proper... ._. Maybe it only looks like it has two spaces)

New link!

http://www.mediafire.com/?z22axbl0p11hbpw

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Amarrez

Post subject: Re: [NaNoRenO] Letters for You [KN]

Posted: Fri Mar 30, 2012 8:37 pm

Regular

Joined: Thu Mar 08, 2012 7:31 am
Posts: 33
Projects: Memento Vivere

Grah, I knew I had missed a few things in the proofread. Sorry about that, Pat.

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Patty

Post subject: Re: [NaNoRenO] Letters for You [KN]

Posted: Fri Mar 30, 2012 8:44 pm

Regular

Joined: Tue Nov 29, 2011 9:41 am
Posts: 98
Location: Philippines
Completed: Letters for You

Amarrez wrote:

Grah, I knew I had missed a few things in the proofread. Sorry about that, Pat.

It's alright. ^_^ I missed some character names (whatever you call that) when coding the dialogue.

Still, thanks a bunch for proofreading

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clua

Post subject: Re: [NaNoRenO] Letters for You [KN]

Posted: Fri Mar 30, 2012 9:01 pm

Veteran

Joined: Sat Dec 12, 2009 1:38 pm
Posts: 426
Location: In a jar with pirañas
Completed: Stormy Night
Projects: The Hurtful Wall

Congratulations for finishing the game!
I downloaded it just a while but I couldnt play it!
I will give my thoughts when I manage to play it

_________________
My WIP project:The hurtful wall
:Other VNs:
+The Knife of the Traitor(Nanoreno 2012)
+Eyes of Wilderness
++Currently colaborating with other folks as an artist.

sadfrog developer blog

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Harumi Fujyoshi

Post subject: Re: [NaNoRenO] Letters for You [KN]

Posted: Fri Mar 30, 2012 9:53 pm

Regular

Joined: Sun Mar 21, 2010 10:12 am
Posts: 131
Location: The Netherlands~
Projects: Secret project! (Well at least I'm working on something...)

Downloading now, it looks cute~ Will play tomorrow. Although naming somene "Letter" seems just a tad odd to me haha

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Please check out my otome blog!

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Reikun

Post subject: Re: [NaNoRenO] Letters for You [KN]

Posted: Sat Mar 31, 2012 12:14 am

Veteran

Joined: Tue Dec 20, 2011 9:57 pm
Posts: 322
Projects: EM, TWCC, GC!!, LL

Congrats on the release Patty! I was really happy to see all the sprites you made for this game (especially since you were a bit intimidated by making sprites before)!

Some notes on the art:
- When Sayaka's mom first appears, her happy mouth isn't quite hidden and you can see it partly behind her "O" shaped mouth
- This also occur's with Sayaka's sticking-her-tongue-out expression, so just be aware of your layers and the overall look of each sprite!

Great story and characters

I'm not sure if some of the descriptions (like specifically saying they turned left or right) are completely necessary, but writing can always be improved for your next release! *U*
A few more notes on the writing/story:

- The ages of Sayaka and Tegami aren't very obvious from reading the story. They both still live with their parents and are in the expected schooling age, but other than that we don't know much about them.
- Why would Tegami have random memories/flashbacks about Sayaka? It makes me wonder how long they had been apart before their reunion in the game. (Which brings their ages into questions again)
- When Sayaka was dragging Tegami on the ground, it would have been a bit more helpful to the readers if her trembling was mentioned in the narrative before Tegami mentions it in his thoughts
- Great drama with Sayaka suddenly falling in the kite scene. The abruptness was very appropriate.
- The kite scene in general was really good :B I liked it a lot!

Aaaand, some notes on the music/sound:
- The "BAM" sound can probably benefit from being more startling xD But I suppose it's partly a matter of preference
- The silly piano tune is a bit corny IMO

especially for a humorous/offbeat chase scene.

There were a few more points I thought about while I was playing, but I can't remember them right now OTL
Thanks for all your hard work on the game! You did a very good job given the NaNoRenO timeframe :3

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DarkSpartan

Post subject: Re: [NaNoRenO] Letters for You [KN]

Posted: Sat Mar 31, 2012 12:46 am

Miko-Class Veteran

Joined: Tue Sep 07, 2010 3:28 am
Posts: 703
Location: Perpendicularly parked in a parallel universe
Completed: Mobile Food Madness, Super Otome Quest
Projects: Project Orpheus
Organization: Polymorphic Games

Sakaya seems to have been living alone: Her parents came to help her move in with them.

_________________
I'm going to get off my soap-box now, and let you get back to your day.

Academy Daze- Demo pending
Knights of Chaos: Ghost- Coding underway
DevBlog: http://www.renaigames.net
Troubleshooter Tales: Childhood's End (story) http://www.knightschaos.com

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15385bic

Post subject: Re: [NaNoRenO] Letters for You [KN]

Posted: Sat Mar 31, 2012 1:57 am

Miko-Class Veteran

Joined: Tue Jun 28, 2011 7:39 am
Posts: 501
Location: Australia

congrats on finishing! DL it now X)

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Patty

Post subject: Re: [NaNoRenO] Letters for You [KN]

Posted: Sat Mar 31, 2012 3:42 am

Regular

Joined: Tue Nov 29, 2011 9:41 am
Posts: 98
Location: Philippines
Completed: Letters for You

clua wrote:

Congratulations for finishing the game!
I downloaded it just a while but I couldnt play it!
I will give my thoughts when I manage to play it

Thank you!

I hope you like it. Congrats on your project, too. Looking forward to it as well!

Harumi Fujyoshi wrote:

Downloading now, it looks cute~ Will play tomorrow. Although naming somene "Letter" seems just a tad odd to me haha

Haha, it does. XD I just went with it because it was punny, although it's unrealistic that someone would name their kid Tegami. D: Eek. I hope you like the game.

Reikun wrote:

Aaaand, some notes on the music/sound:
- The "BAM" sound can probably benefit from being more startling xD But I suppose it's partly a matter of preference
- The silly piano tune is a bit corny IMO

especially for a humorous/offbeat chase scene.

Thanks!

Making the sprites for this game (as well as the trial sprite I made) helped me get used to making them. They're not super intimidating after all, although I'm intimidated with sprites that need multiple poses, hehe.

And I really need to be careful about the layers nest time, sorry bout that. X_X

- Tegami and Sayaka are around 16-17.
- ~~Plot device for backstory~~ The random flashbacks are Tegami's thought processes, and him recalling his childhood. There's some very vague foreshadowing about this in some parts of the story.

- That trembling part was Tegami's afterthought, so I put it in last. He was trying to dismiss it.
- Thank you! I was hoping I wrote those two parts well.

- I had difficulty finding a good sound effect for the BAM sound. XD Either it was too soft, or too much like an explosion!
- I like the corny piano tune (~~because I am corny~~) :lol:

I'm glad I was able to finish this in time. This was my first project, and I'm glad you enjoyed it!

DarkSpartan wrote:

Sakaya seems to have been living alone: Her parents came to help her move in with them.

They wanted her to have a vacation at their old town first, since it's summer. Not technically moving in with her parents, but staying with them for a week or two.

15385bic wrote:

congrats on finishing! DL it now X)

Thanks! Hope you enjoy.

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Anna

Post subject: Re: [NaNoRenO] Letters for You [KN]

Posted: Mon Apr 02, 2012 12:14 pm

Miko-Class Veteran

Joined: Sat Dec 25, 2010 10:30 am
Posts: 658
Location: The Netherlands
Completed: Days of the Divine, Nanolife, Firefly
Projects: Locus Magici
Organization: Circle Pegasi

I finished this and it was as adorable as I expected it to be haha. Will there be a part two? As it was suggested very much XD. I'm also asking since I got curious about the main character's situation, but it was never explained a lot, just a little bit here and there, but I want to learn more about these characters~

Tiny bit of critique:

It was pretty obvious she was sick and going to die (just from the kind of letters he delivers), so the guy felt a little bit slow to me haha.

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Patty

Post subject: Re: [NaNoRenO] Letters for You [KN]

Posted: Mon Apr 02, 2012 12:24 pm

Regular

Joined: Tue Nov 29, 2011 9:41 am
Posts: 98
Location: Philippines
Completed: Letters for You

Anna wrote:

It was pretty obvious she was sick and going to die (just from the kind of letters he delivers), so the guy felt a little bit slow to me haha.

Thank you!

^///^

Hm... Part Two... Maybe?

The hints about the main character's situation was very vague and here and there. XD I think I'd remedy that, and update art in a version 2.

~~Tegami is Captain Slow, just like the author.~~ Tegami's utterly slow, a lot of my testers, and DarkSpartan commented about his slowness. XD At least he put the pieces together at the end.
I wanted the story to give focus on how the characters handle the situation instead of the big realization of the sickness. I don't think I highlighted that well though, ehe... ._.;; (How Sayaka handles it... Going from bitter and unaccepting to resolute about making the right decisions, Tegami just wanting to be there despite being Captain Slow

)

I'm glad you liked the characters.

Thought Sayaka would end up turning off readers because she might be bratty and stuff... And the crazy parents.. O_O

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Anna

Post subject: Re: [NaNoRenO] Letters for You [KN]

Posted: Mon Apr 02, 2012 12:34 pm

Miko-Class Veteran

Joined: Sat Dec 25, 2010 10:30 am
Posts: 658
Location: The Netherlands
Completed: Days of the Divine, Nanolife, Firefly
Projects: Locus Magici
Organization: Circle Pegasi

Patty wrote:

Hm... Part Two... Maybe? ;)

Now now, don't be such a tease :'D! ~~you better~~~

Patty wrote:

Actually, I did notice that change, it was very nice to see! I don't think you did it badly, but maybe make the focus a little more clear next time yes ^^.

Patty wrote:

I'm glad you liked the characters. :)

Thought Sayaka would end up turning off readers because she might be bratty and stuff... And the crazy parents.. O_O

Nah, I liked their personalities! They were all very interesting and it's not unrealistic for someone (especially teenagers) to be like that haha. Also, even though he was slow, I think Tegami was a kind and hard working guy - sooo cute :')!

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