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I lie awake at night wondering what fresh hell tomorrow will bring me.

***Say You Love Me***Human Enough***Cheerful!Polymorph [NaNo12][Complete!]***


*Website, yo*

"It's cool. I got this."

I enjoyed this one. You are great at funny dialogue. The humor reminded me a little of MaryJanice Davidson (don't hurt me if you hate her!) but more self-aware and sincere, if that even makes sense.

I liked the sprite style, too, it went well with the tone of the game. Some of the expressions cracked me up. The save/load/preference screens amused me greatly for some reason.

My main issue was that you used the same window for Susan's thoughts and Susan's dialogue. It's easier to read if a separate narrator character is defined that distinguishes the two--no name window and in italics, or something like that.

Do you intend to write more stories with these characters? (pls say yes kthx)

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Lucky Special Games - Locked-In - Young Earth Road Trip - The Censor (Nano 2013) WIP

(I haven't read anything by her, so I have no feelings on that comparison <x<) And no, I get it; it's easy for humor to come across as forced, which I was trying to avoid. I figured the easier way to do it is just have Susan be the straight (wo)man/foil to what's going on around her. I also tried to avoid 'wacky dialogue' the whole way through, because to me things are funnier when it's tempered with normal/serious moments.

Also, any references to things (there's a few) I tried to down play, like when Derek


I'll admit I enjoy making wacked out expressions, possibly a little too much. Hopefully by the time I remake it, the art will be better; trying to do sprites and stuff while still learning to use a tablet probably wasn't the best of ideas.


FFFUUU-! No, really, I know. I tried to make it so that "No Visible Susan = Narration", "Susan With Parenthesis = Thoughts", "Susan With Normal Text = Speaking", but I didn't realize until later that that's either needlessly complicated or makes sense only to me. I'll make sure not to do that again, and when I redo it, I'll fix that.


Probably~ Despite the fact I felt I had to rush/cut stuff from this version, I did have fun writing it.

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I lie awake at night wondering what fresh hell tomorrow will bring me.

***Say You Love Me***Human Enough***Cheerful!Polymorph [NaNo12][Complete!]***


*Website, yo*

OMG you finished it horray! brb going to go play this!

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Blog | Twitter | Starlight Melodies | Papercut [NaNoReNo 2013]

I definitely want more stories about this world.

I really liked the characters. They were well rounded and realistic. I loved the coming into a conversation at the tail end. It had me laughing.

The sprites and their expressions were fantastic!

I agree with @saguaro about being confused about Susan's narration and dialogue. But you already addressed that.

Want more!!!!

Susan

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In order to understand recursion, one must first understand recursion. (Anonymous)

First, congratulations on finishing Nanoreno. Goog job.

Secondly, bravo. I was chuckling through pretty much the whole thing. You have a gift for this type of humour. I really like how the characters acted, the storyline and the overall feel of the story. It also felt really natural, like you weren't really trying to make us laugh but more like you were presenting us with a set of characters that tend to set themselves up. They are like those funny friends who are always hilarious to be around just because they are so quick on their feet to make jokes about the current situation. So many of the lines were just perfect and the tone of voice of the characters was wonderful.

You have already addressed the narration confusion issue, so I'll leave that. I also caught some grammar errors, so if you want to know them I can send it to you.

You are on your way to developing quite a nice and unique graphic style. It needs tightening to reach the point where it feels just right, but it goes perfectly with this type of story and it's very original. Things you could work on is the strength of your forms, finding the right balance for them, you line work and your choice of colours. Some of them were just a weeeeeeee bit bright, like Candace's hair.

The only other very minor thing I thought was that you used the word 'acerbic'. I had no idea what this word means, so it might be better to choose a more common word, like sour, especially since most of your script was written in a very relaxed and informal way. Same with shoggoth and empath, readers might not know what these are. It might be good to throw in an explanation somewhere like , just to give people some clues about what you are talking about.

Overall I really, really enjoyed reading the story and I especially enjoyed Susan's and Derek's interactions. And Derek in general. I really look forward to reading more of your stories!

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The other 1/2 of Cyanide Tea l My Deviantart Account I My Tumber Account I Break Chance Memento I Ristorante Amore

I just now finished this game. Very fun and ammusing! I loved the characters, for such a short story. I got a kick out of derrik and becky was cool too. i loved how susan was the "straight" one (as you put it in one of your posts). The story was simple yet felt complete. The expressions were awesome. oh and best of all it had a mongoose!

also i wasnt too confused on the susan narration/dialogue after a short bit i realized which was which lol. Well I'd like to see more stories involving these characters, but if not this one was really fun to play. congrats on finishing this game!

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Blog | Twitter | Starlight Melodies | Papercut [NaNoReNo 2013]

I agree with everyone that says that would be awesome another game with this characters.
My favorites were Derek(Lol he is a jerk, but I found his dialogues amusing) and Becky(I wanted to enter her home)

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My WIP project:The hurtful wall
:Other VNs:
+The Knife of the Traitor(Nanoreno 2012)
+Eyes of Wilderness
++Currently colaborating with other folks as an artist.

sadfrog developer blog

I played through this a few days ago but only had the chance to comment now XD. Anyway, I really really liked the characters in this! They were all interesting in their own way and made me want to know more about them. Also, Candace's appearance made me laugh out loud haha. Great job for a VN you completed in one month. It's one of my favourite entries for this event!

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Nanolife | Dev Blog | Pegasi's website | Twitter

I laughed so hard the minute you finally see Candace. Oh my gosh, this game! It was hilarious, I must say, and incredibly charming! I don;t usually like kinetic novels very much, but this one was definitely worth playing. Awesome job!

LONG POST IS LONG.

@Susanthecat: I'll probably make a sequel once I redo this one. I had a lot of fun trying to hint about their world, namely that

And one of those 'tail end' conversations is based off something that really happened:

@Anna: Thanks~ And yeah, I was designing Candace's character and at first thought, "Hm, she looks too normal; Susan's supposed the be the normal one. Welp, let's fix that!"

@awesomeautumn: Well, that's a second vote for Candace being funny. I at first was going to make it a VN (you know, with choices and stuff) but seeing as I was doing practically everything myself, I felt it worked out better this way. An gla that you liked it.


I was hoping it'd flow naturally. To me, it's not really funny if you can, you know, tell someone's trying to make you laugh. When I'm watching a comedy, I get annoyed if the humor is overdone, because it starts feeling forced after a certain point. As it stands, I tend to prefer movies with more deadpan/low-key humor. I also made an effort to make all the characters sound different, as I tend to notice when characters all talk the same. >x>


Sure, that'd be really helpful!


I kind of thought that about her hair; I'll make sure to use less blinding colors next time. Or have someone help me with that, because I suck at it.

And yeah, my linework is still kind of WTF when I do it digitally. NOW, it's getting less so, but by the time it got even steadier, it's was the end of March. Though, should I keep the thick lines? I just have a weird personal preference for them, even though most people seem to prefer thinner ones.


Yeah, I probably should watch what words I use. I have a tendency to read old books and things, and I'll end up using a word that's usually not that common.

And I totally didn't think of the whole 'what is a shoggoth/empath' thing; I'm used to reading a looot of work with things like that, so I might forget others may not realize (exactly) what it is. When I re-do, I'll at least actually have time to have someone tell me if I need to explain something.

Also, Becky's house is

^Which in-universe is highly illegal to do, but hey. >x>


I'd be lying if I said Derek wasn't a fun character to write. 8D And thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed it.


Thanks~. I'm still going to change the text box with I redo it, with possibly having a different one entirely for when it's just Susan narrating, and not actually 'talking'.


Of course Derek's solution to

I'm sure we'd expect no less from him. I was also wanting him to be jerk, but not a total jerk, which I seemingly pulled off.

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I lie awake at night wondering what fresh hell tomorrow will bring me.

***Say You Love Me***Human Enough***Cheerful!Polymorph [NaNo12][Complete!]***


*Website, yo*

I giggled a lot, but Derek's face when: "If you had said yes, I would have immediately kicked you out." really made me laugh.

I really enjoyed the unique premise and artwork. The expressions were great, although I wish the characters would have moved around a little (understandably a tall order for a NaNoReNo game, though). Additionally, for I was surprised you didn't make use of vpunch/hpunch - maybe something to think about for the second version?

About the art style - I like the thick lines. I think you should keep them. ^_^


I think you pinned it down rather nicely. I liked him a lot... the thought actually never crossed my mind that he was a jerk. Then again, I'm probably not the best judge of character, because I recently reread a very early version of my story and found that my "Jerk with a Heart of Gold" character was acting like Satan incarnate. >___>

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“When I stand before God at the end of my life,
I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left,
and could say, 'I used everything you gave me.'”
— Erma Bombeck

Derek is someone with many varied (read: wacked out) facial expressions, rivaled only by Susan's.


...THERE'S SUCH A THING?! /fail

Ahem. On that note, yeah. Originally, I was going to give them all multiple poses, such as Derek/Becky/Candace having one for when s/he's talking to Susan, then another one so it looks like s/he turns to face someone else they're talking to. Then I thought, "I'm doing this all by myself. Screw it, just their eyes are moving." I plan to reinstate that though; now I have all the time in the world. Or no real deadline, at least.


I like them to, but so many other people have much thinner lines, I was wondering if I was doing something wrong or...something.


Lulz. It probably helps that while he tends to be sort of callous/brutally honest, it's tempered with him being relatively nice at times.

Rereading old stuff is always fun (and by fun, I mean painful; like looking back at old art Ox<).

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I lie awake at night wondering what fresh hell tomorrow will bring me.

***Say You Love Me***Human Enough***Cheerful!Polymorph [NaNo12][Complete!]***


*Website, yo*

Nah, not at all. It reminded me of the style in Dexter's Lab or Powerpuff Girls, which is awesome and totally something you should play up IMO. (The bright colors, lack of shading, and quickly switching expressions also add to it.)


Yes, it is fun to some extent, but... somehow... terrifying... (Like when I realized said character also sounded like a pedophile...) ;_;

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“When I stand before God at the end of my life,
I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left,
and could say, 'I used everything you gave me.'”
— Erma Bombeck

Man, I loved those shows when I was a kid. Though, the new version should have simple shading, at the least.


I have an ollld story that, while I like the concept of, won't go back and read it, because I know it'll be painful. But I guess if it's painful now, that means there was some sort of improvement.

_________________
I lie awake at night wondering what fresh hell tomorrow will bring me.

***Say You Love Me***Human Enough***Cheerful!Polymorph [NaNo12][Complete!]***


*Website, yo*