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NaNoRenO has calmed down and I now have some time to do reviews.

But these aren't going to be your normal reviews.

These are going to be uncensored stream-of-consciousness style reviews. I will play your game for at least 15 min and give my impressions as I go. I'm not going to sugarcoat anything. What you get will be my opinion.

So, if you would like a brutally honest review, post a link here.
If you would like to give a brutally honest review of a posted game, post it here

RULES
For Creators:
* only the creator of a game request a review
* if the game is created by a number of people, it is up to the poster to get consensus
* every aspect of the game will be reviewed - no picking and choosing
* no whining
* no explaining - your work has to stand on its own
* at the end of the day, remember that anything written is the reviewers opinion. They have given their time to help you create something better. Respect them for that.

Other Reviewers:
* you must play the game for at least 15 min
* only comment on the game in front of you -- not the creator's other games or other games in that genre and especially not the creator themselves
* brutal doesn't mean nasty or mean - just honest
* where possible, explain why you liked or didn't like something. e.g. Instead of "The sprites were bad" say "All the sprites were leaning to the left"
* this is to help the creator improve, keep this in mind as you are reviewing
* remember to say way they did right -- otherwise they will never do it again. If the writing was interesting and compelling, but you only say something about the spelling; the creator might believe that they can't write at all!

This isn't meant to be a slam circle or a place to be rude to other members. If someone posts here, the understanding is that they want a thorough review.

Susan

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In order to understand recursion, one must first understand recursion. (Anonymous)

Maybe I will make a review/rant everyone once in a while. Great idea SusanTheCat.

Right'en, hit me with your best shot: here you go. For maximum ease of use, here's a direct link to the download thing: Windows and Universal.

You know, I think this is a great idea for works in progress too instead of just finished VNs (because then you can still change things) or at least for recently finished works so you won't get the 'yeah, I knew that one' effect. So, can we post WIP projects or betas too ?

Anyway, for now I'm submitting myself as a reviewer. So Applegate, this one's for you!

Of Love and You

start-up and title screen first impressions:
+ nice calm music which fits the rest of the title screen.
+ I like the colours, because they complement each other well and have a calm feel.
+ I like the buttons, because I am a sucker for shiny.

- the resolution makes me cry. I have 1920x1080, which means it looks like a post stamp ;-;
- the bubbles don't look like real bubbles, not shiny enough and miss some colours, not connected to the bubble blow thingy, not sure if it's possible for a bubble to be oval instead of round when it's already taken shape (but I didn't think so).
- colouring and picture are minimalistic, while this is the title screen (you'd expect a cool image).

music
+ nice fitting music (though I love classical music so I'm biased ). Kudos for not using Kevin McLeod's ever repeating dull melodies.

- Music doesn't loop very well as it has a definite ending and then a long pause before it starts again.
- There's an annoying break before the music starts or changes.

visuals
+ poses! Yay! They make things more dynamic.
+ backgrounds are fine, since they don't distract and fulfil their purpose enough.

- the night scenes are so dark I can barely make out the backgrounds, same goes for the grass field background.
- because of their positioning on the screen (compared to the bgs) the sprites appear a bit tall.
- the way the sprites are drawn also appears minimalistic, for example; skirts don't end in a straight line like that, they go zig-zag. the line-art could also be rounder, because the girl appears very edgy now (is that the way to say it XD?). Anatomy and positioning of her hands is also unnatural and the thumbs are very pointy.
- because the text never disappears, you can't focus on the characters + everything is darkened, it becomes hard to see changes in expressions and everything feels really static.

writing
+ Didn't notice any spelling or grammar errors, which was really pleasing.
+ Sentences felt natural most of the time.

- This sentence in the beginning: "Aiya... as brutally honest as (etc.)" really annoys me, because 'aiya' sounds like either a strange name, or a weeaboo addition. Neither really fits, unless your game is set in Japan or something. Also, it annoys me even more because the thought gets completely repeated in spoken words, just this time with 'ouch, that's brutal honesty. (etc.)' makes me wonder what the thought's purpose was at all. So in short: disliked the weeaboo/nonsensical words and repeating thoughts in spoken words.
- they mention blowing bubbles for the first time a little later, as if it was already obvious they were doing that, but it wasn't because aside from the title screen there was no mention of it anywhere.
- the MC repeats the 'how many guys' hearts have you broken' question again somewhere, which felt pointless.
- You can't 'sigh' in a thought, since it's more of an action than a word. I've seen this written too many times, usually like 'Sigh!', which just looks weird in a thought.
- The sleeping on couches reference may not make sense to everyone.
- brutally honest thing gets mentioned 3+ times, making it a little annoying.
- too many references.
- Why even name 'anime' all the time? I don't even know where these people live and I don't see the purpose of comparing all the time.
- A steaming bowl of 'bakso'... ... uh... bakso? 'pak Arif's coming'... ... uh? ... dhakon board? I'll just give up trying to understand.

story
+ Here and there you had some fun jokes. I liked the 'respect for the parents' for example.
+ Because nothing was told about the characters, I wondered about them (what relationship, how did they meet, why do they hang out etc.).
+ nice beginning! To the point and interesting, nice.

- None of the questions which came up while reading were answered satisfyingly. Most were hand-waved or just not mentioned at all.
- I keep wondering why they're blowing bubbles. How old are they? Isn't this usually done by 6-10 year olds? I get you needed it for the plot, but it seemed random and not something teenagers would do.
- Why does the MC love her? He keeps whining about her all the way through, not one positive thing is mentioned besides her looks. The only reason he gives is that she can stomach his boring and depressing personality, but I don't find that very convincing: he's been acting pretty normal on the boring-scale so far (when it comes to real life) and I didn't see a sign of depression.
- Why do they hang out together? If he's so socially awkward he can't get any other friends, how did they even meet? He even states he doesn't know why they hang out, which really was disappointing. It feels really weak and Dewi is only being mean to him, so I don't get it.
- If he doesn't even have a room/normal bed to sleep in besides the living room, where does his dad sleep? And does such a house even exist? You'd think he would just take his dad's bed if he was gone anyway. Also, is the MC a student, a teenager or what? He seems to have nothing to do except hang around with Dewi.
- Dewi acts like a terrible girl :p. She jabbed and kicked the guy every time she disagreed (which means 10+ times) and only thinks of herself. I find it hard to like her.

I hope it's of some use to you!

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Nanolife | Dev Blog | Pegasi's website | Twitter

Thanks for taking the time and reviewing it. I was only involved in the writing and plot, and not music or art, so I can't say much about those.

But haha, ouch. The only good thing about my writing are not making many grammatical and spelling errors, and natural sentences. Looks like I've got a long road ahead of me.

I'm at least glad the plot raised some questions about the two people, and it's a shame I failed to deliver on the questions asked.

I've had the discomfort to have been inside a house with only one room.

Sorry, I promised myself not to sugar-coat anything! But yes, you did make me curious about the characters, so if questions are answered satisfyingly I think it's a huge step forward :).


When you lived alone, or with your parents? I know they exist for students, but I never heard of such a house for a family.

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Nanolife | Dev Blog | Pegasi's website | Twitter

While abroad, a little boy'd come by nearly daily to watch telly with us. He showed me his house once, and it turned out he lived in what we'd call a shed in the western world, but what they called 'home'.

Ah like that. True, they do exist, but it also heavily depends on the setting/land how common it is. The setting wasn't very clear to me, so I guess that didn't help in this case. My bad XD.

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Nanolife | Dev Blog | Pegasi's website | Twitter

I only have one finished game, i did for the nanoremo (i dont think it even takes 15 mins to play the whole thing haha) but here ya go

Also if you have time and are doing WIP games, I would LOVE any feedback (no matter how harsh) on WWOH (i don't have a demo or anything atm...but even if you can let me know something from that thread that be great ~)

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Blog | Twitter | Starlight Melodies | Papercut [NaNoReNo 2013]

I've been meaning to tear apart and reassemble this little VN for a while. A Brutally Honest Review! would really help me with that process. Here's a direct download. Just so you know, it's very short (about 15 minutes, I would say?). Warning: even though this isn't a hentai game, there are explicit descriptions of sex and violence.

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Adversity Comp (2012): Review Guide

Yay, a WIP!

I don't have time to read through the thread now, but what immediately caught my attention from the screenshots is that the sprites are placed so low/so small they appear to be much shorter than the protagonist. They appear to be midgets at the moment o_o;!

Usually the eye-level of someone having the same height as you is up higher. Maybe the image below helps explain it. The right one is the one I adjusted, just by making him bigger. The left is the original.

Overall the art looks really nice though!

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Nanolife | Dev Blog | Pegasi's website | Twitter

If anyone would like me to look at stuff, I'm willing to look at WIP stuff.

You should know ahead of time that I've been a freelance writer for several years. I've sold short stories, a graphic novel, and I've got a romantic suspense with an agent being shopped around to publishers (with more in the wings waiting to be sold).

So I'm a stickler about story/syntax/grammar, etc. Only for the brave.

I've read this a few times, then what I wrote, then this again and I have to ask: what about the beginning made it "to the point" and "interesting" that wasn't in the later parts of the plot? There are three times as many things you dislike as that you like about writing and plot, so I'm going to have to find out what you did like so I have a clear understanding of what you did like.

After ruminating on it a bit I definitely feel that there is more to my writing than just "natural sentences" and "stylistically correct"; your review implies I cannot write at all.

What I liked about the beginning was that it started with a straightforward question from the protagonist. It wasn't the kind of beginning I've seen many times, which start slow and then build up, instead it began at the most interesting point, which catches the reader's interest.

I don't know how else to describe it... perhaps the best way to say it is that unlike in the rest of the plot, this was a moment which felt interesting because it wasn't normal. It wasn't slow or filled with normal and dull activities (going to the theatre, eating and blowing bubbles together really aren't that interesting). It was interesting because it came unexpected and because you couldn't predict what would happen.

But then she gave her answer and the story was left without a main question to move it on. It felt purposeless, you didn't know why you were reading anymore or what the story was trying to work to.



I tried to explain what I liked about your writing and story. I find it very hard to elaborate on what I already said; especially for writing, I wouldn't know what to add because I don't demand much of writing and yours just felt pleasant to read, just... natural? Normal? No hard or old words and such.

Either way, I certainly didn't mean to say or imply that you can't write at all, so please don't take it that way. Also, my critique was mostly minor things which bothered me, those automatically appear as more but they don't count as much as the more broader points.

I hope that explains it better? ^^;

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Nanolife | Dev Blog | Pegasi's website | Twitter

Wait, so then where would you suggest to get royalty-free music that you can't get sued over or have to pay for (Magnatune doesn't help since I can't afford a subscription membership fee)? I can't read music or make it to save my life and I'm already doing everything else on my own in my project. So I felt utterly bad that I'm using Kevin McLeod's songs in my project ; __ ; And I feel like I can't pay for a music composer here so... yeah...

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