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Hi their I have decided to show my current script for the begging. This scene is a monologue from a character who will not be introduce till later in the story so no visual description.

Beginning script
{ delecetd from the face of earth and hopes to never been seen again}(wait I still have it saved....crap!!!)

Edit
Ok after reviewing what some people say I decided to try to keep it short and concise. Its bit of a shame he cant get more shine but than again he isn't officially going to be introduce into the story for long time. Well any wheres here revision #1 of his monologue.

"It is all right. No need to be impatient over such a tedious conflict. Being trap doesn’t make one powerless but perceptive of the situation. Precautions planning was done for these setbacks, for I can’t let any measure of hurdles inconvenient my plans. The fools who place me here will regret in leaving me in content. I’ll personally teach them the experience of irony, only then will my testament be concluded.”

I can't really critique it since what you've translated into English probably isn't your vision... But I'll try to, anyway.

I think you're giving the player too much information. Like the Quarantine trailer... If I were you, and I wanted to get my players curious about the story, I would just leave,

"I will be satisfied in the end. Because this is my life; I will have it that way, and for that it’s all I need to persevere. That chalice will be in my hands and the world will learn of my anguish."

_________________
World Community Grid
"Thanksgiving is a day for Americans to remember that family is what really matters.
"The day after Thanksgiving is when Americans forget that and go shopping." —Jon Stewart
Thank you for playing Alter Ego. You have died.

I feared as much. I have the tendency to give to much details. But this is also the nature of the character.

I understand where you coming from how ever I don't feel comfortable just leaving the personal agenda of this character in the spot light, this character love to analyze and explain things.

When writing I've been stuck on this tendency to assume that my reader has little knowledge and I should explain things. This is a good idea but I tend to go over board.
Also for people who can grasp thing I'll try to disguise something as complex when its actually simple. This clever and unique but also difficult to implement with my writing habit.

The translated into English, I'm kind of stuck what you mean. If saying when I though of this and try to put it on paper. I'll admit it has been difficult since my literature is low.

afsgdhfjg

*3 minute of silence*
"Back to the drawing board."

Ah, yes, that's what I meant. That what you've written on paper isn't exactly what you want...

I suggest that the game whould have different CGs/BGs for every few lines of text. Like, you read, "It is all right. No need to be impatient over such a tedious conflict," and then the image changes. Changing backgrounds will break the monotony...

_________________
World Community Grid
"Thanksgiving is a day for Americans to remember that family is what really matters.
"The day after Thanksgiving is when Americans forget that and go shopping." —Jon Stewart
Thank you for playing Alter Ego. You have died.

That something I should look into, sadly it cant be focus on right now hence I have no artist skills of my own and no artist to work with.

Even so, you can still add comment lines describing the sorts of images and visual changes that happen between the text. That's what I do... It's like writing a screenplay.

_________________
World Community Grid
"Thanksgiving is a day for Americans to remember that family is what really matters.
"The day after Thanksgiving is when Americans forget that and go shopping." —Jon Stewart
Thank you for playing Alter Ego. You have died.

true though right now I should focus on the script sense that isn't fully developed. I'm writing in third person view which is best suited for novels so I'm still debating how to go about this.

Well I try to make some complimentary art for the demo at least.

Oh, what to do, what to do...

Well, if you want to shorten the use of monologues, I suggest stream-of-conscousness:

He was smiling. He was smiling because everything was all right. There was no need to be impatient over such a tedious conflict. He was trapped... He was trapped, and he was more perceptive than ever. Luckily, he had taken all the necessary precautions for such setbacks, since he couldn't afford to yield to any sort of hinderance. The fools who placed him here will regret leaving him like this... After this ordeal, to conclude his testament, he would personally teach them the very definition of irony. Yes...

Err... Leaving him "in content"? Do you mean "contempt"?

_________________
World Community Grid
"Thanksgiving is a day for Americans to remember that family is what really matters.
"The day after Thanksgiving is when Americans forget that and go shopping." —Jon Stewart
Thank you for playing Alter Ego. You have died.

Forgive me maybe I'm bad at explaining this( wouldn't be my first). My revision was based off Mikan told me about my first monologue. That's what I mean by shortening it, because it was dragging on about things not inherently important to the plot.

Your suggestion would be good but I think it would be hard to pull off or awkward to do for a character who again not suppose to be officially introduce to the story. ( He will only get a monologue and maybe a shadow or blurry image oh himself ) Another problem also is this character in essence doesn't have a definite form, More so this character is just a soul. I'll give him a body it wont be his own original body. ( hes actually a pretty well known person whom I can get attacked by people that's familiar with him since hes a biblical character)

This is to give my audience some form of speculation of whats going to happen. Its a gimmick of showing as little as possible so you can surprise the audience later.

The content has many definition, but the one i was aiming for is from British definition.

–adjective
1. satisfied with what one is or has; not wanting more or anything else.

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/Content
(scroll down to the second definition)

Contempt could be use hence the soul is hated, but Content was more descriptive in what I wanted to be known. This character is taunting is nemesis for only leaving him seal. For we all know how reliable seals are right?

You can't say "in content;" it's an adjective, not a noun. You could say "The fools who placed me here will regret leaving me content," but it doesn't sound very natural.

I see. okay than how this?

The fools who place me here will suffer for their mitigated methods.