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Programmed to increase in size... does she go macro? Or do you mean the size of her memory, not physical size? Well, I can't go through the whole thing in one sitting so I'll do it in sections as I play it.

Uhh, the intro was a little wordy. I sliced it down for you and added some more parallelism and moved the intro into the present tense to work with the first sentence.

I kept everything in passive tense but I changed all "who" into "which"—this is an important distinction. A person is a "who." She obviously does not consider herself an individual yet.

Really great intro, BTW, if I wasn't sold before, I am now.

Edit:


Originally:

_________________
Don't worry, we can get through it together. I didn't forget about you! I just got overwhelmed.
https://cherylitou.wordpress.com

Proofreading, ahoy!

Frankly, there's not a lot to fix. What story there is goes quickly and very succinctly. I'm happy to say that the intro is the only "wordy" part so far that I've found. And I like how it quickly goes in for the heavy themes. Okay, so it's an "As you know Bob" speech but they're discussing it very realistically... just without the "as you know."

The only thing I'm curious about is the location they're all talking in, but I'm assuming gestures and expressions will be covered in the sprites.











I am so glad I signed up for this, all my robot and bondage fetishes are totally covered. Oh, and I think your layout is really hard to read, it's hard to see light gray on white in the menu/prefs/save screens and the yes/no dialogs.

_________________
Don't worry, we can get through it together. I didn't forget about you! I just got overwhelmed.
https://cherylitou.wordpress.com

wow...
i wasn't around for 1 day and the next thing i know, you have already posted so much...

anyway i am working on Jude now. Will pm each of you individually my email address.

Weekend~



Okay, post it up when you're done.

_________________
Don't worry, we can get through it together. I didn't forget about you! I just got overwhelmed.
https://cherylitou.wordpress.com

You like it?! T_T<~Tears of joy! I'm sooo happy! I was pretty scared that I got too caught up in creating what seemed to me how a robot-prostitute market would be like that I totally alienated my audience. ^-^;;


Yeah, it is pretty wordy. ^-^;; Thanks so much for looking at it and editing it, I love what you've done! What does the number with the w mean, by the way? Is that a time delay? (I'm a new to scripting, kind of learning as I go... ^-^;; )

I hope you understood my intro. o.o;; If not, I'll seriously have to re-do it. The intro is Autumn describing humans as if they were robots. The whole thing is metaphorical, and has no direct relation to the story, other than to set us up thematically to challenge the distinction between what is robot and what is human. When she refers to increase in size, she's explaining human physical growth from baby to adult. Is there a clearer way to explain growth?


I totally ran spellcheck just before I posted it. XD
It totally is a "As you know Bob" speech. XD I'm glad it wasn't too painful. (I totally enjoy it, it's so weird.) A lot of important information is covered there. Is it a successful "as you know" speech? Is it pretty clear what each type of robot is for?
The location is Nadiya's house, where Autumn's birthday party will be located. Hopefully this will be apparent shortly.


Nope, "get" is correct. Robots are bought by consumers, made by companies.


Lol! Glad you liked it. XD That's totally not original. XD I stole that from a comic book called "Surrogates" that was recently turned into a movie featuring Bruce Willis. Amazing comic book. Heard the movie wasn't very good. Actually I want to say that remark was from a scene that was cut from the book but was included in the bonus material... (so maybe I could pretend I came up with it. XD) I'm starting to think it looks silly capitalized though...


Yay, I'm glad. XD Though I don't think bondage ever comes up again. (Don't be too disappointed. ^-^;; )
Good point. It's actually just one of the pre-made choices. I shall try to see if I can darken the text some...


Lol, crazy stuff happens around here. XD Do you best! I will follow suit with the addresses.

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A Complete Kinetic Novel
Blog DA

oh yar i will go read up on the script when i got home from school today XD

Awesome! Thanks so much.

So, totally screw the two-three days thing, I have my artist directions right now. o.o; I'm sending them around to everyone, because they contain massive spoilers, of course. I'll make up a simple/rough list to post here too.

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A Complete Kinetic Novel
Blog DA

You forget that your audience is largely inured to all kinds of strange things that go in anime...

hell, I'm a bit of a fan of the recent ファイト一発!充電ちゃん or Charging Girls or Fight! Ippatsu Juuden-chan or whatever it goes by nowadays... and that involved bats and sexy robot-style girls too.





Yes.





Nope, I didn't get it. You were too subtle... haha. You should include an epilogue or something in the middle with the same wording as the intro where she talks about it and it's really clear that it's humans.



And so forth.





It... kind of does.




Oh, that's okay, I'll just make my own fanart on the side. Muahahaha!
(slight warning, might not be SFW:) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pt27aZzEC2Y

Well, anyway, I read over the CG and sprite and background list. *cracks knuckles* Can't wait to get started.

_________________
Don't worry, we can get through it together. I didn't forget about you! I just got overwhelmed.
https://cherylitou.wordpress.com

Hmm i dunno if this qn could be ask here so i just post it under spoiler.



I think i might need to go through the script to get what you mean XD

I'll be reading the script, sorry for the delay...since i'm busy doing illustration...to sustain my life
SO many was posted already,. can't wait to color some of them

wohoo..haha, this is great stuff, and nice proofreading (grammar and spell check).

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-- note yourself: "do homework first before anything else" ---

its just the way it is

Where? I don't see any sketches...

_________________
Don't worry, we can get through it together. I didn't forget about you! I just got overwhelmed.
https://cherylitou.wordpress.com

*Above* the spelling and the story were posted..


well there is nothing yet but i'm excited to color them


sorry for the misunderstanding..

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-- note yourself: "do homework first before anything else" ---

its just the way it is

hmm i just read through the story and i think it was great.
abit sad though towards the end.

Sorry i am still working on it.

Sorry, I'll reply to everything in a couple of hours, but for now:



Does that make any sense? ^-^;


Don't worry about it, take your time.


Yay! I'm so glad you liked it! XD Yeah... it is. ^-^;;

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A Complete Kinetic Novel
Blog DA

That's true! But there are normal people who play visual novels too... ... Aren't there? XD Ok, maybe not.
I looked it up on ANN. Lol is all I have to say. XD

And at the Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei thing... lol, is all I have to say again.
I would love to see fanart~~ XD Even SZS robot bondage-esque fanart.... lol. Though maybe we should do art first. XD

Yay! I'm so glad your excited about starting! Nothing is more exciting to me than listen to you guys get excited about this. XD

I redid the intro myself to try and clear it up. Is this more clear?

_________________

A Complete Kinetic Novel
Blog DA