Lemma Soft Forums

This is an experiment. I definitely want some critique on it. All "errors" in the text, timing, and presentation are deliberate.

But if you do find a bug, let me know.



The game contains 65 screens of dialogue.
These screens contain a total of 817 words,
for an average of 12.6 words per screen.

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Don't worry, we can get through it together. I didn't forget about you! I just got overwhelmed.
https://cherylitou.wordpress.com

That's weird, why is the Mac version so much bigger?

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Don't worry, we can get through it together. I didn't forget about you! I just got overwhelmed.
https://cherylitou.wordpress.com

The mac version supports two processor types.

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"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face in marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming" - Theodore Roosevelt

This is dumb. What kind of visual novel doesn't even have pictures?

Clearly, it's not worth my time since it only takes less than ten minutes to play. You're dumb for even making a game with deliberate typos and this would have been a lot stronger if you just used regular prose and your post-structuralist formatting.

It wasn't groundbreaking when James Joyce did stream-of-consciousness and it's not groundbreaking now. I just feel like the entire piece would have been off as a traditional short story with poetry or something, since that's obviously what you were aiming toward.

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I am the id and the death of your ego

That was strangely cathartic...

_________________
Don't worry, we can get through it together. I didn't forget about you! I just got overwhelmed.
https://cherylitou.wordpress.com

I don`t understand quite well... It looks like talk with oneself.
Nevertheless, the double-text effect ("next next etc.") looks very interesting for me.

The game or sockpuppet and me?

If you mean the template, it's kind of difficult to show overlapping identities from first-person perspective, I think. It's kind of a short monologue.

Well, it's part of a bigger project but it will be December before I edit that section and put it all into chronological order.

Alex, the code is in .rpy and can be opened with NotePad. I don't believe that I obfuscated so feel free to use anything that's in there.

That effect was a happy accident of combining two characters with two different text speeds and I forgot to shift the dialogue boxes. I liked it so much, I kept it.

_________________
Don't worry, we can get through it together. I didn't forget about you! I just got overwhelmed.
https://cherylitou.wordpress.com

- CONTENT NO LONGER RELEVANT -

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What sort of critique are you looking for? It seems like a sort of piece that doesn't want to be measured by any particular standards. Some of the effects were interesting. Not sure how I feel about the grammar and spelling. I'm a big fan of E. E. Cummings (He's the reason I spell my name with all lowercase letters), so I can appreciate what you were going for. But a lot of it felt a little bit stilted. That may well have been the point, but feeding a story to someone in tiny disconnected pieces is rough on the reader. Sometimes it works (see: Baccano), but most of the time the reader feels frustrated because it seems as if the author is happily toying with him. Also, since there aren't any graphics, might it be better to use nvl mode? It seems a waste to use only a tiny default bar at the bottom of the screen for 90% of the story when you have all that extra space just lying around.

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Honestly, I've never even learned NVL mode... ah, I guess I'll just wait until SoTP is done and pray that a beta tester sees fit to give me a barometric reading on that part.

_________________
Don't worry, we can get through it together. I didn't forget about you! I just got overwhelmed.
https://cherylitou.wordpress.com

Nvl mode isn't too hard to utilize as I found out a few days ago. You just need to keep your characters and nvl definitions separate like this



And then whenever there is normal narration with no speaking you use the nvl code and then when a character is speaking you just use your declared character codes. Just make sure to use 'nvl clear' every now and then.

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