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PostPosted: Fri Nov 20, 2009 10:50 am 
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This is an experiment. I definitely want some critique on it. All "errors" in the text, timing, and presentation are deliberate.

But if you do find a bug, let me know.

Attachment:
template-win32.zip [3.98 MiB]
Downloaded 55 times


The game contains 65 screens of dialogue.
These screens contain a total of 817 words,
for an average of 12.6 words per screen.

Attachment:
cap1.JPG
cap1.JPG [ 26.75 KiB | Viewed 548 times ]


Attachment:
eogdeath.JPG
eogdeath.JPG [ 23.04 KiB | Viewed 553 times ]


Attachment:
cap2.JPG
cap2.JPG [ 28.53 KiB | Viewed 547 times ]


Attachments:
template-linux-x86.tar.bz2 [3.32 MiB]
Downloaded 14 times
template-mac.zip [7.1 MiB]
Downloaded 13 times

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PostPosted: Fri Nov 20, 2009 11:53 am 
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That's weird, why is the Mac version so much bigger?

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PostPosted: Fri Nov 20, 2009 12:40 pm 
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The mac version supports two processor types.

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PostPosted: Fri Nov 20, 2009 4:27 pm 
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This is dumb. What kind of visual novel doesn't even have pictures?

Clearly, it's not worth my time since it only takes less than ten minutes to play. You're dumb for even making a game with deliberate typos and this would have been a lot stronger if you just used regular prose and your post-structuralist formatting.

It wasn't groundbreaking when James Joyce did stream-of-consciousness and it's not groundbreaking now. I just feel like the entire piece would have been off as a traditional short story with poetry or something, since that's obviously what you were aiming toward.

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PostPosted: Fri Nov 20, 2009 4:28 pm 
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That was strangely cathartic...

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PostPosted: Fri Nov 20, 2009 4:49 pm 
I don`t understand quite well... It looks like talk with oneself.
Nevertheless, the double-text effect ("next next etc.") looks very interesting for me.


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 20, 2009 4:55 pm 
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Alex wrote:
I don`t understand quite well... It looks like talk with oneself.

The game or sockpuppet and me? :lol:

If you mean the template, it's kind of difficult to show overlapping identities from first-person perspective, I think. It's kind of a short monologue.

Well, it's part of a bigger project but it will be December before I edit that section and put it all into chronological order.

Alex, the code is in .rpy and can be opened with NotePad. I don't believe that I obfuscated so feel free to use anything that's in there.

That effect was a happy accident of combining two characters with two different text speeds and I forgot to shift the dialogue boxes. I liked it so much, I kept it.

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PostPosted: Fri Nov 20, 2009 10:44 pm 
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PostPosted: Sat Nov 21, 2009 12:16 am 
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What sort of critique are you looking for? It seems like a sort of piece that doesn't want to be measured by any particular standards. Some of the effects were interesting. Not sure how I feel about the grammar and spelling. I'm a big fan of E. E. Cummings (He's the reason I spell my name with all lowercase letters), so I can appreciate what you were going for. But a lot of it felt a little bit stilted. That may well have been the point, but feeding a story to someone in tiny disconnected pieces is rough on the reader. Sometimes it works (see: Baccano), but most of the time the reader feels frustrated because it seems as if the author is happily toying with him. Also, since there aren't any graphics, might it be better to use nvl mode? It seems a waste to use only a tiny default bar at the bottom of the screen for 90% of the story when you have all that extra space just lying around.

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PostPosted: Sat Nov 21, 2009 3:54 am 
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Honestly, I've never even learned NVL mode... ah, I guess I'll just wait until SoTP is done and pray that a beta tester sees fit to give me a barometric reading on that part.

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PostPosted: Sat Nov 21, 2009 4:20 am 
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Nvl mode isn't too hard to utilize as I found out a few days ago. You just need to keep your characters and nvl definitions separate like this

Code:
    $ nvle = Character("", color="#DDA0DD", kind=nvl)

$ b = Character('Someone', color="#DDA0DD")
    $ e = Character('Someone Else', color="#ADFF2F")


And then whenever there is normal narration with no speaking you use the nvl code and then when a character is speaking you just use your declared character codes. Just make sure to use 'nvl clear' every now and then.

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