And I did play demo 1 (just as you release demo 2!
I'm not that keen on the style of NVL (or ADV) text with things like
"Cassandra stands up and says with alarm in her voice..."
It might be a bit better with commas in place of the ellipses.
Well done on using em dashes where appropriate. Far too many writers just use hyphens.
I'm sure you've seen the rant about walls of ellipses
before, so no more need be said here...
I agree the pacing seems about right. I think the scenes with Priss are perfect for their role - you're showing how Lira interacts with characters who know her well, but there's something significant happening too (preparing for departure).
I didn't mind the swearing - perhaps because I hadn't got a feel for Lira's character yet, though - and I certainly don't mind the sentences starting with "And" or "But". That's a stylistic thing.Graphics:
When Cassandra's first shown: my reaction was literally "Ooh, damn she looks cool."
I love her laughing sprite too, and in fact all of her character expressions are excellent. The aesthetics are great.
A slight dividing line is visible in the backgrounds (cave, camp, bedroom) when they're panning.
I think showing the characters at different sizes or positions works pretty well.
I'm sure these are on the way, but Lira needs a couple more sprites like smiles to match the text when it says she grins. She's got the smiling sprite as we see outside the ferry with Priss, so you could use that one - just needs some more expression changes adding.
I'm really impressed with the variety of fades and transitions. Not only are they impressively customised, but they also almost all fit the scene and don't seem gratuitous.
The sprites do not have to be changed as often as they are now. Let us have a few seconds to realize what emotion the sprite shows before switching to the next.
Ha. That's an interesting preference; I pretty much completely disagree. I think it's best to show characters' expressions changing as often as the text calls for it, which can be very often in fast-paced scenes like the opening one.Typos:
Salima-Who's -> Salima, whose
assistant's -> assistants'
it's target -> its target
in vein -> in vain
goodness sakes -> goodness' sake
towards kitchen entrace -> towards the kitchen entrance
it's slip -> its slip
down right -> downright (not down-right)
diaphram -> diaphragm
between the girl and I -> between the girl and me
Author of Elven Relations
(IntRenAiMo 2007), When I Rule The World (NaNoRenO 2005), Cloud Fairy (Cute Light & Fluffy, 2009)
, the TileEngine and UnitEngine
(LSF@5), and the fantasy novel Ultimate Dream
(NaNoWriMo 2006 onwards).
In development (progress slow but ongoing): Elven Relations 2: Mermaid Liaisons
: Story 96% done, script 75% done, character art 95% done, event CGs 60% done, backgrounds 50% done, customisation 0% done; demo available