Finished with this branch, finally.
Most are going to be under spoiler so have fun reading white text.
First off, this was a particularly long one to read. And though it is true that I was juggling some other books to read for college, this branch was actually difficult to get into.
I believe it's because of the slow beginning.
During the time, Lira was simply minding her own business and nothing was happening to catch much of my attention. There wasn't much interaction with people because of her need to avoid contact and she simply stayed in her room, rather than go out to places and search for things to be inspired by.
I suppose it's all part of her personality but it was really slow and difficult to get into.
Once Salima appeared though, that was when things picked up. I felt more compelled to read then compared towards the beginning.
And I was really interested in everything that happened, specifically when Nina was left in charge of the house.
I love her bright and button personality and it was enjoyable to follow.
This branch completely flipped my view of Cassandra. I thought that she was good friends with Salima but that last scene just blew my mind. She pulled off, excuse me, a "dick move" and played it off without a problem. Man, that took me by surprise and I really want to know what else could happen.
Here's a few nit-picking throughout the script.
"The morning chill helps me wake up without the slightest bit of hesitation this morning."There's a problem here. Read it and you will see that there's a repetition of words and themes. You might want to correct that since that threw me off a bit towards the beginning.
Time wasn't clear when Lira had to meet up with Salima for the first, scheduled time. And there wasn't much of a reaction to remind the reader, "Hey, I'm seeing her Friday or whatever."
"Just go ahead and take the tray into the *dinning room."Spelling error. In fact, you spelled "dining" wrong in multiple places. Keep an eye out for that.
During the part where Lira goes and picks up medication, it was rather anti-climactic. I would've liked some more interaction between her and Karl even if it feels forced and she shrinks away.
The scene where Lira first ties Salima's hair with a ribbon would be more impactful if the sprite for Salima started with her hair down, rather with her hair up.
You spelled "bringing" incorrectly during these statements. Watch yourself there.
Misspelling: Cassandra: "I thought by brining you here, we'd be able to get away from the trouble. I guess…"
Misspelling: Brining my hand up to my head, I brush the side of my face.
Misspelling: Brining my hand to my temple, I rub it gently.
That's about all for opinions and statements. If you would like me to post this in the branch thread, I can do that, but for now, I'm PMing it to you since I'm not sure otherwise.
Thanks for letting us test out your story. I look forward to the finished product.