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Ahh, tried to have something 'small' for my first VN, and it still is ending up feeling like more than I can chew. My head hurts.

I give up. I'm dropping out. Shit is clearly shit and I can not do this essay to save my life and how the fuck does mold link to health beliefs and religion and housing and nursing shit and fuck.

Rinima wrote:I give up. I'm dropping out. Shit is clearly shit and I can not do this essay to save my life and how the fuck does mold link to health beliefs and religion and housing and nursing shit and fuck.

Sending you good wishes. (Are you reading "The Yellow Wallpaper"?)

Mad Harlequin wrote:

Rinima wrote:I give up. I'm dropping out. Shit is clearly shit and I can not do this essay to save my life and how the fuck does mold link to health beliefs and religion and housing and nursing shit and fuck.

Sending you good wishes. (Are you reading "The Yellow Wallpaper"?)

Thanks, and nope, doing a essay on housing and health effects >.<

I.Need. A. Break.

Compared to my previous semester, this one was insanely busy - it's NOT even my 2nd year yet (soon to be!), but still. I mean, 5 subjects, 10 assignments (in which ALL of them are group work), mid-term tests, presentations and exams?

Not counting my extracurricular activities yet, even.

I barely have time to write, much less free time.

I REALLY want this semester to be over ._. Fast.

Well, I don't feel like I should post this, but I need to get this off my chest...

I accidentally walked into my best friend's older sister's room while she was changing. At least she was still in a bra and panties, but I'm finding it hard to talk to my best friend or his sister normally. I've apologiized to both of them, but I feel like they will always know me for that one mistake.

I don't know what I should do...

GuyFromYonder wrote:Well, I don't feel like I should post this, but I need to get this off my chest...

[...]

I don't know what I should do...

It was an accident and you apologized. That's really all you can do. You might feel awkward around your friend and his sister for a while, but unless they are the sort to hold a grudge (and I doubt they would make such a fuss over something like this), they're not going to be upset forever, if at all. Do your best to move on. They will, too.

As someone who is blessed (and cursed) with a very good memory, let me tell you something: I've said, done, and endured many embarrassing things throughout my life. For example, I can safely say that I felt ashamed in front of my childhood classmates on almost a regular basis. But while I remember these things, my classmates don't, because they aren't me, and they went off to live their lives just as I did. Any memories they had of my social gaffes have been erased by time and distance. I don't think it's any different in your case---trivial memories are always supplanted by more significant ones.

Still no place to live in my new city. I applied for student housing in march and I'm still on waiting list. My brother applied in April, and he got an apartment a few weeks ago. He's prioritized because he's younger, which is nice and all, but my age doesn't change the fact that I don't have a place to live. I have friends that will let me live with them, but it's not a permanent thing, and I'm worried I'll have to drop out eventually.

My life still sucks, but I'm not dead (yet).

I'm doing fine now. Paranoia's all gone. Social anxiety's all gone. I'm perfectly fine now.

I had a crisis a few weeks ago over motivation. Studying was boring and I'm learning that my school in particular, what we learn there is waaay insufficient that what I could be learning in other schools. Which led me to think that I should probably study online programming courses. But I didn't have the motivation for that, plus I have actual school to think about.

A few weeks ago I started an internship, and it's surprisingly fun. I figured I love working. The employer told all the interns that we will be treated like actual workers and we will be doing REAL programming work.

The tasks assigned to me were different from what the other interns were working on, which made me feel incompetent at first. While all the other interns seemed to be working on a project that made them work together, I was working on a different solo task.

My tasks were a little challenging, but simple overall. I figured I wasn't actually doing real work, but apparently the tasks assigned to me were ones that to my employer and the other staff were important issues that needed to be dealt with. I could overhear my name most of the time during the staff's meetings about my completed tasks.

They even informed me that the changes and other stuff I made are going to be implemented and published. They said this to me like they were perfectly satisfied with my work, however I did tell them that my work is incomplete. I was told to prioritize other things about my implementation before I worked on other stuff, and I gave them a short list of things still needed to be done with my implementation.

This did not however stop the staff's discussion over the things I'm doing at work. They seem to be really impressed with me.

Right now, all the interns are working on the same project, and I was assigned a task for that project as well. At least now, i'm working with other people and I get this sense of camaraderie.

So my motivation right now is that, I like working. I learned waaay more things here than I think I ever will for the rest of my time in school. Not to mention I'm actively helping an actual company that's impressed with my work.

All this time I've been paranoid that my knowledge is insufficient, in fact, I still think I'm very incompetent. But even with this feeling of incompetence, my product and output is actually being praised. So maybe I'm actually better than I realize.

VN-wise, i've sort of been compiling a list of titles I could write in my head, but so far there's this one idea, which I think is a really cool plot for a story, that sticks out. And I'm drawing concept art for it, but I still need to solidify how I want the story to go and be like.

As for Perfection Project, I'm sorta at a block with it as my head is telling me to write other, different, and shorter stories in the meantime.

Other than that, I'm growing closer to the girl I'm crazy about. She's wondering why I have so much interest in her life because she thinks her current life is boring.

And just an hour ago, I was watching a Q and A with AronRa and two other dudes, and when asked a question about how to properly teach children, they answered something along the lines of, "You don't teach kids what to think, you teach them how to think."

Which I feel proud of because I wasn't sure if I chose the right time to tell my little brother that I don't believe in God. Recently, my family came to visit, and while having a brotherly walk with my lil bro, I got the courage to tell him that I don't believe in God, even though he is 8. When he asked me why, I told him to figure it out himself. I told him something along the lines of, "What I believe is not important, what's important is what you think, how you think, what you believe and why you believe it. You're a smart kid."

I told him a few arguments that he might understand ( after all, he is 8 ), but at first he was sad about it. I don't have the guts to come out as an atheist to mom and dad yet, so in defensive reflex, I told my lil bro that I was joking. And he got really really confused.

After a few days, my little brother pulled me aside and said,
"Kuya, I think that you're not joking. I think that you really don't believe in God."

I asked,
"What makes you think that?"

I can't remember his answer word for word, but it was something along the lines of him understanding the few arguments i told him about contradictory things in the Bible. And also our past conversation a year ago about evolution, how I told him that according the the Bible, the earth is 6000 years old and we are created, not evolved.

Keep in mind that my little brother is 8 so I imagine that this might be hard to take in. Nevertheless I felt really proud of him.

I said,
"Really? That's what you think huh. Well. Just keep thinking okay? Always ask questions to yourself. Nobody is really correct, you have to find out what is correct. You can get answers from your friends, mom and dad, from church, and in school. But you should always always ask questions. Okay?"

It's a vague answer, a product of me wanting to defend myself and making sure my little brother doesn't rat me to mom and dad, and also pride in my little brother's growing skepticism of the world around him.

Other than that, well... I found a new 'sandwich' supplier, and i've been happily enjoying my 'mari'nated steak subs every night for the past week. And I'm about to run out, and I kinda feel like I should be baking cakes.

Anyway, I guess this is just me saying that i'm still here, I regularly check the forums, and I'm not dead

Yay for not being dead, eh?

Been waiting for new GxB games in the 'Completed Games' section. Should've known that they resides a lot in the WiP. Hmm. All the best to game makers out there. May you persevere throughout the challenges and complete your games.

Art block, volunteer work, post-graduation tasks, job searching, and worst of all...

A craving for garlicky fried noodles at midnight.

Tried to record some practises I'm falling behind with, and everything just had to go wrong. At the end I'm exhausted, I've recorded way less lines than expected, and I'm frustrated. And I'm feeling bad for the people waiting for my voice acting on their projects, no wonder I don't audition anymore in the fandub community...

Still in mild shock that Dischan is closing down for good