[WIP]Ellipse chapter 2 PLC version *up* pg3

[Adorya]

Hello, I am releasing the 1st chapter of my project as a test exercise (art, programming and packaging) and also as a teaser.

http://rapidshare.de/files/30754291/dem ... e.zip.html

The script came from a Nanoreno-like concept, a novel contest with a 50k signs restriction and 2 month limit. As I discovered Ren'py while writing it, I felt that it would be interesting to move from a script to a multimedia novel, so here is the 1st batch.
The story won't have any choice menu but I will work on narration effect that pleased me in commercial or dojin VN.
If I am satisfied with the result I might continue with a choice VN.

This chapter is very short and should cover all the basics that I learned so far, it was made in 1 week (most time was spent on how code work with search & errors -especially errors).

The teaser music is a placeholder and should be removed after chapter 2 release. I don't plan to add any music after full release since I don't have the skill to create some, but if someone point me to some free ressource or want to help I will gladly accept.
I am also looking for help on english proofing, since the script was originally written in french and I tend to be babelfish-like on translation.

Note: I noticed when offuscating that the config.archive line added in the script file need to be just behind the image call or the game won't run (can't find any image), and also you need to add sound and image in the same line.

Code: Select all

$ config.archives = ['images','audio']
$ style.mm_root.background = Image("...

Edit: Ok wondered why my zipped file was so big, I though the offuscating system was also compressing the file, so I let the wav file uncompressed (90% of the file size). I will try to find a ogg compressor and reupload it later

[monele]

15 seconds download anyway... *pets his connection* ^.^

Well, I'm impressed. The writing in itself didn't strike me as particularly... particular, but it's clear that things are done more in a movie-like way and that's where it shines. From the very beginning (light) to the end, everything flows very nicely.
Art, while not being crisp, pleases the eye (and a few screens are actually beautiful in the mood they give).
I also realize that the premise is actually quite original... I wonder how it will unfold ^.^

Conclusion of my first impression : I want a second impression ! . Keep it up.

[DaFool]

I agree, great art, and interesting fresh premise.

Yay, another adherent of cinematic style.

Keep up the good work.

[Watercolorheart]

I downloaded the beta this morning, I will playtest it and get back to you.

[Taleweaver]

Wow.

Just wow.

There is neither game nor plot as of yet, but the premise is wonderful. The art looks very appropriate for the setting, and the choice of protagonist is almost a guarantee for great drama. An adventure from the POV of a creature traditionally associated with "monsters"... very promising.

Looking forward to this. Badly.

[DaFool]

Edit: Ok wondered why my zipped file was so big, I though the offuscating system was also compressing the file, so I let the wav file uncompressed (90% of the file size). I will try to find a ogg compressor and reupload it later

This feels like an answer to my question in the other thread . I found Oggdrop for easy .ogg conversion, the default setting shrinks the file compared to mp3 (but you must start out with .wav).

[Adorya]

Thanks for the feedback, I hope that my "work" will stay at this level of quality because this chapter was very short, the next is going to be longer and background heavy.

There will be 9 chapters in total.

I was always waiting for an opportunity to "animate" this story, writing novel is a good way but Ren'py can raise the reading atmosphere to a higher ground without having to be a real animator/anime producer.

About the wav issue, I can just say "wow" because oggdrop just "dropped" my file size to 100%, from 12 Mo to 1,02 Mo. Thank you very much for the advice.

Well now several things to do :
* learn how to move zoomed image and multi-paralell background scrolling
* searching on free classical music
* trying to learn how to do cell shade color
* rename the .exe

Off to work!

[Watercolorheart]

I just played your game, and thought that it was VERY nice. I eagerly await more, because the writing (grammar and sentence structure errors aside) has a lot of what I'd like to call atmosphere.

It's also enhanced by some appropriate sound effects, and really good-looking art, good job! I hope you decide to continue this.

Did you do the art for this? The airbrushing on the backgrounds and the sprite of the hatchling is sweet.

I prefer the airbrushing to the cel-shading, please don't change it.

[mikey]

Thanks for the feedback, I hope that my "work" will stay at this level of quality because this chapter was very short, the next is going to be longer and background heavy.

There will be 9 chapters in total.

I'd also like to say it was very promising, nice effects and interesting setup.

I just hope you don't overdo it and don't make the game too resource-intensive. If you make and release like this, a good-looking minidemo, no one usually criticises it, but working chapter-by-chapter is the most ineffective way to make the game. It's probably the most rewarding way, but at this level, it's going to be hard to keep this level of quality up.

But it's not to discourage you. Just be careful and keep in mind the ultimate goal - finishing. When the rough game is done, there's still plenty of time to fine-tune and tweak...

[Blue Lemma]

Nice start, Adorya! The sound effects are a nice touch. The art is good, too (I have to admit the bottom part of the silhouette in the title screen creeps me out a bit )

Just remember to keep it a manageable length, and you should have a good VN on your hands!

[Adorya]

BCS> I did the art, inspired from various typical CG or photo, but the technique is mainly burrowed from street painter artist in Barcelona (when I traveled there I was astonished to see how fast they work for an awesome result with only bomb painting and trash items).
The problem with airbrushing is that you lose detail coloring and the result is not very...clean (though you can delete your spray stroke on one side to resolve this issue). I am more inclined to have a O3 graphic (color lines, filling clean areas, then blur some parts). I will probably mix a few drawing technique, background in airbrush for chapter 1 was needed since I wanted a foggy morning view. I will maybe redo the character lining, the lines are too thick and uncolored.

mikey> I don't know what effect is going to slow down computer, though I didn't see any issue with the Ren'py VN I recently played but effects are the only things I have to enhance the reading since I don't (and I can't) put menu choices or other gameplay system (after all, this is only a straight novel).
I will try to be carefull not overdo it

Releasing chapter after chapter is a choice of mine, because I will make my script available for corrections and advices. After all, this is only a test to judge my abilities in a single creator project.
Also as the title of my project say, each chapter can, be for most of them, read independantly, and only one is going to make me suffer (4k sign to translate, urgh). Two of them are graphic 16+ rated, one is 18+ and the rest should be R (it was a teen to adult contest).

I knew I won't be able to finish in "time" (I dreamed to show off with my novel and Visual Novel at the end of the contest) meaning at the contest deadline and release of all novels for public review, but I am already satisfied with one teaser chapter ready. I have 15 days remaining to finish one or more then I will take my time for the rest

And just for tidbit, the theme of the contest was "Hunter"

[dizzcity]

Gah, Rapidshare hates me (and so do MegaUpload, TurboUpload and ZUpload, apparently...). I don't suppose anyone would be kind enough to upload a copy of the zip file to YouSendIt, would they? After reading the comments by everyone I really feel like having a look at this.

-Dizzy-

[mikey]

Gah, Rapidshare hates me (and so do MegaUpload, TurboUpload and ZUpload, apparently...). I don't suppose anyone would be kind enough to upload a copy of the zip file to YouSendIt, would they? After reading the comments by everyone I really feel like having a look at this.

http://www.yousendit.com/transfer.php?a ... 976BF2A9A5

[Watercolorheart]

Oh, I've been meaning to ask: when does NaNoReNo start up?

[dizzcity]

Thanks mikey.

Aww... I was actually planning to use a harpy too, in one of my new scripts for a VN. Looks like you got to the idea first, though, Adorya. Ah well, I still have a few other ideas.

The background visuals are lovely. Absolutely, brilliantly done, though Lae's master/mistress looks more like an eagle than a harpy. And the main menu cover is gorgeous. I like your colour scheme and the "Live, Die, Fly" slogan.

I like Lae's character art, too. Very effective use of the single time that we actually see more than her face. Interesting idea about fur growing on their legs as they get older. I take it that for your conception of Harpies, they have two wings, two arms and two legs, instead of arms which are also wings (like bats). The wing wasn't draw too well, though. It appeared rather blurry. (But then again, I know how difficult it is to draw a detailed wing.)

Was a bit put off by the flashes of light and the sound in the opening sequence. I think you were trying to give the impression of the "beams of sunlight", but it didn't come off too well. I suggest removing that sound altogether and making the flashes slower and gentler when they build up. Right now you've got three very fast build-ups from dark to bright, about 1 second each. And after each bright point it suddenly becomes dark again. How about including a "build-down" period, where the brightness fades to darkness too, before building up again? So it would be something like 1st sec dark->bright, 2nd sec bright->dark, 3rd sec dark->bright. That should give you a better impression of blinking in the morning sunlight, I think.

As a little break from my own activities, I've also proofread your script, attached below. Hope it helps. Also, you can try browsing the MIDIWORLD database for free classical music. You'll probably need to contact the composers themselves to ask for copyright permissions, though. I don't think they would mind.

-Dizzy-