Is it kinda sad that I got positively rediculously excited when I saw I had 5 replies? Thanks to you who played the game and commented, you warmed my creator heart and seriously made my day!
Funnyguts wrote:
I played it, and got the
free cookie
ending. I think the game definitely needs a bit more to it, it felt like it wanted to be dramatic, but didn't get past office banter.
That particular ending is one of the 2 shortest routes, so I'd like to see what you think about the others, but it's a good point which I'll take it into consideration when going over the 2.0 release. Thanks.
icecheetah wrote:
Finished, got all endings. And something's bothering me:
When I lied to Francis James SAID he had a fiver! Unless I'm wrong and this isn't set in the UK proper, a fiver should be enough for even a rip-off office coffee! I mean, I can go to a posh cafe and get a chai tea latte with a slice of cake for that! Normally I'd let this slide, but... the fact that the stalker just forgets that fiver bit and it leads to death kinda irks me.
Of course, I can only speak for Scotland...
Hmmm. I didn't really set the story anywhere in particular, apart from the Northern Hemisphere. The problem is that I hale from the Southern Hemisphere and so I don't really have accurate info on the value of money in any of the relevant countries. My (American) proofreader actually picked up some things in the script that confused him, whereas here it would be a perfectly normal thing to say. Which is another reason I tried to specify location as little as possible.
Anyway, after that long winded ramble... This:
"Normally I'd let this slide, but... the fact that the stalker just forgets that fiver bit and it leads to death kinda irks me."
is still a valid point though, so I'll just go and edit the "fiver line" so that James really says he has zero money, which should fix it (I have to go over the script again, I don't have access to it at the time of this writing - if you could, I'd appreciate if you specify
exactly which part you are talking about). I'll probably only correct it in version 2.0 though, but thanks for catching that.
icecheetah wrote:
Otherwise, interesting little thing. Liked the little twist with
the one romancable person being a stalker.
I'd personally like to see more, especially in the character development. I actually liked Francis the most, I think, and his introduction is him getting slagged off.
Didn't notice any bugs. Art was pretty (even though Francis' moustache seems like it was pasted on. Though I can kinda think of him as the sort that would stick a moustache on his face, thinking it made him look respectable), music was fitting, and I liked the interface.
Thank you and I am glad you liked it. Love that you think Francis would paste on his own moustache and I think you might be right. ^__^
SusanTheCat wrote:
The story has interesting plot twists.
I like the artwork and the backgrounds. The interface is absolutely beautiful.
Like @Funnyguts, I kept getting the feeling that the story wanted to be so much more. I am hoping that the fact it is called chapter 1 implies that there is more story on the way.
I think you have a good foundation to build on here.
Susan
Thanks for the lovely comment. I was going to make the following chapters more stand alone stories, but since all of you've said you'd like to see more, I will rather build on what I have. Which will probably also be a bit less work. Now I just have to come up with more story *coughcough*. Does anyone have a preference for which path/s they'd like to see carried forward?
Lastly, I thought of something specific I'd like comments on. Would you like to see a bit more descriptions added? Like 1st person observations, for example of someone's expression, from James' point of view? Even in normal novel writing I tend to do pages and pages of dialog and forget to add descriptions.
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