I love reading postmortems. Whether the project succeeded or not, I think it's always interesting to have a glimpse of how a project came to be, to learn of the mistakes, the hardships, the decisions that made it as it is now.
So I went out of my way and wrote one for Melos too. It's a long text for a small project, but it was quite cathartic and enlightening for me, and I'm posting it there in the hope it can of some use for others.
Melos postmortem
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Ren'Py specific questions should be posted in the Ren'Py Questions and Annoucements forum, not here.
Re: Melos postmortem
Chapter 1: Envy
I heard of the Yuri Game Jam's existence while roaming randomly the Internet at some point in the Summer. The project immediately caught my interest for several reasons.
First, of course, because I'm an avid Yuri fan and a regular consumer of interactive fictions and similar formats, a.k.a anything with a lot of text and choices inside, including Vns.
Second, because I wanted to write in English. It's obviously not a language I'm perfectly comfortable with, and writing a "long" (everything's relative) and coherent story in this spiraling maze of prepositions, strangely articulated tenses and puzzling grammar seemed like a good idea to earn some XP in this skill, and perhaps even a level.
The third reason is perhaps more amusing from the point of view of Lemmasoft's members. I usually work with a community, the French-Bulgarian gamebooks' enthusiats (it's a really long story), where writers are numerous and illustrators few. Having an illustrator "on team" from start to finish is pretty rare, and the most talented and skilled of them are quite courted.
So when I discovered the initial thread for this jam and saw there were good artists searching for writers, a dumbfounding situation for me, I decided this was an opportunity I couldn't let pass by.
Note that at this point, I had nothing. No concept, no characters, no scenario. I just wanted to be part of the event, to improve my personal skills, to work with people from different backgrounds, with another vision of creation.
Back then, I consider these self-centered reasons as some sort of fault I needed to hide. This sounded pretty pathetic, compared to all these people speaking about that project they had for years, loved dearly and that they finally had the opportunity to realize. This feeling grew even more when I read some of the first concepts, which were pretty awesome and imaginative, while I was playing safe.
But, by now, I've come to the conclusion this is exactly what jams are about. To learn, to progress, to teach. That there is no shame in participating for selfish reasons and without a revolutionary idea by your side, as long as you're honest with yourself and ready to work hard to get over your flaws.
But, whatever my reasons, good or bad, I went in, and what where the story starts.
I heard of the Yuri Game Jam's existence while roaming randomly the Internet at some point in the Summer. The project immediately caught my interest for several reasons.
First, of course, because I'm an avid Yuri fan and a regular consumer of interactive fictions and similar formats, a.k.a anything with a lot of text and choices inside, including Vns.
Second, because I wanted to write in English. It's obviously not a language I'm perfectly comfortable with, and writing a "long" (everything's relative) and coherent story in this spiraling maze of prepositions, strangely articulated tenses and puzzling grammar seemed like a good idea to earn some XP in this skill, and perhaps even a level.
The third reason is perhaps more amusing from the point of view of Lemmasoft's members. I usually work with a community, the French-Bulgarian gamebooks' enthusiats (it's a really long story), where writers are numerous and illustrators few. Having an illustrator "on team" from start to finish is pretty rare, and the most talented and skilled of them are quite courted.
So when I discovered the initial thread for this jam and saw there were good artists searching for writers, a dumbfounding situation for me, I decided this was an opportunity I couldn't let pass by.
Note that at this point, I had nothing. No concept, no characters, no scenario. I just wanted to be part of the event, to improve my personal skills, to work with people from different backgrounds, with another vision of creation.
Back then, I consider these self-centered reasons as some sort of fault I needed to hide. This sounded pretty pathetic, compared to all these people speaking about that project they had for years, loved dearly and that they finally had the opportunity to realize. This feeling grew even more when I read some of the first concepts, which were pretty awesome and imaginative, while I was playing safe.
But, by now, I've come to the conclusion this is exactly what jams are about. To learn, to progress, to teach. That there is no shame in participating for selfish reasons and without a revolutionary idea by your side, as long as you're honest with yourself and ready to work hard to get over your flaws.
But, whatever my reasons, good or bad, I went in, and what where the story starts.
Re: Melos postmortem
Chapter 2: Sloth
By this point, I was searching for inspiration a.k.a wandering the Internet and reading things here and there. In particular, Green Eyed Monster left its mark upon me, with its bittersweet ambiance and adult themes.
I quickly decided for a really modest project, to be sure it will be finished by the end of October. So a maximum of ~10,000 words (about as long as the average NaNoRenO game, but with twice as much time to make it), only two characters (because less sprites), no CG except for the title screen... In short, the bare minimum, arguing that if things went smoothly, extra things could still be added latter.
These constraints were pointing at a very calm, even languishing, story, because it looked like action would "cost a lot" (need specific sprites, or even CGs, and good directing to render well).
By a lucky coincidence, I had done a bit of research on Archaic/Ancient Greece for a totally unrelated project not long before. Since that's not a setting really common in VNs and it was still fresh on my mind, I decided to roll with it. Plus, it's a time period with some pretty cool and iconic visuals, an important point for a visual novel.
I then threw in a bunch of clichés in, even without realizing it (fun fact: I've seen about one Xena episode in my entire life, and I still managed to rip it off unconsciously), some mandatory references (like Sappho), the aforementioned Green Eyed Monster, and my natural evilness.
All together, it looked like a decent concept. So I took it with me, and tried to find an artist to work with me. And I got extremely really lucky because I immediately convinced Katta. I guess my incoherent gibberish was misinterpreted as some passionate discourse.
We discussed the concept, and she threw in her own ideas, among which the respect of the three unities (not in those terms, but same main idea of unity of time, location, and action, with no flashbacks and the like) or the use of paintings as backgrounds (especially the starting scene with the scroll).
Overall, the whole project looked like it was on a good start. We were motivated, full of ideas and almost organized.
But at that point, I was still missing something. Something perhaps useful.
A scenario.
By this point, I was searching for inspiration a.k.a wandering the Internet and reading things here and there. In particular, Green Eyed Monster left its mark upon me, with its bittersweet ambiance and adult themes.
I quickly decided for a really modest project, to be sure it will be finished by the end of October. So a maximum of ~10,000 words (about as long as the average NaNoRenO game, but with twice as much time to make it), only two characters (because less sprites), no CG except for the title screen... In short, the bare minimum, arguing that if things went smoothly, extra things could still be added latter.
These constraints were pointing at a very calm, even languishing, story, because it looked like action would "cost a lot" (need specific sprites, or even CGs, and good directing to render well).
By a lucky coincidence, I had done a bit of research on Archaic/Ancient Greece for a totally unrelated project not long before. Since that's not a setting really common in VNs and it was still fresh on my mind, I decided to roll with it. Plus, it's a time period with some pretty cool and iconic visuals, an important point for a visual novel.
I then threw in a bunch of clichés in, even without realizing it (fun fact: I've seen about one Xena episode in my entire life, and I still managed to rip it off unconsciously), some mandatory references (like Sappho), the aforementioned Green Eyed Monster, and my natural evilness.
All together, it looked like a decent concept. So I took it with me, and tried to find an artist to work with me. And I got extremely really lucky because I immediately convinced Katta. I guess my incoherent gibberish was misinterpreted as some passionate discourse.
We discussed the concept, and she threw in her own ideas, among which the respect of the three unities (not in those terms, but same main idea of unity of time, location, and action, with no flashbacks and the like) or the use of paintings as backgrounds (especially the starting scene with the scroll).
Overall, the whole project looked like it was on a good start. We were motivated, full of ideas and almost organized.
But at that point, I was still missing something. Something perhaps useful.
A scenario.
Re: Melos postmortem
Chapter 3: Pride
I had ideas. I had (self-imposed) restrictions. I had a setting. I had characters. I even had an introduction in mind. But I didn't have a distinct view of how things would evolve or end. In short, I had no real scenario.
After the fact, it still bewilders me I thought about a lot of small details, but not about what was really important. I guess I was so much engrossed in technicalities, such as art, music, rhythm, gameplay, GUI... that I forgot about the most essential part.
Oh, I quickly realized my mistake. It soon became obvious I had no idea where I was going. I was having the greatest difficulty writing, not because of the format or the language (even if that may have exacerbated my frustration), but because things were not clicking together. My vague draft of a flowchart revealed itself unusable, the characters were evolving in totally unexpected ways, the rhythm was inconsistent, the choices too similar and with little consequences.
The logical solution should have been to stop. Put down my keyboards, leave the project alone for a while, and perhaps come back to it later with a better idea about how to handle things, and simply the realization this was simply a concept that did not work (for me at least).
Had I been in a solo project, I certainly would have simply given up on Melos at this moment, and perhaps start something completely different instead. Or just dropped the jam.
But I was not alone.
I had already committed myself to a team. A team of two perhaps, but a team. Katta said she would provide the art and the GUI, I said I would do the text and the coding. I didn't swear solemnly anything, but this was still a moral obligation. If only because I convinced a talented artist to work with me instead of a more reliable person.
So. I had to make it work. One way or the other.
I had ideas. I had (self-imposed) restrictions. I had a setting. I had characters. I even had an introduction in mind. But I didn't have a distinct view of how things would evolve or end. In short, I had no real scenario.
After the fact, it still bewilders me I thought about a lot of small details, but not about what was really important. I guess I was so much engrossed in technicalities, such as art, music, rhythm, gameplay, GUI... that I forgot about the most essential part.
Oh, I quickly realized my mistake. It soon became obvious I had no idea where I was going. I was having the greatest difficulty writing, not because of the format or the language (even if that may have exacerbated my frustration), but because things were not clicking together. My vague draft of a flowchart revealed itself unusable, the characters were evolving in totally unexpected ways, the rhythm was inconsistent, the choices too similar and with little consequences.
The logical solution should have been to stop. Put down my keyboards, leave the project alone for a while, and perhaps come back to it later with a better idea about how to handle things, and simply the realization this was simply a concept that did not work (for me at least).
Had I been in a solo project, I certainly would have simply given up on Melos at this moment, and perhaps start something completely different instead. Or just dropped the jam.
But I was not alone.
I had already committed myself to a team. A team of two perhaps, but a team. Katta said she would provide the art and the GUI, I said I would do the text and the coding. I didn't swear solemnly anything, but this was still a moral obligation. If only because I convinced a talented artist to work with me instead of a more reliable person.
So. I had to make it work. One way or the other.
Re: Melos postmortem
Chapter 4: Anger
If Twitch plays Pokémon taught me anything, it's that with enough time and energy, anything can be achieved. Even with the most inefficient method.
So was done Melos's writing. Slowly, frustratingly, painfully. Writing, not writing, rewriting, progressing with little steps forward and big steps backward, with me hating this project a little more each day I touched it.
To be perfectly honest, I tend to be quite emotional when I write, and extreme reactions like that are not uncommon at all for me in such situations. I always hate what I write at some point. There is always a moment when I'm disgusted with the current story, pacing, style. It's never good enough, too slow, too confusing, too verbose.
But it's usually counterbalanced by some sort of recurring idea, some short term goal reminding me I'm still on the right path, that after this particular hardship will come easier times.
For Melos, this Zen equilibrium came quite late, and was tainted with bitterness. It was a "Okay, I'm seeing the end of this. It will be shit, but at least it will be complete." feeling, not some epiphany, not the joy of the puzzle finally being solved.
Actually, for the second half of September and the first week of October, I was convinced I would never manage to finish. I kept working on it, irregularly, because there was still enough time left regardless, the extra-cautiousness of my initial planning somehow paying off.
I didn't communicate much during this period, because I was embarrassed by the meager quality and scarcity of my work. So, of course, art didn't progress much too, as it was more and more obvious the VN may not come to life.
And indeed, at that time, hope was still locked in Pandora's box, out of view.
If Twitch plays Pokémon taught me anything, it's that with enough time and energy, anything can be achieved. Even with the most inefficient method.
So was done Melos's writing. Slowly, frustratingly, painfully. Writing, not writing, rewriting, progressing with little steps forward and big steps backward, with me hating this project a little more each day I touched it.
To be perfectly honest, I tend to be quite emotional when I write, and extreme reactions like that are not uncommon at all for me in such situations. I always hate what I write at some point. There is always a moment when I'm disgusted with the current story, pacing, style. It's never good enough, too slow, too confusing, too verbose.
But it's usually counterbalanced by some sort of recurring idea, some short term goal reminding me I'm still on the right path, that after this particular hardship will come easier times.
For Melos, this Zen equilibrium came quite late, and was tainted with bitterness. It was a "Okay, I'm seeing the end of this. It will be shit, but at least it will be complete." feeling, not some epiphany, not the joy of the puzzle finally being solved.
Actually, for the second half of September and the first week of October, I was convinced I would never manage to finish. I kept working on it, irregularly, because there was still enough time left regardless, the extra-cautiousness of my initial planning somehow paying off.
I didn't communicate much during this period, because I was embarrassed by the meager quality and scarcity of my work. So, of course, art didn't progress much too, as it was more and more obvious the VN may not come to life.
And indeed, at that time, hope was still locked in Pandora's box, out of view.
Re: Melos postmortem
Chapter 5: To do what must be done
This dark spiral finally ended when the actual coding started. I had somehow managed to produce... a certain number of words. Enough to reach a couple of endings. Many paths were still abruptly cut short, but it was possible to go from the introduction to one of the conclusions.
So I put my text in Ren'Py, split my far too verbose paragraphs into smaller ones, included the draft of Antiope and a few musics.
And it worked.
It was far, far, far from perfect. And completely different from the original idea. The characters went their own personal ways, and took the plot with them.
But it gave the feeling of being a VN, with a story and characters, not just the horrible mess I had imagined. Of course, its many flaws were blinking before my eyes, but, overall, it was not that bad.
This gave me the spark I needed. I cooled down, started working at a more efficient and regular pace, gave frequent news about my progress. The last point allowed for the art to start blooming again.
For many reasons, Katta and I had decided to keep the original deadline of October, 31st, so we didn't have much time left, but still enough to do an acceptable job.
Soon, the text was "done", if such a word can really have a meaning in a creative production. I was not proud of my work, which could have easily be much better (or so I hope), but the contract had been fulfilled.
A few Creative Commons musics and sound effects, a little programming, a (too gentle with my broken English) proofreading... and the last day was already upon us. In a few hours, I discovered the final version of the characters, the (great) title screen and the (great) GUI, with some unexpected good surprises like all the configuration (coding) of the GUI already done by Anne (Katta's sister).
So, we put everything together and published it.
And with that, it was done.
There was no explosion of joy, no celebration music. We were happy to have finished, but not with the result.
This dark spiral finally ended when the actual coding started. I had somehow managed to produce... a certain number of words. Enough to reach a couple of endings. Many paths were still abruptly cut short, but it was possible to go from the introduction to one of the conclusions.
So I put my text in Ren'Py, split my far too verbose paragraphs into smaller ones, included the draft of Antiope and a few musics.
And it worked.
It was far, far, far from perfect. And completely different from the original idea. The characters went their own personal ways, and took the plot with them.
But it gave the feeling of being a VN, with a story and characters, not just the horrible mess I had imagined. Of course, its many flaws were blinking before my eyes, but, overall, it was not that bad.
This gave me the spark I needed. I cooled down, started working at a more efficient and regular pace, gave frequent news about my progress. The last point allowed for the art to start blooming again.
For many reasons, Katta and I had decided to keep the original deadline of October, 31st, so we didn't have much time left, but still enough to do an acceptable job.
Soon, the text was "done", if such a word can really have a meaning in a creative production. I was not proud of my work, which could have easily be much better (or so I hope), but the contract had been fulfilled.
A few Creative Commons musics and sound effects, a little programming, a (too gentle with my broken English) proofreading... and the last day was already upon us. In a few hours, I discovered the final version of the characters, the (great) title screen and the (great) GUI, with some unexpected good surprises like all the configuration (coding) of the GUI already done by Anne (Katta's sister).
So, we put everything together and published it.
And with that, it was done.
There was no explosion of joy, no celebration music. We were happy to have finished, but not with the result.
Re: Melos postmortem
Chapter 6: Aftermath
I was taken aback by the first reviews of Melos.
Because they were actually quite nice with the game.
Far more than I would have myself been had the roles been switched I believe.
I rationalized (impostor syndrome or not) that most of them came from Lemmasoft, and that the members of this board have the reputation of being nice people in general, more desirous to encourage creation than to spit their venom for the fun of being a dick.
But still, the simple fact human beings read until they reached an ending and took the time to post a comment was more than my expectations. Which were somewhere between total silence (at best) and destructive posts pinpointing the many flaws I knew of (at average).
These low expectations were of course fueled by my bad experience during the writing. Which, now that I can think back about it peacefully, was probably an overreaction on my part.
I will not deny that the pre-jam preparations were too weak. Feeble foundations made for an instable and uncomfortable work environment.
But this would not have turned into such a storm of darkness without my own fiery and volatile temper, and many sources of stress, including some directly related to the project: a close deadline, the extra responsibility that being in a team of volunteers brings, the choice of a genre ("romance") I'm not used to write, in a language I'm not perfectly fluent in.
However, don't get me wrong, it was a very enlightening experience and I certainly don't regret it, and would do it again (hopefully better) should the timeline reboot. The most bewildering part (for me) is that it was a technical success (the game was completed) despite how badly the development process was handled.
And the main lesson I retained from it is:
Freaking communicate!
Any part of the development of a game can have problems. As can any person on the team. It happens. It will happen. But if you're keeping these difficulties to yourself, you're both preventing yourself from getting a helping hand or advice, and preventing your unknowing teammates from giving their best, if only because they will be missing important informations.
So. Talk. To. People.
I was taken aback by the first reviews of Melos.
Because they were actually quite nice with the game.
Far more than I would have myself been had the roles been switched I believe.
I rationalized (impostor syndrome or not) that most of them came from Lemmasoft, and that the members of this board have the reputation of being nice people in general, more desirous to encourage creation than to spit their venom for the fun of being a dick.
But still, the simple fact human beings read until they reached an ending and took the time to post a comment was more than my expectations. Which were somewhere between total silence (at best) and destructive posts pinpointing the many flaws I knew of (at average).
These low expectations were of course fueled by my bad experience during the writing. Which, now that I can think back about it peacefully, was probably an overreaction on my part.
I will not deny that the pre-jam preparations were too weak. Feeble foundations made for an instable and uncomfortable work environment.
But this would not have turned into such a storm of darkness without my own fiery and volatile temper, and many sources of stress, including some directly related to the project: a close deadline, the extra responsibility that being in a team of volunteers brings, the choice of a genre ("romance") I'm not used to write, in a language I'm not perfectly fluent in.
However, don't get me wrong, it was a very enlightening experience and I certainly don't regret it, and would do it again (hopefully better) should the timeline reboot. The most bewildering part (for me) is that it was a technical success (the game was completed) despite how badly the development process was handled.
And the main lesson I retained from it is:
Freaking communicate!
Any part of the development of a game can have problems. As can any person on the team. It happens. It will happen. But if you're keeping these difficulties to yourself, you're both preventing yourself from getting a helping hand or advice, and preventing your unknowing teammates from giving their best, if only because they will be missing important informations.
So. Talk. To. People.
Re: Melos postmortem
Chapter 7: In the end
This turned out to be pretty lengthy. Heck, I could probably still go on for some time, but I don't want for this to turn longer than the actual game this is about, so I will stop there.
I don't know if it's a useful story, or just me ranting about my life, but like for Melos, I will just say:
If only one person had fun reading it, or learned something from reading it...
It was worth writing.
This turned out to be pretty lengthy. Heck, I could probably still go on for some time, but I don't want for this to turn longer than the actual game this is about, so I will stop there.
I don't know if it's a useful story, or just me ranting about my life, but like for Melos, I will just say:
If only one person had fun reading it, or learned something from reading it...
It was worth writing.
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Lesleigh63
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Re: Melos postmortem
I liked reading it. I encounter some of the same problems when I'm writing - particuarly with abandoning ideas because I get so far and find out it's not going to work plotwise. Hopefully I'm only at the outlining stage at that time.
Re: Melos postmortem
Thanks for sharing your thought process, feelings, and afterthoughts. Also congratulation for releasing the game on time! Here are some of my thoughts, it'll probably turn a bit lengthy, but I thought since I enjoyed reading these posts, and you took time to write them down with thoughtfulness, I will attempt to do something similar.
Your reasons for wanting to participate in the event, sounds good and valid to me. I think if it's something you know/think you will enjoy creating and for whatever reason, you just got this desire to do it, then that's all you need to start doing it. Well, that's my opinion anyways. Although, sometimes it's easier said than done. It seems like creating anything will require a mental battle with oneself. On a side note, I think it's great that you want to practice your English. It takes courage to write something like a story in another language that you aren't comfortable with, and I think it's a good idea to combine learning that language with whatever is your interest.
Interesting tidbit about the French-Bulgarian gamebook community. I have always been curious about other non-English communities.
I like the careful thoughtfulness that both you put into the development. Personally, I think it's difficult to not over plan and I don't think it's uncommon to find out later that you skip over something among your planning. Anyways, I don't know anything about stage play/drama, but I like the concept of the classical unities integrated into the structure of your story.
I agree on communicating with your teammates. It can be difficult but it's important to be honest to not only yourself, but also to your teammates. If something in the development is persistently nagging you or you feel things are falling apart, I think it's best to voice it instead of being MIA or covering it up.
This was an interesting read for me. I like reading people's introspection and whatever thought process they had in the development. Good luck on your future projects.
Your reasons for wanting to participate in the event, sounds good and valid to me. I think if it's something you know/think you will enjoy creating and for whatever reason, you just got this desire to do it, then that's all you need to start doing it. Well, that's my opinion anyways. Although, sometimes it's easier said than done. It seems like creating anything will require a mental battle with oneself. On a side note, I think it's great that you want to practice your English. It takes courage to write something like a story in another language that you aren't comfortable with, and I think it's a good idea to combine learning that language with whatever is your interest.
Interesting tidbit about the French-Bulgarian gamebook community. I have always been curious about other non-English communities.
I like the careful thoughtfulness that both you put into the development. Personally, I think it's difficult to not over plan and I don't think it's uncommon to find out later that you skip over something among your planning. Anyways, I don't know anything about stage play/drama, but I like the concept of the classical unities integrated into the structure of your story.
I agree on communicating with your teammates. It can be difficult but it's important to be honest to not only yourself, but also to your teammates. If something in the development is persistently nagging you or you feel things are falling apart, I think it's best to voice it instead of being MIA or covering it up.
This was an interesting read for me. I like reading people's introspection and whatever thought process they had in the development. Good luck on your future projects.
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