Grim [UPDATE: 1/17/09 Sketches Up!]

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x__sinister
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Grim [UPDATE: 1/17/09 Sketches Up!]

#1 Post by x__sinister »

"Grim"

Early one October morning, young Allen Labelle was found dead, cold and bloodless beneath his bedsheets. He watches through lifeless eyes as his family mourns, and wishes for nothing more than to hold them one last time, to feel the warmth their bodies give him. But, he finds that he cannot even get near them, not without a lasting consequence...

You play as a young American detective, Simon Blackwood, who has been transferred to Great Britain in order to aid an investigation. He's heard rumors about the case; detectives gone missing, found dead, insane... Anyone going near the site has tremendous misfortune brought upon them. Little does Simon realized that death is just the beginning.

Rated: T for mentions of murder
Genre: Mystery
________________________________________________________________________________________

Features
- Interactive Interrogations
- Clickable Clues
- Updated Journal Entries
- 3 Endings (1 Good, 1 Neutral, 1 Bad)
- 1 Unlockable Ending
________________________________________________________________________________________

Protagonist
Name: Simon Blackwood
Age: 28 years
Appearance: curly light blond hair that is cut short, gray eyes, slim build
Likes: a good puzzle, the color red, fall season
Dislikes: injustice, dogs, paperwork
Personality: A young, intelligent man who is both appreciated and underestimated by his age and eclectic practices. He has a strange sense of humor that not many find amusing.

Victim
Name: Allen Labelle
Age: 12 years
Appearance: messy dark brown hair that is cut short, one blue and one green eye, sickly looking
Likes: the circus, playing outdoors, sweets
Dislikes: bedtime, girly things, violins
Personality: Quite a lively child. He loves to play in the gardens, especially with his older brother. A bit selfish and arrogant, but otherwise tolerable.


Labelle Family
Name: Marion Labelle
Age: 45
Appearance: slick black hair with a line of grey, dark blue eyes, tall and wide shouldered
Likes: heirlooms, fine wines, a book by the fireplace
Dislikes: cussing near the children, menial labor, unpolished shoes
Personality: A very stern man who may be very intimidating. He's quite conceited and selfish. However, he is very devoted to his family, and would do anything for them.

Name: Adria Labelle
Age: 38
Appearance: long dark brown hair that falls in waves, light blue eyes, delicate build, wears glasses
Likes: decorative eggs, her garden, seafood
Dislikes: loud noises, tracking dirt into the house, mice
Personality: A very proper woman who likes to gossip. While she may be a bit cruel with her words, she is very close with her children and likes to keep them at arm's length.

Name: Pierre Labelle
Age: 15
Appearance: dark brown hair pulled into a pony-tail, light blue eyes, wide shouldered
Likes: working outdoors, dogs, riding into town
Dislikes: being locked inside, stormy weather, broccoli
Personality: A natural man of the outdoors. He is rather kind and laid back, and has an easy-going sense of humor that everyone likes.

Name: Natalia Labelle
Age: 14
Appearance: long, flowing dark brown hair, light blue eyes, delicate build
Likes: playing the piano, dresses, writing music,
Dislikes: dirt, sloppy handwriting, pumpkin pie
Personality: A very proper girl after her own mother. She is rather quiet and prefers to stay indoors, but can also be quite rude to people she dislikes.

________________________________________________________________________________________

Progress
Outline - REWRITING
Script - REWRITING
Programming - 0%
Art & Music - 10%

Staff
Writer - x__sinister
Character Artist - COMMISIONING FROM kerinaty
Backround Artist - x__sinister
Event Graphics - STILL SEARCHING
Programmer- JQuartz
Music & SFX - Incompetech

Any and all other suggestions are welcome and will certainly be taken into consideration.
Last edited by x__sinister on Sat Mar 28, 2009 12:38 pm, edited 7 times in total.
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Re: Nameless Project - mystery VN

#2 Post by DrakeNavarone »

*Sigh* I was ready to launch into an entire tirade, but then my regular apathy for all things LSF lately kicked in once again, so I'll keep this short(er) and hopefully a little less painful.

I saw the thread from the subforum page, and I couldn't help get excited. Even the slightest whisper of the word "mystery" will steal away my attention. It's one of my absolute passions, and a word I stalk mercilessly around here. But then I read the thread and realized... I was no longer the least bit interested. There's just no sell to it. There's no hook, no draw. You give very little of substance, but are far too generous with extraneous detail (Height and Weight? Really?). We need something to spark our interest, and we need more than what we're currently getting. And I ask this not just of you, but nearly every WIP thread as of late (You just happened to be picked as victim this time). It's amazing how many times in this forum I see people amazed themselves at the lack of help and volunteers for a project, when they themselves deal out nothing in return. You may think you have the greatest visual novel in the history of the English scene, and you very may well have it, but thinking we, those outside your project, are gonna recognize this fact on first sight, is just the littlest bit ego-centric. It is your responsibility as a project lead to pitch your project with the best of your ability, and then and only then can you rightfully complain about the lack of response. This and many other threads of its ilk leave much to be desired in this regard, the most basic of needs from such a thread.

A good number of my colleagues and contemporaries in this forum will wholeheartedly agree with me that this is a trend that's doing no one favors. Many of them have decided to almost completely avoid the entire WIP subforum as a result of this trend, while others often voice their opinions quietly about the common flaws amongst them (One of which is very adamant about the now conventional "layout" or "format" of these threads and how they inspire nothing but yawns, this very One individual I know will read this post and should probably address this issue in a more public manner if he wants to see anything done about it, but I won't push him to do so). Perhaps keeping quiet about such issues is the same as condoning its practice, and we should have brought our discussions to a more public light in order to address and deal with them. So in a way, I'm also admonishing my friends (and myself for that matter) for their silence. But as silent as they are about their complaints, their opinions are no less valid, and they have said on several different occasions they are dissatisfied with the way most, if not all, WIP threads are written and followed.

(Actually, I'm gonna apologize right now for all my rambling... I seemed to have lost my point along the way a bit, so I'll just wrap things up right now.)

In short: we need, from you and all future and current WIP thread authors, more, and more of substance, not fluff. We need a hook, a draw, in order to follow these threads. Perhaps try and not to use your peers' threads as examples, considering we have just as many disappointments with them as we with yours. 3 sentences worth of summary, yet whole lists of biological stats for every and all of your characters doesn't cut it. It is your responsibility to sell your project, not our responsibility to respond and volunteer out of some sense of community obligation or bow to whatever talents you believe you have but yet have not made apparent.

Disagree if you want. Take offense if you want. To be entirely honest, I'm not saying this with the best intentions for you in mind. But, maybe just maybe, something might change because of this. I wouldn't invest in it though.

And before I let my disappointment cause me to forget: Good luck with this project. I'm sorry I won't be following it.
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Re: Nameless Project - mystery VN

#3 Post by x__sinister »

In all honesty, I am a bit offended.

Not because of your suggestion, however. If there is one thing I agree with is that my summary was more of a sales pitch than a summary. But, unfortunately, I can't really say much more without giving things away.

What I am offended over is that you decide to spam my board over something that barely has anything to do with my individual project. Just because you're dissatisfied with my vague summary doesn't mean you should post complaining about how everyone doesn't explain their plots to your liking. You should do it in a public place instead of singling someone out. It's very rude and not one bit appropriate.

And what I am extremely offended about is that you said, and I quote:
"It's amazing how many times in this forum I see people amazed themselves at the lack of help and volunteers for a project, when they themselves deal out nothing in return."

I recently had a conversation about this with someone I'm working with, and we both agree that it's absolutely ridiculous how people think writing the entire story is no big deal, that the writers 'deal out nothing in return'. Since you've shown your obvious distaste for my idea, I'm going to assume that you didn't even read to the whole thing (and, if you did, I really don't care); I've already written everything out. The entire outline, and a majority of the actual text. I don't appreciate you skipping into this board and preaching about how people who start projects barely put anything in. It takes time and effort to plan out all the dialogue, to make sure all the variables are taken into consideration, to create characters that are realistic (and yes, real people do have height and weight) and likable. It's very insulting, and I suggest that if you have a complaint about people as a whole, next time take it to a public board.
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Re: Nameless Project - mystery VN

#4 Post by Enerccio »

x__sinister wrote:In all honesty, I am a bit offended.

Not because of your suggestion, however. If there is one thing I agree with is that my summary was more of a sales pitch than a summary. But, unfortunately, I can't really say much more without giving things away.

What I am offended over is that you decide to spam my board over something that barely has anything to do with my individual project. Just because you're dissatisfied with my vague summary doesn't mean you should post complaining about how everyone doesn't explain their plots to your liking. You should do it in a public place instead of singling someone out. It's very rude and not one bit appropriate.

And what I am extremely offended about is that you said, and I quote:
"It's amazing how many times in this forum I see people amazed themselves at the lack of help and volunteers for a project, when they themselves deal out nothing in return."

I recently had a conversation about this with someone I'm working with, and we both agree that it's absolutely ridiculous how people think writing the entire story is no big deal, that the writers 'deal out nothing in return'. Since you've shown your obvious distaste for my idea, I'm going to assume that you didn't even read to the whole thing (and, if you did, I really don't care); I've already written everything out. The entire outline, and a majority of the actual text. I don't appreciate you skipping into this board and preaching about how people who start projects barely put anything in. It takes time and effort to plan out all the dialogue, to make sure all the variables are taken into consideration, to create characters that are realistic (and yes, real people do have height and weight) and likable. It's very insulting, and I suggest that if you have a complaint about people as a whole, next time take it to a public board.
I have to disagree.
You forget to see the detail.
Let me show you example:
Hello guys! I have new story! It's about love between girl and boy. Boy is going coming from Germany and he is moving to america!
That's about all I can tell you about story, but it will be epic romance!
I can share how character will look then.

<description>

Oh, I need artist, programmer, musician.
THANKS
Now tell me, as an artist, would you pick this project? If yes, why? There are thousand more same type of projects out there! If you want someone to do art for you or just follow you project, he needs more than how high or how much characters weight.... if you fail to see that point, I hardly doubt anyone will volunteer for you project or eagerly watch how it progress...

Oh, for writing part, well yes, it is hard, myself as writer can tell, but if you show NOTHING of your writing, NOTHING of your plot other than general "It will be mystery", then your writing might as well SUCK and your plot might as well SUCK, and no artist will risk that option wasting time and resources (if any). If you want anyone consider your project, you have give more than "It's a mystery".

(Both me and Drake wasted one post of the two weeks....)
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Re: Nameless Project - mystery VN

#5 Post by x__sinister »

I understand what you're trying to say.
I really do, and I am in the process of trying to logically phrase my new summary.

What I don't understand is why you put so much effort into bashing someone's thread and can't just politely say, "I would be more interested if you put more into your summary."
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Re: Nameless Project - mystery VN

#6 Post by PyTom »

Folks, if you want to talk about WIP in general, please use the other thread.

x__sinister... please try not to take it so personally. I'm thinking this was an issue that's been coming to a head for a while now, and that unfortunately exploded here. It could just as easily have happened in any of a bunch of other threads.

(This isn't to say that there isn't any brokenness in the WIP process... but it's often best to discuss things that people are invested in in the abstract, rather than picking one of many examples.)
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Re: Nameless Project - mystery VN

#7 Post by x__sinister »

I fully understand that the issue exploded here, and I don't really blame them for bringing the topic up. I'm going to follow their advice and change things when I get the next chance (whenever that may be, I have no idea), but I don't much appreciate their rude approach.

Anyway. I'm going to agree to stop arguing, now.
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Re: Nameless Project - mystery VN

#8 Post by monele »

Just stating first that I did not read the above discussion before forming my own opinion and that I'm not looking to launch the debate again. This said...

This seems like an interesting project (I don't know why... intuition I guess), but I found the summary terribly generic and I had more fun looking at the characters. But even then, I didn't really learn *that* much as it's too... "bullet-point" list. Recruiting or not, I think you need to reveal at least a bit more about why your project is not any other project, or more, not any other mystery story.
In other words, you went with an info dump which will be good when people actually ask for more details, but you're missing one or two paragraphs of story/pitching that set your project apart. You might want to focus on the characters actually.

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Re: Nameless Project - mystery VN

#9 Post by musical74 »

I agree with monele...(gee I agree with monele a lot...we must have silimar tastes!)

The base premise is good, and you have good info on the characters, but there's info that is missing that would help people get more involved and excited. There's a lot of info on the characters, which is good, but no real info on the game. Outside of *bizarre mystery* there doesn't appear to be much that seperates it from others in the mystery genre. Does it have suprises? Are there *woah, wasn't expecting THAT to happen!* momments? Do the main characters get frustrated with each other? Do the others <main characters and supporting characters> resent having this American butt in on something that they feel he has no business being in on?

I'm NOT saying the game is bad by any means. Just by adding little curveballs here and there, it makes this mystery VN different than all the others. Good example of *oops not who I thought* is the Detective Club 2 for the SNES, and for *much more detailed than originally thought* is J B Harold in Murder Club...I have both because they seem to add something to the genre. Surprises, that's what they are...surprises! And in the case of DC2, a real shocker!

I will keep an eye on this, because I like the character bios and like the general idea :)
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Re: Grim - mystery VN

#10 Post by x__sinister »

Update

- A character artist was found! You can find a link in the main post.
- A title was decided on. It may be a bit cliche, as the word has been used countless times, but it is the most fitting at the moment.
- A CG artist may have been found, though the details are still being worked out.

I've been very busy as of late. School's a pain in the butt. This weekend I should find some time to work more on the script, especially developing the endings a more. (:
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Re: Grim - mystery VN

#11 Post by monele »

Good to know this is still rolling ^.^

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Re: Grim - mystery VN

#12 Post by JQuartz »

Do you still need a coder? I don't dare to call myself a programmer but you can see my ability from the main menu generator. Good luck on your project.
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Re: Grim - mystery VN

#13 Post by x__sinister »

JQuartz wrote:Do you still need a coder? I don't dare to call myself a programmer but you can see my ability from the main menu generator. Good luck on your project.
Yes, I do still need someone to code the game. As long as you can code what I want (given that it's possible in Ren'Py), then I'm satisfied.

Your Main Menu Generator looks very impressive, by the way. (:
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Re: Grim - mystery VN

#14 Post by JQuartz »

x__sinister wrote:Your Main Menu Generator looks very impressive, by the way. (:
I'm so happy to hear that.happy X10. Anyway when you want some coding done, just PM or post in forum. Eh just a reminder, if I PM you anything, virus scan it first. I'm still worried that my account is being hacked and used to sabotage other members in the forum.
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Re: Grim - mystery VN

#15 Post by x__sinister »

Just a quick update:

I added a short list of features that I've planned to include in the game. This includes:
- interrogations
- clickable clues
- updated journal
- 3 endings
- 1 secret ending

I've also got a lot of the music searching done, and all I have left for that is sound effects.
The character artist said she was busy, but should be able to get me some sketches soon.
Background art is a pain in the butt, I've learned. >:(

And lastly, I've caught a snag in the outline concerning the endings and now have to rewrite them. ):

I hate when that happens. It's a terror on my brain.
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