[WIP] Folio Verso

[JinzouTamashii]

I'm sorry that you wasted your time too, delta.

We can take the rest of this... discussion... to PM.

... the very impressive visuals ...

They were great, weren't they? That opening menu with the kneeling figure in darkness and the flickering lights took my breath away. Even seeing it screencapped on their site was different than seeing all the effects and the animation transitions.

The therapist is really good too. Where'd you shoot that clip at, Leaden, an office at your workplace?

[Leaden]

P.S. Your translator sucks.

I know :o( My apologies.

[delta]

We can take the rest of this... discussion... to PM.

I hope by "rest" you don't mean "everything we didn't like." Because, was it really necessary to make every line of the protagonist a choice so you had to click exactly on the text to continue? I mean it's deep and all in the "EVERY THING YOU SAY IS A DECISION" kind of way, but it was also quite annoying, and I'd never let a clever idea get in the way of usability. Plus, maybe I'm even just reading to much into it, either way it's annoying.

[Kota]

p.s. delta, pls, troll somewhere else

Not often I see a creator derail his own topic intentionally.

[JinzouTamashii]

You could have just said "I felt like there were too many decision branches in the dialogue and it was overkill."

[delta]

Yes, I could. I could also choose not to laugh at you for your absurdly self-important and vengeful armchair moderating. But I feel that it bears pointing out.

On second reading, I was hasty in replying. You didn't even comprehend what I was saying. Good job, keep it up.

[JinzouTamashii]

<snip>

And nothing of value was lost. You've done nothing but attack this work and it's criticism but it's not constructive.

You are obviously a sensitive and intelligent person who experiences the world in a very textured and sophisticated manner but whatever negligent animals raised you forgot to teach you good manners.

And this isn't a problem without an answer.

You can learn manners no matter how old you are.

You just need a big heaping piece of humble pie and I hope it's shoved down your throat and you choke on it.

[duanemoody]

It's probably unfair to review a demo and discuss anyting other than the style. Now that Delta and Jinzou have ragejerked each other to the point of needing a cigarette and eventually picking out a china pattern, let's take a more objective look.

It's not a very interesting story. It isn't. I don't mean "It needs more giant-eyed 2D girls who I can pretend like me," I mean on its own it's taking too long to engage me as a reader.

I'm not drawn in, I don't give a fuck about the poor political prisoner being ripped to pieces by the crowd, and the choices being offered during an interview have the following two reactions from me:

• If I'm an experienced reporter, how much chance is there in my methodology?
• These are false choices, aren't they?

The model for the psychiatrist looks like an intern at best. Stop using your friends and coworkers as photographic models if you're serious about this.

The "people in the street" remind me too much of the segment from The Onion. We get it, people are stupid, move along.

"How can I trust another..." is a cliche. If you have to use it, don't leave this much time between the setup and the punchline for the audience to mock you for using it.

Put a face to this political prisoner character earlier in the story. Like the opening credits if need be.

Overall, you deserve credit for doing something new with the stuff. But don't coast on it.

[delta]

I kind of feel sorry for the creator of this thread now, this work certainly does deserve better than batshit insane illiterate uncritical fangirls frothing at the mouth.

Leaden, take it easy, okay? I'm looking forward to more of your work, if you fix the various problems and get the writing in order. Duanemoody is right on the money.
JT, as amusing as it is to watch you embarrass yourself, I don't think you should continue talking at this point. You know, for your own sake.

[JinzouTamashii]

duanemoody
Posted: Mon Nov 16, 2009 1:34 pm
Posts: 2

delta
Posted: Mon Nov 16, 2009 1:40 pm
Duanemoody is right

Rule: Sockpuppeting

[PyTom]

You do realize it's ridiculous to accuse people of sockpuppeting based on the time, right? In the case in question, the two posters are located about 5,000 miles away from each other.

[sockpuppet]

That won't stop the determined.

[Tsundere Lightning]

All I really have to say is that a game that inspires this much hatred for being radically different deserves my attention.

It's striking and dramatic, but the story and translation lacks polish. As visual art, it succeeds. As storytelling... It has potential, but it's not done yet.

Tighten the translation and train your actors a little better, and this is going to be something beautiful.

And hey, it's an experiment. Experiments don't always work. This comes close to working, which is pretty goddamn good.

[delta]

duanemoody
Posted: Mon Nov 16, 2009 1:34 pm
Posts: 2

delta
Posted: Mon Nov 16, 2009 1:40 pm
Duanemoody is right

Rule: Sockpuppeting

Well done, Sherlock. Not really surprising that someone with a mouth as big as yours would nicely fit their foot in it.

All I really have to say is that a game that inspires this much hatred for being radically different deserves my attention.

The only person that said anything remotely negative about this is me, and I don't hate it (in fact, I like the way it looks), I just don't really get the point of it. And it's by no means perfect.

Oh wait, by LSF standards this probably counts as deep seated, flaming hatred. Carry on.

[Tsundere Lightning]

All I really have to say is that a game that inspires this much hatred for being radically different deserves my attention.

The only person that said anything remotely negative about this is me, and I don't hate it (in fact, I like the way it looks), I just don't really get the point of it. And it's by no means perfect.

Oh wait, by LSF standards this probably counts as deep seated, flaming hatred. Carry on.

I stand corrected, then. I think I understand what he's trying to do, story-wise; the events don't change much, but your response to them and understanding of them do. This is very interesting to me! But it's also not a very traditional story that way, and it has the potential to be extremely boring if done poorly.

Understand that I don't think it's perfect; I'm just trying to point out it's imperfections in helpful and polite ways.