Puppet show (horror)

[Lion]

yay so exiting! my first mini game.
this is a kinetic VN (no option, you just sit and read)
there is only one scene in this game. (think of it as a one-shot)

i dont really know for what age this story is... there is no sex, but like i said in the title, this is a horror.

i hop you would like this!

mediafire: http://www.mediafire.com/?168lc1j7oo2d6f7

>< so exiting!

[SilverxBlue]

Ohhh! A horror KN!
*Downloads*
Will give comments after playing, which will be given maybe tomorrow. I don't like reading or watching horror at night makes me have difficulty sleeping! o_O

[Alera]

That wasn't bad. Nice affects and good music! The length wasn't a problem. Just it would have been nicer if there were some sprites. Now we had to just imagine everything. And if you want to keep it that way- not really showing anything, then I think you need some more descriptions with LOTS OF details. It's easier to picture it then.

Keep it up- horror is an awesome genre! :'D

[salis]

Congratulations on completing your first kinetic novel! Horror is one of my favorite genres ever, so I rather enjoyed this one.

The music and backgrounds were well chosen and fit the mood, the sound effects were nice and I was immediately grabbed by the atmosphere. It would have been interesting to have included sprites in your KN, but making the player use their imagination is still equally enjoyable, and sometimes makes the horrific moments even more frightening than visually presenting it. However, like Alera, I think a bit more description and detail is needed in your writing to help the player to visualize the scene better. Also, don’t forget to double check your spelling and grammar. There were a lot of misspellings, such as “beutyfull assistent,” “terrefied” and “middel.” As well as a lack of capitalization and proper punctuation. There are always wonderful people here on the forums that’d be willing to proofread your script for you, so consider that for next time.

Keep at it and I look forward to more games from you!

[Lion]

omg thenks for your comments! its makes me so happy to know that people liked what i worte!

i choosed to not use the sprites becuse i noticed that horror is sceary when you dont know what you "deal" with.
and once you know how the characters look like -physically, as in: you see it with your eyes, some of the fear dissapier (wich is bad in horror!) so i did drew sprites, but ended up not using them.

i will take the point about the descriptions and details for my next storys!

about the grammar, i think i will use the help of some proofread next time too.

thenk you very much for reading my story!

[Blue Lemma]

If the script is under 5000 words and you send me the script file, I will proofread it for you.

[KomiTsuku]

Since it was incredibly short, I got bored and edited the script. Use it how you will.

Edit: Fixed a problem I saw and uploaded.

[SilverxBlue]

I downloaded and I played but I completely forgot to give feedback. *orz*
I love the music and the atmosphere of the game and not putting the sprites was probably a good move since it adds an eerie feeling for me, not to mention my sleep won't be plagued by scary looking puppets. Wish a narrator or better yet the assistant should have said what they'd look like and how she entirely feels when she was there it would've made the story a whole lot creepier.
Anyway, It was pretty good even if it was too short the only downside I could see were the grammatical errors, but I see that it is already fixed.

[Lion]

thenks for the comments, its really helpfull.