Prisoner Of The Electron

Finished games are posted here, once they've been tested and are ready for wide release.
Forum rules
Adult content should not be posted in this forum.
Post Reply
Message
Author
User avatar
kkffoo
Regular
Posts: 133
Joined: Wed Sep 22, 2010 3:17 am
Completed: Tea For Two [KN]
Location: UK
Contact:

Prisoner Of The Electron

#1 Post by kkffoo »

Prisoners of the Electron - Shortform Kinetic Novel

Image
Image

Handsome scientist Carruthers has the hots for his colleague Karl's gorgeous sister Nanette, but Carruther's vital work and the busy far future world of 1999 New York seem to get in the way of any budding romance.
When Carruthers boss, the mysterious Professor Dahlgren goes missing the pair are thrown into a wild adventure on a mysterious planet ruled by Lizard men.
Will they solve the mystery or are they doomed to be eaten by hordes of ravenous dinosaurs?


Based on an original 1930s short story by Robert H Leitfred, this modern adaption uses the beautiful fractal artwork of physicist Mikael Hvidtfeldt Christensen to evoke the other worldly landscape of the tiny electron planet.
Story editing, digital puppetry and Visual novel adaption by Kate (kkffoo) Fosk.

DOWNLOAD
http://www.sendspace.com/pro/dl/4o4s1w



2,431 words
20 minutes approx


Website with additional background information.
http://prisonersoftheelectron.blogspot.com/

User avatar
kkffoo
Regular
Posts: 133
Joined: Wed Sep 22, 2010 3:17 am
Completed: Tea For Two [KN]
Location: UK
Contact:

Re: Prisoner Of The Electron

#2 Post by kkffoo »

Thanks to everyone that viewed this thread, and especially to those who were brave enough to download :)
I wasn't sure if the look would be too far from classic anime based novels for anyone at all to be interested.

The fractal artwork that I used in the landscapes was created by a Danish physicist who released the fractal screencaptures on a CC_BY license, so it wasn't necessary to ask for permission to use the images..very handy if I'm not if I really will get to the end of a project or not.

Anyway, I wrote to let him know I had finished and he was kind enough to get back to me quite quickly. He was surprised how well his shots fit in with the story...and actually so was I!

If anyone has had time to view the story I would be glad of any feedback.

I'm not expecting you to go to the trouble of reading the original to give me pointers on the adaption process, but pleased do if you feel the urge!
http://www.gutenberg.org/files/29882/29 ... e_Electron

Leitfred's original has 10,000 words approximately, and I reduced this down over a few weeks to what weighs in now at 2,431...actually the working script was larger than this, as I also edited as I made the novel, and created new material to bridge the gaps created.

If I were to make another (I hope so) I would like to feel more in control over the placement of items as this makes a huge difference to the feel of reading.
I love the customised menus that other uploaders here create, and there's so much scope and depth to Renpy that a lot more is possible.

I would be glad of any tips on places to upload and share VNs as I am so new to the scene, and once again, thanks to those who downloaded and read this story.

User avatar
kkffoo
Regular
Posts: 133
Joined: Wed Sep 22, 2010 3:17 am
Completed: Tea For Two [KN]
Location: UK
Contact:

Re: Prisoner Of The Electron

#3 Post by kkffoo »

Identical post-deleted
Last edited by kkffoo on Thu Jun 30, 2011 3:47 am, edited 1 time in total.

iskander
Newbie
Posts: 23
Joined: Fri Mar 19, 2010 8:15 pm
Contact:

Re: Prisoner Of The Electron

#4 Post by iskander »

I really enjoyed your kinetic novel, and this despite disliking the story itself. It's not your fault, but the story is so cliché that as a sci-fi work, I would never have read it. But I think you did a really good job illustrating it.

I thought that the character's illustrations were really good at conveying what was written in the novel; the couple hugging each other during the fall, and the whole ray thing was nicely done. The backgrounds were great (liked the lab and the field of stars), and well suited to the story.

As for problems, I would say that the characters looked a little bit "plasticky", some models did not integrate too well with the rest graphically (dinosaur, even though I liked it), and the illumination of the backgrounds was somewhat too uniform and flat. Perhaps it would help to work the final images with gimp/photoshop in order to "unify" the whole picture, once you have composed and traced it.

The music was overall nice, even if sometimes a bit too forceful for me, but that's just my taste.

I hope you'll produce other projects, and that this time you'll pick up a story which clicks better with my own tastes. I love sci-fi, but can't stand much of the sexist and jingoist drivel that was written in the 30-40's (to be honest, I can stand those problems if the story itself is interesting, after all Lovecraft was terribly racist but I still love his short stories, which are so powerful because of their originality)

User avatar
kkffoo
Regular
Posts: 133
Joined: Wed Sep 22, 2010 3:17 am
Completed: Tea For Two [KN]
Location: UK
Contact:

Re: Prisoner Of The Electron

#5 Post by kkffoo »

Thanks iskander for your review..sorry for delay in replying, I am just catching up after a holiday.

I found the dinosaur an issue as well but couldn't think of an easy way to solve it without taking the rest apart. I'm going to put it down to experience and hopefully get better integration next time.

Introducing more 3d into background..this is a great idea. I did some minor modifications such as adding shadows below characters' feet but your idea to enhance the '3dness' of the background set me thinking..thank you.

I set out trying to do a faithful, if edited, rendering of the original story and I just couldn't do it..the sexism and underlying racist attitudes set my teeth on edge so I hopefully removed, or at least toned down the worst of it.. ( I wrote a little about the process of adaption on the website http://prisonersoftheelectron.blogspot. ... tfred.html )

It was the unselfconscious adventure writing which attracted me to the story. There's a simple hero,
he gets the girl
..the structure felt possible to deal with in this new format..more so than my own convoluted writing anyway :)

I hope having done this I have an idea how to write the next one.

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Majestic-12 [Bot]