[KN] Saving Project: Blind? (Part One) LOOKING FOR REVIEWS~

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manga_otaku
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[KN] Saving Project: Blind? (Part One) LOOKING FOR REVIEWS~

#1 Post by manga_otaku » Thu Aug 18, 2011 2:06 pm

This is a short 5-10min (depending on how quick you click and read) kinetic novel based off the first chapter of my short story "Saving Project: Blind?".

Summary (As copied from my story summary)
For identical twins Jamie and Grace, he was the third person in their childhood trio.
For Jamie, he was an unrequited love.
For him and Grace, they were the perfect couple.
When Jamie and him decide to go buy the perfect for him to propose to Grace with, he wasn't supposed to protect Jamie and get into an accident.
He wasn't meant to lose his sight.
A two-part story on how life can chaotically change when the only option you have is to deceive.

Characters
  • - Jamie Hallie
    The protagonist who has an unrequited love for Liam Parker. She is the twin to Grace Hallie, who is engaged to their childhood best friend Liam. She blames herself and convinces herself that the only way for her to fix everything that has happened is for her to pretend to be Grace and look after Liam for the rest of her life.
    - Liam Parker
    Childhood friend to Jamie Hallie and Grace Hallie. He becomes blind after being involved in an accident where he saves Jamie from being hit by a car. Without his vision, he relies on Grace completely without knowing that the Grace he's relying on is actually Jamie, whom he subconsciously blames for his current position.
    - Grace Hallie
    Twin to Jamie Hallie and engaged to Liam Parker. She can't deal with the fact that Liam is now blind and wishes to break it off with him - even if it means breaking two hearts, one of which belongs to her sister Jamie.
Download
This game contains only the first part of it. It terminates just as Jamie decides to leave her old life behind. Depending on the reactions I get from this, I'll see whether I finish it off or not xD
Windows/Mac/Linux Combined: http://www.mediafire.com/?46as44h21zehcd5
Note: I do not know whether there are problems with Mac or Linux since I only have Windows :) Thanks :D

EDIT: If anyone wants screenshots I'll post them up :)
Projects:
WIP|[KN] Day Of Reckoning|
Completed|[KN] Saving Project Blind: Part One|[KN] Saving Project Blind: Part Two|[KN] Saving Project Blind: Final Part|
Is available to help with proof-reading (Grammar freak...) Maybe voice-acting in the near future x]

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Re: [KN] Saving Project: Blind? (Part One) LOOKING FOR REVIE

#2 Post by RemnantDream » Thu Aug 18, 2011 3:51 pm

I like the concept of it. Sounds very interesting.
I don't often like KNs, but this one I liked. Jamie is really sweet.. and a little selfish, in my opinion. But I like her.
There was one bug I noticed.
When Liam and Jamie are outside the jewelry store and he says she looks like Gracie. The word fiancee has some funky little "n" in it.
I really did enjoy it and hope you continue with it ^-^
Last edited by RemnantDream on Thu Aug 18, 2011 4:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: [KN] Saving Project: Blind? (Part One) LOOKING FOR REVIE

#3 Post by Hayzel » Thu Aug 18, 2011 3:56 pm

You'll be the first VN I play on my new computer~!
Review to follow~

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Re: [KN] Saving Project: Blind? (Part One) LOOKING FOR REVIE

#4 Post by manga_otaku » Thu Aug 18, 2011 4:14 pm

RemnantDream wrote:I like the concept of it. Sounds very interesting.
I don't often like KNs, but this one I liked. Jamie is really sweet.. and a little selfish, in my opinion. But I like her.
There was one bug I noticed.
When Liam and Jamie are outside the jewelry store and he says she looks like Gracie. The word fiancee has some funky little "n" in it.
I really did enjoy it and hope you continue with it ^-^
I know I know xD She's kind of snobby...but it's one of those "one-twin-is-better-than-the-other" thing xD
I need to find a font that supports the e with the accent in fiancée xD
Hayzel wrote:You'll be the first VN I play on my new computer~!
Review to follow~
Why thank you~ I look forward to it ^^
Projects:
WIP|[KN] Day Of Reckoning|
Completed|[KN] Saving Project Blind: Part One|[KN] Saving Project Blind: Part Two|[KN] Saving Project Blind: Final Part|
Is available to help with proof-reading (Grammar freak...) Maybe voice-acting in the near future x]

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Re: [KN] Saving Project: Blind? (Part One) LOOKING FOR REVIE

#5 Post by Hayzel » Thu Aug 18, 2011 5:10 pm

It was too short...;-;
I liked the characters..though I'm mad at Gracie for just leaving like that...And right as I started getting really into the story it ended ;-;

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Re: [KN] Saving Project: Blind? (Part One) LOOKING FOR REVIE

#6 Post by manga_otaku » Thu Aug 18, 2011 5:23 pm

Hayzel wrote:It was too short...;-;
I liked the characters..though I'm mad at Gracie for just leaving like that...And right as I started getting really into the story it ended ;-;
Well the first chapter is only 3 pages xD The next chapter has 6 I think so it should be longer...
Gracie leaves.
Life goes on...what with Jamie pretending to be Grace :)
Don't tell Liam though eh?
Projects:
WIP|[KN] Day Of Reckoning|
Completed|[KN] Saving Project Blind: Part One|[KN] Saving Project Blind: Part Two|[KN] Saving Project Blind: Final Part|
Is available to help with proof-reading (Grammar freak...) Maybe voice-acting in the near future x]

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Re: [KN] Saving Project: Blind? (Part One) LOOKING FOR REVIE

#7 Post by Hayzel » Thu Aug 18, 2011 6:22 pm

manga_otaku wrote:
Hayzel wrote:It was too short...;-;
I liked the characters..though I'm mad at Gracie for just leaving like that...And right as I started getting really into the story it ended ;-;
Well the first chapter is only 3 pages xD The next chapter has 6 I think so it should be longer...
Gracie leaves.
Life goes on...what with Jamie pretending to be Grace :)
Don't tell Liam though eh?
So you will make more <3?

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Re: [KN] Saving Project: Blind? (Part One) LOOKING FOR REVIE

#8 Post by manga_otaku » Thu Aug 18, 2011 6:28 pm

Hayzel wrote: So you will make more <3?
I don't know xD I might if I find some more time. But it doesn't really take that long I suppose...
Projects:
WIP|[KN] Day Of Reckoning|
Completed|[KN] Saving Project Blind: Part One|[KN] Saving Project Blind: Part Two|[KN] Saving Project Blind: Final Part|
Is available to help with proof-reading (Grammar freak...) Maybe voice-acting in the near future x]

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Re: [KN] Saving Project: Blind? (Part One) LOOKING FOR REVIE

#9 Post by Hayzel » Thu Aug 18, 2011 6:30 pm

manga_otaku wrote:
Hayzel wrote: So you will make more <3?
I don't know xD I might if I find some more time. But it doesn't really take that long I suppose...
XD You need to resolve your conflict !

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Re: [KN] Saving Project: Blind? (Part One) LOOKING FOR REVIE

#10 Post by manga_otaku » Thu Aug 18, 2011 6:32 pm

Hayzel wrote:
manga_otaku wrote:
Hayzel wrote: So you will make more <3?
I don't know xD I might if I find some more time. But it doesn't really take that long I suppose...
XD You need to resolve your conflict !
Meh. I'm whimsical...if that's the right word to use here xD I go with the flow 8) But yeah, I probably will make the second part soon.
Projects:
WIP|[KN] Day Of Reckoning|
Completed|[KN] Saving Project Blind: Part One|[KN] Saving Project Blind: Part Two|[KN] Saving Project Blind: Final Part|
Is available to help with proof-reading (Grammar freak...) Maybe voice-acting in the near future x]

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Re: [KN] Saving Project: Blind? (Part One) LOOKING FOR REVIE

#11 Post by Hayzel » Thu Aug 18, 2011 6:33 pm

Yay <3 I look forward to it

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Re: [KN] Saving Project: Blind? (Part One) LOOKING FOR REVIE

#12 Post by chimeric » Fri Aug 19, 2011 8:14 am

I just read through this! You're right, it's very short- it took me less than 5mins, but I am a very fast reader!
The music was good. It always fit the situation and conveyed the emotion of the scene effectively. The backgrounds. effects, sprites all looked good, too!

It's a little bit harder to review the story, because it was only the first chapter or so, so I'm not sure where you intend to take it from here...
I liked Liam's personality. He only had a couple of lines in the whole thing but didn't feel completely flat because of it.

I agree with RemnantDream; Jamie is pretty selfish. In a way, that's a good thing, though! Characters have to have flaws, and to me it was an interesting idea that she tried to justify how her actions as being 'For Grace and Liam' whereas all she's really doing is setting everyone up for an extremely painful fall in order to avoid telling Liam about Grace. In the end, it felt to me her actions helped her more than they would help the other two! This kind of drama is the kind that very much benefits from complicated, imperfect characters so I'm looking forward to see where you take her next :)

On the other hand, Grace's didn't really make much sense. It just doesn't make much sense that someone would abandoned their childhood sweetheart so suddenly, without even trying to overcome the obstacle, etc. The only conclusion I could come to that was that maybe their relationship had become strained on Grace's side or something- but Grace had such a small role there was no real indication. Equally, Jamie jumped to a very extreme conclusion- "I'll pretend to be Grace"- very quickly; she didn't even wait to try and talk to her sister again, or give her time to calm down and see if she's coming back- though maybe that's a little bit of her selfishness coming through again... You could say her wish has come true, in a way?
I did like it- I'll look forward to the next one when it eventually comes out! Whenever the, er, 'flow' lets you 8)

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Re: [KN] Saving Project: Blind? (Part One) LOOKING FOR REVIE

#13 Post by manga_otaku » Fri Aug 19, 2011 8:34 am

chimeric wrote:I just read through this! You're right, it's very short- it took me less than 5mins, but I am a very fast reader!
The music was good. It always fit the situation and conveyed the emotion of the scene effectively. The backgrounds. effects, sprites all looked good, too!
Thanks :D
chimeric wrote:It's a little bit harder to review the story, because it was only the first chapter or so, so I'm not sure where you intend to take it from here...
On the other hand, Grace's didn't really make much sense. It just doesn't make much sense that someone would abandoned their childhood sweetheart so suddenly, without even trying to overcome the obstacle, etc. The only conclusion I could come to that was that maybe their relationship had become strained on Grace's side or something- but Grace had such a small role there was no real indication. Equally, Jamie jumped to a very extreme conclusion- "I'll pretend to be Grace"- very quickly; she didn't even wait to try and talk to her sister again, or give her time to calm down and see if she's coming back- though maybe that's a little bit of her selfishness coming through again... You could say her wish has come true, in a way?
I suppose I should have put how long the time lapse between scenes were so you all knew how long he'd been in hospital xD I suppose Grace knew about how much Jamie liked him and how long, so she felt like she'd always taken everything away from her sister since she was the "better" twin in the family. Grace probably felt like it was a chance for her to do something and perhaps she'd always been trying to find a way to make it up to Jamie and a long relationship can mean that sometimes the love wanes after a while - which was happening to Grace.
Jamie - I have to say she's my favourite character. She's selfish, but she tries to justify her actions by saying it's for her sister and Liam. It was fun making her up and I like how I had fun creating her really. However, she does blame herself and lot so she decides abruptly that in order to save Grace and Liam's relationship she has to pretend to be Grace since Liam loves her so much. And she's one of the traditional "if-the-one-I-love-is-happy-then-so-am-I" type of person.
Chimeric wrote: I did like it- I'll look forward to the next one when it eventually comes out! Whenever the, er, 'flow' lets you 8)
Yesh I hope it'll appear soon :3
Projects:
WIP|[KN] Day Of Reckoning|
Completed|[KN] Saving Project Blind: Part One|[KN] Saving Project Blind: Part Two|[KN] Saving Project Blind: Final Part|
Is available to help with proof-reading (Grammar freak...) Maybe voice-acting in the near future x]

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Re: [KN] Saving Project: Blind? (Part One) LOOKING FOR REVIE

#14 Post by Celestine » Sat Aug 20, 2011 12:44 am

Ummm your summary didn't make any sense to me at all. I couldn't tell who was who that you were talking about?????
Iratherbeweird,thencalledstrange.
MydadtaughtmeinLifeEverything[/i]has consequences.Good and Bad actions/decision.

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Re: [KN] Saving Project: Blind? (Part One) LOOKING FOR REVIE

#15 Post by Wright1000 » Sat Aug 20, 2011 5:02 am

The story was great but I didn't expect it to end so soon.
There were only two spelling mistakes. You should feel proud because most VN makers make a lot more on their first VN.
1. The spelling of embarrassed.
2. "after all", "after" and "all" are different words.
He who doesn't care about the environment doesn't care about his grandchildren.

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