I think it's a very cute first game, and I really congratulate you for finishing it.
It's awesome that you already have your first game.
I thought the little bonus of being able to see Hikaru's "true colors" was very original and really cute.
I think it's a little bit confusing that you use both first person ("I") and second person ("You") in the narration.
Sometimes, Hikaru's actions are narrated as "
You wipe the blood with your old shirt"
But other times, specially before choices, they're written like "
how should I respond?"
It might be best if in your next game you "pick" a style of narrating and just stick with it. Using both at the same time can look strange.
As for my other critique, I know I'm so going to get in trouble for saying this, but please, don't be mad, I'm saying this with my best intentions.
I think the whole "serious" part of the game might not have been really necessary. When I played the game, it mostly seemed like you were trying for it to be a romantic game, but the whole "Magical Mess" thing wasn't really explored.
I mean, they're some group of detectives that investigate magical crimes, right?
But in the game they don't investigate anything.
You probably have a bigger story in mind about these characters, but we, the players, don't know this story yet, so we can't understand it based only on the game you've given us.
The characters are cute, they laugh and blush and buy each other lollipops, I really think it's okay to leave it at that, it is enough for your game to be a nice romance game/otome/GxB
I know I'm way too old to be your target audience, but still, if you post here, I guess you wanted feedback from as many people as possible.
And if you keep drawing and writing and programming, you'll just get better, and better, and better, so seriously, go for it!
Good luck!