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 Post subject: Last Vacation (GXB)
PostPosted: Sat Oct 01, 2011 12:47 pm 
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Hello everyone!(:
This is my first Visual Novel!
I hope you might enjoy it !

Attachment:
backdrop.png
backdrop.png [ 381.83 KiB | Viewed 38865 times ]

Last Vacation is about a college girl who visits the countryside during her last summer vacation.
She meets three brothers who cause her summer vacation to be more interesting than expected.

English Only version
Please download the latest version from these links :
Attachment:
File comment: Windows- English only
Last vacation English Only-win32.zip [31.71 MiB]
Downloaded 5534 times

Attachment:
File comment: Mac- English only
Last vacation english only-mac.zip [28.42 MiB]
Downloaded 889 times

Attachment:
File comment: Linux - English only
Last vacation-linux-x86.tar.bz2 [26.99 MiB]
Downloaded 381 times


English (with Japanese words in Romaji) version
the English meaning will follow right after the Japanese Phrase in the VN dialogues
Please download the latest version from this link :
Attachment:
File comment: Windows - English (with Jap)
Last vacation-win32.zip [31.71 MiB]
Downloaded 888 times


Last Vacation is an Otome game [ GxB ]
There are 3 attainable guys, 4 endings ( 3 good ends and 1 bad end).
It is a relatively short story and depending on your reading speed, the time to complete the game may be 5-15 mins only.
The art may not be that great, but I did my best! (;
There are not many CGs ( I've added some images but I'm not sure if they can be counted as CGs) , but please feel free to use your imagination. (:

Walkthrough:
Keniichi-Kun
Good end : Keniichi-kun ; Yes, I would love to ; Yes, I trust him

to get the bad end, just choose " No, I won't go" for the last choice


Daisuke-kun
Good end: Daisuke-kun ; Library ; I love you too, Daisuke-kun

to get the bad end, just choose "I'm sorry I can't be there with you" for the last choice


Hikaru-kun
Good end :Hikaru-kun ; stay with him until he finishes ; No, age doesn't matter

to get the bad end, just choose "Yes, it's really weird" for the last choice


Note:
I'm still trying to get the hang of Renpy. Actually there are different ways that you can get the bad or good ends, depending on your choices.
But the walkthrough above will give you the path that focuses on only that one guy.


For the English (with Japanese) version : This file contains some Japanese expressions ( with their meanings provided in English) that may appear in the game.
Attachment:
Japanese words and expressions.doc [26.5 KiB]
Downloaded 369 times


Last edited by facades on Fri Dec 23, 2011 8:30 pm, edited 33 times in total.

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PostPosted: Sat Oct 01, 2011 1:35 pm 
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Erm...... Is it me or there's no download link for the game itself? o_o'

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PostPosted: Sat Oct 01, 2011 1:41 pm 
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ixWishing wrote:
Erm...... Is it me or there's no download link for the game itself? o_o'


Sorry, I noticed an error in the game and re- uploaded the file. (x


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 01, 2011 2:58 pm 
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I'm downloading this right now, and I'll tell you what I think after getting all the endings.

Heads-up though: a lot of the people here don't mind their otome games taking place somewhere other than Japan. In fact, don't set your games there unless you know the culture well enough (and watching anime is NOT a good portrayal of modern day Japan). If done poorly, your OELVNs may suffer from a bad setting and that may ruin the overall atmosphere.

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PostPosted: Sun Oct 02, 2011 1:19 am 
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Rewritten Ennui wrote:
I'm downloading this right now, and I'll tell you what I think after getting all the endings.

Heads-up though: a lot of the people here don't mind their otome games taking place somewhere other than Japan. In fact, don't set your games there unless you know the culture well enough (and watching anime is NOT a good portrayal of modern day Japan). If done poorly, your OELVNs may suffer from a bad setting and that may ruin the overall atmosphere.


thanks! (:

thanks for your tip too (: just that i've always wanted to make a visual novel with more Japanese elements (;
hope it didn't turn out too bad x)


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 02, 2011 12:47 pm 
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... I'm afraid that my review might come off as a bit too harsh. Since this is your first game, I'll try to tone down the criticism.

*ahem* Let me start out with the art. It wasn't bad (definitely better than what I could do, that's for sure), but you could have spent more time polishing up the character sprites. The backgrounds were okay as well, but it could be better. I suggest that you try to soften the edges around each object instead of using really bold outlines.

The music you used was fine. It fit the mood of the situation when appropriate.

Now here's the part where I turn into a nasty little demon :evil: When playing VNs, I rely on the dialogue to tell me the story. When the dialogue is terrible, then the story suffers. If the story suffers, then the whole VN is ruined. Good art or not, people won't like a VN without a decent plot. That in mind, your dialogue was really bad. When you said "several Japanese words (in romaji) may be used," I was thinking, "I'm okay with that. A couple words here or there won't be too distracting." So I powered on the game without downloading the Word document. That was a terrible mistake on my part. One minute into the game and I already had a headache from reading the text.
My rule of thumb for using foreign words in a mainly English work: use phrases whose meanings are commonly understood. Examples would be 'adios' meaning 'goodbye' in Spanish, 'níhǎo' which is Chinese for 'hello,' and 'guten morgen' meaning 'good morning' in German. They're short and simple, and most of the time you can infer their meaning in context if you don't know them. However, a lot of people may not know that 'Ano hito wa dare desu ka?' is Japanese for 'Who is that person?' I sure as hell didn't know because I don't study Japanese. I had to constantly check back to the Word doc to see the meaning of some phrase I couldn't read, and that annoyed me to no end. Besides that, often times you would put the English translation first and then the original Japanese phrase after it or vice versa. That's redundant and silly since the character is basically repeating himself over and over again. "Kanojo desu ka? Is that your girlfriend?" That basically means, "Is that your girlfriend? Is that your girlfriend?" I GET THE POINT ALREADY :x NO SHE IS NOT MY GIRLFRIEND, SHE'S JUST SOME RANDOM GIRL I MET AT THE RESTAURANT I WORK AT.
I was annoyed the whole time since the entire game was like that, so I was thankful that the game was short. "Oh no! Ikenai!" "You're so kawaii when you sleep. But that's why you're a bishonen." "I'm a kuishinbo, a self-proclaimed glutton." Seriously, that's weeaboo (or Japanophile) speak. I have a strong dislike for weeaboos, and there were weeaboo vibes everywhere thanks to the mangled up Japanese-English dialogue EVERYWHERE. Honestly, chose one language or the other. If I spoke half in Chinese and half in English, people would quickly get annoyed. "Níhǎo! Wǒ think you hěn kě'ài, so can wǒ have a hug?" That was terrible, wasn't it? That was basically how all of your dialogue was.

But enough ranting from me. Please stick to English and use Japanese words sparingly. Next time you should get a proofreader to catch the numerous grammatical mistakes you make, and try to extend the story to be longer than 5 minutes of gameplay. There's lots of room for improvement, so don't let my complaints stop you from making VNs. Just remember that you're making an Original English Language Visual Novel, so stick to what you know best and do not force yourself to emulate Japanese culture.

BTW, I can't comment on story because there was hardly any. The boys were meh at best.

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PostPosted: Sun Oct 02, 2011 9:53 pm 
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Thanks for your review ! (:

I've re-uploaded the game and this time all the English meanings will come straight after the Japanese phases, so there is no need to reference an external document
initially I placed the English meanings right after the Japanese phases not so that the character will repeat it twice, but rather so the reader can understand.
But I agree it was pretty confusing when readers need to refer to an external document all the time. Sorry for that, I didn't think it through.

I will reduce/ not have the Japanese words if I do make more Visual Novels (: But this time is an exception.. because I've always wanted to do something like this =p
cos.. hope to encourage others to be interested in Japanese language too.. its a beautiful language


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 03, 2011 1:08 am 
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Hmm. A couple points:

1. Yumi using "Keniichi-kun" seems pretty odd, seeing as how he's older than her, and they just met each other. Actually, everyone seemed overly familiar with people they've just met.

2. "Keniichi" isn't a name. It just isn't.

3. ( ゚д゚) Holy crap I can see straight through Hikaru this will haunt my dreams forever. Oh God Oh God Oh God A BLOO BLOO BLOO!


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 03, 2011 1:43 am 
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Completed: Finding A Murderer, Memory Loss, Crime Investigation, Stay away from the graveyard, Last Day at School, Lonesome, Email, Hired Gun, Dusk, Hired Gun 2, Man-at-arms, Hired Gun 3, The Phantom Caller, Street Girl, Free love, The Story of Isabel Claudia
facades wrote:
Hello everyone!(:
This is my first Visual Novel!
I hope you might enjoy it !



Such poor grammar.
Looking at this post makes me understand what the game will be like.
So, I am sure I will not enjoy this.

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PostPosted: Mon Oct 03, 2011 2:58 am 
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Wright1000 wrote:
facades wrote:
Hello everyone!(:
This is my first Visual Novel!
I hope you might enjoy it !



Such poor grammar.
Looking at this post makes me understand what the game will be like.
So, I am sure I will not enjoy this.


Is it bad grammer? I wasn't sure if anyone would like it so I put a "might" there..
Don't strike me off that quickly please! (x


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 03, 2011 3:05 am 
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J. Datie wrote:
Hmm. A couple points:

1. Yumi using "Keniichi-kun" seems pretty odd, seeing as how he's older than her, and they just met each other. Actually, everyone seemed overly familiar with people they've just met.

2. "Keniichi" isn't a name. It just isn't.

3. ( ゚д゚) Holy crap I can see straight through Hikaru this will haunt my dreams forever. Oh God Oh God Oh God A BLOO BLOO BLOO!


Ya, you're right! (x It looks like I misspelled his name. its supposed to be "Kenichi" which means "wise first son"

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PostPosted: Mon Oct 03, 2011 3:52 am 
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facades wrote:
Thanks for your review ! (:

I've re-uploaded the game and this time all the English meanings will come straight after the Japanese phases, so there is no need to reference an external document
initially I placed the English meanings right after the Japanese phases not so that the character will repeat it twice, but rather so the reader can understand.
But I agree it was pretty confusing when readers need to refer to an external document all the time. Sorry for that, I didn't think it through.

I will reduce/ not have the Japanese words if I do make more Visual Novels (: But this time is an exception.. because I've always wanted to do something like this =p
cos.. hope to encourage others to be interested in Japanese language too.. its a beautiful language


I haven't played this game yet, and Ennui's review is giving me some doubts. But I do want to address the use of random Japanese words. Like she said, it is very weeaboo and hence the littering of random romaji Japanese in an English VN isn't very attractive at all. There are better ways to promote the Japanese language and that is not one of them. In fact, I would BEG you to never, ever, ever, ever, EVER use random romaji in any future VNs you happen to make. Honorifics are acceptable.

Unless it is for good comedy/parody. That would be somewhat more forgivable.

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PostPosted: Mon Oct 03, 2011 4:54 am 
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MaiMai wrote:

I haven't played this game yet, and Ennui's review is giving me some doubts. But I do want to address the use of random Japanese words. Like she said, it is very weeaboo and hence the littering of random romaji Japanese in an English VN isn't very attractive at all. There are better ways to promote the Japanese language and that is not one of them. In fact, I would BEG you to never, ever, ever, ever, EVER use random romaji in any future VNs you happen to make. Honorifics are acceptable.

Unless it is for good comedy/parody. That would be somewhat more forgivable.


Ok I understand (: thanks again, its the first time I've heard of the term "weeaboo", I see why its not good to mix languages.
Like what Ennui says, mixing Chinese and English would be terrible cos it just doesn't flow. One language should be used at a time
"wo jue de ni hen ke ai, wo ke yi bao ni ma?" in complete chinese would have sounded much better and smoother.
it must be the same for Japanese and English too..

I wonder..
would it be alright if I still leave the game, as it is, in this website?

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PostPosted: Mon Oct 03, 2011 5:20 pm 
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I liked this game. Well I liked one path because I couldn't finish the game. When I'm in park with Keniichi or in library with Haru I can't end the path because the game crashes. The whole screen goes black and then it says that the game is not responding. Because of that I can't finish the game.:(


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 03, 2011 5:28 pm 
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Hm, for some reason I can't seem to download the link given. When it finished downloading and I tried to open the zip folder, it told me it was empty O.o


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