Troubleshooter Tales: Out of the Friend Zone

[Crocosquirrel]

For anyone that's had an issue downloading recently, I've fixed the link.

[Applegate]

So I finally finished this. I only read one "route", and I generally do not replay many things. Most people know I never post in anyone else's VN thread with my thoughts, but you asked for it, so...


To begin with, I like the characters. They're diverse enough and have a distinct personality. That seems like "duh" to the more experienced writers, but for something written in a day it warrants some mention, I feel.

The dialogue especially felt like the best part of the writing, as they were lively and showed character. You can link certain phrases to certain characters. Backgrounds were diverse, though not sure if they're all fitting. One-day project, though. Must allow for some hasty decisions.

Lastly, I liked the music selection, which felt agreeable where used. Bonus points because I don't usually pay attention to music, so I wouldn't know if ten other VNs used the exact same tunes.

Not all is sunshine, though. I felt that the story itself was ultimately dull. Numerous mysterious names and acronyms are thrown at us amidst infodumps of entirely other things, with a lot of "tell" and less "show". That it was written in one day forgives some of it, but the quantity of it made it unpleasant for me to read after a certain point. For a short game, it's better not to invent too many new worlds and job occupations and whatnot, since a reader is very quickly very lost if information follows itself in rapid succession.

The narration was also sub-par, both for not matching with the outward attitude of the character (notably present at the start), and by being inconsistent. Sometimes in the text box, often with white letters in the centre of the screen, sometimes contrasted by backgrounds which make it unpleasant to read. The design choice there would have benefited if you'd included a text box behind the thoughts, or at least some outlining or shadow for the letters.

Lastly, I wish there was an actual title screen.

All-in-all, the characters are the forte of the story, and if you rewrote the story and spent more time on it, I feel they could really shine. They're interesting as-is with only one day of work, and that's rather commendable. There's still a lot of room for improvement, but that shouldn't come as a surprise with the length of time taken to produce this piece.

Hope that helps somewhat. You asked for it, after all, and I know no other way than to be honest.

[Crocosquirrel]

Honesty is good, and the rebuild will be better for it. Thanks.