Cheerful!Polymorph [Urban Fantasy/KN] [NaNo2012]

Finished games are posted here, once they've been tested and are ready for wide release.
Forum rules
Adult content should not be posted in this forum.
Message
Author
User avatar
Mink
Eileen-Class Veteran
Posts: 1099
Joined: Wed Mar 09, 2011 1:00 am
Completed: Say You Love Me (Short Version), C!P (NaNo12), Lady Misfortune, NatH, W/K, MtF, SMQ, TBM, TMHK, LoC, MMDG
Projects: Stuff
Organization: Metal Orphans
Location: Somewhere that's green
Contact:

Cheerful!Polymorph [Urban Fantasy/KN] [NaNo2012]

#1 Post by Mink »

Image<---*The panda links the creator's site*

"The problem with small, furry animals in corners is that, just occasionally, one of them is a mongoose."

Cheerful!Polymorph is now finished! Nearly everything was done/made by me (see below) but somehow, I did it. I did it with four hours to spare. And as note: this was meant to be more story-driven, but it ended up being more character-driven. Not too mention, there's, ah, not that much wacky weremongoose hijinks. There was supposed to be, but, yeah. Hopefully it's still somewhat entertaining.

STATS:

Code: Select all

The game contains 810 screens of dialogue.
These screens contain a total of 5,845 words,
for an average of 7.2 words per screen.
The game contains 0 menus.
Story:
Susan Hopkins, out of justified paranoia, bought an insurance policy in the even of any magical mishaps or supernatural problems. Joy of joys, it was a good thing she did, because she was turned into a weremongoose! Only, things don't go quite as expected when she tries to make her claim.

Characters:
Image
Suzanna 'Susan' Hopkins - The main character who was turned into a weremongoose

Image
Derek - The insurance agent. He's a bit weird, as far as blue, cat-eared guys go

Image
Becky - Derek's friend, and a skilled magic user

Candace - The witch

Screenshots (Click to Enlarge):
ImageImage

Download Here (All Versions):
Cheerful!Polymorph

Credits:
Art/Writing/Programming - Mink
Dialog box - Chorvaqueen
Backgrounds - Celianna
Music - Kevin MacLeod (I'm sorry, I'm so sorry)
~There's a file in the game with links/sites/whatnot~

*For the record, KN = no choices. I think most of us know that, but I'll state that just in case.*
"I will send a fully armed battalion to remind you of my love."

***Say You Love Me***Human Enough***Cheerful!Polymorph [NaNo12][Complete!]***
Image
"Couldn't you stop this?"
"Probably, but I don't want to."


*Website, yo*

User avatar
saguaro
Miko-Class Veteran
Posts: 560
Joined: Sun Feb 12, 2012 9:17 am
Completed: Locked-In, Sunrise, The Censor
Organization: Lucky Special Games
itch: saguarofoo
Location: USA
Contact:

Re: Cheerful!Polymorph [Urban Fantasy/KN] [NaNo2012]

#2 Post by saguaro »

"It's cool. I got this."

I enjoyed this one. You are great at funny dialogue. The humor reminded me a little of MaryJanice Davidson (don't hurt me if you hate her!) but more self-aware and sincere, if that even makes sense.

I liked the sprite style, too, it went well with the tone of the game. Some of the expressions cracked me up. The save/load/preference screens amused me greatly for some reason.

My main issue was that you used the same window for Susan's thoughts and Susan's dialogue. It's easier to read if a separate narrator character is defined that distinguishes the two--no name window and in italics, or something like that.

Do you intend to write more stories with these characters? (pls say yes kthx)

User avatar
Mink
Eileen-Class Veteran
Posts: 1099
Joined: Wed Mar 09, 2011 1:00 am
Completed: Say You Love Me (Short Version), C!P (NaNo12), Lady Misfortune, NatH, W/K, MtF, SMQ, TBM, TMHK, LoC, MMDG
Projects: Stuff
Organization: Metal Orphans
Location: Somewhere that's green
Contact:

Re: Cheerful!Polymorph [Urban Fantasy/KN] [NaNo2012]

#3 Post by Mink »

saguaro wrote:"It's cool. I got this."

I enjoyed this one. You are great at funny dialogue. The humor reminded me a little of MaryJanice Davidson (don't hurt me if you hate her!) but more self-aware and sincere, if that even makes sense.
(I haven't read anything by her, so I have no feelings on that comparison <x<) And no, I get it; it's easy for humor to come across as forced, which I was trying to avoid. I figured the easier way to do it is just have Susan be the straight (wo)man/foil to what's going on around her. I also tried to avoid 'wacky dialogue' the whole way through, because to me things are funnier when it's tempered with normal/serious moments.

Also, any references to things (there's a few) I tried to down play, like when Derek
is talking about his missing/dead parents, it's me trying to subtly take a jab at Batman. Okay, it's true about his parents, but still.
I liked the sprite style, too, it went well with the tone of the game. Some of the expressions cracked me up. The save/load/preference screens amused me greatly for some reason.
I'll admit I enjoy making wacked out expressions, possibly a little too much. Hopefully by the time I remake it, the art will be better; trying to do sprites and stuff while still learning to use a tablet probably wasn't the best of ideas.
My main issue was that you used the same window for Susan's thoughts and Susan's dialogue. It's easier to read if a separate narrator character is defined that distinguishes the two--no name window and in italics, or something like that.
FFFUUU-! No, really, I know. I tried to make it so that "No Visible Susan = Narration", "Susan With Parenthesis = Thoughts", "Susan With Normal Text = Speaking", but I didn't realize until later that that's either needlessly complicated or makes sense only to me. I'll make sure not to do that again, and when I redo it, I'll fix that.
Do you intend to write more stories with these characters? (pls say yes kthx)
Probably~ Despite the fact I felt I had to rush/cut stuff from this version, I did have fun writing it.
"I will send a fully armed battalion to remind you of my love."

***Say You Love Me***Human Enough***Cheerful!Polymorph [NaNo12][Complete!]***
Image
"Couldn't you stop this?"
"Probably, but I don't want to."


*Website, yo*

User avatar
Cidz
Veteran
Posts: 458
Joined: Wed Jul 27, 2011 1:50 pm
Completed: The Forgetful Kiwi [NanoReno 2012], Papercut [NanoReno 2013]
Projects: Words Within Our Hearts, Papercut [NanoReno 2013]
Organization: Starlight Melodies
Tumblr: starlightmelodies
Deviantart: cidthekitty
Location: California, USA
Contact:

Re: Cheerful!Polymorph [Urban Fantasy/KN] [NaNo2012]

#4 Post by Cidz »

OMG you finished it horray! brb going to go play this!

User avatar
SusanTheCat
Miko-Class Veteran
Posts: 952
Joined: Mon Dec 13, 2010 9:30 am
Location: New Brunswick, Canada
Contact:

Re: Cheerful!Polymorph [Urban Fantasy/KN] [NaNo2012]

#5 Post by SusanTheCat »

I definitely want more stories about this world.

I really liked the characters. They were well rounded and realistic. I loved the coming into a conversation at the tail end. It had me laughing.

The sprites and their expressions were fantastic!

I agree with @saguaro about being confused about Susan's narration and dialogue. But you already addressed that. :)

Want more!!!!

Susan
" It's not at all important to get it right the first time. It's vitally important to get it right the last time. "
— Andrew Hunt and David Thomas

User avatar
Auro-Cyanide
ssǝʇunoƆ ʇɹ∀
Posts: 3059
Joined: Sun Jul 25, 2010 9:02 am
Completed: http://auro-cyanide.tumblr.com/visualnovels
Projects: Athena
Organization: Cyanide Tea
Tumblr: auro-cyanide
Deviantart: Auro-Cyanide
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Contact:

Re: Cheerful!Polymorph [Urban Fantasy/KN] [NaNo2012]

#6 Post by Auro-Cyanide »

First, congratulations on finishing Nanoreno. Goog job.

Secondly, bravo. I was chuckling through pretty much the whole thing. You have a gift for this type of humour. I really like how the characters acted, the storyline and the overall feel of the story. It also felt really natural, like you weren't really trying to make us laugh but more like you were presenting us with a set of characters that tend to set themselves up. They are like those funny friends who are always hilarious to be around just because they are so quick on their feet to make jokes about the current situation. So many of the lines were just perfect and the tone of voice of the characters was wonderful.

You have already addressed the narration confusion issue, so I'll leave that. I also caught some grammar errors, so if you want to know them I can send it to you.

You are on your way to developing quite a nice and unique graphic style. It needs tightening to reach the point where it feels just right, but it goes perfectly with this type of story and it's very original. Things you could work on is the strength of your forms, finding the right balance for them, you line work and your choice of colours. Some of them were just a weeeeeeee bit bright, like Candace's hair.

The only other very minor thing I thought was that you used the word 'acerbic'. I had no idea what this word means, so it might be better to choose a more common word, like sour, especially since most of your script was written in a very relaxed and informal way. Same with shoggoth and empath, readers might not know what these are. It might be good to throw in an explanation somewhere like
...where the hell does she keep a 15 foot mound of slime monster?
, just to give people some clues about what you are talking about.

Overall I really, really enjoyed reading the story and I especially enjoyed Susan's and Derek's interactions. And Derek in general. I really look forward to reading more of your stories!

User avatar
Cidz
Veteran
Posts: 458
Joined: Wed Jul 27, 2011 1:50 pm
Completed: The Forgetful Kiwi [NanoReno 2012], Papercut [NanoReno 2013]
Projects: Words Within Our Hearts, Papercut [NanoReno 2013]
Organization: Starlight Melodies
Tumblr: starlightmelodies
Deviantart: cidthekitty
Location: California, USA
Contact:

Re: Cheerful!Polymorph [Urban Fantasy/KN] [NaNo2012]

#7 Post by Cidz »

I just now finished this game. Very fun and ammusing! I loved the characters, for such a short story. I got a kick out of derrik and becky was cool too. i loved how susan was the "straight" one (as you put it in one of your posts). The story was simple yet felt complete. The expressions were awesome. oh and best of all it had a mongoose!

also i wasnt too confused on the susan narration/dialogue after a short bit i realized which was which lol. Well I'd like to see more stories involving these characters, but if not this one was really fun to play. congrats on finishing this game!

User avatar
clua
Miko-Class Veteran
Posts: 537
Joined: Sat Dec 12, 2009 1:38 pm
Completed: Stormy Night /The Knife of the Traitor/Charlatans
Projects: The Hurtful Wall /_Salomon/Infurubia
Tumblr: notttt-che
itch: chegovia
Location: In a jar with pirañas
Contact:

Re: Cheerful!Polymorph [Urban Fantasy/KN] [NaNo2012]

#8 Post by clua »

I agree with everyone that says that would be awesome another game with this characters.
My favorites were Derek(Lol he is a jerk, but I found his dialogues amusing) and Becky(I wanted to enter her home)
I admit I was concerned when they burned Candace s hair lol...She is going to die!!..Luckly she didnt ahaha
I liked the scene were Susan and Derek eat together, When he changed expresions while they talked really highlighted the humor on that part-Also the brush you chose to do the lineart on CG scenes really looked nice.
My only complaint would be the color of the textbox...I think It would fit better if the pallete of the game would be more pastel.
The options/save/quit background image make me laugh hehe

I do not prefer to give critics on writting because Im a complete amateur lol...So I dont want to say anything that might perjudicate you orz
♦WIP♦
Infurubia
The hurtful wall
_Salomon

♦COMPLETE♦
+The Knife of the Traitor(Nanoreno 2012)
+Charlatans(Nanoreno 2015)

Dev tumblr
EVN Store

User avatar
Anna
Miko-Class Veteran
Posts: 708
Joined: Sat Dec 25, 2010 10:30 am
Completed: Binary Soul, Days of the Divine, Nanolife, Firefly
Projects: current: Path of Dreamers
Organization: Circle Pegasi
Location: The Netherlands
Contact:

Re: Cheerful!Polymorph [Urban Fantasy/KN] [NaNo2012]

#9 Post by Anna »

I played through this a few days ago but only had the chance to comment now XD. Anyway, I really really liked the characters in this! They were all interesting in their own way and made me want to know more about them. Also, Candace's appearance made me laugh out loud haha. Great job for a VN you completed in one month. It's one of my favourite entries for this event!

awesomeautumn
Regular
Posts: 38
Joined: Thu Feb 09, 2012 9:53 pm
Contact:

Re: Cheerful!Polymorph [Urban Fantasy/KN] [NaNo2012]

#10 Post by awesomeautumn »

I laughed so hard the minute you finally see Candace. Oh my gosh, this game! It was hilarious, I must say, and incredibly charming! I don;t usually like kinetic novels very much, but this one was definitely worth playing. Awesome job!

User avatar
Mink
Eileen-Class Veteran
Posts: 1099
Joined: Wed Mar 09, 2011 1:00 am
Completed: Say You Love Me (Short Version), C!P (NaNo12), Lady Misfortune, NatH, W/K, MtF, SMQ, TBM, TMHK, LoC, MMDG
Projects: Stuff
Organization: Metal Orphans
Location: Somewhere that's green
Contact:

Re: Cheerful!Polymorph [Urban Fantasy/KN] [NaNo2012]

#11 Post by Mink »

LONG POST IS LONG.

@Susanthecat: I'll probably make a sequel once I redo this one. I had a lot of fun trying to hint about their world, namely that
they live in a what's more or less a 'crapsack world', what with the mention of a second apocalypse and slavers running around.
And one of those 'tail end' conversations is based off something that really happened:
Derek managing to get toothpaste in his eye is from something that really happened to me. I somehow got toothpaste in my eye, and it buuurned. (But to my credit I was half-asleep)
@Anna: Thanks~ And yeah, I was designing Candace's character and at first thought, "Hm, she looks too normal; Susan's supposed the be the normal one. Welp, let's fix that!"

@awesomeautumn: Well, that's a second vote for Candace being funny. I at first was going to make it a VN (you know, with choices and stuff) but seeing as I was doing practically everything myself, I felt it worked out better this way. An gla that you liked it.
Auro-Cyanide wrote:First, congratulations on finishing Nanoreno. Goog job.

Secondly, bravo. I was chuckling through pretty much the whole thing. You have a gift for this type of humour. I really like how the characters acted, the storyline and the overall feel of the story. It also felt really natural, like you weren't really trying to make us laugh but more like you were presenting us with a set of characters that tend to set themselves up. They are like those funny friends who are always hilarious to be around just because they are so quick on their feet to make jokes about the current situation. So many of the lines were just perfect and the tone of voice of the characters was wonderful.
I was hoping it'd flow naturally. To me, it's not really funny if you can, you know, tell someone's trying to make you laugh. When I'm watching a comedy, I get annoyed if the humor is overdone, because it starts feeling forced after a certain point. As it stands, I tend to prefer movies with more deadpan/low-key humor. I also made an effort to make all the characters sound different, as I tend to notice when characters all talk the same. >x>
You have already addressed the narration confusion issue, so I'll leave that. I also caught some grammar errors, so if you want to know them I can send it to you.
Sure, that'd be really helpful!
You are on your way to developing quite a nice and unique graphic style. It needs tightening to reach the point where it feels just right, but it goes perfectly with this type of story and it's very original. Things you could work on is the strength of your forms, finding the right balance for them, you line work and your choice of colours. Some of them were just a weeeeeeee bit bright, like Candace's hair.
I kind of thought that about her hair; I'll make sure to use less blinding colors next time. Or have someone help me with that, because I suck at it.

And yeah, my linework is still kind of WTF when I do it digitally. NOW, it's getting less so, but by the time it got even steadier, it's was the end of March. Though, should I keep the thick lines? I just have a weird personal preference for them, even though most people seem to prefer thinner ones.
The only other very minor thing I thought was that you used the word 'acerbic'. I had no idea what this word means, so it might be better to choose a more common word, like sour, especially since most of your script was written in a very relaxed and informal way. Same with shoggoth and empath, readers might not know what these are. It might be good to throw in an explanation somewhere like
...where the hell does she keep a 15 foot mound of slime monster?
, just to give people some clues about what you are talking about.
Yeah, I probably should watch what words I use. I have a tendency to read old books and things, and I'll end up using a word that's usually not that common.

And I totally didn't think of the whole 'what is a shoggoth/empath' thing; I'm used to reading a looot of work with things like that, so I might forget others may not realize (exactly) what it is. When I re-do, I'll at least actually have time to have someone tell me if I need to explain something.

Also, Becky's house is
bigger on the inside than it is on the outside, which is how she can fit things like shoggoths and sand worms.
^Which in-universe is highly illegal to do, but hey. >x>
Overall I really, really enjoyed reading the story and I especially enjoyed Susan's and Derek's interactions. And Derek in general. I really look forward to reading more of your stories!
I'd be lying if I said Derek wasn't a fun character to write. 8D And thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Cidz wrote:I just now finished this game. Very fun and ammusing! I loved the characters, for such a short story. I got a kick out of derrik and becky was cool too. i loved how susan was the "straight" one (as you put it in one of your posts). The story was simple yet felt complete. The expressions were awesome. oh and best of all it had a mongoose!

also i wasnt too confused on the susan narration/dialogue after a short bit i realized which was which lol. Well I'd like to see more stories involving these characters, but if not this one was really fun to play. congrats on finishing this game!
Thanks~. I'm still going to change the text box with I redo it, with possibly having a different one entirely for when it's just Susan narrating, and not actually 'talking'.
clua wrote:I agree with everyone that says that would be awesome another game with this characters.
My favorites were Derek(Lol he is a jerk, but I found his dialogues amusing) and Becky(I wanted to enter her home)
I admit I was concerned when they burned Candace s hair lol...She is going to die!!..Luckly she didnt ahaha
Of course Derek's solution to
dealing with Candace is "KillAttack it with fire".
I'm sure we'd expect no less from him. I was also wanting him to be jerk, but not a total jerk, which I seemingly pulled off.
"I will send a fully armed battalion to remind you of my love."

***Say You Love Me***Human Enough***Cheerful!Polymorph [NaNo12][Complete!]***
Image
"Couldn't you stop this?"
"Probably, but I don't want to."


*Website, yo*

User avatar
Sapphi
Eileen-Class Veteran
Posts: 1685
Joined: Fri Jun 05, 2009 3:31 am
Completed: Boku no Taisetsu na Yumeko
Projects: Twelve, PAW ★ PRINTS
Organization: Kitsch-soft
Location: Illinois, USA
Contact:

Re: Cheerful!Polymorph [Urban Fantasy/KN] [NaNo2012]

#12 Post by Sapphi »

I giggled a lot, but Derek's face when: "If you had said yes, I would have immediately kicked you out." really made me laugh.

I really enjoyed the unique premise and artwork. The expressions were great, although I wish the characters would have moved around a little (understandably a tall order for a NaNoReNo game, though). Additionally, for
the fight scene
I was surprised you didn't make use of vpunch/hpunch - maybe something to think about for the second version?

About the art style - I like the thick lines. I think you should keep them. ^_^
Mink wrote: I was also wanting [Derek] to be jerk, but not a total jerk, which I seemingly pulled off.
I think you pinned it down rather nicely. I liked him a lot... the thought actually never crossed my mind that he was a jerk. Then again, I'm probably not the best judge of character, because I recently reread a very early version of my story and found that my "Jerk with a Heart of Gold" character was acting like Satan incarnate. >___>
"It is [the writer's] privilege to help man endure by lifting his heart,
by reminding him of the courage and honor and hope and pride
and compassion and pity and sacrifice which have been the glory of his past."
— William Faulkner
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬..+X+..▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
Image

User avatar
Mink
Eileen-Class Veteran
Posts: 1099
Joined: Wed Mar 09, 2011 1:00 am
Completed: Say You Love Me (Short Version), C!P (NaNo12), Lady Misfortune, NatH, W/K, MtF, SMQ, TBM, TMHK, LoC, MMDG
Projects: Stuff
Organization: Metal Orphans
Location: Somewhere that's green
Contact:

Re: Cheerful!Polymorph [Urban Fantasy/KN] [NaNo2012]

#13 Post by Mink »

Sapphi wrote:I giggled a lot, but Derek's face when: "If you had said yes, I would have immediately kicked you out." really made me laugh.
Derek is someone with many varied (read: wacked out) facial expressions, rivaled only by Susan's.
I really enjoyed the unique premise and artwork. The expressions were great, although I wish the characters would have moved around a little (understandably a tall order for a NaNoReNo game, though). Additionally, for
the fight scene
I was surprised you didn't make use of vpunch/hpunch - maybe something to think about for the second version?
...THERE'S SUCH A THING?! /fail

Ahem. On that note, yeah. Originally, I was going to give them all multiple poses, such as Derek/Becky/Candace having one for when s/he's talking to Susan, then another one so it looks like s/he turns to face someone else they're talking to. Then I thought, "I'm doing this all by myself. Screw it, just their eyes are moving." I plan to reinstate that though; now I have all the time in the world. Or no real deadline, at least.
About the art style - I like the thick lines. I think you should keep them. ^_^
I like them to, but so many other people have much thinner lines, I was wondering if I was doing something wrong or...something.
Mink wrote: I was also wanting [Derek] to be jerk, but not a total jerk, which I seemingly pulled off.
I think you pinned it down rather nicely. I liked him a lot... the thought actually never crossed my mind that he was a jerk. Then again, I'm probably not the best judge of character, because I recently reread a very early version of my story and found that my "Jerk with a Heart of Gold" character was acting like Satan incarnate. >___>
Lulz. It probably helps that while he tends to be sort of callous/brutally honest, it's tempered with him being relatively nice at times.

Rereading old stuff is always fun (and by fun, I mean painful; like looking back at old art Ox<).
"I will send a fully armed battalion to remind you of my love."

***Say You Love Me***Human Enough***Cheerful!Polymorph [NaNo12][Complete!]***
Image
"Couldn't you stop this?"
"Probably, but I don't want to."


*Website, yo*

User avatar
Sapphi
Eileen-Class Veteran
Posts: 1685
Joined: Fri Jun 05, 2009 3:31 am
Completed: Boku no Taisetsu na Yumeko
Projects: Twelve, PAW ★ PRINTS
Organization: Kitsch-soft
Location: Illinois, USA
Contact:

Re: Cheerful!Polymorph [Urban Fantasy/KN] [NaNo2012]

#14 Post by Sapphi »

Mink wrote:
About the art style - I like the thick lines. I think you should keep them. ^_^
I like them to, but so many other people have much thinner lines, I was wondering if I was doing something wrong or...something.
Nah, not at all. It reminded me of the style in Dexter's Lab or Powerpuff Girls, which is awesome and totally something you should play up IMO. (The bright colors, lack of shading, and quickly switching expressions also add to it.)
Mink wrote: Rereading old stuff is always fun (and by fun, I mean painful; like looking back at old art Ox<).
Yes, it is fun to some extent, but... somehow... terrifying... (Like when I realized said character also sounded like a pedophile...) ;_;
"It is [the writer's] privilege to help man endure by lifting his heart,
by reminding him of the courage and honor and hope and pride
and compassion and pity and sacrifice which have been the glory of his past."
— William Faulkner
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬..+X+..▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
Image

User avatar
Mink
Eileen-Class Veteran
Posts: 1099
Joined: Wed Mar 09, 2011 1:00 am
Completed: Say You Love Me (Short Version), C!P (NaNo12), Lady Misfortune, NatH, W/K, MtF, SMQ, TBM, TMHK, LoC, MMDG
Projects: Stuff
Organization: Metal Orphans
Location: Somewhere that's green
Contact:

Re: Cheerful!Polymorph [Urban Fantasy/KN] [NaNo2012]

#15 Post by Mink »

Sapphi wrote:Nah, not at all. It reminded me of the style in Dexter's Lab or Powerpuff Girls, which is awesome and totally something you should play up IMO. (The bright colors, lack of shading, and quickly switching expressions also add to it.)
Man, I loved those shows when I was a kid. Though, the new version should have simple shading, at the least.
Yes, it is fun to some extent, but... somehow... terrifying... (Like when I realized said character also sounded like a pedophile...) ;_;
I have an ollld story that, while I like the concept of, won't go back and read it, because I know it'll be painful. But I guess if it's painful now, that means there was some sort of improvement.
"I will send a fully armed battalion to remind you of my love."

***Say You Love Me***Human Enough***Cheerful!Polymorph [NaNo12][Complete!]***
Image
"Couldn't you stop this?"
"Probably, but I don't want to."


*Website, yo*

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users