The Knife of the Traitor[NaNoRenO 2012] Translations!!!

[PearlSpring]

I love this VN, very charming art and unique characters. I especially like Lilja's half-craziness xD

Corvus is freaking hot though

XD Im glad! And also happy that you liked Lilja haha

I made Corvus like that because he was my fav..ugh

Hey guys! There's a detailed guide on the first page, courtesy of Aurora's Otome Wonderland!

so thats why he is most handsome one XD

[KrefiUngranted]

Hi! I played through your VN yesterday, and I have to say, it's one of the best ones I've ever played so far.
It's so good, this is actually my first time taking the time to post about a VN that I've played, lol.
Once I started playing, I couldn't stop! So I finished all the endings yesterday (couldn't post until today, because I was soooo sleepy, but I just had to finish your game completely before I knocked out!), but it didn't stop there.
I usually like being very thorough in my playthroughs, because I like trying out different paths (If I do this, what will it change? What if I do this instead; will it change the outcome? Ooh, what does this button do?), so although I did use your guide as a reference point, I experimentally tried out different options, and here is what I would like to say about this game.
It includes compliments as well as critiques, but everything is constructive criticism, I guarantee it!
I sincerely, truly hope that you take the time to read the whole post through -- though I deeply, utterly apologize for its abominable length -- not because YOU HAVE TO READ EVERYTHING I WRITE RARRARRAR, but because I have many things to praise you for, and because I hope that by the end, you realize how awesome you actually are.

Now here comes the storm.

Your art is absolutely amazing for several different reasons:
1) It's amazing in general. Everything looks beautiful, proportional (I mean, as proportional as you can get when you're not drawing one-hundred-percent realistically), and just... Everything was just so pretty.

Os, Corvus (as a bird AND as a human), Gervase (as a puppy AND as a human), Vosges, Lilja (even with his LOL-mouth), and Ecchin, along with whoever else I might have forgotten,

all look amazing. I'm sorry, I know, I keep repeating myself about how they great they all look, but they just do. *hnnnng*

2) Your art is so original. It's nothing like I've ever seen in any other VNs (maybe it's because I haven't played too many, but I'm not sure what's considered "a lot" and what's not). Other games usually incorporate anime-like characters, or straight-out cartoon-ish stuff, but yours was somehow... a blend of anime style and something else. I'm not sure exactly how to describe your style, but I love it. The texture is also somehow different. It feels... fuller, rounder, more realistic, like it has more depth. Goodness, you're officially one of my favorite artists out there (and I don't have many, I assure you).

The game itself is also completely original in its storyline. I can't believe you finished it in a month.

Os killed herself? She was pretending all this time to be mute and amnestic? In order for Corvus to have been able to resurrect Os, he had to take the years off of everyone else?

Unbelievable, absolutely unbelievable (and I don't mean the plot, I mean the fact that you were able to come up with this kind of original plot in a world where it's incredibly difficult to be original anymore).
The one thing I have to say about this particular part of the plot -- and it's neither a compliment nor a critique, just something I wanted to point out -- is that technically, it wouldn't make sense that we, as the players who are playing as Os,

wouldn't know that she was faking. In other words, since we are Os (assumed by the fact that we control her actions), we should have known all along she was faking, who the real culprit was, etc.

But on the other hand, if you had told us all this from the get-go, you certainly would have lost the mindblowing aspect of the "surprise". In addition, you sort of backhanded the issue, perhaps unknowingly, by

letting us into the thoughts of Corvus, and by letting us hear what Gervase and Vosges had to say when Os left. So even though we were playing as Os, and so technically were Os, we could also know what else was going on beyond what the actual Os could have known. (I hope I haven't lost you or confused you yet...) So I think the issue is, consistency of the point-of-view? Since we are playing as Os, you might have wanted to let us know what was really going on inside Os' mind, but excluded us from all other outside information such as Corvus' thoughts and so on.

But then again, this is all very difficult to pull off in the first place, and I said, this wasn't really a criticism or anything -- just something you might want to think about.

About the relationship aspect of the plot, I think you pulled it off very well.
I agree with you on that

Corvus was probably the most reasonable person Os could actually have a romantic relationship with (which was also why, when I read through other people's posts as well as your replies, I was surprised that you hadn't originally thought of including Corvus as a "love interest").
Os eliminated Vosges' village entirely, including his family, so naturally, he wouldn't love her or "fall for her tricks", as he once says, any longer. One might have even expected that Vosges would be filled with complete and utter rage over what Os did to him and hate her completely, and I wouldn't have blamed him at all for it. But because of the way you characterize Vosges, as a "good kid", and as someone who wouldn't have enjoyed watching even Os die (God, I loved him for that), his good ending made perfect sense. (Sorry, it's very difficult to write out exactly what I think about this game, and I know that I'm jumping around all over the place, but that was a compliment to you! I think maybe it sounds like a critique, but I'm actually trying to tell you about how I loved how you characterized Vosges and how you wrote out his good [and his bad ending, actually! It also makes sense that at the end, he'd be pushed over the edge by Os to finally kill her, even though he's such a sweet character] ending.)
Lilja also wouldn't easily have a romantic relationship with her, because they pretty much met for only the first time. (Os didn't know him until after she committed suicide, right? So yeah.) So again, Lilja's good ending, although a bit sad, was very appropriate.
Gervase's ending was also very appropriate. At first, I thought, "Treating him as a pet doesn't seem so great..." but when I thought about it, he is a pet, more or less, so it made perfect sense, and the way you worked it all out was perfect, so I wouldn't really have it any other way. Like, he's a very rebellious and lewd character, but since he's a dog, or at least partially one, his doggy part of him just wanted a firm but playful master (I assume "playful" because he mentioned missing playing with her like they used to), a person worthy for him to follow and be loyal to, so it was all just... perfect. Just one thing (not a criticism, but a suggestion/something to think about) is that I thought Gervase could also logically be a romantic interest. Even though getting Vosges or Lilja as one would be forcing things a little, since Gervase already had a happy childhood with Os once, it could make sense for him to fall in love with her; even if he technically is a dog, he also is a human, as indicated by the fact that he loves "tits and pussies" and his human form. To make things clear, I had absolutely no problem with the *Os holds Gervase tightly from behind* "I'm not letting you go, because I know I've been a horrible master, but I'll be better!" and the "I don't want a harem. I just want you" ending (SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE). But if you want to include some more FANSERVICE, human-Gervase licking a blushing Os on the lips as an indication of his love at the end might be something you want to consider, lol. (I saw the sketches of his potential kisses, by the way. *heart!*)

I have to explicitly say (in case I didn't make it clear before) that I loved that not all the endings were romantic. In other VNs, the creators seem to try too hard to please the audience, so they make every single character a possible future mate even it requires distortion of the characters and/or other forms of deus ex machina, but you stayed logical. Even better, even though the endings weren't romantic, you still left me with a satisfied feeling.

So yes, that is what I thought of the endings.

What I want to say next is: You have a fantastic sense of humor.

I must echo everyone else and say that the nicknames you give them in the beginning were hilarious as were Lilja's antics. (On a side note about Lilja's character, I appreciated and loved that he wasn't just comic relief or a shallow slapstick character but that he had a disposition and personality of his own which really shone through.) And Ecchin? The chimera of all things that is fanservice (pink hair, Lolita dress, the name)? Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant! I'd say the comedy was neither lacking nor overly done.
I saw there were some complaints about how the fact that the dark parts of the plot (suicide, Os' original cruelties, etc.) were not very well balanced with the comedy part, but I have to disagree completely. In life, there are very funny times, and there are very dark times, and there are also funny times within the dark times as well as dark times within the funny times; nothing is black and white. So I personally appreciated that everything was not all dark or all comedic, and not only that, but that it was also very well blended together, and I really, really hope that you don't change anything in those aspects.

Now I'd like to talk about the paths themselves.
For the most part, I'd say they were well done, especially considering the fact that you had a month to complete this.
Even so, I think there were a few problems...
I know that you already know, but I will confirm it: Yes, the paths are very off-balance.

I've noticed that if I miss even one step towards a character liking me, I end up with the bad ending.
For example, in Gervase's ending, I explicitly followed the walkthrough, but wasn't able to get his ending just because I didn't select "Stop Gervase". Oh my goodness, there was this whole complication about that part (not your fault) which was crucial in the way I did my playthroughs, so I have to explain it to you, but it might get confusing.
Here was my complication with the "Stop Gervase" option: I didn't think it was an option at all, lol! Since there was that only option, I assumed that it was an automatic choice (which I personally didn't have a problem with since I would have liked to stop Gervase whether I preferred Corvus or Gervase) and so I never clicked it until my final attempt to get Gervase's good ending (thanks to a post I read about someone having had the same problem).
But the bigger problems are, firstly, I think this choice is very counterintuitive (I'm sorry! I know people people already told you this, but it's kind of important to my explanations. I'm not slamming you for it, I promise!). Personally, I would liked to have stopped Gervase whether I liked Corvus or Gervase better, as I mentioned before, but putting that aside again, it doesn't make much sense that protecting Corvus puts you on Gervase's path, and letting Gervase attack Corvus puts you on Corvus' path. (If you decide you want to fix it, I have a suggestion: Since Corvus ends up getting knocked down by Gervase even if you stop him, the chibi-scene of Os cradling Corvus can come up after "Stop Gervase" after Gervase leaves, and then you can set Os on Corvus's path. And then, in the other path, where you don't choose "Stop Gervase," after Gervase has knocked Corvus down, I saw that Os gives Gervase a death glare. After that point, then you can include the scene where Gervase says something like, "See, I try to protect you and be loyal to you, but you never listen!" and then set Os on Gervase's path. That would make a little more sense.)

The other problem, bigger than this counterintuitive choice, is that one little misstep, and you are automatically on the bad ending path. As I said, just the one choice of not stopping Gervase led to his bad ending.
The one path that wasn't like this was Corvus'. He was my favorite path (which is different from being my favorite character) because I could do things that weren't related to his path and still get him. For example, your walkthrough suggested that after I bandaged up Gervase, that I don't ask him "Does it hurt less?" the next time I saw him, and that I don't "Comfort Lilja" when he was all depressed. But because I like being myself when I first play through, I was able to do pretty much everything, including asking Gervase "Does it hurt less?" and "Comforting Lilja" and still get Corvus' good ending. Being myself includes being at least courteous to the other characters, so I loved Corvus' less-strict path, while I didn't really too much like the others' path, where being kind to the other prisoner's besides taking the strict path to the good ending of the character you wanted made you get a bad ending. I just wished that I could forgive Corvus, bandage Gervase and ask him if he's better, ask how I could make Vosges happier, and comfort Lilja without dying as a consequence for being nice. I don't really like games where you have to obsess over only one character in order to get his good ending.

BUT, I do know that you only had a month,and that this game wasn't very long, which were probably the main reasons things turned out the way they did

(poor Os, poor me)

. I also know that in order to make a VN/RPG realistic is extremely, extremely, extremely complicated, and so that I am asking for too much.

So, overall, I loved, loved, loved your game. Even though it may seem like I bashed your game completely and thoroughly as possible, I actually haven't; it only seems that way because I just had to write wall after wall after wall of text.
I normally don't bother to replay through games after I've finished them (because I'm lazy), and I delete them from my laptop (I try to keep my computer memory as free as possible), but I am definitely keeping this one. It is worth replaying. It is worth replaying already as it is now, but if you do decide to release an edited, furnished version (I see you've been contemplating, and I wholeheartedly support a remake), I would definitely download that also to see the changes you made. It's just... I never felt this way about a VN before. It's original, well-written and well-drawn, and (thank you, God, and thank you, of course) free. It is of stellar quality in various ways.

That is pretty much the end of my raving, but now follows less important things.

I just wanted to say that

Corvus was my favorite path and my favorite character, yes.
My favorite male characters, in order, are:
Corvus, then Vosges, then Lilja, then Gervase.

Here are my reasons why:
Corvus is just so sweet and loving and adoring. But at the same time, he is not too wimpy or anything. He seems quite capable of taking good care of Os (or any girl/person, including me, teehee [OHGODISAIDTEEHEE]) which I really like. I feel a bit nervous about him since he's so devoted and almost slave-like, but... I like that he isn't perfect in this way.

Vosges is also completely sweet. Even though Os pretty much obliterated everything Vosges could be happy for, he still remains... not pure, since he has gone through so many things and has become wary, but forgivng, even though he says he can't forgive her. I don't know how to describe it. Merciful, maybe, or tolerant. He's that kind of guy who refuses to take revenge, which I completely admire. And now that I'm gushing about him, I realize that I might actually put Vosges on the same level as Corvus in terms of who I like best, lol.

Lilja, for obvious reasons, is hilarious. But that's not the only reason why I like him. Like I said before, he's not just some comedic character; he's got a side of his own. I like that even though he is depressed, that even though he has a horrible job of being a suicide patron/god, he takes it all in stride. He says he's depressed, and he really might be, but he doesn't let it get the best of him. It was oddly touching when he mentions that "Os, you have a beautiful voice" (that was a fantastic addition, by the way, because he only says it after they've gotten to know each other a little better, and it's not an explicit, mushy, forced, "I LOVE YOU GET WITH ME," kind of thing, but just by telling her that her voice is beautiful, he pretty much tells her that she is also a beautiful person on the inside, without being too romantic). Oh, goodness, now he's also climbing the ranks closer to Corvus and Vosges, LOL WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME?

Gervase is also sweet in his own way. (Kill me, I've probably said "sweet" to describe pretty much everyone.) He was my least favorite character because he is lewd. "Show me your tits." "I love pussies." Not my style. But I'm not telling you to change his character; heck no! Don't change any of them! (I mean, of course you can change them, but you know what I mean, hopefully.) I'm just saying I don't like him specifically as a character, just because I personally get nervous and uncomfortable around people like him. Still, I fell in love with him in the end when he decides to forsake his harem for Os. He's just still not my favorite character, lol, which isn't a problem, because hey, you meet people you like, and you meet people you don't like as much. I appreciate that in your VN, you don't have to completely love everyone. Everyone in this VN has their fair share of faults and character flaws, which is actually what I absolutely love about them.

We're almost done!
Just really quickly:
I'm so glad you're good at writing, and this time, I mean grammatically.
Other VN creators aren't too careful about their syntax, grammar, or spelling, but in this one, I didn't notice anything, lol.
Even if there were mistakes, they were small enough, or your story was good enough that they just slid right by me. XD
Music, sound effects, absolutely terrific and fitting.

Thank you so, so, so much for putting so much effort into this game.
I completely enjoyed it, in case I didn't make that clear enough.
I'm so sorry if I ended up making you lose about 100 points in your eyesight, but you were well worth the 1-3 hours I spent typing this up, as well as the 2-3 hours I spent playing your game.

Also, I noticed that you're very good about replying to the posts everyone else makes.
Many creators are either too busy or just not willing to take the time to respond in a heartfelt way, but I admit and appreciate that you take so much time to do that.
I thank you or that, too. You are not only a great creator, but a great person as well.
So, in order to save your soul, brain, and eyes, I request that you not take too much time to respond to my incorrigible wall of text, if you do decide to reply.

Thank you!

So very sincerely,
Krefi

[clua]

I love this VN, very charming art and unique characters. I especially like Lilja's half-craziness xD

Corvus is freaking hot though

XD Im glad! And also happy that you liked Lilja haha

I made Corvus like that because he was my fav..ugh

Hey guys! There's a detailed guide on the first page, courtesy of Aurora's Otome Wonderland!

so thats why he is most handsome one XD

XD shh..It's a secret....Ok, maybe not..orz
His sprite was the last one I did(I mean of the main characters, the real last one was Ecchin haha)
So I did my best on him!
Considering that I did Os, Vosges and Gervase in one day(I was really motivated that day ºqº)

Hi! I played through your VN yesterday, and I have to say, it's one of the best ones I've ever played so far.
It's so good, this is actually my first time taking the time to post about a VN that I've played, lol.
Once I started playing, I couldn't stop! So I finished all the endings yesterday (couldn't post until today, because I was soooo sleepy, but I just had to finish your game completely before I knocked out!), but it didn't stop there.
I usually like being very thorough in my playthroughs, because I like trying out different paths (If I do this, what will it change? What if I do this instead; will it change the outcome? Ooh, what does this button do?), so although I did use your guide as a reference point, I experimentally tried out different options, and here is what I would like to say about this game.
It includes compliments as well as critiques, but everything is constructive criticism, I guarantee it!
I sincerely, truly hope that you take the time to read the whole post through -- though I deeply, utterly apologize for its abominable length -- not because YOU HAVE TO READ EVERYTHING I WRITE RARRARRAR, but because I have many things to praise you for, and because I hope that by the end, you realize how awesome you actually are.

Now here comes the storm.

Your art is absolutely amazing for several different reasons:
1) It's amazing in general. Everything looks beautiful, proportional (I mean, as proportional as you can get when you're not drawing one-hundred-percent realistically), and just... Everything was just so pretty.

Os, Corvus (as a bird AND as a human), Gervase (as a puppy AND as a human), Vosges, Lilja (even with his LOL-mouth), and Ecchin, along with whoever else I might have forgotten,

all look amazing. I'm sorry, I know, I keep repeating myself about how they great they all look, but they just do. *hnnnng*

2) Your art is so original. It's nothing like I've ever seen in any other VNs (maybe it's because I haven't played too many, but I'm not sure what's considered "a lot" and what's not). Other games usually incorporate anime-like characters, or straight-out cartoon-ish stuff, but yours was somehow... a blend of anime style and something else. I'm not sure exactly how to describe your style, but I love it. The texture is also somehow different. It feels... fuller, rounder, more realistic, like it has more depth. Goodness, you're officially one of my favorite artists out there (and I don't have many, I assure you).

OMG...I just cant believe you took your time to write all your thoughts, I read everything and Im so happy that I can feel it on my chest ;_:
Let me answer you step by step, actually I take a life trying to pull my ideas haha

I can relate a lot of what you like on your gameplay, Im like that when I know the game offers me many options to explore...Im ashamed that my game didnt had that propiety more developed, since It was kind of hard(for me haha)to make coherence between the choices and the story, well little by little Im understanding it better.So I think I can offer more in future games(I hope!)
Don't apology for writting this much I'm very happy that you did! As I said I will try to answer all(And I will apology before my english betray my sense in sentences ahaha)

About the art ahaha I really don't know. I mean I been always influenced by many many things, most of them were japanese production, since all my brothers and sisters were fans of japanese animation since little(I'm from a family of 8, I have 2 brothers and 3 sisters I am the last one ahaha. I'm counting my parents also!)When I started to post my drawings on forums, people who drew manga said:"you dont draw manga!", and people who drew comic said: "you don't draw comic!" So I felt for many years I was on limbo ahaha...Even now, I feel like I don't belong in any place, so I thought It was better to not worry and continue lol

In my eyes It looks manga or sort, welp I guess Its a paradox, since It can only be manga in Japan.

The game itself is also completely original in its storyline. I can't believe you finished it in a month.

Os killed herself? She was pretending all this time to be mute and amnestic? In order for Corvus to have been able to resurrect Os, he had to take the years off of everyone else?

Unbelievable, absolutely unbelievable (and I don't mean the plot, I mean the fact that you were able to come up with this kind of original plot in a world where it's incredibly difficult to be original anymore).
The one thing I have to say about this particular part of the plot -- and it's neither a compliment nor a critique, just something I wanted to point out -- is that technically, it wouldn't make sense that we, as the players who are playing as Os,

wouldn't know that she was faking. In other words, since we are Os (assumed by the fact that we control her actions), we should have known all along she was faking, who the real culprit was, etc.

But on the other hand, if you had told us all this from the get-go, you certainly would have lost the mindblowing aspect of the "surprise". In addition, you sort of backhanded the issue, perhaps unknowingly, by

letting us into the thoughts of Corvus, and by letting us hear what Gervase and Vosges had to say when Os left. So even though we were playing as Os, and so technically were Os, we could also know what else was going on beyond what the actual Os could have known. (I hope I haven't lost you or confused you yet...) So I think the issue is, consistency of the point-of-view? Since we are playing as Os, you might have wanted to let us know what was really going on inside Os' mind, but excluded us from all other outside information such as Corvus' thoughts and so on.

But then again, this is all very difficult to pull off in the first place, and I said, this wasn't really a criticism or anything -- just something you might want to think about.

I-I can't belive I actually finished it! ahaha(I like to leave unfinished a lot of stuff)
I think It was because of Nanoreno, because everyone who was also working on their stuff. and because Anarchy helped me a lot!
Without her there wouldn't be any game, I had a massive headache because of the prog, and my english as you can see(lol), sucks.
She gave not only a gramatically check on the script, also apported many ideas to improve the script
(for example, the

invisible library of Lilja and the fertilizer food of Vosges were her ideas.

)

About the pov in the game. I can say, that I didn't used to think about those facts D:---I just write everything I think and feel that would be nice to read...When Anarchy pointed that the game didn't had an specific pov I was like..."huh?", Then I knew lol
My intention was for anyone play as an expectator, I don't intent you to become any character, I don't find that appealing, since everyone is different so how can I limit the reader to a default personality and expect them to feel identified.
By the other hand I found writting on first person, very personal, I cant help but put a lot of myself on my characters. I feel like Im tricking myself ahaha.
But Its very messy. I have to work on that a lot on my writting. Im giving headaches to the people who help me with my texts XD

About the relationship aspect of the plot, I think you pulled it off very well.
I agree with you on that

Corvus was probably the most reasonable person Os could actually have a romantic relationship with (which was also why, when I read through other people's posts as well as your replies, I was surprised that you hadn't originally thought of including Corvus as a "love interest").
Os eliminated Vosges' village entirely, including his family, so naturally, he wouldn't love her or "fall for her tricks", as he once says, any longer. One might have even expected that Vosges would be filled with complete and utter rage over what Os did to him and hate her completely, and I wouldn't have blamed him at all for it. But because of the way you characterize Vosges, as a "good kid", and as someone who wouldn't have enjoyed watching even Os die (God, I loved him for that), his good ending made perfect sense. (Sorry, it's very difficult to write out exactly what I think about this game, and I know that I'm jumping around all over the place, but that was a compliment to you! I think maybe it sounds like a critique, but I'm actually trying to tell you about how I loved how you characterized Vosges and how you wrote out his good [and his bad ending, actually! It also makes sense that at the end, he'd be pushed over the edge by Os to finally kill her, even though he's such a sweet character] ending.)
Lilja also wouldn't easily have a romantic relationship with her, because they pretty much met for only the first time. (Os didn't know him until after she committed suicide, right? So yeah.) So again, Lilja's good ending, although a bit sad, was very appropriate.
Gervase's ending was also very appropriate. At first, I thought, "Treating him as a pet doesn't seem so great..." but when I thought about it, he is a pet, more or less, so it made perfect sense, and the way you worked it all out was perfect, so I wouldn't really have it any other way. Like, he's a very rebellious and lewd character, but since he's a dog, or at least partially one, his doggy part of him just wanted a firm but playful master (I assume "playful" because he mentioned missing playing with her like they used to), a person worthy for him to follow and be loyal to, so it was all just... perfect. Just one thing (not a criticism, but a suggestion/something to think about) is that I thought Gervase could also logically be a romantic interest. Even though getting Vosges or Lilja as one would be forcing things a little, since Gervase already had a happy childhood with Os once, it could make sense for him to fall in love with her; even if he technically is a dog, he also is a human, as indicated by the fact that he loves "tits and pussies" and his human form. To make things clear, I had absolutely no problem with the *Os holds Gervase tightly from behind* "I'm not letting you go, because I know I've been a horrible master, but I'll be better!" and the "I don't want a harem. I just want you" ending (SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE). But if you want to include some more FANSERVICE, human-Gervase licking a blushing Os on the lips as an indication of his love at the end might be something you want to consider, lol. (I saw the sketches of his potential kisses, by the way. *heart!*)

I have to explicitly say (in case I didn't make it clear before) that I loved that not all the endings were romantic. In other VNs, the creators seem to try too hard to please the audience, so they make every single character a possible future mate even it requires distortion of the characters and/or other forms of deus ex machina, but you stayed logical. Even better, even though the endings weren't romantic, you still left me with a satisfied feeling.

So yes, that is what I thought of the endings.

Its because

When I started to write the story, I pictured Corvus like an annoying granpa ahaha. But like I said, by little I felt that he did much for her that he deserved a route also, so he did. I didn't thought he would be so popular I did him kind of annoying and sometimes, overprotective with Os.
Weee you like Vosges, Im sad that not many people liked him. If I could add a shameless nonsense on his story, he would had a romantic ending with Os. I was also tempted to make him grow after he taked the shroom hat, but that would have forced things. Vosges was too hurt to like completely Os. Also I think Its Corvus fault that It could be mistaken Os feelings toward Vosges, she is just feeling guilty for what she did to his people and also to him. On Corvus eyes (because he is jelaous that she is treating him kindly) she is feeling more than guilt. Thats why he said Vosges was recieving a special treatment. In the end I just could hint that the relationship between Vosges and Os could be more than a master and slave relation(Could be friendship could be love if your heart and your mind desire that ahaha.)

Lilja well is Lilja!<-lol

Ah Gervase why are you making me have all this problems XD...His route was the hardest to write for sure.I spent like days on some parts of the script because of him. I-I think it also(shame on this kill me) influenciated the fact that, for me Corvus was the one for Os. ;_; Im sorry !!
And also, that deep hate for her, for having a more lovey route I think I would had need just a little bit more of interaction between.
The fanservice...XD I usually avoid fanservice lol. but I felt that It could fit some scenes(like Lilja for example.) But since I felt that It could be a lot of exploitable(and fun as hell) I decided to add the secret section ahaha.

What I want to say next is: You have a fantastic sense of humor.

I must echo everyone else and say that the nicknames you give them in the beginning were hilarious as were Lilja's antics. (On a side note about Lilja's character, I appreciated and loved that he wasn't just comic relief or a shallow slapstick character but that he had a disposition and personality of his own which really shone through.) And Ecchin? The chimera of all things that is fanservice (pink hair, Lolita dress, the name)? Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant! I'd say the comedy was neither lacking nor overly done.
I saw there were some complaints about how the fact that the dark parts of the plot (suicide, Os' original cruelties, etc.) were not very well balanced with the comedy part, but I have to disagree completely. In life, there are very funny times, and there are very dark times, and there are also funny times within the dark times as well as dark times within the funny times; nothing is black and white. So I personally appreciated that everything was not all dark or all comedic, and not only that, but that it was also very well blended together, and I really, really hope that you don't change anything in those aspects.

XDD I always thought my best were serious stories. I guess my dark and edgy teenager days are over(a long time ago actually)
I enjoy black humor a lot, even if TKOT wasnt that black, my sense of humor goes like that I guess

XDD Wow! You find out about her name! Also I make her short to look like a loli, but she is just short I think she isnt flat enough to be one.
Ohh actually we were planning to tone a little some parts, but not too much I like also the serious parts

Now I'd like to talk about the paths themselves.
For the most part, I'd say they were well done, especially considering the fact that you had a month to complete this.
Even so, I think there were a few problems...
I know that you already know, but I will confirm it: Yes, the paths are very off-balance.

I've noticed that if I miss even one step towards a character liking me, I end up with the bad ending.
For example, in Gervase's ending, I explicitly followed the walkthrough, but wasn't able to get his ending just because I didn't select "Stop Gervase". Oh my goodness, there was this whole complication about that part (not your fault) which was crucial in the way I did my playthroughs, so I have to explain it to you, but it might get confusing.
Here was my complication with the "Stop Gervase" option: I didn't think it was an option at all, lol! Since there was that only option, I assumed that it was an automatic choice (which I personally didn't have a problem with since I would have liked to stop Gervase whether I preferred Corvus or Gervase) and so I never clicked it until my final attempt to get Gervase's good ending (thanks to a post I read about someone having had the same problem).
But the bigger problems are, firstly, I think this choice is very counterintuitive (I'm sorry! I know people people already told you this, but it's kind of important to my explanations. I'm not slamming you for it, I promise!). Personally, I would liked to have stopped Gervase whether I liked Corvus or Gervase better, as I mentioned before, but putting that aside again, it doesn't make much sense that protecting Corvus puts you on Gervase's path, and letting Gervase attack Corvus puts you on Corvus' path. (If you decide you want to fix it, I have a suggestion: Since Corvus ends up getting knocked down by Gervase even if you stop him, the chibi-scene of Os cradling Corvus can come up after "Stop Gervase" after Gervase leaves, and then you can set Os on Corvus's path. And then, in the other path, where you don't choose "Stop Gervase," after Gervase has knocked Corvus down, I saw that Os gives Gervase a death glare. After that point, then you can include the scene where Gervase says something like, "See, I try to protect you and be loyal to you, but you never listen!" and then set Os on Gervase's path. That would make a little more sense.)

The other problem, bigger than this counterintuitive choice, is that one little misstep, and you are automatically on the bad ending path. As I said, just the one choice of not stopping Gervase led to his bad ending.
The one path that wasn't like this was Corvus'. He was my favorite path (which is different from being my favorite character) because I could do things that weren't related to his path and still get him. For example, your walkthrough suggested that after I bandaged up Gervase, that I don't ask him "Does it hurt less?" the next time I saw him, and that I don't "Comfort Lilja" when he was all depressed. But because I like being myself when I first play through, I was able to do pretty much everything, including asking Gervase "Does it hurt less?" and "Comforting Lilja" and still get Corvus' good ending. Being myself includes being at least courteous to the other characters, so I loved Corvus' less-strict path, while I didn't really too much like the others' path, where being kind to the other prisoner's besides taking the strict path to the good ending of the character you wanted made you get a bad ending. I just wished that I could forgive Corvus, bandage Gervase and ask him if he's better, ask how I could make Vosges happier, and comfort Lilja without dying as a consequence for being nice. I don't really like games where you have to obsess over only one character in order to get his good ending.

BUT, I do know that you only had a month,and that this game wasn't very long, which were probably the main reasons things turned out the way they did

(poor Os, poor me)

. I also know that in order to make a VN/RPG realistic is extremely, extremely, extremely complicated, and so that I am asking for too much.

ohoho...It

was totally my fault lol.

That part is going to be mended since

You cant tell which path are you following

and

the stop gervase part is the main problem why anybody is getting a good ending orz

About the point system ;_;(I did a last hour balance because you could get 3 endings in one play ahaha...So I added and taked some points on parts that didnt favorate them directly or did hurt them indirectly.

Like not forgiving corvus would favorate Vosges route since he hated egoist people...Gervase though was just an improvised and lame balance

)
My intention was indeed making a game not that easy, but its most like its done wrong instead of challenging XD

So, overall, I loved, loved, loved your game. Even though it may seem like I bashed your game completely and thoroughly as possible, I actually haven't; it only seems that way because I just had to write wall after wall after wall of text.
I normally don't bother to replay through games after I've finished them (because I'm lazy), and I delete them from my laptop (I try to keep my computer memory as free as possible), but I am definitely keeping this one. It is worth replaying. It is worth replaying already as it is now, but if you do decide to release an edited, furnished version (I see you've been contemplating, and I wholeheartedly support a remake), I would definitely download that also to see the changes you made. It's just... I never felt this way about a VN before. It's original, well-written and well-drawn, and (thank you, God, and thank you, of course) free. It is of stellar quality in various ways.

That is pretty much the end of my raving, but now follows less important things.

I dont feel like you are bashing the game at all, I think you are being sincere with what you find off, and for me its very usefull.
Im very glad that you are conserving the game on your pc :_;..Its an honor! ahaha And Im lazy also..orz I find hard to pull my ideas and review games(Ive played almost everything on Nanoreno for example but Im like an hour trying to say something usefull ;_;)
XDD I will continue doing free games until I reach a profesional quality(both in art and writting)...

I just wanted to say that

Corvus was my favorite path and my favorite character, yes.
My favorite male characters, in order, are:
Corvus, then Vosges, then Lilja, then Gervase.

Here are my reasons why:
Corvus is just so sweet and loving and adoring. But at the same time, he is not too wimpy or anything. He seems quite capable of taking good care of Os (or any girl/person, including me, teehee [OHGODISAIDTEEHEE]) which I really like. I feel a bit nervous about him since he's so devoted and almost slave-like, but... I like that he isn't perfect in this way.

Vosges is also completely sweet. Even though Os pretty much obliterated everything Vosges could be happy for, he still remains... not pure, since he has gone through so many things and has become wary, but forgivng, even though he says he can't forgive her. I don't know how to describe it. Merciful, maybe, or tolerant. He's that kind of guy who refuses to take revenge, which I completely admire. And now that I'm gushing about him, I realize that I might actually put Vosges on the same level as Corvus in terms of who I like best, lol.

Lilja, for obvious reasons, is hilarious. But that's not the only reason why I like him. Like I said before, he's not just some comedic character; he's got a side of his own. I like that even though he is depressed, that even though he has a horrible job of being a suicide patron/god, he takes it all in stride. He says he's depressed, and he really might be, but he doesn't let it get the best of him. It was oddly touching when he mentions that "Os, you have a beautiful voice" (that was a fantastic addition, by the way, because he only says it after they've gotten to know each other a little better, and it's not an explicit, mushy, forced, "I LOVE YOU GET WITH ME," kind of thing, but just by telling her that her voice is beautiful, he pretty much tells her that she is also a beautiful person on the inside, without being too romantic). Oh, goodness, now he's also climbing the ranks closer to Corvus and Vosges, LOL WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME?

Gervase is also sweet in his own way. (Kill me, I've probably said "sweet" to describe pretty much everyone.) He was my least favorite character because he is lewd. "Show me your tits." "I love pussies." Not my style. But I'm not telling you to change his character; heck no! Don't change any of them! (I mean, of course you can change them, but you know what I mean, hopefully.) I'm just saying I don't like him specifically as a character, just because I personally get nervous and uncomfortable around people like him. Still, I fell in love with him in the end when he decides to forsake his harem for Os. He's just still not my favorite character, lol, which isn't a problem, because hey, you meet people you like, and you meet people you don't like as much. I appreciate that in your VN, you don't have to completely love everyone. Everyone in this VN has their fair share of faults and character flaws, which is actually what I absolutely love about them.

XD...I dont have any perfect character...I dont like making them like that, if I manage to make a perfectionist character, he or she might be crazy of the coconut like a super maniac or an incredible intolerant person.
Corvus was ment to be annoying overprotective. But when he also able to tell the person he cared of their truth. And be mean if he needed it. Also he is a jelaous guy, but of course not that much.


Vosges is the most mature guy in the tower, he is supoused to be the oldest(without counting Lilja because we dont know his age)It goes something like Vosges(25 I think)>Os(21)>Gervase(2? lol equivalent is 21)>Corvus(20), since Os took a year of everyone is like they had a decrease
Vosges decided to move on. He knew that killing her wouldnt make things better for him even if his hatred told the other way-
Yep he is the most mature person there ahaha

I didnt pictured Lilja to had any...ANY romantic insinuation to Os, but I thought that people who played his route would be cheated so I added two lines, the one you point and "you should be my girlfriend" lol I can even picture in my head that scene voiced, with his low. and gentle voice when he is "sane". Also a funny fact, I dont like long hair at all, but I felt like making him long haired since I didnt want to shove that much my tastes lol

Gervase is an animal, so he speaks with pure honesty. And exactly!! I know I really know, that this games are focused on picking a guy you like so you all were expecting that I actually wrote their personalities to be likeable, but..I didnt! lol I realized very late that this was the meaning of
this kind of games
I just wanted them to end up feeling sympathy/love to Os. If not, Vosges would be more popular ;_;

We're almost done!
Just really quickly:
I'm so glad you're good at writing, and this time, I mean grammatically.
Other VN creators aren't too careful about their syntax, grammar, or spelling, but in this one, I didn't notice anything, lol.
Even if there were mistakes, they were small enough, or your story was good enough that they just slid right by me. XD
Music, sound effects, absolutely terrific and fitting.

Thank you so, so, so much for putting so much effort into this game.
I completely enjoyed it, in case I didn't make that clear enough.
I'm so sorry if I ended up making you lose about 100 points in your eyesight, but you were well worth the 1-3 hours I spent typing this up, as well as the 2-3 hours I spent playing your game.

Also, I noticed that you're very good about replying to the posts everyone else makes.
Many creators are either too busy or just not willing to take the time to respond in a heartfelt way, but I admit and appreciate that you take so much time to do that.
I thank you or that, too. You are not only a great creator, but a great person as well.
So, in order to save your soul, brain, and eyes, I request that you not take too much time to respond to my incorrigible wall of text, if you do decide to reply.

Thank you!

So very sincerely,
Krefi

Nooo Im not good at writting(at this rate, you can tell ahaha)
It was because Anarchy edited my text(you can download the hurtful wall, link on my sig, and tell how horrible I write without a proper editing)
Im very happy that you liked the music XD!!!

Dont worry about my eyesight, its already very messed aaha, I use glasses since I was at elementary school(I blame games)
And well I guess I can answer you all because I do freelance work at home, most of the time Im just slacking...I think other autors are far more busy that I am lol

Thank you so much again for playing it and giving me this amazing review...Im really moved by your kind words
And I apology for my broken english. orz


Oh I dont have anything to show orz
I will put from where I got the names from


Os
Corvus
Vosgeswhich lead me to
Gervase and ended here
Lilja
Ecchin

well gotta go its 2:31 am here in Peru!

[greenheartnellie]

This is really nice! I am in the middle of playing right now Though I found a tiny error on the name saying the dialogue

after meeting with Lilja, I made Os and Corvus go to the basement again and Vosges was the one who asked "You two again? What do you want?" but it shows Corvus's name

Gonna play again now

[clua]

This is really nice! I am in the middle of playing right now Though I found a tiny error on the name saying the dialogue

after meeting with Lilja, I made Os and Corvus go to the basement again and Vosges was the one who asked "You two again? What do you want?" but it shows Corvus's name

Gonna play again now

D:!!! Someone reported another typo like that! But I didnt realized there was another one...orz
Thank you so much for pointing it out !!

[esofago]

muy chebre tu vn yo tambien quisiera aprender a hacer algo asi .,,..,

[clua]

muy chebre tu vn yo tambien quisiera aprender a hacer algo asi .,,..,

Oye que sorpresa! muchas gracias por jugar! deberias chequear el motor, apuesto que podrias sacarle el jugo con alguna de tus historias!

[esofago]

a que te refieres con el motor al programa que usas? no entiendo mucho de terminos de programas,..,.,,

[Hijiri]

The fact that I'm even posting in this thread must have set off some alarms in your head. So either I have something very good to say, or something very bad to say. Well, here are the results: this game was

actually pretty good.

I liked the humor a lot as well as the storyline, though my only complaint was the switch between curses and euphemisims. ("poop" and "shit") The music was enjoyable as well as the art.

One of the things that really stood out to me from all the other GxB games is that the 'love' took the backseat to the story. That's one thing that really made me like this. Personally, that's something I would like to see more of.

[KrefiUngranted]

Gwahhhh, I'm so sorry for taking forever to reply, but I had all these exams to study for, and I couldn't reply to your reply! ;^;
(Which also implies that yes, I played through your whole game instead of studying, LOL. But it was sooo worth it.)
So please, please, please excuse me, but here is my reply!
Thank you also for taking so much of your precious time to reply again! ;^; <3

Hi! I played through your VN yesterday, and I have to say, it's one of the best ones I've ever played so far.
It's so good, this is actually my first time taking the time to post about a VN that I've played, lol.
Once I started playing, I couldn't stop! So I finished all the endings yesterday (couldn't post until today, because I was soooo sleepy, but I just had to finish your game completely before I knocked out!), but it didn't stop there.
I usually like being very thorough in my playthroughs, because I like trying out different paths (If I do this, what will it change? What if I do this instead; will it change the outcome? Ooh, what does this button do?), so although I did use your guide as a reference point, I experimentally tried out different options, and here is what I would like to say about this game.
It includes compliments as well as critiques, but everything is constructive criticism, I guarantee it!
I sincerely, truly hope that you take the time to read the whole post through -- though I deeply, utterly apologize for its abominable length -- not because YOU HAVE TO READ EVERYTHING I WRITE RARRARRAR, but because I have many things to praise you for, and because I hope that by the end, you realize how awesome you actually are.

Now here comes the storm.

Your art is absolutely amazing for several different reasons:
1) It's amazing in general. Everything looks beautiful, proportional (I mean, as proportional as you can get when you're not drawing one-hundred-percent realistically), and just... Everything was just so pretty.

Os, Corvus (as a bird AND as a human), Gervase (as a puppy AND as a human), Vosges, Lilja (even with his LOL-mouth), and Ecchin, along with whoever else I might have forgotten,

all look amazing. I'm sorry, I know, I keep repeating myself about how they great they all look, but they just do. *hnnnng*

2) Your art is so original. It's nothing like I've ever seen in any other VNs (maybe it's because I haven't played too many, but I'm not sure what's considered "a lot" and what's not). Other games usually incorporate anime-like characters, or straight-out cartoon-ish stuff, but yours was somehow... a blend of anime style and something else. I'm not sure exactly how to describe your style, but I love it. The texture is also somehow different. It feels... fuller, rounder, more realistic, like it has more depth. Goodness, you're officially one of my favorite artists out there (and I don't have many, I assure you).

OMG...I just cant believe you took your time to write all your thoughts, I read everything and Im so happy that I can feel it on my chest ;_:
Let me answer you step by step, actually I take a life trying to pull my ideas haha

I can relate a lot of what you like on your gameplay, Im like that when I know the game offers me many options to explore...Im ashamed that my game didnt had that propiety more developed, since It was kind of hard(for me haha)to make coherence between the choices and the story, well little by little Im understanding it better.So I think I can offer more in future games(I hope!)
Don't apology for writting this much I'm very happy that you did! As I said I will try to answer all(And I will apology before my english betray my sense in sentences ahaha)

About the art ahaha I really don't know. I mean I been always influenced by many many things, most of them were japanese production, since all my brothers and sisters were fans of japanese animation since little(I'm from a family of 8, I have 2 brothers and 3 sisters I am the last one ahaha. I'm counting my parents also!)When I started to post my drawings on forums, people who drew manga said:"you dont draw manga!", and people who drew comic said: "you don't draw comic!" So I felt for many years I was on limbo ahaha...Even now, I feel like I don't belong in any place, so I thought It was better to not worry and continue lol

In my eyes It looks manga or sort, welp I guess Its a paradox, since It can only be manga in Japan.

As I said before, you're very welcome! You were very well worth writing all this out for. <3
Thank you very much for taking the time also to write out such an extended reply.
Don't worry about your English!
There are some mistakes, yes, but what you say is understandable, and you actually write in English very well!

That's all right!
Of course making this game was an experience for you, and it's great that you've learned from it! ^^
You had a really great start, actually, so you're only a couple steps away from producing professional-quality work already!

Wow, that's a big family!
It's amazing that despite the hardships you might have encountered, whether financially, emotionally, mentally, or physically, you overcame them and became such a great artist!
I really admire how good you've become.
And I'm so glad your unique art style doesn't concern you, or make you too feel out of place!
I, for one, love your art style, and I hope you continue it, whether it conforms to other styles or not.
You're really great. ;A;

The game itself is also completely original in its storyline. I can't believe you finished it in a month.

Os killed herself? She was pretending all this time to be mute and amnestic? In order for Corvus to have been able to resurrect Os, he had to take the years off of everyone else?

Unbelievable, absolutely unbelievable (and I don't mean the plot, I mean the fact that you were able to come up with this kind of original plot in a world where it's incredibly difficult to be original anymore).
The one thing I have to say about this particular part of the plot -- and it's neither a compliment nor a critique, just something I wanted to point out -- is that technically, it wouldn't make sense that we, as the players who are playing as Os,

wouldn't know that she was faking. In other words, since we are Os (assumed by the fact that we control her actions), we should have known all along she was faking, who the real culprit was, etc.

But on the other hand, if you had told us all this from the get-go, you certainly would have lost the mindblowing aspect of the "surprise". In addition, you sort of backhanded the issue, perhaps unknowingly, by

letting us into the thoughts of Corvus, and by letting us hear what Gervase and Vosges had to say when Os left. So even though we were playing as Os, and so technically were Os, we could also know what else was going on beyond what the actual Os could have known. (I hope I haven't lost you or confused you yet...) So I think the issue is, consistency of the point-of-view? Since we are playing as Os, you might have wanted to let us know what was really going on inside Os' mind, but excluded us from all other outside information such as Corvus' thoughts and so on.

But then again, this is all very difficult to pull off in the first place, and I said, this wasn't really a criticism or anything -- just something you might want to think about.

I-I can't belive I actually finished it! ahaha(I like to leave unfinished a lot of stuff)
I think It was because of Nanoreno, because everyone who was also working on their stuff. and because Anarchy helped me a lot!
Without her there wouldn't be any game, I had a massive headache because of the prog, and my english as you can see(lol), sucks.
She gave not only a gramatically check on the script, also apported many ideas to improve the script
(for example, the

invisible library of Lilja and the fertilizer food of Vosges were her ideas.

)

About the pov in the game. I can say, that I didn't used to think about those facts D:---I just write everything I think and feel that would be nice to read...When Anarchy pointed that the game didn't had an specific pov I was like..."huh?", Then I knew lol
My intention was for anyone play as an expectator, I don't intent you to become any character, I don't find that appealing, since everyone is different so how can I limit the reader to a default personality and expect them to feel identified.
By the other hand I found writting on first person, very personal, I cant help but put a lot of myself on my characters. I feel like Im tricking myself ahaha.
But Its very messy. I have to work on that a lot on my writting. Im giving headaches to the people who help me with my texts XD

Hahaha, that's so awesome!
I'm so glad you had such a dependable partner to work with.
Anarchy also did a wonderful job with the game!
The ideas were fantastic, because those were also elements of the game that I thought were super unique and creative.

......
That makes perfect sense!
I actually had this black-and-white state of mind, where I believed that if I were to consider a game "good," it would either have to be in a narrative point-of-view OR first-person point-of-view.
I didn't think about how there could be an outside "being" that knew some things but didn't know other things and still guided the character in the game.
It is hard to wrap your mind around, though, lol!

About the relationship aspect of the plot, I think you pulled it off very well.
I agree with you on that

Corvus was probably the most reasonable person Os could actually have a romantic relationship with (which was also why, when I read through other people's posts as well as your replies, I was surprised that you hadn't originally thought of including Corvus as a "love interest").
Os eliminated Vosges' village entirely, including his family, so naturally, he wouldn't love her or "fall for her tricks", as he once says, any longer. One might have even expected that Vosges would be filled with complete and utter rage over what Os did to him and hate her completely, and I wouldn't have blamed him at all for it. But because of the way you characterize Vosges, as a "good kid", and as someone who wouldn't have enjoyed watching even Os die (God, I loved him for that), his good ending made perfect sense. (Sorry, it's very difficult to write out exactly what I think about this game, and I know that I'm jumping around all over the place, but that was a compliment to you! I think maybe it sounds like a critique, but I'm actually trying to tell you about how I loved how you characterized Vosges and how you wrote out his good [and his bad ending, actually! It also makes sense that at the end, he'd be pushed over the edge by Os to finally kill her, even though he's such a sweet character] ending.)
Lilja also wouldn't easily have a romantic relationship with her, because they pretty much met for only the first time. (Os didn't know him until after she committed suicide, right? So yeah.) So again, Lilja's good ending, although a bit sad, was very appropriate.
Gervase's ending was also very appropriate. At first, I thought, "Treating him as a pet doesn't seem so great..." but when I thought about it, he is a pet, more or less, so it made perfect sense, and the way you worked it all out was perfect, so I wouldn't really have it any other way. Like, he's a very rebellious and lewd character, but since he's a dog, or at least partially one, his doggy part of him just wanted a firm but playful master (I assume "playful" because he mentioned missing playing with her like they used to), a person worthy for him to follow and be loyal to, so it was all just... perfect. Just one thing (not a criticism, but a suggestion/something to think about) is that I thought Gervase could also logically be a romantic interest. Even though getting Vosges or Lilja as one would be forcing things a little, since Gervase already had a happy childhood with Os once, it could make sense for him to fall in love with her; even if he technically is a dog, he also is a human, as indicated by the fact that he loves "tits and pussies" and his human form. To make things clear, I had absolutely no problem with the *Os holds Gervase tightly from behind* "I'm not letting you go, because I know I've been a horrible master, but I'll be better!" and the "I don't want a harem. I just want you" ending (SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE). But if you want to include some more FANSERVICE, human-Gervase licking a blushing Os on the lips as an indication of his love at the end might be something you want to consider, lol. (I saw the sketches of his potential kisses, by the way. *heart!*)

I have to explicitly say (in case I didn't make it clear before) that I loved that not all the endings were romantic. In other VNs, the creators seem to try too hard to please the audience, so they make every single character a possible future mate even it requires distortion of the characters and/or other forms of deus ex machina, but you stayed logical. Even better, even though the endings weren't romantic, you still left me with a satisfied feeling.

So yes, that is what I thought of the endings.

Its because

When I started to write the story, I pictured Corvus like an annoying granpa ahaha. But like I said, by little I felt that he did much for her that he deserved a route also, so he did. I didn't thought he would be so popular I did him kind of annoying and sometimes, overprotective with Os.
Weee you like Vosges, Im sad that not many people liked him. If I could add a shameless nonsense on his story, he would had a romantic ending with Os. I was also tempted to make him grow after he taked the shroom hat, but that would have forced things. Vosges was too hurt to like completely Os. Also I think Its Corvus fault that It could be mistaken Os feelings toward Vosges, she is just feeling guilty for what she did to his people and also to him. On Corvus eyes (because he is jelaous that she is treating him kindly) she is feeling more than guilt. Thats why he said Vosges was recieving a special treatment. In the end I just could hint that the relationship between Vosges and Os could be more than a master and slave relation(Could be friendship could be love if your heart and your mind desire that ahaha.)

Lilja well is Lilja!<-lol

Ah Gervase why are you making me have all this problems XD...His route was the hardest to write for sure.I spent like days on some parts of the script because of him. I-I think it also(shame on this kill me) influenciated the fact that, for me Corvus was the one for Os. ;_; Im sorry !!
And also, that deep hate for her, for having a more lovey route I think I would had need just a little bit more of interaction between.
The fanservice...XD I usually avoid fanservice lol. but I felt that It could fit some scenes(like Lilja for example.) But since I felt that It could be a lot of exploitable(and fun as hell) I decided to add the secret section ahaha.

PAHAHA, I could see that

"grandpa" thing with Corvus.
Grandpa Corvus, LOLOL!
But yes, because you made him imperfect in that way,

I couldn't help but like him, too.

Noooooo, love that you left it the way it is!
I almost expected

Vosges to grow after the hat was taken off, but somehow, I loved and whole-heartedly respected your decision to keep Vosges the way he was.
Would I liked to have seen Vosges as an adult?
Of course.
But would it have been better if you had made that happen?
I believe not. I think I appreciated the game, and you, because you didn't make it happen. It made the game stand out. It also made me admire you, because it told me that you're not afraid to tell the story how it should be told, not just the way you want it to be told. For example, many authors are afraid to kill their favorite characters, or even if they do, they think of a way to revive the character, know what I mean? But you didn't do that; you didn't let Vosges become an adult, even though that might have upped his popularity ratings.

Pahaha,

Lilja

was perfect.

Ahh, really? I didn't realize

his route was so hard for you, haha.
Ohhhh, actually, I didn't catch the fact that he hated her that much.
I'm not sure if you got it across very well, or if I were too dense to detect that, lol.
It never occurred to me that Gervase hated Os that much.
If that's the case, then of course, if would be impossible for Gervase to have a relationship with Os, and again, I respect your decision.

What I want to say next is: You have a fantastic sense of humor.

I must echo everyone else and say that the nicknames you give them in the beginning were hilarious as were Lilja's antics. (On a side note about Lilja's character, I appreciated and loved that he wasn't just comic relief or a shallow slapstick character but that he had a disposition and personality of his own which really shone through.) And Ecchin? The chimera of all things that is fanservice (pink hair, Lolita dress, the name)? Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant! I'd say the comedy was neither lacking nor overly done.
I saw there were some complaints about how the fact that the dark parts of the plot (suicide, Os' original cruelties, etc.) were not very well balanced with the comedy part, but I have to disagree completely. In life, there are very funny times, and there are very dark times, and there are also funny times within the dark times as well as dark times within the funny times; nothing is black and white. So I personally appreciated that everything was not all dark or all comedic, and not only that, but that it was also very well blended together, and I really, really hope that you don't change anything in those aspects.

XDD I always thought my best were serious stories. I guess my dark and edgy teenager days are over(a long time ago actually)
I enjoy black humor a lot, even if TKOT wasnt that black, my sense of humor goes like that I guess

XDD Wow! You find out about her name! Also I make her short to look like a loli, but she is just short I think she isnt flat enough to be one.
Ohh actually we were planning to tone a little some parts, but not too much I like also the serious parts

Haha, noo, you haven't lost that dark and edgy touch yet.
No worries, even though the plot had its light points, it had its dark points as well.
And as I said before, they balance out perfectly; I think that there is a perfect amount of humor with the perfect amount of darkness.

Haha! Actually,

"ecchi" is probably a term that any manga/anime fan would know. XDDD
But loli or not, Ecchin certainly is "ecchi", in a parody way. XD

Now I'd like to talk about the paths themselves.
For the most part, I'd say they were well done, especially considering the fact that you had a month to complete this.
Even so, I think there were a few problems...
I know that you already know, but I will confirm it: Yes, the paths are very off-balance.

I've noticed that if I miss even one step towards a character liking me, I end up with the bad ending.
For example, in Gervase's ending, I explicitly followed the walkthrough, but wasn't able to get his ending just because I didn't select "Stop Gervase". Oh my goodness, there was this whole complication about that part (not your fault) which was crucial in the way I did my playthroughs, so I have to explain it to you, but it might get confusing.
Here was my complication with the "Stop Gervase" option: I didn't think it was an option at all, lol! Since there was that only option, I assumed that it was an automatic choice (which I personally didn't have a problem with since I would have liked to stop Gervase whether I preferred Corvus or Gervase) and so I never clicked it until my final attempt to get Gervase's good ending (thanks to a post I read about someone having had the same problem).
But the bigger problems are, firstly, I think this choice is very counterintuitive (I'm sorry! I know people people already told you this, but it's kind of important to my explanations. I'm not slamming you for it, I promise!). Personally, I would liked to have stopped Gervase whether I liked Corvus or Gervase better, as I mentioned before, but putting that aside again, it doesn't make much sense that protecting Corvus puts you on Gervase's path, and letting Gervase attack Corvus puts you on Corvus' path. (If you decide you want to fix it, I have a suggestion: Since Corvus ends up getting knocked down by Gervase even if you stop him, the chibi-scene of Os cradling Corvus can come up after "Stop Gervase" after Gervase leaves, and then you can set Os on Corvus's path. And then, in the other path, where you don't choose "Stop Gervase," after Gervase has knocked Corvus down, I saw that Os gives Gervase a death glare. After that point, then you can include the scene where Gervase says something like, "See, I try to protect you and be loyal to you, but you never listen!" and then set Os on Gervase's path. That would make a little more sense.)

The other problem, bigger than this counterintuitive choice, is that one little misstep, and you are automatically on the bad ending path. As I said, just the one choice of not stopping Gervase led to his bad ending.
The one path that wasn't like this was Corvus'. He was my favorite path (which is different from being my favorite character) because I could do things that weren't related to his path and still get him. For example, your walkthrough suggested that after I bandaged up Gervase, that I don't ask him "Does it hurt less?" the next time I saw him, and that I don't "Comfort Lilja" when he was all depressed. But because I like being myself when I first play through, I was able to do pretty much everything, including asking Gervase "Does it hurt less?" and "Comforting Lilja" and still get Corvus' good ending. Being myself includes being at least courteous to the other characters, so I loved Corvus' less-strict path, while I didn't really too much like the others' path, where being kind to the other prisoner's besides taking the strict path to the good ending of the character you wanted made you get a bad ending. I just wished that I could forgive Corvus, bandage Gervase and ask him if he's better, ask how I could make Vosges happier, and comfort Lilja without dying as a consequence for being nice. I don't really like games where you have to obsess over only one character in order to get his good ending.

BUT, I do know that you only had a month,and that this game wasn't very long, which were probably the main reasons things turned out the way they did

(poor Os, poor me)

. I also know that in order to make a VN/RPG realistic is extremely, extremely, extremely complicated, and so that I am asking for too much.

ohoho...It

was totally my fault lol.

That part is going to be mended since

You cant tell which path are you following

and

the stop gervase part is the main problem why anybody is getting a good ending orz

About the point system ;_;(I did a last hour balance because you could get 3 endings in one play ahaha...So I added and taked some points on parts that didnt favorate them directly or did hurt them indirectly.

Like not forgiving corvus would favorate Vosges route since he hated egoist people...Gervase though was just an improvised and lame balance

)
My intention was indeed making a game not that easy, but its most like its done wrong instead of challenging XD

Ohh, I see what happened, I think.
Yeah, it was probably just a time and length issue, haha.
I bet you could fix that a little better if you had a little more time, and if you had the opportunity to add more decision points and such.

Hahaha, "wrong instead of challenging."
That's alright! At least now you know what you did "wrong", and you can fix it. ^^

So, overall, I loved, loved, loved your game. Even though it may seem like I bashed your game completely and thoroughly as possible, I actually haven't; it only seems that way because I just had to write wall after wall after wall of text.
I normally don't bother to replay through games after I've finished them (because I'm lazy), and I delete them from my laptop (I try to keep my computer memory as free as possible), but I am definitely keeping this one. It is worth replaying. It is worth replaying already as it is now, but if you do decide to release an edited, furnished version (I see you've been contemplating, and I wholeheartedly support a remake), I would definitely download that also to see the changes you made. It's just... I never felt this way about a VN before. It's original, well-written and well-drawn, and (thank you, God, and thank you, of course) free. It is of stellar quality in various ways.

That is pretty much the end of my raving, but now follows less important things.

I dont feel like you are bashing the game at all, I think you are being sincere with what you find off, and for me its very usefull.
Im very glad that you are conserving the game on your pc :_;..Its an honor! ahaha And Im lazy also..orz I find hard to pull my ideas and review games(Ive played almost everything on Nanoreno for example but Im like an hour trying to say something usefull ;_;)
XDD I will continue doing free games until I reach a profesional quality(both in art and writting)...

Oh, good, I'm so glad you feel that way, and I am so happy that you find it useful!
Pahaha, laziness is a very huge problem for me also, but there are certain, very special circumstances that make me want to not be lazy. Like this one! XD Your game was SO GOOD that it broke my lazy-barrier and allowed me to write an essay about your game! XDDD

And I will cheer you on all the way!!!!
I know that one day, you definitely will reach that professional status.
When that day comes, I will be crushed because your games may no longer be free I'll be thinking, "Man, I remember when I played TKOTT and loved it. Now Clua is absolutely godly."

I just wanted to say that

Corvus was my favorite path and my favorite character, yes.
My favorite male characters, in order, are:
Corvus, then Vosges, then Lilja, then Gervase.

Here are my reasons why:
Corvus is just so sweet and loving and adoring. But at the same time, he is not too wimpy or anything. He seems quite capable of taking good care of Os (or any girl/person, including me, teehee [OHGODISAIDTEEHEE]) which I really like. I feel a bit nervous about him since he's so devoted and almost slave-like, but... I like that he isn't perfect in this way.

Vosges is also completely sweet. Even though Os pretty much obliterated everything Vosges could be happy for, he still remains... not pure, since he has gone through so many things and has become wary, but forgivng, even though he says he can't forgive her. I don't know how to describe it. Merciful, maybe, or tolerant. He's that kind of guy who refuses to take revenge, which I completely admire. And now that I'm gushing about him, I realize that I might actually put Vosges on the same level as Corvus in terms of who I like best, lol.

Lilja, for obvious reasons, is hilarious. But that's not the only reason why I like him. Like I said before, he's not just some comedic character; he's got a side of his own. I like that even though he is depressed, that even though he has a horrible job of being a suicide patron/god, he takes it all in stride. He says he's depressed, and he really might be, but he doesn't let it get the best of him. It was oddly touching when he mentions that "Os, you have a beautiful voice" (that was a fantastic addition, by the way, because he only says it after they've gotten to know each other a little better, and it's not an explicit, mushy, forced, "I LOVE YOU GET WITH ME," kind of thing, but just by telling her that her voice is beautiful, he pretty much tells her that she is also a beautiful person on the inside, without being too romantic). Oh, goodness, now he's also climbing the ranks closer to Corvus and Vosges, LOL WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME?

Gervase is also sweet in his own way. (Kill me, I've probably said "sweet" to describe pretty much everyone.) He was my least favorite character because he is lewd. "Show me your tits." "I love pussies." Not my style. But I'm not telling you to change his character; heck no! Don't change any of them! (I mean, of course you can change them, but you know what I mean, hopefully.) I'm just saying I don't like him specifically as a character, just because I personally get nervous and uncomfortable around people like him. Still, I fell in love with him in the end when he decides to forsake his harem for Os. He's just still not my favorite character, lol, which isn't a problem, because hey, you meet people you like, and you meet people you don't like as much. I appreciate that in your VN, you don't have to completely love everyone. Everyone in this VN has their fair share of faults and character flaws, which is actually what I absolutely love about them.

XD...I dont have any perfect character...I dont like making them like that, if I manage to make a perfectionist character, he or she might be crazy of the coconut like a super maniac or an incredible intolerant person.
Corvus was ment to be annoying overprotective. But when he also able to tell the person he cared of their truth. And be mean if he needed it. Also he is a jelaous guy, but of course not that much.


Vosges is the most mature guy in the tower, he is supoused to be the oldest(without counting Lilja because we dont know his age)It goes something like Vosges(25 I think)>Os(21)>Gervase(2? lol equivalent is 21)>Corvus(20), since Os took a year of everyone is like they had a decrease
Vosges decided to move on. He knew that killing her wouldnt make things better for him even if his hatred told the other way-
Yep he is the most mature person there ahaha

I didnt pictured Lilja to had any...ANY romantic insinuation to Os, but I thought that people who played his route would be cheated so I added two lines, the one you point and "you should be my girlfriend" lol I can even picture in my head that scene voiced, with his low. and gentle voice when he is "sane". Also a funny fact, I dont like long hair at all, but I felt like making him long haired since I didnt want to shove that much my tastes lol

Gervase is an animal, so he speaks with pure honesty. And exactly!! I know I really know, that this games are focused on picking a guy you like so you all were expecting that I actually wrote their personalities to be likeable, but..I didnt! lol I realized very late that this was the meaning of
this kind of games
I just wanted them to end up feeling sympathy/love to Os. If not, Vosges would be more popular ;_;

Exactly!
Which is why I am soooo glad

none of your characters are perfect...
In making your characters imperfect, you've made them perfect!
... Did that make sense? >w<;;

YEAH, so I've finally decided; Vosges is my absolute favorite character!
I love his mercy and kindness, tolerance and maturity.

Lol!
Well, I really liked Lilja's long hair, LMAO.
I can't imagine him with short hair...
O_O

That's perfectly fine!
See, I loved your game because it wasn't like any of those other games.
For Os, sympathy was enough, because that's all she really deserved after making all of them suffer like that.
I love Os, too, and I believe her "punishment" was perfect -- not too harsh, and not too loose, even though I wouldn't have blamed any of them for hating her forever.
I'm kind of glad they all somewhat forgive her in the end though, lol, and that she becomes considerably less barbaric.
Character development!
^I just discovered another reason why I love your game, lol.
All of your characters flesh out and develop and grow and change, in reasonable ways.

We're almost done!
Just really quickly:
I'm so glad you're good at writing, and this time, I mean grammatically.
Other VN creators aren't too careful about their syntax, grammar, or spelling, but in this one, I didn't notice anything, lol.
Even if there were mistakes, they were small enough, or your story was good enough that they just slid right by me. XD
Music, sound effects, absolutely terrific and fitting.

Thank you so, so, so much for putting so much effort into this game.
I completely enjoyed it, in case I didn't make that clear enough.
I'm so sorry if I ended up making you lose about 100 points in your eyesight, but you were well worth the 1-3 hours I spent typing this up, as well as the 2-3 hours I spent playing your game.

Also, I noticed that you're very good about replying to the posts everyone else makes.
Many creators are either too busy or just not willing to take the time to respond in a heartfelt way, but I admit and appreciate that you take so much time to do that.
I thank you or that, too. You are not only a great creator, but a great person as well.
So, in order to save your soul, brain, and eyes, I request that you not take too much time to respond to my incorrigible wall of text, if you do decide to reply.

Thank you!

So very sincerely,
Krefi

Nooo Im not good at writting(at this rate, you can tell ahaha)
It was because Anarchy edited my text(you can download the hurtful wall, link on my sig, and tell how horrible I write without a proper editing)
Im very happy that you liked the music XD!!!

Dont worry about my eyesight, its already very messed aaha, I use glasses since I was at elementary school(I blame games)
And well I guess I can answer you all because I do freelance work at home, most of the time Im just slacking...I think other autors are far more busy that I am lol

Thank you so much again for playing it and giving me this amazing review...Im really moved by your kind words
And I apology for my broken english. orz


Oh I dont have anything to show orz
I will put from where I got the names from


Os
Corvus
Vosgeswhich lead me to
Gervase and ended here
Lilja
Ecchin

well gotta go its 2:31 am here in Peru!

Hahaha!
Yes, I'll be honest, your writing after Anarchy's edit is much more... comprehensive. XD
(Don't feel bad! Like I said, your English is actually very good, even without Anarchy's editing! I'm just teasing you. )
It's great that Anarchy has edited everything for us.

Bahhh, me, too, I've had glasses since third grade, so my eyesight is horrible. :<
Still, I'm so glad you took the pains to reply! <3

Wahhh, the name origins are so cool!
I was actually going to ask you about the names in my first "essay" to you, but I wrote about so many other things that I forgot!
I was going to say that I loved the names of your characters...
They were all very unique, but somehow, they weren't out of context, if that makes sense.
Like, they didn't sound irrelevant or unnecessarily crazy.
It very much helped to

create Os' world which is different from our world, but seems almost real and not made-up.

I'm so very happy that you shared your name sources with me!
It was all so interesting to read (even though I couldn't read the whole Wikipedia page!).
Some of the pages I had to convert to the English Wikipedia to read!
Do you speak multiple languages? (Also, I had no idea you lived in Peru!)
If I remember correctly, one of the pages were in Dutch, one in French...? I'm not sure. French for sure, because of "os", but I don't remember the other languages correctly. ><

Showing me this was plenty; thank you so much!
It meant a lot to me. :')

Clua,

I'm sorry if it's rude to say so suddenly to someone I barely met, but

I love you! <333


PS:

I noticed that a lot of people didn't like the way Gervase was "inconsistent" in his cursings, most noticeably in his "shit" to "poop" transition.
I wanted to tell you, IT'S FINE THE WAY IT IS, I THINK. YEAH, IT IS.
Because I, for one, do not cuss all the time.
Like Gervase, I sometimes say "shit", and sometimes, I say "poop" to avoid it.
Well, that's not exactly my point.
In creating characteristics and dispositions for a character, I don't think the point is to create characters only based on beings that actually exist.
As in, just because everyone else in "real life" curses consistently (used only either "shit" or "poop" but not both) doesn't mean Gervase has to follow that standard, too.
What I'm trying to say is, I don't think you should stress about whether Gervase can say only "shit" or "poop".
If you think it's weird, too, you can change it, but otherwise, if you think it isn't too off-putting, you should leave it.
In my opinion, the fact that Gervase says "poop" instead of "shit" that time helps to flesh out his character, because it shows his playful side along with his crude, angry side.

[Anarchy]

I'd like to thank you too, Kref, for your long and detailed opinions. Your feedback (and everyone else's, of course!) is going to be very useful in the revision process.

Re: that last poop/shit issue, I felt the same way as you do, which is why the text is the way it is - I alternate between cursewords of different severity all the time (fuck vs. freak for instance), sometimes without any reason for the shifts. A lot of people felt that the shifts were jarring, but I'm glad that you feel that (and this was my intention too) that the shifts showed different facets of his personality. Your comment helped me realize that what I need to do is not make all the poops into shits or vice versa, I just need to make him use one or the other consistently in different contexts. I think that the reason the shift felt jarring was because I made Gervase use poop in a context where shit would have been more appropriate. I just need to make that one adjustment to make the shifts feel consistent. At least, that's what I figure without having reread the script.

[KrefiUngranted]

I'd like to thank you too, Kref, for your long and detailed opinions. Your feedback (and everyone else's, of course!) is going to be very useful in the revision process.

Re: that last poop/shit issue, I felt the same way as you do, which is why the text is the way it is - I alternate between cursewords of different severity all the time (fuck vs. freak for instance), sometimes without any reason for the shifts. A lot of people felt that the shifts were jarring, but I'm glad that you feel that (and this was my intention too) that the shifts showed different facets of his personality. Your comment helped me realize that what I need to do is not make all the poops into shits or vice versa, I just need to make him use one or the other consistently in different contexts. I think that the reason the shift felt jarring was because I made Gervase use poop in a context where shit would have been more appropriate. I just need to make that one adjustment to make the shifts feel consistent. At least, that's what I figure without having reread the script.

You're very welcome, Anarchy!
I'm truly so glad that my walls of texts aren't just annoying, but annoyingly useful, at least.
I am very looking forward to the revised version (like that wasn't obvious... XD)!

About Gervase's "poop/shit":
Yes, exactly!
I am so glad that you're not going to change everything into "shit" or to "poop"...
Because, yes, if you think about it, him only saying "shit" or "poop" would make him so planar, and even linear, and he would have no context!
Using the same curse words for every situation would make a very plain, unyielding, inflexible, unnatural, inorganic character.
It's almost like we're all making such a hullabaloo over something so small, but no, it actually contains such critical personality information about Gervase.
Sorry, I'm ranting (for no reason, sorry!), but I'm very happy with your decision.

Also!
I spent all this time praising Clua, and I don't think I gave enough credit to you.
I actually hadn't realized that you played such a crucial role in the making of this game; I'm so sorry!
But I know now, and I wanted to thank you also, very much, for the incredible, hard work you've put into the game.
I did love your plot inserts (the Lilja's invisible library and Vosges' fertilizer food -- they're crazy creative ideas), and I admire you for them.
And the editing! XDDDD
You made the writing pretty much flawless and smooth and cohesive; it was so nice to read.

Anarchy, Clua, you guys are both fantastic.
Please keep it up! <3

Your really big fan,
Krefi

[clua]

I just want to say that...I read everything a long time but It takes me a life to write my replies! ;__;
Thank you so much!

I will edit this with my actual replies XD

[KrefiUngranted]

I just want to say that...I read everything a long time but It takes me a life to write my replies! ;__;
Thank you so much!

I will edit this with my actual replies XD

You don't have to!
That you read it is enough.

[Cinnamoon]

Hello there !

Ok. I admit it. When I heard about this game and saw the art, I was like "omg this looks creepy ! the girl wears bones and there is an old woman mushroom !!" (At this point, I thought Vosges was a old lady...SORRY !!).
BUT I wanted to try this anyway, because I was bored. And now i'm bored again... because I played it again and again until I got every ending !
It was so much fun. I loved the art, I loved the story and all characters !!
I can't believe you did this within a month. Good job !

At my first attempt, I was like "this dog is sooo cute, I must get his ending !", but I wasn't able to go to the kitchen without being killed then eaten...So I went for Vosges instead. It was fun, but I really wanted to get Gervase good ending (>.<)/ And I finally mastered it !! Muhahaha. It was so cute... I liked it. I went for Corvus and ended up with Lilja. And my favorite part of the game was... THE FANSERVICE. Omg it was soooo funny ! I was like "Gervase-girl is soooo cute !!" and "OMG Lilja is naked !!". It really liked it.
I think my favorite character was Gervase (mainly because I'm a dog person, so I should like dogs and find them cute...maybe), then Corvus (I liked him the all time because I'm a bit like him, annoying and all that. And because at the end he is HANDSOOOOME.), Lilja (How can I not like a fanservice god ? He answered all my prayers ), and Vosges.
But most of all, I really liked Os. The way she is trying to make things up with everyone and the guilt she felt, I found this really touching. Maybe I'll do a fanart of her sometimes !

My point is : this game was awesome. Thank you so much !! ^^