Tell Her a Story [NaNoReNo 2012]

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kaleidofish
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Tell Her a Story [NaNoReNo 2012]

#1 Post by kaleidofish »

Image

Today's the day that Cole will finally propose to his girlfriend Shannon. As he reaches for the ring, however, he realizes he's made a grave mistake! He gave the jacket with the ring in it to his best friend Naima, who's on a bus heading far, far away. And, worst of all, Shannon has somewhere to be right after they finish their meal. Now, armed with a pencil & a pack of index cards, he has to stall for time while waiting for Naima's return by distracting his girlfriend by drawing and telling her a story.

Features:

120+ uncolored index card illustrations by a non-artist! And better yet, many of them are blurry!
9 (mostly inaccurate) story genres to choose from! You pick the setting for his story!
An original soundtrack by a non-composer that's even better when muted (yeah)!
20,000 words that should have been proofread!
Ren'Py standard GUI, except for the main menu!
A Bx1G romance story that pretends to have more endings than it really has!

Everything made by:
kaleidofish of ouroboros[connect]
Yes. Everything. The story, the coding, the music, the art.

Screenshots:

Image
Image
Image

Download:

MediaFire - Windows
GameFront - Windows
GameFront -Mac
GameFront - Linux

It's still April 1st where I'm living, so I made by the NaNo deadline. Whew. This is my first released game. Thanks for playing! :D
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Camille
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Re: Tell Her a Story [NaNoReNo 2012]

#2 Post by Camille »

"I'm the kind of guy that looks at the height of the coaster, reads the coaster's miles per hour speed, thinks "hell no," and says yes because I love spending time with her. Have you ever met someone that you look at and you just want them to be happy forever?" THAT JUST KILLED ME. Oh my gosh, Cole is so cute and I just really loved seeing him freak out over Shannon and his possibly ruined plans.

I went for Noir -> Martial Arts -> Sci-fi.

The index cards were a really nice touch. I did think they were a little blurry and out of focus (if you could just improve on that, it'd be great), but the idea was awesome and I loved being able to pick the story genres. It really felt like I was there in the restaurant watching Cole tell this lame--I mean, awesome--story. XD

Things did start to get a little iffy for me after the second part of the story (after picking Martial Arts) mostly because of Cole/London's "nice guy" complex... Like he felt he had the right to tell Rachel/Shannon who she should date and got all jealous even though he'd just told her that hey should "slow down". Even after Rachel dumped Trevor, London was all "BLARRRR" about what she did because she dumped Trevor but *still wouldn't be with him*. That kind of behavior/attitude from guys just really rubs me the wrong way. D: Rachel's wishy-washy attitude was also a little tiring. Like, I wasn't really sure if she was trying to flirt with London or not... And then all of a sudden she dumped her boyfriend. 0_o She would switch between being all "Trevor is annoying/possessive/etc!" and then "Don't speak badly of him, he was just protecting me!"

But at the same time, I know that the index card story is probably not a 100% accurate representation of how their relationship progressed and that certain concepts were probably simplified so that it would all fit in one story, so I pressed on. XD And my objections are mostly personal and it could just be me that has a problem with how those things progressed. Anyway, seeing how Cole treats Shannon outside of the story is still just a huge awwww sort of thing. I loved his inner monologues about her and about their relationship and the actual proposal was adorable.

Having the NVL mode for the real story was great. The switches between the NVL real life part and the regular index card parts were greatly executed and the very first part of the index card story where Shannon nitpicked about her boobs made me laugh out loud. I also really liked the main menu even if it was a little blurry. The only part of this entire package that I had a problem with, really, was the music. I found it distracting and felt like it only fit the mood some of the time.

But still, I think this is an amazing showing considering that you did everything yourself (and in only a month). Hats off to you! I really enjoyed playing, overall. :D Best of luck with future works!

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Ginger
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Re: Tell Her a Story [NaNoReNo 2012]

#3 Post by Ginger »

"He hadn't felt that way since he wrestled a bionic shark with his bare hands" AHAHAHAAH THAT MADE MY DAY! I've only gotten one play through done so far, but that was absolutely hilarious. The notecards definitely added to the humor. Oh god, the London and Rachel action story had me cracking up(: Good work, I really love this game! "So it's like buying a chose-your-own-adventure book that someone ripped out all of the choices and forces you to stick to one path."

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Re: Tell Her a Story [NaNoReNo 2012]

#4 Post by SusanTheCat »

I love the artwork -- mitten hands and all. You must have worked hard because there are a TON of images. Good job!

The story is nice. You really got the feel of someone making up a story on the fly.

This VN is just too adorable for words.

Susan
" It's not at all important to get it right the first time. It's vitally important to get it right the last time. "
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kaleidofish
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Re: Tell Her a Story [NaNoReNo 2012]

#5 Post by kaleidofish »

Thanks for playing my game, everyone. I'm happy that people think it's hilarious. Comedy writing is something that's completely new to me, but it's turned out to be more fun for me than I realized. I figured if people didn't think the writing was funny, then they'd think the art was funny, and vice versa. As for the music, um, that's something people can either laugh at or cringe at. I set a goal that I had to reach for myself, so I had to make it. :D

@Camille -
Thanks for your long comment! I'm glad it made you laugh! I see what you mean in regards to London during the 2nd part of the story. I should have kept everything more light-hearted and positive throughout. To me, he comes off as the kind of guy that wants to put on a "good face" for everyone. He doesn't want to come off as anything other than a good guy, which is why he behaves that way. Plus, Cole had to tell his story in a certain way to make himself look better - it's very possible that he exaggerated everything, took out details, and forced others in.

Rachel's behaviors also came off as weird because of the whole storytelling thing. He's either telling it in a way to make her seem better, or maybe even a little worse. Shannon doesn't take the time to contradict him, so it's up to us (the audience) to figure out how much of what he's saying is really true or not. So what I'm saying with these paragraphs are that you're right, it's not totally 100% accurate to what went on. I hope I didn't come off as mad - I'm not.

I don't think I'll ever release a second version of this, but if I did, the music would be changed, and I'd actually scan in the index cards. I had to rely on my cellphone for the index card pictures. The truth has been revealed. XD
Thank you for the good luck wish. My future projects have much better music direction than this one. :)

@Ginger -

I love it when people quote lines they think are funny. I'm happy that it made you laugh! :D Thank you so much for your comment! I'm glad I was able to make your day.

@SusanTheCat -

Thank you! :D Halfway through I realized that I probably bit off more than I could chew, but I had to press on anyway. I've learned a lot about art direction by doing this project. Namely: plan, plan, PLAN OUT YOUR ILLUSTRATIONS BEFORE YOU START. (Not you in particular, but the yelling was for me... except, not for me, since I'm probably not going to draw for a VN again).
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Re: Tell Her a Story [NaNoReNo 2012]

#6 Post by SusanTheCat »

kaleidofish wrote:
I had to rely on my cellphone for the index card pictures. The truth has been revealed. XD
I don't know. The cellphone pictures added to the "These are rough pictures drawn by a guy in a restaurant" Because of the angle you took the picture at, you can tell that facial expressions were erased and redrawn to get a different expression. A scan might remove that.


Susan
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Re: Tell Her a Story [NaNoReNo 2012]

#7 Post by Kaiyume »

Hi, Kaleidofish! I was looking forward to reading something by you.

Anyway, I have to say that this is a pretty nice game. I was entertained, at least. ^-^ The main character was awkward and lovable, and the interaction between the couple was very believable.

The drawings were amazing in all their mitten-handedness (that's how I used to draw hands when I was in fourth grade, haha). I think the pictures could've been a little less blurry at times, but they really complimented the game. I actually liked seeing the spots where the faces were erased and redrawn-- for me, it seemed more realistic and funny.

As for the music... well, I can see that you kept it simple, haha. It didn't add much to the story, but it didn't take away from it, either. If it were to change, my suggestion would be for the music to fit the kind of story he's trying to tell (like techno-ish music for the sci-fi story).

Overall, it was a lighthearted, fun read. (I would've liked to have more endings, but I think that it's already fine as it is. ^-^)

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Re: Tell Her a Story [NaNoReNo 2012]

#8 Post by kaleidofish »

@ SusanTheCat - There's something to be said for the roughness of everything. You're right. Scanning in the drawings might make them too clean. Part of the charm is that the whole story is so messy.

@ Kaiyume - Thanks! Glad to see you around (and thanks again for helping out with In This Dream of Ours - it'll be my next release). I had planned for there to be more endings for Tell Her a Story, but because I didn't budget my time properly, I had to settle for one. I guess you could call this one an interactive kinetic novel. I'm happy you liked it. :D
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Re: Tell Her a Story [NaNoReNo 2012]

#9 Post by Obscura »

Ok, I thought I'd play this after I finished my game in July, but I couldn't wait.

First of all, I really, really loved your writing. Even in entertaining VN's I usually end up "skipping" through a lot of conversation. I didn't skip through this ONCE!!! If you knew how rare that is for me...well, you should pat yourself on the back for keeping my entirely too-short attention span enthralled.
The whole thing gave off a "Scott Pilgrim" vibe to me. Probably because of the RRR. A good thing.

Really creative use of your index cards. I loved your art. Clever "reuse" of one of the side characters. Heh.

I didn't really have any criticisms. Seems like the main couple have a thing about defenestration? :lol: The only issue I had with the characters is that I kept thinking, "You better leave a big fat tip, Cole!" (I guess I have too many bad memories of the food service industry...I could kind of feel myself wanting to shake him.)
Terrific job. Looking forward to more of your work. You have a knack for pacing, you never let the story start withering or getting dry.
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kaleidofish
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Re: Tell Her a Story [NaNoReNo 2012]

#10 Post by kaleidofish »

Awwww, thank you so much, Obscura! If you're interested in more of my work, I've got another visual novel on the forums called In This Dream of Ours and I'm working on my next one right now (but since I saw that you read my blog, you probably already know that). :D

I'm honored that this was so unskippable for you. I'm really happy. I think I've read your post a dozen times already. Thank you, thank you, and thank you again.
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Re: Tell Her a Story [NaNoReNo 2012]

#11 Post by michi 18 »

is this kinetic or visual?
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Re: Tell Her a Story [NaNoReNo 2012]

#12 Post by kaleidofish »

There's only one ending, but, at certain points, you can change the genre of his story.
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Re: Tell Her a Story [NaNoReNo 2012]

#13 Post by Auro-Cyanide »

This game is this week's Group Play http://lemmasoft.renai.us/forums/viewto ... 53&t=19182

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