Toribi: Prelude [NaNoRenO 2012] [GxB]

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Capsy
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Toribi: Prelude [NaNoRenO 2012] [GxB]

#1 Post by Capsy » Sun Apr 01, 2012 11:59 pm

Image


Toribi: Prelude is a pretty clichéd story about a boy (Hum) and a girl (Maria) who are childhood friends. One day, Hum reveals to Maria that soon he will be moving away to the countryside to go to boarding school there, and that the two of them only have seven days together before they will be separated. In this game, you play as Maria in her final week with her best friend. I realise there is a lot to be improved upon in this game, but unfortunately, as I am horrible at managing my time (and at most other skills you need to make a good VN), I had to rush this game to get it out as close to the deadline as possible. For me, if you enjoy this game, that's a bonus. ^^


The game contains 872 screens of dialogue.
These screens contain a total of 10,987 words,
for an average of 12.6 words per screen.
The game contains 4 menus.

3 different endings
A whopping 1 CG
Rated 13+ I guess because there's some like romance stuff in there ouo


Credits:
Writing, music, coding, and art - Capsy
Title screen, playtesting, and tons and tons of help and moral support along the way - BoMuffin
(seriously, if she hadn't encouraged me as much as she did, then this game would not have been finished)
Backgrounds - Google Images... I'm sorry.

WINDOWS DOWNLOAD: http://www.mediafire.com/?b1bpi4h4ds0xxj9
MAC DOWNLOAD: http://www.mediafire.com/?v5jwah06x0860y2
LINUX DOWNLOAD: http://www.mediafire.com/?vxsv41sr7sq6ddv
Last edited by Capsy on Wed Apr 04, 2012 5:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Toribi: Prelude [NaNoRenO 2012] [GxB]

#2 Post by Camille » Tue Apr 03, 2012 2:32 am

Randomly, I really like the sound that plays when you click buttons. XD Found a typo where "abanonded" should be "abandoned".

Anyway! I really liked this story. It was a fairly simple concept, but you executed it well. It really felt like Hum and Maria were very familiar with each other and you could tell how close they were. Their dialogue felt very genuine to me. Hum's attitude made sense, as did Maria's reaction once she found out he was leaving. I did feel like, at times, they both acted and sounded more like children than two people almost in high school, but I can't really put my finger on why... Probably just the way they talked to each other in some parts such as the park scenes? But I really did think their relationship (friendship or more) was very sweet. It's sad to think that they'll have to be separated for so long and I would be very interested to see what happens to them after all of this.


I thought that the art, while a little simplistic, fit the story well because it had a ... nostalgic? feeling to it. The main menu art was, of course, very pretty, but I actually liked Hum's sprite. It was very expressive and didn't hinder the story at all. I haven't been able to get the (probably romantic?) end with the CG yet, but will keep trying if I have some more time later. The textbox probably should have been a different color. D: I felt like the bright blue was a little distracting. Also, in the future, I strongly recommend that you use royalty-free photos and whatnot to avoid possibly being sued. ^^; I did like the music a whole lot! It fit the mood well and you also used silence to great effect.

Anyway, I enjoyed this little VN quite a bit and want very much to know what happens to Hum and Maria later down the road. ;A;
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Re: Toribi: Prelude [NaNoRenO 2012] [GxB]

#3 Post by Capsy » Wed Apr 04, 2012 6:59 pm

Camille wrote:Randomly, I really like the sound that plays when you click buttons. XD Found a typo where "abanonded" should be "abandoned".

Anyway! I really liked this story. It was a fairly simple concept, but you executed it well. It really felt like Hum and Maria were very familiar with each other and you could tell how close they were. Their dialogue felt very genuine to me. Hum's attitude made sense, as did Maria's reaction once she found out he was leaving. I did feel like, at times, they both acted and sounded more like children than two people almost in high school, but I can't really put my finger on why... Probably just the way they talked to each other in some parts such as the park scenes? But I really did think their relationship (friendship or more) was very sweet. It's sad to think that they'll have to be separated for so long and I would be very interested to see what happens to them after all of this.


I thought that the art, while a little simplistic, fit the story well because it had a ... nostalgic? feeling to it. The main menu art was, of course, very pretty, but I actually liked Hum's sprite. It was very expressive and didn't hinder the story at all. I haven't been able to get the (probably romantic?) end with the CG yet, but will keep trying if I have some more time later. The textbox probably should have been a different color. D: I felt like the bright blue was a little distracting. Also, in the future, I strongly recommend that you use royalty-free photos and whatnot to avoid possibly being sued. ^^; I did like the music a whole lot! It fit the mood well and you also used silence to great effect.

Anyway, I enjoyed this little VN quite a bit and want very much to know what happens to Hum and Maria later down the road. ;A;


Ah, thank you for your comment! :D I'm glad you enjoyed playing this at least a bit, I'll admit a lot of it is rushed due to trying to get it out on time after going way too slow in the first two weeks or so. ^^;; Especially Hum's sprite, I was planning to improve it until I looked at how many days I had left (not enough) and how much more script I had to write (way too much). I had to just go with what I had - I'm glad that keeping it simple worked for you though. :)

In regards to what you said about them sounding more like children... I guess, in experiences I've had talking to people I've known since childhood, is that often you talk to each other in a more childish way than you would with other friends. It may be just me, but when a majority of conversations I've had with a good friend have been when we were really small, it's hard to forget that when you're talking to them. xD I tried to make Hum and Maria talk to each other in that sort of way, but in the end the downfall was probably that it was just bad writing. OTL


Thanks for the criticisms too - there probably won't be a Prelude 2.0 or anything like that because I feel like there's not enough things to change to make it worth it, but I'll keep them in mind for future projects and such. :D I realise now it was a pretty stupid choice to make a blue text box when the entire rest of the GUI was grey. ^^;; Again, a lot of it was due to rushing myself (I think I've learned from this that I work better working at my own pace), for example the backgrounds were because I was desperately running out of time, haha. But thanks for playing, I appreciate you taking the time to try this. :)

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Re: Toribi: Prelude [NaNoRenO 2012] [GxB]

#4 Post by Mini_Moshi » Wed Apr 04, 2012 9:56 pm

I really liked playing this! Thank you for making it!

I thought that the pacing of the story was done really well.

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Re: Toribi: Prelude [NaNoRenO 2012] [GxB]

#5 Post by kaleidofish » Fri Apr 06, 2012 1:23 pm

Wow, Hum was so adorable. The happiest ending was very heartwarming. There were many nice effects throughout your visual novel, like the "flinches" of his true expressions, the sound when you click buttons, and the nice usage of fades.

The expression of Hum about to cry in the beginning...that broke my heart. I usually go for bad endings first, but I tried for the happiest ending first this time because of his face.


Nice job. I really enjoyed playing this. I'm looking forward to Toribi when it comes out!

Toribi...will it be a continuation of their long distance relationship, or something else?
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Re: Toribi: Prelude [NaNoRenO 2012] [GxB]

#6 Post by SusanTheCat » Fri Apr 06, 2012 8:55 pm

This story is so sweet and adorable. I remember having awkward conversations like that when I was a teenager. I changed cities between middle school and high school.

The Hum sprite was terrific. I loved his different expressions and the looking to the side. The animations were spot on.

Congratulations!

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Re: Toribi: Prelude [NaNoRenO 2012] [GxB]

#7 Post by Poketto Kunoichi » Sat Apr 07, 2012 2:57 pm

Aw, this story really touched me. This definitely got me interested in the full game, especially since I can relate with the story. I think you did an excellent job. :)

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Re: Toribi: Prelude [NaNoRenO 2012] [GxB]

#8 Post by VocaloidsRCool » Tue Apr 10, 2012 7:57 am

This is amazing! Hum is adorable and his many different expressions are so interesting. The relationship between him and Maria is so deep and strong. I am not done playing yet, but I can already see what a wonderful game this is. I love the writing style, the different scenes, the emotion, the detailed story, it is all so...beautiful. You have truly done a wonderful job on this game. Keep up the great work!

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Re: Toribi: Prelude [NaNoRenO 2012] [GxB]

#9 Post by Capsy » Wed Apr 11, 2012 12:21 pm

Wow, thank you everyone for your kind words! I didn't expect any reviews, even less so good ones, so this makes me really happy. I'm glad that I managed to make a game that you were all able to enjoy! ^^

kaleidofish wrote:
Toribi...will it be a continuation of their long distance relationship, or something else?



Maybe this isn't something I should be revealing now but...
Toribi follows Hum in his new country life, which again is probably the most clichéd option I could have gone for, but it's how the story goes I guess. :P However, that's not to say Maria's out of the story altogether. No matter what ending you get in this game (as none of them are really canon as such), they're still both childhood friends (or more) when Hum leaves. They'll definitely stay in contact with each other, making their relationship (good or bad) a part of Toribi. :)

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Re: Toribi: Prelude [NaNoRenO 2012] [GxB]

#10 Post by Anarchy » Tue Jul 10, 2012 10:54 pm

A Let's Play of this game is being done here! Check it out.

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Re: Toribi: Prelude [NaNoRenO 2012] [GxB]

#11 Post by BoMuffin » Sun Jul 15, 2012 10:22 am

Capsy wrote:Title screen, playtesting, and tons and tons of help and moral support along the way - BoMuffin

....This is me.
HEY GUYS!! I know I haven't really introduced myself, the reason for that is... I've been lazy >.>;;
I'm introducing myself know is because the mentioning of the title screen now and again has given me moral support especial because of seeing the let's play made me want to write something. THANKS GUYS :'D
(Capsy Is OCD. So I was surprised when Cap asked me to do the title screen. O.O But it's understandable because of the limited time Cap had...Lol, I'm gonna be killed for mentioning this AHA. But so you guys know, the art isn't different to deceive you, and its partly my fault for not making the title page similar to the sprites, even though i thought I did *sigh* I've been getting lots of criticism about that, sorry guys.)
I just thought I owe it to you guys to introduce myself to you, even though I have no idea what to say, *cries in corner*
I do have a DeviantArt account you're free to follow me ( http://bomuffin.deviantart.com ), but just so you know I haven't posted my artwork online before, I don't think I'm good enough, sorry for the disappointment. BUT! >:3 *Suspense* I'll hopefully be making a VN soon :'D AND would hopefully post some concept art up on dA :Q_____ I'm looking forward to that.
Also, thank you all for the wonderful comments to Capsy, I find the support very cool and awesome >:'D
BOMUFFIN- OVER AND OUT.

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Re: Toribi: Prelude [NaNoRenO 2012] [GxB]

#12 Post by Akuni » Mon Apr 01, 2013 2:20 am

Wow~ I can't tell you how much I identify with Maria ;~; and HUMMMM T^T Oh god, it was so good, a sweet adn simple yet compelling story. It really focused on how it feels to move on and what can happen in such a short space of time. I enjoyed it a lot~

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Re: Toribi: Prelude [NaNoRenO 2012] [GxB]

#13 Post by janrrah18 » Mon Apr 01, 2013 4:31 am

looks really nice i'll better try this too!! :D

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Re: Toribi: Prelude [NaNoRenO 2012] [GxB]

#14 Post by SelLi » Thu Dec 05, 2013 10:33 pm

awwww that was just about the sweetest little love story ever <3 ^_^

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Re: Toribi: Prelude [NaNoRenO 2012] [GxB]

#15 Post by TazTheFirst » Fri Aug 12, 2016 8:40 pm

Hello! :D Why are the download links not working anymore...? :( I wanted to play this.

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