Grocery Store.

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DeShaun Johnson
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Grocery Store.

#1 Post by DeShaun Johnson » Mon Jun 11, 2012 11:21 pm

Hi everyone. I'm DeShaun from IDGF Studios.

I wanted to present to everyone the first kinetic novel by our group, as a sort of preview for the sort of work you should expect from us in the future.
edit: I have taken Ryouko's advice to heart and have created an introduction suitable for the presentation of our game.

This is Johnathan Shrieve, our main character, 20 years before the action of the story.

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He graduated summa cum laude at Princeton, and was an investment banker at Goldman Sachs. That is, before darkness entered his life and he was incarcerated for a crime he swore he did not commit.

Prison. For a man like Johnathan, born with a silver spoon in his mouth, it was hell on Earth. Immediately made subservient to a large Latino man named Raul, he was certain he would never come out of it alive. Enter his best friend, Patrick Swayze. In their companionship, they found solace. They swore they would survive, get out, and start up their own business.

Twenty years later. Johnathan and Patrick are living under a bridge, no money to their name and no loving in their souls.

They have turned yet again to a life of crime.

In the local grocery store is a commodity that they must procure at all costs.

This is...

Grocery Store.

PC: http://www.mediafire.com/?o6hb868vm8j8cj8
Mac: http://www.mediafire.com/?o7p3m91lffz0231
Linux: http://www.mediafire.com/?nxssmy1kwbth09y
Last edited by DeShaun Johnson on Tue Jun 12, 2012 11:58 am, edited 2 times in total.

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Re: Grocery Store.

#2 Post by MaiMai » Tue Jun 12, 2012 2:38 am

To be honest, after skimming through it I don't think I know what to expect from your future works.
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Re: Grocery Store.

#3 Post by Gumm_p0p » Tue Jun 12, 2012 3:53 am

I'm terribly sorry but... I didn't even get pass where he met his friend...MaiMai is right...

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Re: Grocery Store.

#4 Post by DeShaun Johnson » Tue Jun 12, 2012 8:57 am

I see. Interesting. Well, thank you for your feedback.

MaiMai, you can expect works of the same caliber of artistic vision, storytelling, and direction...or higher.

Gumm_p0p, I see something about the game put you off from finishing. What exactly bothered you enough about it that you put down a five minute game one minute into it? We tried to make John and Pat as sympathetic as possible, and I feel that we found a certain "spark," or "chemistry," if you will, in their interactions.

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Re: Grocery Store.

#5 Post by Katty16 » Tue Jun 12, 2012 9:12 am

Sorry, but I didn't understand any of this story :(

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Re: Grocery Store.

#6 Post by DeShaun Johnson » Tue Jun 12, 2012 9:26 am

Katty16 wrote:Sorry, but I didn't understand any of this story :(
I would like some feedback from you here.

What part of the narrative was difficult to understand?

Was it the exposition? I admit I broke the show not tell rule in the introduction, but that is the folly of such a such a short narrative.

To be honest I thought it was a fairly simple story. Guy goes to the grocery store, he and his friend pick up women, he makes friends with the clerk, then they all go home to hang out.

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Re: Grocery Store.

#7 Post by Taleweaver » Tue Jun 12, 2012 9:49 am

DeShaun Johnson wrote:To be honest I thought it was a fairly simple story. Guy goes to the grocery store, he and his friend pick up women, he makes friends with the clerk, then they all go home to hang out.
People may have expected something... deeper than that. If I'm understanding the comments correctly.
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Re: Grocery Store.

#8 Post by DeShaun Johnson » Tue Jun 12, 2012 10:11 am

Taleweaver wrote:
DeShaun Johnson wrote:To be honest I thought it was a fairly simple story. Guy goes to the grocery store, he and his friend pick up women, he makes friends with the clerk, then they all go home to hang out.
People may have expected something... deeper than that. If I'm understanding the comments correctly.
That's just the narrative boiled down into a single sentence. Much like how Plato's Republic can be boiled down to Socrates talking with dudes. Am I saying my game is as culturally relevant as The Republic?

Yes. I would argue that it is. It must be played to be believed. I am of the opinion that those who open their eyes and ears to its message will have imparted upon them a tearful, lonely truth.

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Re: Grocery Store.

#9 Post by Endorphin » Tue Jun 12, 2012 10:35 am

Is it supposed to be a trash game? =o
Oh, wait... why am I even asking?

"I am of the opinion that those who open their eyes and ears to its message will have imparted upon them a tearful, lonely truth."
Yes, if you open your eyes you can see a lot.
In everything.
The difference is that in good works you don't have to search too long.

But, you know... if this is the kind of game you'd like to play, then feel free to continue making such games.
There are people of different tastes out there - to find your audience, you might as well write a more fitting description and add a few screenshots.

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Re: Grocery Store.

#10 Post by Katty16 » Tue Jun 12, 2012 10:55 am

I did not understand what happened to the girl they talked to at the end
and had Jake a Ferrari??? Did not know if he was joking about it

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Re: Grocery Store.

#11 Post by DeShaun Johnson » Tue Jun 12, 2012 11:01 am

Ryouko wrote:Is it supposed to be a trash game? =o
Oh, wait... why am I even asking?

"I am of the opinion that those who open their eyes and ears to its message will have imparted upon them a tearful, lonely truth."
Yes, if you open your eyes you can see a lot.
In everything.
The difference is that in good works you don't have to search too long.
You are a genius. This is an astounding statement, full of wit and verve.

In a genre which has adopted as part of its label the moniker of "novel," you have suggested the idea that it should have one layer of meaning. Much like the Hardy Boys or a Harlequin novel.

Apparently analysis should not be required in a literary medium. Brilliant.
edit: sorry, misread that. All analysis should be so easy that one immediately stumbles upon it, removing depth completely.

Here's an idea: if I re-released this with polished, pretty animes as the character sprites, I would probably receive an overwhelmingly positive reaction. If I retooled the plot to be about a guy with wolf ears sexing dickgirls in space, it would probably receive an overwhelmingly positive reaction.

edit: Katty, the idea behind that is that if you are geeked up on cocaine and a woman is otherwise intoxicated, you should be able to lie with such incredible confidence that you can convince her any horrible vehicle is a Ferrari. Especially at night.

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Re: Grocery Store.

#12 Post by Applegate » Tue Jun 12, 2012 11:44 am

The entire game has the feel of a hastily put together, sloppy work, to be honest. The sprites still retain their guidelines and the interface is basic. There's also no music. If you plan to work on this, I feel those areas could use some definite work.

The writing has energy, providing a quick pacing and narrative, but I'm not so sure that I fully understand the plot or point of what I just read. In any case, for its short length it was not "awful", though without a clear point to it it is difficult to value the writing.

As a side-note, I don't understand why people are so belligerent here. Flat-out calling someone's work "thrash" has never been acceptable on LemmaSoft, and it is disconcerting to see that people somehow feel they are justified to do so here.

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Re: Grocery Store.

#13 Post by DeShaun Johnson » Tue Jun 12, 2012 11:47 am

Applegate wrote:The entire game has the feel of a hastily put together, sloppy work, to be honest. The sprites still retain their guidelines and the interface is basic. There's also no music. If you plan to work on this, I feel those areas could use some definite work.

The writing has energy, providing a quick pacing and narrative, but I'm not so sure that I fully understand the plot or point of what I just read. In any case, for its short length it was not "awful", though without a clear point to it it is difficult to value the writing.

As a side-note, I don't understand why people are so belligerent here. Flat-out calling someone's work "thrash" has never been acceptable on LemmaSoft, and it is disconcerting to see that people somehow feel they are justified to do so here.
shhh it's okay let them call it trash. i don't want to be hug boxed.

They're calling it as they see it. I like that. A lot.

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Re: Grocery Store.

#14 Post by Applegate » Tue Jun 12, 2012 12:13 pm

In case anyone is interested, someone did a Let's Play of this.

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Re: Grocery Store.

#15 Post by Endorphin » Tue Jun 12, 2012 12:15 pm

In a genre which has adopted as part of its label the moniker of "novel," you have suggested the idea that it should have one layer of meaning.
Yes, which is exactly why I'm disappointed. =o
The idea was nice, sure, but ideas are worth nothing if the execution isn't convincing.
And with execution I do not mean art.
Art is nice and can be used as a storytelling element, but it doesn't need to. It can be left out.
It's just that there isn't one part of this game where I could think "hey, the creator put effort into this".
The sprites were okay even though the usage was boring, the writing was a too untamed.
I played it till the end and I learned nothing - what was the moral?
That the world's a bad place? That people gang up because of their perverted thoughts? That I should stop buying frozen pizza as my family will think that I hate them?
What am I supposed to think, what was it you wanted to say?
I see that you changed the description which made things a lot clearer - if you had put more from this in the game it would have made things better.
When writing, think about what the reader sees in the characters. Ask friends or families - we didn't know about the tragic fall, didn't feel the shock of what could happen to the best of us, to everyone of us.
What I saw was some guy who fully deserved the fate he had. You didn't show me the nice man he once was.
You talked about it having layers, but you also need to show them to the readers.
It sounds promising now, having development and a lot of things that people can relate to.
There's also no music.
I believe there is.
As a side-note, I don't understand why people are so belligerent here. Flat-out calling someone's work "thrash" has never been acceptable on LemmaSoft, and it is disconcerting to see that people somehow feel they are justified to do so here.
Hmmm... it fitted into the description, so I called it like that. I can also call it "effortless and undeveloped" if this makes people feel better.

I apologize for calling it a "trash game", DeShaun, in case that it should have hurt you.
I might got a wrong impression and seeing that you made the effort to update the description gives me hope that all you need is a beta tester or two.
I should have hold my temper.
Will there be an edited version of this which shows the whole story? It would probably make this thing better which is what you are going for as it's a preview of what to await from you.

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