Seraph and Hellion [GxB][FANTASY]

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AshenhartKrie
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Seraph and Hellion [GxB][FANTASY]

#1 Post by AshenhartKrie » Sun Sep 16, 2012 7:54 pm

O.M.G It's finally finished. ^____^

The game contains 453 screens of dialogue.
These screens contain a total of 5,743 words,
for an average of 12.7 words per screen.
The game contains 15 menus.

Synopsis:
Aili (name changeable) is simply glad school is about to be about out and is looking forward to summer break -- except right before break she meets two mysterious new boys. Who are Demetri and Leigh? And what do they want?

+ 2 Obtainable Characters
+ 16 CGs
+ 5+ Endings
+ 10-15 minutes per path

Game was completed over a period of two months.
First (completed) game Reyire has programmed, first game AshenhartKrie has written.
yay~ I'm glad I got to work on this with Rey. ^_^ Never would have gone anywhere otherwise.
A few (well... more than a few XD) Screenies. ^_^
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DOWNLOAD LINK

http://www.mediafire.com/?u28zdzjodcdqx9n
Last edited by AshenhartKrie on Sun Sep 16, 2012 10:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Seraph and Hellion

#2 Post by Reyire » Sun Sep 16, 2012 10:41 pm

Also, this game is [GxB] and [Fantasy], and the download link is for all platforms. Hope y'all enjoy our effort. (:
- I play any type of romance VN: BxG, GxB, GxG, BxB. Love is love. -
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Re: Seraph and Hellion

#3 Post by AshenhartKrie » Sun Sep 16, 2012 10:44 pm

Oh woops! I knew i'd forgotten something. XD Better go add that into the title, hey?

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Re: Seraph and Hellion [GxB][FANTASY]

#4 Post by teacup » Mon Sep 17, 2012 12:16 am

I was going to download this but my laptop keeps saying that the file is malicious and may contain a virus.
I wonder if anyone else has this problem? My laptop usually never gives me this warning, so I'm a bit wary of downloading it.
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Re: Seraph and Hellion [GxB][FANTASY]

#5 Post by AshenhartKrie » Mon Sep 17, 2012 12:21 am

That's odd. It didn't say that when I downloaded it. You'd have to talk to Reyire about that, it's on her mediafire account, so I can't really access it.

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Re: Seraph and Hellion [GxB][FANTASY]

#6 Post by nancie » Mon Sep 17, 2012 3:11 am

There is no virus, and the download works fine. The game is cute and the art is well done for the scenes, the music fits perfectly to the mood. I caught a couple spelling errors but over all nicely done. :D

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Re: Seraph and Hellion [GxB][FANTASY]

#7 Post by Reyire » Mon Sep 17, 2012 9:38 am

teacup wrote:I was going to download this but my laptop keeps saying that the file is malicious and may contain a virus.
I wonder if anyone else has this problem? My laptop usually never gives me this warning, so I'm a bit wary of downloading it.


*scratches head* It might be cause it's a zip folder or because the data inside is all archived? Other than that, I'm not sure. It's not a virus though, I do not have the know-how for that sort of thing. And the computer I built the game on hasn't had internet access in about a year either, sadly. ):

nancie wrote:There is no virus, and the download works fine. The game is cute and the art is well done for the scenes, the music fits perfectly to the mood. I caught a couple spelling errors but over all nicely done. :D


Yey, I'm glad you liked it! ^^
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Re: Seraph and Hellion [GxB][FANTASY]

#8 Post by teacup » Mon Sep 17, 2012 12:22 pm

All right, it seems my laptop is just being overprotective then. :D I'll download it anyway and give it a shot~ Thanks for the help!
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Re: Seraph and Hellion [GxB][FANTASY]

#9 Post by AshenhartKrie » Mon Sep 17, 2012 7:11 pm

Thanks nancie. ^_^ It was my first time writing, so I was a little worried about how it would turn out. I mustn't have edited properly XD I'm usually careful about that sort of thing. Glad you liked it as well.

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Re: Seraph and Hellion [GxB][FANTASY]

#10 Post by ixWishing » Mon Sep 17, 2012 11:22 pm

I just finished playing it.
Hmmmm.
Well, it was okay, I suppose.
It was a bit too rushed for my taste...

Uh, I was also confused about the plot, since it was rushed. .___.
Like, from one moment, they were at the arcade/having breakfast, then suddenly, there's a battle between the two.
@___@.
Yeah, I was pretty confused.
I'd suggest that you can extend the storyplot a little more?
Or just enough so that the battle doesn't seem rushed? o--o

./Sorry for bad advice
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Re: Seraph and Hellion [GxB][FANTASY]

#11 Post by AshenhartKrie » Mon Sep 17, 2012 11:26 pm

No it's ok. You're right it was rushed, but mainly becuase I'm not good at expanding stories and it was my first time writing something like four different stories that were the same. I'm working on writing another game, which hopefully will be longer and more.. umm involved? I think that's the right word.
Thank you for the advice, bad or not. ^_^

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Re: Seraph and Hellion [GxB][FANTASY]

#12 Post by WickedRaccoon » Tue Sep 18, 2012 7:06 am

finally!!!!!!gonna check it out this instant! :) :) :) :) :)
*goes to download*

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Re: Seraph and Hellion [GxB][FANTASY]

#13 Post by kialaa » Tue Sep 18, 2012 5:17 pm

Ok well then I played through the game and most endings in less than 20 minutes so we know the game is relatively short. It left me slightly disappointed.

My first problem was the sprites. The art was just somehow off putting to me, even though I can't draw nearly as good as that. So, don't let that get to you. Anyway my problem with it for the most part was to me the limbs seemed kinda short and almost as if the artist had tried to make them seem attached rather then natural appendages. My suggestion to fix this is good ol' practice.

My second problem was how the writing almost seemed like you were just stating a bunch of facts than pulling at our hearts. It just somehow seemed very impersonal. Like when you
were with Demetri and hear your supposed friends possibly talking about you. Instead of feeling the pain of getting back stabbed by my only friends it was like losing knowledge of the existence of a stranger. I figure it felt this way to me because we had little back story of these two, and no real interactions with them before that point.


Ok lastly, the thing that really grated my nerves the rushed ending, and the angels vs demons thing. As stated by a user before me that ending was just really confusing.
It would've done a lot better to slow down the pace show the two boys together at points and at least hint at hostility between them. I also think it would've be better if you had hinted more at the fact they were strange. The only one I really caught was when you talk to Leigh during lunch and he compliments you.
Anyway I just found the story to be one of those things I've read all too much especially when you
threw in the angels vs. demons ending in
. I really annoyed me when there were no really special quirks to them
in actually their humans forms and their other forms
. I just think you could've done better with their characters and make them seem a lot less generic. The main character was rather generic too she seemed like a really boring person to meet in real life. Also one last thing
the power of love thing was just well it's almost a pet peeve of mine when that is used. I feel like the writer is using that as an excuse to come up with an ending because they just couldn't think of a good one.


Overall though the game was playable and if I didn't have so many pet peeves with things in the story it is rather enjoyable to most people I think. So yeah it's a nice game for a starting place.

Sorry for um ranting I guess. I really meant to help and kinda failed at that I'm not to used to actually putting my opinion for these games so yeah sorry.
Last edited by kialaa on Tue Sep 18, 2012 9:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Seraph and Hellion [GxB][FANTASY]

#14 Post by AshenhartKrie » Tue Sep 18, 2012 6:59 pm

Lol no problem, rants are good.
I realise I have that issue with arms V_V I reaaaallly suck at drawing them, and it always bothers me, they either look too long or too short. Yeah, I suppose it was pretty cliched. I was more focused on the game than I was on the writing, which was really stupid.
Thanks for the feedback. ^_^

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Re: Seraph and Hellion [GxB][FANTASY]

#15 Post by Reyire » Tue Sep 18, 2012 8:13 pm

@kialaa Could you please put your post under spoiler tags?
- I play any type of romance VN: BxG, GxB, GxG, BxB. Love is love. -
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